Bigger than that..

What is the one thought, that when it comes to mind, you instantly push it out of your thoughts simply because it seems too big to conquer? The idea that stops you in your tracks, makes you weep and causes your heart to faint? That is the thing that God is bigger than.

The one thing that feels so big to carry, to huge too consider and too overwhelming to think on...that is what God can fix.

There is one thing in my life that feels just that big. And I of course respond as any normal human would, and first I freak out, then I cry, and then I remember...oh yes, it's not about me.

God has given me in my life, what God knows I can handle. God has given me what God knows will best suit me and my family for my stint of years on this earth.

God has given me exactly what God knows will do the work for the kingdom that I WAS CREATED to do. Oh yes...it's not about me.

So as I consider my "much to big" problem today, I am tempted to falter. Tempted to freak out. Tempted to cry out "Why GOD?????!" but I won't. I simply refuse. Why? Because I know this God I serve is bigger than this. AND...He is doing what best for me. Do I believe that?

Some days, I do. Some days, I forget that..oh yes, it's not about me.

My serving Him...is not about me. It's about bringing Him GLORY.

My ministry in His name is not about me. It's about doing what I was created to do..FOR HIS GLORY.

My life, my very life...the things I do each day, the things I live for, the people I live for, those also are not about me. They are gifts given to me in my life here on earth, and I am to treat them with the love and the respect that God would. Why? You got it...FOR HIS GLORY.

So the question I've been asking myself today is this: would I serve God if I knew He would never bless me? If it was only for the serving Him? If selfish motives were not involved? How would I serve Him then? Would I love Him with devotion? Would I give as I am trying to give right now? Convicting thoughts I'm having here today.

It's like how we operate in a marriage..you know, I give, then you give? Right? WRONG. In a perfect would both sides give evenly. And in a godly marriage you do this because you know it's honoring to the Father and to your spouse to do so...but what if you never received back what you gave? Should you then not have to give? NO. You give regardless.

What I am trying to convey here is this: God does bless us, and that is a gift. But..do we serve Him simply in hope of receiving His blessings, or do we serve Him truly because it's our deepest hearts desire to serve Him? I'm sure you can sense my answer...and why I'm so convicted by these thoughts...

Many days...I know I fall much shorter of this that I would like. Thank you Father for your Grace!

God does not operate on a barter system.. I cannot say to Him, Lord, "If I do this for you, will you give me this in return?" No. My goal for life should be this: To serve Him...knowing He will give me what is best for me, and praise Him in the joy of those gifts...and when I want something different than what He has given me, I should ask Him for the strength to accept what He has given me, and lean into the difficulty to grow.

That's that goal. A lofty one, but still, a goal.

So as I look at my "too big for me" problem at hand I place it at the foot of the cross and I say.."Oh yes..it's not about me."

Something New

Normally, I am stressed as a mom. Normally, I am annoyed as a mom. Normally, I do not like who I am as a mom, but lately, something has changed within me and I like it. A LOT.

I was staring into the sweet little eyes of my baby the other morning...(something I have become quite fond of doing) and it hit me, I used to stare into my other children's eyes the same way! But now they are bigger, and run away too fast for me to sit and stare into their eyes as I once did. But it caused me to feel a couple of things...one of those things was thankfulness for the time I had with each one of them as little babies. What a gift. The other thing it made me be reminded of is that each day I have with my children is a gift. Each little phase, each little step I climb with them brings me into a deeper knowledge of who they are as little people, their likes, their dislikes, and the JOY they bring to my heart, and God's.

The other thing that this new level of appreciation for my children has brought me is this: the idea that hundreds, no, HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of babies are born (or not born) to parents who do not love them, want them or who cannot take care of them. And my heart is breaking over that thought. I read a story the other day where a baby in a poverty stricken country who died because his mother was unable to feed him anymore and he died of thirst. Literally. I cried over that for quite a while. And it has left me thinking...what can I do? How can I expand my sphere of influence to HELP. "I am only one person." That is why my mind tells me every time I want to do something for some of God's little lambs. But the change that started in my own home with the appreciation that God gave to me in my own children has grown to a desire to help whomever, however, wherever.

I guess I'm writing this more because I want to cause each one of you reading this to ask yourselves...what might I do? How might I help? Because we need only to ASK the Father to show us, direct us, and teach us where we ought to be, go and do. And He will respond. So I asked the Father this, and He gave me a very small answer, (one that I will keep to myself) but it was an answer none the less....and so I am going to go forward and act on that, knowing He will continue to open doors for me as He sees fit. He is not only a God of placing desires in our hearts, He is a God of showing us how to act on that, and do what He wants us to do.

It was with blind passion that Peter stepped out onto the water, and of course, as he began to doubt himself (because Peter was considering his own abilities rather than what God could do with him) and Peter began to sink, but WAIT! The Lord reached out, grabbed Peter's hand, and they walked back to the boat together. It's with that type of mindset that I dig into this new heartfelt (renewed) passion for children...(not just my own) and wondering, where might God lead me, (and you) in this.

Just stop, consider and pray. This is meant to be more than a pump you up, and then have you walk away to forget about what I've said...

Is there a hungry child on your street? In your school? Across the globe? whom you could help??

Seek and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened. Ask, and you will receive...

So seek His will. Knock at the door with expectancy of answers..Ask...and wait to receive the direction that only HE can give you.

Passion mixed with the Spirit's leading is a recipe for success in furthering the kingdom of Heaven...

"whoever offers a cup of water in My name..." and "Feed my sheep.." ring loud in my ears today. Consider this friends...as I am.

Cashing In

I have a choice you know. I have the choice to not just SAY I have joy, freedom and LIFE in Christ but to LIVE as though I posses those things. It will make or break how I feel at the end of the day. Case and point: lately, when my head hits the pillow at night, I feel exhausted, tired, worn out and just plain annoyed at life. How is this possible? My life is SO full. The Lord has given me so much, blessed me with so many things, and yet most of my days I am stressed, befuddled, annoyed and vexed because my blessings are wearing me out. Now that sounds backwards and inside-out doesn't it?

So today, I'm taking a step backwards. I'm surveying my life from a distant view and what I see is this: A mother who is tired, a wife who is worn out, and a daughter of the King who desperately needs to gather strength from the right source. The only source that really will fill her. You see, I keep trying to RUN my stress off,(via my treatmill) or CLEAN my stress off (via my home) or CHAT my stress of (sorry Amy to always subject you to that) or COMPLAIN my stress off (sorry husband). None of those avenues work! They fail time and time again...SO why OH why is it so hard to turn to my Father who loves me best, cares for me best and fills me the most?

He has the best solutions to my problems, the best answers to my questions and the best rest for my aching, tired body and soul.

Don't you think it's time I cashed in on what I already posses? I do.

We are to walk in confidence (as we walk with Christ) Live with joy (as we live with Christ) Minister (with the strength He provides) and Care for our families ( with the means only He can give). If I am doing all of those things, but feel the way I do, then I truly am not doing them in the power of Christ, but in the power of ME and that power fades in a moments time.

My attitude and life are living proof of that!

See, Christ tells me that I'm a new creation in Him...that when I am weary, I am to turn to Him, that He is the only one who gives water that will last (water that will sustain me) and that He bore all my sin and shame once and for all on the cross so I need not walk around with burdens of past sin on my shoulders! All those things are tried and true truths from the word of God.

BUT...am I cashing in on those things or am I still trying to carry my own weight? Pay my own debts and shine my own light to see? I am most days. I want to move away from that and lean into Christ and all the blessings that He has to offer...blessings that are available to anyone who comes to Father, kneels at the foot of the cross and a says, "Not in my strength Lord, but yours..." and then, as we rise, and carry on our business, I can say with confidence that we will be a stronger person, a more peaceful person and a more joy filled person because we took the time to kneel at the cross.

I'm going to be on my knees here today for a while, and if any of you care to join me, it's a great place to start.

OUR FATHER, WHO ART IN HEAVEN, HALLOWED BY THY NAME...THY KINGDOM COME THY WILL BE DONE, ON EARTH AS IT IS HEAVEN. GIVE ME THIS DAY, MY DAILY BREAD, AND FORGIVE ME MY DEBTS AS WE FORGIVE OUR DEBTORS. LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION BUT DELI EVER ME FROM EVIL FOR THINE IS THE KINGDOM AND THE POWER AND THE GLORY, FOREVER AND EVER. AMEN.

On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.....

Streams in the desert and roads through the sea...

I've been rolling around the thought and idea of what does it really mean to have Christ with me in trial? What does it mean to say that "He is sustaining me..." through difficulty. And difficulty can come to us hundreds of different forms, so no need to exclude yourself if you think your problem is too small, or not nearly as extreme as say, a family in Japan right now.

Trial is trial, and each of us have one. SO having said that, my trials, feel really big to me, and most days I would be a mess if God was not the one sustaining me. But there is that word again, "sustain." When your world is crashing in around you and all you've known to be true about life suddenly changes, how my friends, can you be sustained in this?

To be sustained means this to, to be OK with where you are, to be "alright" amidst disaster, and peaceful amidst catastrophe, (either physically or emotionally). Not that you don't feel the pain, show the sorrow and move through the normal human process of loss or pain, but that in the midst of that, there is a thread of peace that runs through.

That is what Christ does for me. That is what Christ is for me. He meets me, where I run out. He completes the distance that cannot. He makes up the top 1/3, when I run out 2/3 of the way through. He picks up my pieces, puts them back in place, and completes my puzzle in a way that no self-help, good friend, spouse, or vacation ever could

He is the one who grabs the other end of the rope. Every time, without fail.

The other side of being sustained, is that we have to trust the method by which God sustains us. Case and Point, Egypt. The ultimate rescue. The people whom were being pursued by the most powerful Pharaoh, and here they are in a circumstances that seemed hopeless...

The human means, had run out. They were literally standing at the edge of where their strength could no longer carry them through. They were truly at the end of themselves. And here is where God stepped in and took over in a way that no man ever could, He rescued in a way that only God can. Those people had to feel so held. So cared for. SO safe.

These stories in the Bible, are not just stories my friends, they are truth of Christ, documented so that we could some 5000 years later, read it and be encouraged. God is the same yesterday today and forever, and if this is true, the same God who rescued the Israelites at the bank of the Red Sea, rescues us at the banks of our disasters. This much I know to be true. I feel every day as I look a the expanse of the great trials that face me, and I know the only reason I am OK in the midst of those, is because of He who rescues us at the place of where our strength runs dry. And so, in comes our stream in the desert. We are nourished where there is no food, and encouraged when their is seemingly no hope. This is not false sense of security, this is the truly the reality of one who walks with Christ. It is my reality, and I am so humbled by that. So thankful for that...and so wishing to share this knowledge of hope in the darkness to all who will hear.

We do not need to be dry when we live in the desert, there is a water source available to us. But the problem is is that it doesn't make sense to us in our human minds. We simply think this: we live in the desert, therefore we must be dry. God says this: You live in the desert, but you cannot think with a human mind, I overcome human solutions. I am bigger than the laws of gravity, nature and what you think is possible. I turn water into wine. I raise people from the dead, I split seas in half so people can walk through on dry ground. I do not think the way you think...I do not solve your problems, or conquer your trials with you the way that you think I should. I know more. I see it all. And I rescue in ways that no man ever could fathom. Why? Because I am God." Be still...KNOW THAT I AM GOD.

And we decide to take Him up on that knowledge and truth, we begin to feel the peace, experience the joy and live our lives in a God size way...in a God filled way. In a way that we never could, all on our own. So, today...as you asses your mountains that overwhelm you, and size up the depths of your despair, know this: God is not only there beside you, He has a solution that will grow you the most, bring Him the most glory and draw others to Christ as they watch you trust Him in the storm, in the abyss and through the fire.

As others see you allow Him to pick up where you leave off, and sustain you in your trial, they will marvel at the difference they see in you, and wonder, where oh where do you get your strength? And you can answer as I am. And Friends, He's the only good answer I've got.

My Heart, His Throne....

Today in church there was a song, that had the lyric, "my heart, His throne..." in it, and I was absolutely struck by that. I leaned over in my chair and thought long and hard about what that ACTUALLY meant for me..

When I was 5, I "asked Jesus into my heart." When I was 12, I was baptized. When I was 23, I sold out and started living liked I preached. And acting on the hope, faith, and redemption that I had possessed, but not lived like I possessed for 20 some years.

He is in fact "in my heart..." meaning, for those of you who don't speak "Christianise..";) that His Spirit dwells within me, and all my emotions, all my thoughts, all my passions, all my doings hopefully reflect a beautiful picture of Christ. Meaning, I mirror an attitude of Christ.

There are many times in a day, my heart does not do this. In enters grace! Praise Him for that.

As I ask for forgiveness for my "dirty throne room" I am able to once again, start anew and begin to offer Him, a clean place to reside within me...hopefully having my doings, reflect the same as that of Jesus Christ.

But today, as I took an honest gaze at myself through the lens of truth, what I saw was not pleasing to me. In my heart I saw all the makings of a terribly selfish person...A person who had HER best interests at heart, rather than others, and HER desires were being put first. My throne room was not suitable for My King, and My heart was not mirroring what Kingly being would be pleased to reside. I crumpled before Him, knowing that was the first place to start. I told Him, rather, I asked Him for the forgiveness that would start me back on the right track and I knew that daily, I had to lay down my own crosses and pick up the ones He wanted me to carry. For truly, I am created for His purposes, not mine own. A hard concept to at first comprehend, but once on that path, and once the throne room has been cleaned out of all it mess, the joy I feel from being clean, is priceless. Clean is lovely. Clean is free of secrets. Clean is free of guilt. Clean is free of wondering if I am good enough. (For I know I am not, and I am saved by grace, and this knowledge takes away all my burden of trying harder to do right)

King of glory, King of my heart....KING of my heart. Does that phrase send chills down your spine? I have a king, interested in me...A king who cares for my best, and makes my heart, His home. When we ask Him to live in the throne room of out hearts, out goes us. Out goes our selfishness, out goes our ability to be OK with mediocrity, the mediocrity that says, "don't worry, no one sees or cares what your doing...go ahead..." For when I know I have a King living in me, I don't want any filth to enter, I want to please the king for I realize all He has sacrificed for me. This king, gave up His life for me, so that I could have life inside of me, namely, Jesus.

Do these thoughts confuse, aggravate, encouraged or cause you to stop and think? When Christ takes over...life begins. You may think the opposite, that if you were to give yourself over to Him fully, that you would never do anything fun again? Define fun. Fun, is different than joy. Fun, is fleeting. Joy is eternal with Christ. Fun, is debatable, Joy is solid. Fun, is misleading. Joy is honest. Fun is based on circumstances. Joy is based on He who is eternal, and If He is eternal, so is our source of joy.

Do you see? My heart is His throne room. When He resides in me, I am whole, I am filled, I am who I know I ought to be, I am the best version of myself, I am striving to keep things clean if only to honor Him. Why? Because in return, I am peaceful. Truly, honestly peaceful. I am filled. (not feeling as though I lack a thing) I am filled with joy. (even when it's raining in my life) and I am saved. Because death, is imminent. But life with Christ, is eternal. And eternal life, is what He offers us, in return for giving Him room in our hearts. Seems like a fair bargain huh?

Nothing I can do

The beauty of grace is this: I did nothing to earn it. I can do nothing to change it. And, God gives it freely to all who call upon His name.

So I know these things, however, living and acting on this truth is proving to be more difficult that it seems. We are a people and a culture who like to earn what we have. We like to work hard, and get paid for it. We like to know that we are contributing to our current success. That is not how the kingdom of God works. Things are run quite differently there and it goes a little something like this: You were born a sinner. You have done nothing to deserve grace. But I'm going to give it to you anyways because I am God, and that is how I am choosing to save my children, I love you, nothing you can do will change that, and I forgive you.

That sounds a little different that what we are used to hearing in our world isn't it? And that my friends is why it's so hard to accept His gift of grace and salvation.

For it is by grace we have been saved, not by works, so that no man can boast...Ephes 2:8

If we were able to say that we contributed to our salvation (by good works, deeds etc..) then we would be adding to the kingdom of God. And we have to know, when we are saved, we bring NOTHING to the table. We come naked, hungry, empty, lost, alone, and sinful when we enter the throne room of God to beg for salvation. It is not this way because God wants to put us in our place, or Lord over us because He "wants us to feel small..." No. far from it. He wants us to feel the most loved, the most forgiven, the most cherished and the valued. And when we receive something we DON'T DESERVE that is exactly how we feel. Saved by grace my friends, that's what I am.

As I write these words, I know these things with my head. But with my heart, and with my actions, I seem to think something different, for lately, I have been carrying around a huge dark burden. A burden that is stealing my joy, squelching my peace, and darkening my days. It's the burden of "earning my salvation" and feeling as though I can do something that will make myself more worthy of His love, and more lovely to Him. I was reminded today that once again, I bring nothing to the table, and I can do nothing to save myself or make Him love me more. He loves me, because He loves. He saved me, by grace. And all I need to do is say, "thank-you" and offer Him my life's stint on earth, to be molded, to be shaped, to be available, usable, earnest, and devoted to Him plans for my life, my hearts emotions, and my minds activity.

I know that sounds like a lot, in fact, it is a lot, because it's all of me. But that is the only way I ever will find true joy, true peace, true contentment, and true rest as I walk this earth.

He loved me first, He died for me, and for that I know I can trust Him with all I have, because to not trust a person who is willing to die for you, sounds ludicrous.

To know, to believe, to act, they all go hand in hand. I KNOW that I am saved by grace, but to ACT on the knowledge is hard, so the actions must be fueled by faith, and faith is grown strong by spending time with the Father. He will teach me what I need to know, He will show me where I ought to turn, and He will encourage me to continually trust in Him as He says, "I saved you by grace..."

It goes it a little something like this, these are the words I hear whispered to my heart today...

"Dear child, I love you. Why do you walk around so burdened? Why do walk around with your head in your hands? Nothing you can do will make you more lovely, or less loved by me. I love you so much as you are. Bring me your burdens, ask for forgiveness for you sins, live for me, and I will give you peace."

Isn't that a wonderful thing to have said to you?

It's my paraphrase of so many verses strung throughout His Word...

"come to me all you who are weary and I will give you rest..."Matt 11:28

"I am the same yesterday today and forever..." Malachi 3:6

"It is by grace you have been saved.." Ephes. 2:8

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only son to die.." John 3:16

"It is not by works so that no one can boast..." Ephes 2:9

"My yoke is easy and my burden is light.." Matt. 11:28-30

Friends...do you believe in the concept of grace? There is so much FREEDOM wrapped up in that truth, and believing it will truly make you soar as on wings as eagles.. (Isaiah 40:31)

Do you want to run through your day and not grown weary? Do you want to be forgiven and set free from the worries that bog you down? That dark thought that won't leave you each night as you close your eyes? And the weight that you wake up with on your shoulders each morning? Wouldn't it be nice to be free of that? You can be...it's all wrapped up in grace. Ask Him for it, and it will most certainly extend it to you as well.

Maybe today be the day you believe in grace.

Drip, Drip, Drip....

You know that terrible, annoying sound? You've finally crawled into bed at night, laid your head upon your pillow, closed your eyes, ready to sleep, only to find, your spouse left the water on just enough to create that "drip, drip, drip" noise.

I had a bit of "drippy" day yesterday. My family has been sick, and I've been annoyed at how much I've been having to do for them to care for them while being sick myself. Lets just say my attitude was less than pleasant, and my heart less than pure as I walked around my house being that "drip" in my husband's ear.

"ironically" the Lord led me in my quiet time to Proverbs 27, and I should've known that when I came to Him with my stinky attitude, He'd want to adjust it. And no sooner did my eyes fall upon this verse I realized my folly:

"A quarrelsome wife is like the constant dripping on a rainy day..restraining her is like restraining the wind, or grasping oil with the hand.." vs.15

and:

" As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man." vs19

Two things to take away here...when I am acting with the heart of a quarrelsome wife as I was all day yesterday, it reeks havoc on my life, my husbands life, and the joy of my home. When the verse speaks of "restraining" her, it's not the "wild, free heart" that you first think of, it's a drip of a faucet that rings annoyance into your life, and chaos into your home.

And, as I walk around my house, stomping, and complaining to myself about "how bad I've got it.." the evil that's in my heart is reflected on my face.

To drive my point home let me tell you what my four year old said to me yesterday in the midst of my little tempter tantrum/pity party for myself... "Mom, make a happy face, not a sad face..."

Doesn't that just break your heart? Now I know we all have bad days, but it's all about where we run to when we have bad days, all day yesterday, I ran to myself...and listened to the lies of the enemy that were so easy to believe. I lived in that funk for quite some time and made myself, and my family quite miserable. My children had a terrible day yesterday, and so did I.

Now, what do we do when we are tempted to respond the way I DID yesterday? What ought we to do? RUN to the WORD OF GOD. Open your Bible, and wait, and watch as the refreshment of the Lord pours down on you. I only had to get 2 verses into my first chapter of His words before the comfort of the Lord poured down upon me.

Isaiah 46:4

"I AM HE, I AM HE WHO WILL SUSTAIN YOU! I have made you, and I will carry you. I will sustain you and I will rescue you."

A couple big things in this verse: whenever He uses repetition, it's to drive home a point, and whenever He uses the "I am" term, it's to show His authority. He HAS the authority to sustain us, because He made us, He knows us, and He has the power to carry us.

Anyone feeling better? Anyone feeling more empowered and encouraged? I AM!

Yesterday as I walked about my day in my stinky attitude clothes, I left an unpleasant fragrance wherever I walked. That does not have to be the case. God knows that we are not perfect, and He does not expect us to behave perfectly all the time, but He gives us an opportunity to lean on Him, and gain strength from Him so that when those stinky situations in life arise (that most certainly will) we have more strength, and we are sustained by Him in a way that we could not be on our own.

God knew I was troubled yesterday, He knew I was worn out. He knew I needed encouragement, and so He met me, RIGHT WHERE I WAS AT. And that is what He does for each and every one of His children...who of you is feeling down today? who of you are feeling burdened by life's troubles? Who of you need to feel the warmth of His embrace? Who of you long to be held, to be cradled as a child in it's mother's arms? Lay your head upon His chest, listen to His strong heart beat, and let Him, let Him comfort you. So that we no longer "drip" through our pain, instead we are refreshed by Him, and in turn, refresh others as a big long drink of fresh crisp water does on a hot day. He is water to our dry and thirsty souls. Drink deep today, instead of dripping.