When It's Just Not Happening ( "unanswered prayer")

I am just like a little child with her face pressed up against the window waiting expectantly for her Daddy to return home from work, she presses her nose up the glass too "see better". The glass fogs up and she turns her face to the clock, 'How long will he be?" She asks her mother.

Many days I feel adults wait this way too. I know I have at different phases of my life. In fact it has happened so many times to me, I question, "Is life just one big waiting room?"

How many times have I lifted my face towards heaven and said, "When Lord?" When will "it" happen. When will my prayers be answered. How long?

I assume I am not the one out there who has felt this way. The unmet desire may be different but the questions still remain. And some days I have to fight against the desire to say, "Lord, why is this taking so long." God always gently reminds me that He is never late.

I sigh and in my heart I know He is trustworthy, so once again, I rest my case with Jesus, because I know He knows it all, therefore He knows what's best. And in that truth, I can rest.

But what do to with the ache in your heart as you wait? When all possible methods have been exhausted, and  no leaf has been left unturned? Then what?

In the past, as I wrestled with unanswered prayer, (at least the answer I was looking for) I became impatient and I attempted to take matters into my own hands. There are times God asks us to act on our own behalf, but we will know what this action should be because He will line things up.

"It's hard to feel like I'm just sitting on my hands Lord..." I have said. But I recognize that my efforts are futile if God is not behind the action, propelling it forward.

What should I do with this longing then...

The truth is, is that if my longing was fulfilled, and my miracle granted, (which I absolutely believe God intervenes in miraculous ways in our daily lives) would I be happier? Would my life lack sorrow? Would my days be only filled with joy? The answer is no.
Even if my deepest prayer was answered, I know I'd still have difficulty, disappointment and trial.
SO why pray for my miracle? Why pray for my desired end? Because He asks me to.

"Ask, and it will be given to you, seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7

He wants me to communicate with Him. He wants me to share my heart, and poor out my deepest longings.

I know one thing, when I cry out to God in my moments of longing, and desire, He meets me there. HE answers me with His presence. I am not alone, and I feel held. Is my prayer answered always the way I wish it would be? No...
But even Jesus prayed,
"Lord, not my will but yours.."
SO that is how I pray now. I tell the Lord me desires, I pour out the ache, the sorrow and the discouragement, but at the end of the day I say this: "Lord, your ways are best, your will over mine."

It has taken me many years to be able to say that prayer and mean it. To literally trust Him more than I fear.
He has taken me down the road of trust for many years, and even now, after all this time with Him teaching me, I still falter some days.

As I sat down to write this my heart began to break for all the woman I know right now who are waiting for something, woman who are seeking God, and praying for His perfect will in their lives, and I recognize, He has them on a road that is all their own. And what He will teach them is unique to them, and to you.
Whatever road of waiting that God has asked you to walk, know that you are not on this road all by yourself, Your Father who sent His son to die to for you, and who already gave you His best gift, Jesus, will not leave you hanging.

It may not be in your perfect timeline, and my not look exactly how you thought it would look, but His purposes and plans for you are as clear and true and blue sky above you.

So many times I take back what I have handed to God already...I visualize sticking my "unanswered prayer" or "dream" in a box, and handing it to Jesus. And He always took good care of it. He knew what was in my box, and I know He would carry the burden of my hurts better than I ever could. So then I could just be free, knowing God was holding my desires in His hands.

It doesn't mean I don't still get sad about it once and while, but it does mean that I and my burden are being held by one who has the power to hold it all together, and One who never misses a beat.

Jesus goes beyond my expectations into a realm I cannot even imagine. So once again, I hand Jesus my box of desire, and I tell Him, "this is yours."

With hands free from burden, I lift them up to heaven and say, "Your first, I want you most, the rest is up to you!"
And as I walk away from the window I've had my face pressed up against for however long, I realize that I've had my answer all along, He's here...AND He's never going to leave me. What He does with this life I live, is up to Him, and I can trust Him in this...
So I pray, I pour out my heart, laying my requests before my God and King, and with a face lifted towards heaven I say, "LORD, NOT MY WILL, BUT YOURS BE DONE!" 

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Hebrews 13:8

Filling The Void

I am the queen of "if there is a space let's fill it." Or at least I used to be.
This world to date is so full of stuff is it not? We can have whatever we want, whenever we want, and in reality, it may be to our detriment. I am constantly reminding myself that "more" does make me happier.
I suppose this is something we all know, but have a hard time living out. I know that my new top will not make me happy long term but I get it anyway. I know that my new toys for the kids will not make them joyful long term, but I buy them anyway. Why do I do this?
I used to not ever wonder, I just bought, and bought and bought. Why did I do this?
I was trying to fill the void.
SO what's the void I speak of?
It's like an itch you can't scratch, a memory you just can't quite remember, a longing you just can't put your finger on, but yet it's there.
Like when your hungry for something but you can't figure out quite what it is.
That's the void.
You will rarely feel the void when life is grand. When the sun is shining and your friends are surrounding you. No, the void really shows up when your alone. When it's dark, when the rain drizzles down and the hot cup of coffee you hold just isn't warming you on the inside.
That's the void.
I wrestled with the void for most of my life. And without really knowing what to do about it, I grabbed everything in sight to try and help  me fill the void, a new outfit, a new job, a new boyfriend...and strangely, nothing worked.
Until one day, Jesus finally got ahold of my heart.

"Come to me all you who are weary and I will give you rest." Mathew 11:28

"I am the bread of life, whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty." John 6:35

This is the type of thing that requires taking a plunge. It's the type of thing that you don't realize you needed it so bad until you have lived with it for a few moments.
God met me in a hospital bed several years ago. It took great trial to cause me to realize the gaping void in my life. Anyone who knew me before could tell you that life before Jesus was not pretty.

I was in constant pursuit of things to satisfy myself, but once I got what I wanted I was never truly
able to enjoy because I was not at peace with myself, or God.

I kept trying to fill what God only could. I kept trying to find a substitute for the real thing. Only to come up short realize it just can't be done. Who wants sugar free when they can have the real deal?

Having nice, new things is not bad. Enjoying the latest and greatest is not bad. But where things go sour is when my hope is placed in those things, when I look to find my joy and contentment from the next best thing.
Things will never satisfy.
Ever.
Only Jesus, the Creator of us, will satisfy us.
His scripture is full of words that fill your body, mind and soul with truth that gives peace.
Reading my Bible used to feel like a chore, to dust off the archaic old book that God wrote thousands of years ago, and do my best to focus my mind on it for 20 minutes each day. I set my clock in my head and rejoice when my time was up. Whew! Done for the day. I thought if I read the Bible I'd be in better standing with God. So I kept up with the habit for sake of patting myself on the back.
As you can imagine, I did not grow from what I read, for it made no impact on me. I did not take His words to heart, and they certainly did not inspire me to do His will, or to follow Him.

The other night, as I read the story of Jesus calling Matthew to be His disciple, I was struck by this.
I pictured Jesus walking towards my table as I, Matthew, sat there collecting taxes. I had everything I wanted in life, tax collectors were quite well off, and I was living in a beautiful home. I had everything the world had to offer.
Then Jesus. Jesus showed up. He stood in front of my table, and stared at me with eyes full of love, kindness and something I suddenly knew I needed to have. What was it that was in His eyes? What was it about that gaze that was so intoxicating? He had something money could never buy, He had life. He had joy.  He had salvation. He had a narrow road. And I, Matthew, wanted it!
So I stared at Jesus, as He stood there in front of my tax booth table, He looked at me and simply said, "Follow me."
And without even knowing what had happened, I found myself on my feet and following after this man. I hung onto every word He said. He spoke words my ears had longed to hear, words of peace, contentment and joy. Words a tax collector had no knowledge of. I only knew lust, greed and desire.
But this man, Jesus, had something my soul craved, so I left. I left it all to follow Him.
(derived from Matthew 9:9-10)

So that in essence is what happened to me, and really it's what happens to any person who finally catches a glimps of what Jesus can bring to our lives.

It truly gives life the phrase, "I once was blind, but now I see."

Once I began to follow after Jesus just as Matthew did, I felt the void that I had dealt with my whole life, begin to dissipate. Slowly, I felt a loss of desire for more stuff. I wanted to be kinder, and less selfish, and recognized the places in my life where I had misplaced my focus.
Focusing on Jesus causes me to see Jesus and not everything the world tells me I need to make myself happy. Instead, it makes me see that Jesus has already given me everything my soul needs. Life, joy and peace. Salvation.
Jesus is my Savior in every sense of the word.
And He can be yours too. Be like Matthew. Stand up, and follow Him.