Love Like He Did

Who would of thought that " a little word" like l-o-v-e would be so hard!? I mean, it's easy to love those easy to love, but what about those people in our life that we have a little less than love for? What do we do with the commandment to "Love God's people?" when the God's people we are encountering are somewhat hard to love? Well, as I have been pondering these things a few avenues of thought have come to mind. First of all, we do nothing in our own strength, but by the strength that Jesus so overwhelmingly supplies us with. We are His hands and feet right? Do you know what this means though? We will love others AS HE DID, powered and fueled by HIM and the way we know how to do this, is by how we KNOW Him. We know Him by how we study Him and learn from Him as we read the Word, and talk with Him. We know how He lived His life by how we poor into the Scriptures. This "ancient" book of truth is more than just a "good read." It is one of the most important ways we can come to know Jesus, how He lived His life, and how we can live and LOVE just like He did. (in His strength). The beauty of being a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ is that we no longer have to rely upon our own human (flawed) ability to overcome, accomplish and thrive in the ways He desired us to live our lives. You know you just feel better when you do a job well don't you? When you finish something the way it ought to be finished? Well t his life, and these relationships we are in and are apart of in this life are just one big long saga of finishing well. It's the long on going construction project of our lives and how we live, and how love is really shaping US. I often times think that what I do is for others, and it is to some degree, but there is always the element that Christ is using that person in my life to shape me as well. And how is He using it to shape me? To look more and more like the one I long to serve and be just like. Jesus.
It is easy to love those who are easy to love. But so many times in this life, when someone says or does something to me that I dislike, it is in my natural (sinful) human nature to then turn around and be a jerk to them. To walk away from them, or to say something to the affect of, "I don't need that in my life.." Sometimes, God uses these difficult relationships my friends to perfect us. To sharpen us. To make us a better image of who we were created to be! You know it's kinda like this: You buy a little old house knowing it has a lot of potential to be something great. You have a vision, and dream for this little house and your excited about getting started in the process of making it be ALL that it can be. So you hire a construction worker to come over and knock down that old moldy wall. Do you think that house (if it could talk) would be real pumped about have  a jackhammer smashed into it? Probably not. But in the end, once the tearing down and wrecking is done, and the new wall is up and the fresh paint is on, and you, the owner of the house steps back and takes a look at the finished product, and the house, (providing it can feel) feels the difference of the new wall,  would say, "Oh yes, this IS better." So it is with us. We have wrecking balls of relationships that we can come up against, but in the end, if we lean into the pain, learn and grow from these difficult people and circumstances, our new walls will look much much better. And we will be more and peace. And isn't it really peace that we are searching for in this life?
How does all this really relate to loving like Jesus did? Jesus was called the "friend of sinners"...the Savior who dined with leapers and prostitutes. The man who loved the "unlovely." So the next time I feel challenged to love the one who is hard to love, I will think of what my Savior would do. I will think, there is a reason that this person in the grocery store is so crabby and if I am to be her vision of Jesus today, what would I do in response to her or his crabby behavior to me, I would respond in the love Jesus gave me to use in just such a circumstances. And how about when my children are screaming bloody murder because they are mad at each-other? How do I respond? Again, I have the option of responding with the strength and patience that Jesus so benevolently supplied me with when He died for my sinful self on the cross of Calvary. I would venture to say most of us are living with about 1/4 of the Jesus potential that we actually have available to us. We are made for much much more my friends. Let us be, and allow Jesus to make us into the beset versions of His hands and feet. This is my prayer for myself...

When He uses the yuck

Okay, so clearly, life is not always perfect. At least mine is not. But I have news for you friends, God is in the yucky stuff too. How so? When He takes the chaos of my life and uses it for His glory and for my ultimate good. He is my master after all. He made me, and lately I have been making it a habit of telling Him (mainly to remind myself) that I am His possession. That's right. He owns me. And does not the potter have the right to do what He wants with the clay? I am the clay. (in case you have been without caffeine today and did not pick up on that) But what am I saying? God makes yucky things happen in my life just because He can? Well, I guess yes, but no. Yes He does allow things that are unpleasant  to enter into my life at times to either wake me up, teach me something or grow me. (there are all sort of one in the same I suppose) but regardless, He does allow "No" to enter into my world. And as I chatted with a girlfriend the other day about how much we both dislike the word NO, she reminded me that no one likes the word no. Not a 2 year old, not a 5 year old, not a 41 year old or a 29 year old. (and no one in between) likes to be told NO. Somtimes no means, "not yet." And sometimes no means, "don't worry about it, i'm in control.." Really, when we surrender ourselves to our Maker we accept the fact that once and a while, we will hear a no that were either not expecting, nor understand, and because we are the clay, we say humbly, "Ok, but give the strength to persevere with patience through this "no" that I am experiencing." At least that is what I am working on saying to Him, my Master. The best thing about God is this: He is always doing what is ultimately for our best and our ultimate good. So when yuck comes into our life, we can acknowledge that if we were God, we would do the exact same thing to us because we would see that in the big scheme of things, it would be best for us. See what I am saying? He is always working for us. Not against us. He always looking to grow us into the best version of ourselves, because in this place we are in the most peace and joy. Weird thought isn't it. That even when things are chaos all around us we can be at peace? How is this possible? It's possible because we can draw from HIS strength, and His strength is an unlimited well. It never runs dry. We can call on Him day or night, sorrow or joy, rain or shine. Get the idea? He is always available. And so His strength. For when His child comes to Him with desperation in her or his voice, and says, "Oh Father, I'm so confused...why is this going on in my life, and can you please help me out? Can you please provide a solution?!" Don't you think He just absolutely delights in this???? I do. I learned earlier this week that in Genesis chapter 25 Rachael asks God, "why are these two boys in my pregnant belly fighting inside my womb like this?" God answered her and told her she had two nations inside of her womb. It was just so affirming to hear that a godly woman asked God why. I have always been afraid to ask Him why. It's not like why makes it any better but as blind little clay pots we like to know why. And sometimes He tells us, and we know why, and other times, He just replies, "My grace is sufficient for you." And that is exactly what He told me, but it was enough. And it's true. His grace is sufficient for me. And His Grace is sufficient for you as well. It does not always take the yuck away, but it shows us that in the storm, we are held. And this is why we can rejoice, or at least be at peace in the storm. We are fueled and held by the God who is doing what is good for us. Do you believe me when I say this? Sometimes I know it's hard to believe that. There are many times where I have said to Him, "Really Lord? This is your best for me...I just don't see it." And many times we don't see it, not till much further down the road, and maybe for some, we don't see it till we reach the other side of heaven. But regardless, we must have faith that everything in scripture is written so we can see story after story of His countless words and biographies of His faithfulness to His people. He never leaves you alone. He leave the 99 to chase after me. The lost sheep. The little clay pot that has no real noble purpose all on her own, but through Christ, I can be used. I can have purpose, and the yuck will make sense through His  sovereign plan.
Think on these thoughts my friends. Pray through these thoughts if they trouble you and realize, it's all written in the Word for you to read for yourself. Romans 8-12 are a great place to start if you have questions. The Bible is your source...and He is your strength. Dig in and be strengthened.

Held

Today as I was sitting in church and listening to our Pastor speak on God's sovereignty, my fleshly human side wanted to say, "that's not fair" but my rational, spiritual side, said "who are you o man to question the living God of the universe who already gave you His very best with the death of His innocent son on the cross for my bloody sins." And so I quickly moved onto the thought that then, if what is happening in my life feels painful, then  I need to run to Him, seek His comfort and trust that what is going on in my my life is for my ultimate best interests. He always does whats best for me. I know this. I trust this. And I can live with the pain in my life if I know this to be true. 
So instead of getting mad at Him like I did for almost all of my life up until that past couple of years, instead I said, "Lord, Help me get through." And as quickly as I uttered those words in prayer this morning during church, I got this image:
A set of hands big enough of to hold me. They were HIS. I walked over curled up in a little ball inside the two hands cupped together. I have never felt so held. Never.
I stayed in that image all morning. Knowing that the hands of God that have allowed some difficulty into my life, also offer my best comfort for during the storm. I forget that He is here to help me through the things that I struggle with.
Just like in school, when your teacher gives you assignment that she knows will stretch you, but you are appalled at the idea of having to walk through an assignment so difficult.!!! And yet, there the assignment sits, no way around it. So instead of getting mad and freaking out on your teacher, what would be a better option? Oh yes, ask the teacher for help! And chances are, if your teacher was anything like mine, she sat down and walked me through, helped me, and showed me what I ought to do! She helped me through my difficult assignment. And so it is with our heavenly Father. He says, "I gave you this assignment because I know this will make you a better, stronger, more Christ-like person.." And we then can respond, "Holy Spirit show us how, Father hold me fast, and Jesus, get me through."  We need not walk through our trials in our strength. We were not made to walk through our trials on our own. We were made to need Him. He is our Master, our Father, our teacher and friend. He is the set of hands that holds us when everything in life seems to be chaos...He is the thread of peace that holds us secure in the midst of the storm. It makes me think of this song: Listen, imagine the image I had in my mind this morning and know that in Him, you are more than a conqueror. 

The Proof

I have been pondering something, and by pondering I mean seeking the Lord, and praying about an idea. Really, it all comes down to belief doesn't it? What we believe in...and how much weight we put on that belief. If we just "kinda" believe in something, we won't put our full weight on it. Like when you were five and you started to question if the tooth fairy wasn't really real...so you went ahead and put the tooth under your pillow without telling your parents? And awoke to the bare fact that no money had been left. So the next night you told your parents and wallah! Money. Guess who doesn't believe in the tooth fairy anymore. (If your real hardcore you might try that sequence again, but getting same results you will eventually come to the point of not believing.)
So it is with our faith.
The Pharisees really, just did not believe Jesus when He said He was God's son. It's why they followed all the rituals to the T, and continued in the old way of life even after the new way of life had been presented to them. They refused to believe that there was something better then the old law they were used to living by. Their old way of "salvation." They continued to wash their outsides clean, with attitudes that festered inside. I of course can relate on some levels. We all probably can if we really are honest with ourselves. It's hard to point a type of finger if you yourself have ever wrestled with some form of belief in Jesus.
I always wondered what Jesus meant in Mark 8:15 where He states that His disciples should "watch out for the yeast of the Pharisees's." It seems oddly placed with what He speaks of next..."Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears, but fail to hear? And don't you remember? When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many baskets did you pick up? "twelve" they replied. (verses 18-20)

Doesn't that seem oddly placed? And for years I have been left wondering, (without verbalizing it to the Lord) what this really meant. He was clearly frustrated with His followers for not getting this either, and I was frustrated that I wasn't any smarter then they were. (but I failed to call upon the wisdom of the Lord)
So today as I was processing this passage once again, it hit me...and I asked HIM to show me what the meant. And here is what I got. It all comes down to belief. His disciples literally heard the bread break, and the baskets they picked up with their own hands was tangible proof that He was the real deal. And He said, watch out for the yeast, the unbelief of the Pharisees. They ACT like they belief. But they do not believe the proof.
Today I was thinking, I hope that I am not one of those people who act really nice out in public but come home and am a total jerk to everyone I am related too. (been that) And I also hope that the fruit that I am producing is sincere. BINGO.
Pure. Sincere. Real. Honest.
That is what I want on the inside.
Clean the inside of that cup would you...HE says to me.. (HE says it nicer and then offers to clean it for me if only I commit to leave my life of sin) Clearly...no one has condemned me and it is HIS kindness that has led me to repentance. So I hold out the cup...the yucky stuff on the inside too and ask Him to do the works on me.
Now I am clean. But I walk away, and put some more junk back in my cup. It's plain to me that I do not believe fully. If I did, I would have left my life of sin, and lived like Jesus desired. So here I sit. Processing all of this. I don't want to produce yeast in line with the Pharisees. But quite honestly, is my life the proof of my belief in Him? Is my life the proof of Jesus?
Is my marriage and pure, holy representation of how Christ loves His church?(The way I love my husband in word and deed)  Is my "sincerity," sincere?
I have done some self reflection here. If I am to be as Abraham, and as his belief was accredited to him as righteousness, shouldn't my life be the proof? (the inside of my life)
Yes. It should.
He went to the cross because of unbelief. Eve disbelieved that God would tell her the whole truth in the garden. The people disbelieved that Jesus was the Christ, the Savior. And I now am faced with the choice as well. Do I believe with my whole self? I saw the bread. I ate the bread. I heard it break. And Jesus, I commit...LET MY LIFE BE THE PROOF. For your Glory Jesus. For your glory.

Last Night I Had A Dream

My dream was this: I was playing out in my driveway with my kids, and all of a sudden off of my roof jumped a massive black creature. Maybe like something you'd see on a modern day alien movie. Black, hunchback, fangs, white teeth. Claws, muscles like superman and evil like you can imagine. The monster came and grabbed me and I think I died. I'm not sure what happened to my kids. I know this is a morbid dream, but it has a point. I have been a person who has always struggled with fear. And just last night before I went to bed I was thinking about how fear is kinda like a monster. The more you focus on it, the more you "feed it," the more the fear grows and grows. The more I fixate on a fear, the more I cannot remove the fear from my mind. Whether it be fear of someone breaking into your home, a fear of something happening to your children, or the fear of death, it doesn't really matter. Fear is fear, and fear is not of the Lord.

"For you did not receive a Spirit that makes you a slaved again to fear..." Romans 8:15

When I cave and give way and let fear reign in my heart, I am saying a few things, first I am saying that I don't trust the Lord. Because the Lord has promised me His best. And my times are in His hands. And also, nothing enters into my life except that which He allows in it. So if something scary enters into my life, it is something that He is letting in so that I can grow and learn from it. But I don't have to fear it. Whatever it is. Because God is giving me His best. (this is the circle I talk myself through every time I get afraid)
So fear is a monster. Fear can steal your peace faster than anything else. And ultimately, as a mom, or a human being, what is it that we fear most? Most would answer...death...or loss.
Right? Either you would die and your family would be left, and then who would care for them? (He does)
OR, its fear of losing a child, (which the enemy uses against me constantly) and in that case, I am fearful of the loss I will go through and how painful that will be. But truly, my times, and my child's times are IN HIS HANDS...and so I begin to talk myself through that circle again. I am afraid of my children facing physical pain. But the Bible tells us not be to be afraid of those that can harm the body, but rather, fear the one who holds our souls...and we don't have to fear HIM, because He already showed us the depths of His love by the way He sent His son for us through the cross, and grace. So here are some key points for us here who struggle with fear.
The number one thing I pray through whenever I begin to feel a fear come over me is this: 1 Peter 2:19b talks about that a man is a slave to whatever masters him. And I say, FEAR will not be my master. Jesus died to set me free from the fear of death. He died to set me free from slavery. And fear will not own me. If I am afraid of something, I am letting it have the drivers seat to my mind. "The mind of sinful man is death" Romans 8:6
I will not let my sinful mind take me down deaths road. I will not. Through the power of the cross and Jesus's blood, I can be an over-comer through Him who died to set me free. "They overcame him by the blood of the lamb and by the word of their testimony: they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death" -Revelation 12:11  AND "He who overcomes will like them, be dressed in white." Revelation 3:5
  "Do not GIVE WAY to fear." 1 Peter 3:6b
The Bible is full of His words about fear. And clearly, it is something He knew we would need encouragement on. We are not failures because we have fears. Some fear is normal and natural, but letting our minds be eaten alive by the fears we have is not the victorious type of living the Lord had in mind for us. He knows that death is imminent for all people. And sometimes there is pain that goes along with it, but if He were sitting next to me right now in human form and spoke I think He'd say this: " I know you have fears. But I'm bigger than those fears. I know you don't like pain, but by MY wounds you are healed. I know you are afraid of things happening to your children, but your children are mine, and I love them even more than you do, don't you trust that I will do for your children what is best for you and your children?" And I would have to say YES on all accounts, because I know, that He is king over this flood.
Do you agree? He did not want me to live as a slave. Fear is a monster that eats my peace, and essentially eats my ability to live in a joy-filled, victorious way. But fear is also a dungeon. Here I sit in my cell of fear, when Jesus has already come by with the key and flung my cell gate wide open. And yet, with a downcast face, I tell Him, "No thanks Lord, I'd rather sit here in my cell." REALLY?!!! This is what I do when I stay in my fear. SO friend... What is is that you are so afraid of? Name it, hand it to HIM so that He can tell you, just like He told Lazarus in John chapter 11 verse 44 to "take off your grave clothes and let him go!" Come out of the grave He says to you. Take off your clothes of slavery! LET ME hold your times. TRUST me fully. DON'T FEAR what man could do...I am KING over your times and I have promised to give you a HOPE AND A FUTURE. A person needs to only spend 5 seconds in the Psalms to realize that He is a GOD who saves. HE is a GOD who cares and HE IS a GOD who is concerned for YOU.
SO the monster who ate me in my dream, I do in fact know what fear he represented, and I am thankful to God for that dream because for one, it was so real. And for two, it gave me a visual on what my fear actually does to my life. He is KING over this flood. And just like Noah, I trust Him.
"And free those who all their lives were held in slavery by their fear of death." - Hebrews 2:15

A Passage Worth Reading

A Passage straight from scripture that struck me today, and I thought it was something I ought to share.

2 Timothy 2:14-26
"Keep reminding them of these things. Warn them before God against quarreling about words, it is of no value and only RUINS those who listen, Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. Avoid Godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly . That teaching will spread like gangrene. (19) Never-the-less. God's solid foundation stands firm, sealed with this inscription: "The Lord knows those who are HIS, and everyone who confesses the name of the Lord must turn away from wickedness. (required action) In a large house their are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble. If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master (wow!)  and prepared to do any good work. Flee from the desires (requires action) of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith and love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a PURE heart. Don't have anything to do with foolish or stupid arguments, because you they produce quarrels. And the Lord's SERVANT must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil who has taken them captive to his will. " (scary)

I will say as I read these words as a believer of the Lord Jesus Christ, it did make me stop and think. I am to be a instrument of the living God, His servant and this is my deep privilege. Avoiding the things my flesh desires is not captivity. It's freedom. It's a lie from the pit of hell that when you give things up for the faith you are miserable. Rather, I would say the Lord replaces the things I divorce, the things that belong to the "evil desires of my youth" with good things, better things, things that fulfill me more. And believe it or not, the things I once so longed for now, do not really even appeal to me. Why? Because Jesus satisfies me more. The more I hold open my hand for Him to take what was not mine to begin with, the more He hands me back with upgrades of what I used to have. My fake joy, is now authentic. My fake laughter is now deep and real. My fake marriage is now the real deep and meaningful marriage I know He longed for me to have. Basically, I take everything I used to hold so dear, gave it back to the one who died to set me free, and He handed me all my soul needed, or desired. Because once I am held in His hands of perfect love and contentment, the things I desire, are the things He desires for me. I want, what He wants for me, and in that, I am COMPLETELY HELD. Completely content, and complete.
I don't want to be doing any of Satan's work. I want to live for the Kingdom and for my King, my Savior, My Jesus, with everything I think, do and say.
Obviously, we all screw up at times, and that is why He preaches the gospel of GRACE and MERCY. Getting what you don't deserve. I screw up, He forgives me, and loves me regardless. AND in the that, HE is our example. Others screw up and sin against us, and we have grace for them. It's a beautiful example of how we ought to be. And the above passage is a great way to pray! He showed us what to do, and of course how to do it. (through Him.) and the why. ( point our faces heavenward to our glory and kingdom that will not fade or wear out. That moth and rust will not destroy and were every tear is wiped away) I know it is hard to fathom or even picture what this looks like. After all, we only have what we know. But as I stare into the mirror and window of the Bible, I see something to good to imagine. And frankly, it can't come soon enough for me! But until heaven is my reality, I am content to bask in the goodness of His word, and share the goodness with all of you. Enjoy. Eat up. The above passage is a hearty meal.

What I've got..

As I wrestled with the "why is life so hard" thought this week...and of course, "why can't things be easier for me" the Lord encouraged me today with some words. Perhaps they will encourage you as well.

"Whoever believes in ME, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him." -John 7:38

Living water? IN ME? Oh my goodness, that is what is available to me.
I've been licking the dust of my human, stark insufficiency to deal with my life's issues. Rather than tapping into the living waters the roll like the waves on the ocean that lives INSIDE of me.
INSIDE OF ME.
I just have to tap into it.
Sit at His feet. Surrender.

So today I told the Lord, "I give up" on trying to do "this" in my own strength. It's been a long couple of days, and i'm sick of the deceit that lives in my heart.
SO as I named my sin, and called it what it was, and requested the Lord rescue me from my hole of yuck, He did. He swept in like the river He is.
The river of life, living inside of me.
And I wrote this "poem" in my journal today:

Living waters!
    Flowing in me.
LIFESPRING.
Splashes on my face.
JOY of my salvation.
Constant.
Sustains me.
PROTECTS.
Creates thanksgiving within me.
Spurs me ONWARD in HOPE.
I AM REDEEMED.
Held.
              I have something to be excited about that will not fade away.
A hope that will not end in the end.
He takes my ASHES and turns them into beauty. beauty for ashes. 

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may OVERFLOW with HOPE by the power of the Holy Spirit." -Romans 15:13

No more dry bread crusts for me my friends. He has a banquet prepared for me, all I had to do was surrender my dead stuff, for His goodness. Not only can I be sustained, I can flourish. Like a 4 year old who is going to a crystal clear blue pool for the first time. I get to jump into His pools of joy and hope, and help. I surrender all. Jesus I surrender. Amen.