A New Year..

This morning, while talking with the Lord, I had the thought that, "Man! I should be getting this stuff by now, not worrying about the future, not complaining about the present, or missing the blessings I have in front of me because I'm distracted by my frustrations.

It's just amazing to me how many times I can learn a certain lesson and still not quite "get it." So today the Lord says to me,
"I am the Lord your God, who brought you up out of Egypt, open wide your mouth and I will fill it." Psalms 81:10

Of course this comes on the wings of the children of Israel walking around in the desert, complaining even about their new found freedom. Sometimes, we stay in our chains because we at least know what to expect. Do you hear what I am getting at here? The old is comfortable, it's the new and the uncertain, "give it up to God" type situations that are scary to us. We are more comfortable in our ruts, even if those ruts bring us pain, at least we know the pain we are to expect. When we step out of the rut, what if something new hurts us and blind sides us? But really friends, the ruts are the same every day, and no real growth can take place in our ruts. I've heard it said that "if you do what you've always done, you will get what you have always got."

And God calls us to leave the past behind us, pick up our crosses, and follow him, out of our comfort of "normal."

No more walking around in circles, He gave you gifts! He gave you abilities! He offers you freedom! And I am waisting away in a desert land because my plans, are not working out as i'd like them to. I truly am learning, my plans, are not always GODs plans. "A man makes his plans, but the Lord determines His steps..." Proverbs..

But do you know what my friends? I'm OK with this. I'm learning here slowly, that when I feel the most peace, contentment, and joy, is when I'm in the place I just described. This way is so contrary to the flesh, we desire to drive, pilot and control our lives whichever way WE desire. I know because I've lived in this place for a very large portion of my life. But listen, just as our children kick and scream to put their coats on, because they "don't like wearing them," and we as parents know that because it's 20 below out, they are going to want their coats! So it is with our Father, we kick and scream and say "NO GOD! I do not like that path! That road has bumps! It's not that nice of scenery! so on and so on.." He knows that "this" road is in the long run better than "that" road. HE sees the pain ahead of us, and the unknown difficulties if we take "our road."

So, instead of listing a whole bunch of "fix your life now" type new years resolutions, ask the Lord to do the fixing, and walk in the way He directs you. Ask Him! Seek Him! Look and you WILL find.

May this be the year the journey really begins for you and for me, as God pilots all we do.

Leaving the Past behind us

I was reading in my book tonight how often our past creeps back into our daily lives, and how sometimes, the past over-shadows or taints how we view today. The things we faced as children greatly affect how we view things today, and our perspective. I had many things that shaped me, good and bad into who I am today, there are things I am leaving behind, but the only way I am going to be able to truly do this is though the healing power of Christ's redemption.
Choices I made in my past, depending on the outcome of those circumstances I put myself in, either leave me feeling like I made the wrong choice and desperately wish to just forget, or the flip side, thankfulness that I made the righteous choice.
What am I getting at here?
Who we used to be, is a shadow to who we are today. But my friends, hear this, it does not have to be this way. We do not have to live with the shadow of fear, resentment, anger, grief, discontent, shame and bitterness. Those are not qualities we like on others, and they are not things we want mirrored to our children.
Not to long ago, I lived in a world that revolved around me, it pretty much had my entire life, and to tell you the truth, without being able to see the truth of desolation that I was really in, I rather enjoyed being the center of my own world. I did what I wanted, when I wanted, and with whom I wanted, thinking only briefly of the desires, concerns and cares of others. I know, I sound pretty great! :)
I did think about other people at times, because that is something God laid upon my heart from time to time, and I did desire His plans now and then, so that did come through, but generally speaking, me life was about...me.
Now, through a string of events, God brought me to my knees, showed me the desert of a place that I was in and replaced my dry streams with running water, lifted me up and revealed to me how to heal, how to repent and how to give it up, calling the former me, just that, former.
The present holds all kinds of lovely things. It's amazing. I see light where I used to see dark, and beauty where ashes used to smolder.
"If anyone is in Christ, he/she is a new creation, old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." 2 Cor. 5:17
So I ask you friends, if you made a list, what would be on your "need to forget" list about your past? It does not have to haunt you. God calls us to bring those old bags to Him, He will tell us how to dispose of them, and then give us new robes to put on, rather than wearing the old garments of our past.
I am not claiming I have no past regrets that don't sometimes still find their way into my memory, and it was one of those thoughts that partly prompted this blog entry.
But this is what I know, those things are now faint memories and when Satan wants to drag them back from the dead, I now know where to turn and how to fight the old feelings.
"Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth, shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43: 18,19

Do you need a road in your wilderness? Consider being lost in the wild and you come upon a highway, wouldn't you feel relief? I know I would, and this is what My Lord does for me whenever I choose to run to Him and ask Him for the healing I know only He can offer.
Whatever cloud hangs over your head today, know that it can and will be release to Him if only you utter the words. This is not fairy tail of magic dust the removes all bad things from your life, this is life-long, ability to give your past to someone bigger than you story.
"God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying, and the shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away." Revelations 21:4
Doesn't that sound amazing? And every day, I can live this way.
This past of yours, has only the hold on you that which you allow it to have.

Giving way to Fear

I read tonight in a statement on fear that once you give in to one form of fear, you then give way to hosts of other fears. It goes like this, "I'm afraid of not having enough money, which leads to, now I'm afraid that I can't provide for my family, and then, If I can't provide for my family then we'll have to sell our house and move somewhere else, and so on and so on."
The idea of conquering our fears with Christ is something that is quite contrary to our nature..first we do seem to "like" to worry, and then, of course, we try to fix it on our own before we turn to Christ.
If only my friends, we did things differently, we could save ourselves of the sleepless nights, stomach aches and emotional roller coasters we send ourselves on.
Wringing our hands in fear is not God's idea of problem solving.
The flip side of fear is trust, and trusting in the only REAL form of unchangeable truth is where we are going to find our fear demolished and replaced by peace.

And because of Ps. 91:6 which says, "I am not afraid of the terror by night, nor the arrow that flies by day; nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness, nor of the destruction that wastes at noonday. No evil will befall me neither any plague will come near my dwelling place, for God’s angels have charge over me, to keep me in all my ways." I do not fear when catastrophic things happen around me. My undying faith in You, oh Lord, keeps my heart at rest, and I believe your angels are protecting me wherever I go.

Fears are real, fears are easy to come by, but faith and trust that result in peace is available to you. It does not mean we won't still have things that frighten us, I am afraid of many things, but in my fright, I run to the cross and find my refuge. Because really friends, where else can we run where we KNOW that there is someone there all the time, never sleeping, never forgetting to answer the phone, never unavailable. This Being, this God, is waiting, longing and when you open your mouth and utter words of "desire for rescue," you had better believe He is there to flood your heart and mind with the peace you SO long for. Open the Bible, search the Psalms, write down what He tells you in those pages..
One thing I know friends, He is real. More real that any fear that the foes of this world desire to drag you down with. Our Lord, is bigger, truer and more faithful than any dark scary haunting shadow that places itself in your path.
"Fear not, for I am with you always." (Isaiah 41:10) This my friends is the promise that He leaves us with.
Believe those words, and watch as your courage takes flight.

A Yellow Tu-Tu

Spinning around and around. That's what my little girl does in her yellow tu-tu, made by hands of love. Each dainty stitch represents a little bit of the love that is held in the heart of the maker. She is my little princess, our little ballerina who dances into our hearts with every little look, and twirl. I can't help but think the beauty of this scene must glorify the heavenly Maker as much as it does the earthly seamstress. She fingers the yellow ribbons so daintily tied around her tiny ballerina's waist. She swishes, and swooshes from side to said, smiling her sweet little smile, and I feel a twinge in my throat as tears of so many emotions spring into my eyes. One emotion is this, God's beauty wrapped up into one little package I call Annie. Two, memories of my own childhood, dancing in pink lace tu-tu's and frilly dresses made by the same loving hands as this little yellow creation. Three, dancing with my Daddy as this little yellow ballerina dances with her Daddy, standing on the tops of his feet, his very own Cinderella. And now, things have come full circle and I and my Cinderella dance, hand in hand, arm in arm, toe to toe... all the while glorifying our Maker, and the honorable seamstress. SO thank-you Father in heaven for creating the dancers, and thank-you Mom for creating the passions, means and tu-tu's the grow the dancers. For those things, we are blessed.

Waiting for His promises

"If you believe you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.."
Matthew 21:22

I'm sure every soul has read this verse and found comfort in it's words, as I did. This morning I was pleading with the Lord for a "sign" and word, a verse of encouragement for my discouraged heart. Then it sort of hit me, all over the passages I was pouring over were lines and lines filled with statements like, "and what He said was fullfilled.." "what He said became true.."
Which prompted the thought, WHEN HE SAYS IT "WILL BE" then my friends, "IT WILL BE."
End of story. Now, "it" may not happen on your own timeline, (my own) but it will happen in His devine time. And really for that I am thankful. For if I could make something "be" sooner than it ought to "be" then wouldn't that put me in the place as God? I don't want that kind of power or even assume that I have the power to alter or change His plans to fit something more look-a-like to my design.
God's plan is bigger than ours, it fills the vast empty spaces that we do not even know exist and for of those of you who find what I just said confusing, compare it to this story..
Young girl, unmarried, and pregnant, she's engaged, but she's a virgin, and yes, she is pregnant. Do think this sounds like something man would desire? Not under normal circumstances. :)
But this girl, prayed, was visited by an angel and was encouraged that this was not a man sized situation. This was God sized. God planned, and God driven. If this woman had figured out a way to terminate her pregnancy, OH what she would have done. This is why taking things into our own hands generally never seem to result in the ending we were praying for.
We may be good intentioned, however, good intentions did not save the world of sin, God saved the world from their sins and this small, young, virgin girl, whom God promised great things, came through and gave birth to His ultimate plan.
This God we serve is quite concerned with us, contrary to popular opinion, He is not "sitting on His footstool" as we endure Job like pain. He cares for us and just as He sent an angel to calm sweet Mary's fears, so He did and does for you, and for me.
So when God says to you, " Friend, it will be.." believe Him, because as the story goes, Mary gave birth to a son, who in the end, saved the world from sin, you, me and her. Saying No, or "I don't believe you.." to His plans results in chios for us, because we are living in constant distrust. So I must choose to trust Him and trust in His plans for me.
What would I do anyways if I decided to follow my own way? I would be even more lost, at least now, when I tremble, I have strong arms to hold me, when I question I have strong words to answer me, when I stumble, I have a carpenters hands to help me back up and when I cry, I have hosts of angel wiping away my tears. Each time I open His word, it's His words that save me that very moment, drawing me in, wrapping me up and lifting me to a standing position once more, so that I may, lift my head and "walk down this mountain with my head held high." Listen to my (SONG)
*click on song.

To my Son Joshua...

Joshua, today you are 3. I can hardly believe it. I get a tingle in my throat just thinking about all that we went through until the day you came into the world.
It was the middle of winter, cold, and snowy. I was SO ready to meet you.
I did not sleep a wink the night before we went in. All I could do is think over and over, "I'm finally going to meet this child."
It's such a mystery to me, the gift of life. How God decides to form each child as He does, so beautifully to represent His great talents.
I did not know how many things I would learn through having YOU dear boy in my life.
Not everything was great, I spent many nights (more than i slept) rocking you, trying to soothe your colic. I don't even want to go beyond that though in description because YOU my dear son have brought unimaginable joy into my life and heart.
In my "baby Journal" that I was much more diligent with the first time around..:) talks about the first time i heard your heart beat, and i recorded that my thoughts were this.."I cried, because i knew you were for real!"
And about the first time i felt you move, " It was the most amazing thing because I knew I had life INSIDE of me."
here is a little snippet from a letter i wrote to him two weeks after his birth..
" I have known you for a little over two weeks but I am SO in love with you my sweet baby boy. My every thought is of how to protect you and how to make this life better for you. You are such a joy to me. I love looking into your big blue eyes and watching your face move into those sweet little expressions. I promise to always talk to you about Jesus...Jesus loves you more than I ever could! I'll keep you in my heart forever..You child, are the best thing that has ever happened to me!"

Now, I couldn't help but think as I re-read those words of my own tender, early motherhood dreams that this is how My Heavenly Father looks on me as well..
To protect us, That we are His joy, He loves looking into our eyes and He promises to Love us because we are the best thing that has ever happened to Him.

May the treasures of my heart, be yours as well..especially as we come upon the birthday of Lord's, remembering how He too came into the world as a tiny child, who kept his loving mother up. :)
But that the mystery of life is His creation and that we can experience the Love of the Father any time we desire...because He longs to gaze into our sweet blue, brown or anything in-between eyes.
As much love as I have in my heart for you sweet Joshua baby, So does He, for you my son, and all His other son's and daughters. Happy Birthday My Sweet Boy. You Mommy loves you more than you will ever know.

No Matter

Hi friends,
today has been that day where I LITERALLY just sat down for the first time, and now my brain is really so fried that I'm having difficulty spelling even the easiest of words. Thank the Lord for spell check!
However, I am also reminded that because I have now (almost) made it through this day, I KNOW that the Lord has supplied me with my deepest of needs.
Has any of you ever been drug through a puddle, showered off, put on your clean new white shirt, only to be drug through the mud again? :)
that's kinda been my day. (only it was food coloring, paint and poop that I was drug though. Haha. I am by no means looking for sympathy, in a masochistic sort of way I almost sort of delight in the fact that I've faced such challenges and for the most part, rose above...(sort of)
I always tell myself, my children are my great blessing, and also my greatest challenge. :)
Annie, who has decided napping is not fun anymore, helped me frost cookies today, and Joshua who has decided that 5:30 am is the best time to wake up in the morning, has spent time with me snuggling in bed, rubbing my back and playing the "I like" game. (to a dead mommy)
So, the moral of my story is this, how i feel right now, so exhausted, so tired, and really dead to the world, means that my heart and my home are full, full of love, laughter and messes, but most of all children. Children that I can love, hold and cry with. There are so many woman out there who cannot have them, and my heart refuses to get upset at the "upsets" my children cause because I know that there are woman who never get the chance to feel those types of "upsets." These children, are the joy of my heart, regardless of how busy, messy or troublesome they may seem, they are the ones that God chose to give to me. He gave them to me, and all I can do, is do my best, and the rest truly is up to their and my Maker.
So God bless this busy day, God bless my busy children and may tomarrow be just as "wonderful." After all, in order to find the treasure, one must dig, and digging usually gets one "muddy." :)