"This is the sacrifice that you desire O God, a broken spirit and a broken and contrite heart. " Psalm 51:17
How many times have I read this verse and really thought nothing of it. But last night as I read this verse with fresh eyes, I realized something about this verse that I had missed for all my life. God wants my heart to be broken.
At face value someone would say, "What a terrible thing to say." But it's the truth and I will explain what I feel The Lord revealed to me about this.
Something I have heard my entire life from Him is this "I want all of you ...I want you to follow me with everything that you are and all that you have. I want the best parts of you. I want you."
Last night as I read this verse it "occurred to me" that the only way I can ever be fully committed to Him, is if I am fully DONE with me. (my desires, my will and my way) I have to be empty of my wishes, my dreams, and my plans for me. Meaning, these things come BEHIND His desires for me. And when and if MY plans don't come into fruition, I need to take my broken, humbled heart to Him and say, "Your first Lord."
One cannot do this on their own. You cannot be broken and humble in your own strength. This is a process that only God can create and carry out. If at any time God sees within me something that has become an idol, or that I am perhaps am putting first or ahead Him, He is not going to let me sit there in my place of misplaced worship and adoration. Why? Because this life is not my own. I died to myself the day I said "Yes" to Jesus. The old me is and should be gone. But the old me and my old selfish desires does rear it's ugly head from times to time. And I hate it. But because I serve a God who is not willing to let me stay in my miserable
state, my place that makes me disconnected from Him.
I say to Him, "Jesus you can have it all." And then I take my life back. And I put my own personal desires back on their pedestal. God in is His grace then wakes me up, and causes me to get to a place where I once again focus on Him first. There are times where I get mad, frustrated and inward focused, and I take my eyes off of His ultimate plan. I start to listen to my own desires more than I listen to His still voice. I take my eyes off of what really matters, and I just begin to stray from the voice of the One I love so much. I am flesh, and my responses are so, but I am also have the Spirit, and the Spirit alone can help me respond in the Spirit. Putting aside the evil desires of the flesh and living each day the way God desires me too. O the battle that wages. My battle of course in not against flesh and blood of course so why do I think I can fight these battles in my own strength and win? When has man ever been greater the Lord? Never has it been although many a man has tried. How can I be done with this battle once and for all that wages for my affections? Live each day in total dependence on the One who sets me free. I so quickly forget that I am in the midst of trials in the world because this world is in opposition to the One I serve! I am weak in my flesh, but strong in The Lord. Broken hearted, empty and humble. Ready to me made whole, filled and lifted by My Lord and Savior.
Be still and know that I am GOD.
Daily He speaks this to me. Daily He lifts me face and asks me to refocus on His gaze.
And each day offers just the right amount of grace to do so.
The sooner I take my eyes off of myself and how "I am not getting what I want..." The sooner HE can fill me with peace, joy and contentment.
I want those things more than I want anything I think I need. God knows what is best. Why do I so quickly return to my inward motives, desires and actions? Sin starts in my heart and moves to my hands. It's inevitable, IF I think it, eventually I will act on it. That is how the human fleshly responses work. IT's the progression of the reality of who we are in the flesh. Jesus is the antidote for my sin.
Jesus, Jesus, your the answer, to all I am searching for. Your my hope. Your my peace. Your my strength in the stormy sea.
And yes, Once again, by your grace proportioned I can say, "You can have it all."
Take my broken heart. It's yours.
