Decay

So yesterday, I went to the dentist. Obviously, judging by my blog title...I need some work done. But interestingly enough, this has hit home for me on a spiritual sense too.

I have been having a little faze in my life where I keep saying, "God, I know your teaching me something right now, but I feel like I just keep missing it, because life seems so hard right now!" Like running through pea soup, or climbing up a snowy mountain without socks and shoes. Just not real easy..

However, today as I sought the Lord in His infinite wisdom and beautiful understanding, He first of all reminded me that we are all subject to decay. By nature, (it all goes back to the garden of Eden!) and from that point on, in our flesh, we decay, day by day a little bit more. As I give in to the flesh, to respond, to act, and speak what comes "naturally" to me, I decay. It's like pouring Pepsi on a cavity. Just not a good idea! And yet, I do it.

I am not forced to act in the flesh, I do have a choice, but beyond the choice, I have a real, solid way out. I can be sealed in Christ, and my decay can be capped off for good. Of course, all decay needs maintenance, and the Holy Spirit is given to me as a deposit for that, and any time I need to have some maintenance work done, I call in, call on, and receive, the instruction on what to do next in order to keep my soul in ship-shape.

Amazing isn't it? You see in Romans chapter 8 it tells me this:

"That creation itself was subjected to frustration, not by it's own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from it's bondage to decay and brought into the GLORIOUS FREEDOM of the children of God." vs 20

Interesting truths are they not? The frustrations of today, that we are allowed to be exposed to, make us wrestle with God a bit as Jacob did in Genesis 32:22-32. To get to a place we are really truly seeking His blessings...because, we have come to place where we know we need them, and as the frustration we have been exposed to either takes us to a place of understanding of our need for Him, or it produces in us a desire to reject Him. But to reject Him, and His PERFECT plans, ways, and desires to perfect us, and make us into the best versions of ourselves, is to reject His ultimate gift of life, (that He gave to us through death on the cross). To reject the frustration we are allowed to experience, is to reject the potter's hands, fixing the broken pot. It is to, say to the potter that I, the "clay" know more. Can what it is formed say the to the one who forms, "I know more!?" Can the child say to the Father, "I know best?!" Can the blind, teach the one who can see to read? No friends, I am only a conqueror in Jesus. I am going to be my best version of me, by following HIS sanctification plan. I, the cracked pot say this, " let the light shine from my cracks, and encourage others, and in the process, He the Potter, can fix, or allow the blemishes to be used, or not to be used. FOR HE IS the Potter, and I am the clay.

He has freed me from my bondage to decay, because I recognize the frustration I was subjected to was necessary to reveal to me the absolute desolation of my soul. I am in and of myself a wretched, lost and hurting unit. With Him however, there is promise of more, promise of the best, promise of a end that ends is joy....peace...comfort...no more tears. But right now, as He is perfecting me, I will not waste my suffering. If I suffer, it is for Him. And for you friends, so that you may see that in your earthly trials, frustrations, temptations and sorrows, you are not alone. You are not alone #1 because of your heavenly Father who gave up His very life for you, and you are not alone because you have a sister in Christ who feels pain, and talks about it. Who has such an imperfect life, and shares it. Who has trials, tribulations, and sins, and exposes them so that you can be encouraged that we are all subjects of frustration from time to time, so that He can make us into the very best image of ourselves...the image of Christ. He suffered. He suffered more than I ever will. Thank you Jesus for your death on the cross. For your death, liberated me. And now, I can walk in your truth, your Spirit, your hope, even when life is frustrating. I in the end, am LIBERATED from death, sin, and fear of death. Thank you for the cross. Thank you for the cross.

Oh So Frustrated

And boy do I like to talk about it! Yes, I have learned something about myself. I like to complain.
I commonly find myself asking my children, "Do I have to do EVERYTHING for you??!!" (why yes, you do, you say...you are the mother) But here is the thing, the Lord was absolutely tempted in every way possible. He went through so many trials, so many persecutions, and then of course, died. We, however have not yet resisted our human urges to grumble, complain and feel sorry for ourselves, to the point of death. (Hebrews 12:4) but we are given the power to. By Him.
Today is perhaps a day, that you need to tap into that power just like I need to.
We have the power of Christ on our side to resist the temptation to rage. Complain. Grumble. Get disappointed at our lives circumstances. Get overwhelmed. Get depressed (the normal day to day kind, not clinical depression) We have the choice to make these attitude choices. Yes friends, I said it. Those attitudes are attitudes I CHOOSE. I have the choice to in HIS power, resist the devil and flee the lusts of the flesh, and the lusts of the flesh include all kinds of negative outlooks avenues, and bad-attitude bunny trails that I constantly find myself on. I have to resist though in HIS strength, and none of my own. To say I can do it in my own strength is to mock the power of the cross and all it's grace. I will not do that. I continue to each day, get up and say, "I long to walk the way He wants me to walk." And even as I sometimes somewhat consciously make the choice to act in the flesh rather than in the Spirit, He always eventually grabs my attention, and realigns my focus and gaze with His. It's in THAT place that I once again regain my footing and find peace. Not one of us is perfect. But all of us can be made holy. Not one of us resists to the point of death, but all of us can resist in the power of HIS death.

"Thank you Lord for the cross. It paved the way for me to be victorious in the way I live out each day. Life's trials, circumstances and problems will always be, but you make me equipped to deal with them. I praise you for that. You Lord, are my strong fortress, my firm foundation, the Rock unto which I cling. I have no other hope but you and in your love and grace I can rest. I rest assured that you will guide me, instruct me, carry me, and keep me, until the day I get to leave this sinful body and be raised to life in perfection with you. O How I long for THAT day! What a sinful man am I! But in the shadow of your cross I am covered. I repent of my selfishness! My sinful attitudes, my thoughts that mind that have not been of Christ. Rather, choosing to allow myself to feel slighted, and as though I am being sold short of what I deserve. No, what I deserve is death. But you paid that penalty for me on the cross of salvation, so now I begin to choose to tap into the attitude of freedom. I repent. I move forward, and you affirm me O Lord in your grace, and love. Thank you Father for being my way out. My escape. My reward. My "all I'll ever need." I love you Jesus! Amen!"

WHY is this so hard.

Walking in the Spirit. Living in the Spirit. Letting HIS thoughts be my thoughts, and His words, my words. I want everything in my life to translate, "HIS". And all my motives, attitude, and wants/desires to be stamped by HIS approval...and yet...and yet...I battle with still wanting my way.
It's saying that little remark under my breath, or ALLOWING myself that thought that does not glorify God. It's the moment by moment little choices I am forced to make either in the flesh, or the Spirit.
It's walking by faith, instead of needing all the answers. It's asking the tough questions, and giving the REAL answer. (not the one that makes you feel good) It's living for Him, rather than myself, and giving of myself in proportion to what He has given me to give. He knows what I am capable of. He knows when I'm only giving a human standard portion, rather than a God sized portion. How I parent. How I run. How I eat. How I clean my house. How I lead others. How I witness to others. How I speak. WHO I AM. Exausted? Nope. Not when It's done in His strength.
He is my Father. Essentially, He has all the info I will ever need. Now, I need to apply it. He's my tour guide. He knows the places in my road that are rough, and I should avoid. He knows what I don't. He is the gas pump. He fills me up with just right amount, with just the right variety. He knows how long my journey will be, so He gives me the correct dose. He is....more than I could ever ask for.
And yet, I forget to ask.
I take off on the road, with my empty tank. My blind eyes. My deaf ears. My tired hands and feet. And I expect to live, in the Spirit. Not going to happen friends.
If I am to give out, I first need to fill up...With Jesus.
I am to be literally dead to my sin. Dead to my flesh. I should not consider the way the flesh pulls, or focus even for a moment on the flesh's desires. I should with laser type focus, run towards His ways, His laws, His decrees...His perfection.
Being holy. (1 Peter)
Again...not going to be able to do this, IN MY OWN STRENGTH. Perhaps my friend, you need to be encouraged on this today too? That we are all imperfect, BY NATURE. We are all sinful IN THE FLESH, but we have another option. Isn't that something?
Who we are in the flesh, is not all we've got. There is more. HE is more. He is EVERYTHING, ALL, THE BEGINNING, AND THE END.
You have a need? A deficieit...a hole? I've got someone who will fill it for you better than you could ever fill it yourself. No self help book, quick fix, vacation of counceling will fill the hole you have, better than Jesus.
You may say, "well that J-E-S-U-S dosen't fit in the hole that spells "MAD" or "BITTER". Yes it does.
Ask Him to fill it. Jesus fills those holes perfectly. How about the IMPTATIENCE hole? Or the FRUSTRATED FOR NO REASON hole? Yes. He fills those too. Just ask!
I'm asksing Him to fill this hole for me...DOUBT.
Anyone else have that hole in their life? (yikes) It's good to admit our holes, so He can show us where to go next. Go ahead. State your hole. Ask Him to fill it up. It doesn't have to be so hard.
Ask Him to help you say it if you can't say it on your own. That is the King we serve.
Are you this hole??---------> EXUAGHSTED? OVERWHELMED? HUNGRY? SICK OF IT ALL AND WANT TO GIVE UP ON LIFE IN GENERAL? Well, I have news for you friend, He fills that hole too.
What's the question? Doesn't matter. Jesus will always be the answer.
love you my friends. I pray this message blesses you today. Xo! Xo ! Xo!

If Only To Be Full

The ache, the pain, the distraction of a longing not filled. Empty! Oh so Empty!!! It is true that when you are hungry, even what is bitter tastes sweet. Isn't that what Proverbs states? It also speaks of upon when finding honey, eat just enough of you will loath it. Both ends of the spectrum. Both bitter. Both something we face EVERY day. Know what I speak of?
Yes, physical hunger (not so much in America) is a problem, famines and withering are seen everywhere. But do you know what we Americans struggle with more? Empty, grumbling, aching souls. Pretend for a moment, that your going to be honest with yourself. I mean really. Be honest with yourself. Your happy? Fulfilled? FULL OF PEACE about who you are, where you are, what your doing, where your life is headed?? No? "Is anyone...?" You may mutter under your breath upon reading my question... Well...would you be shocked if I said, that I am? "Good for you..." You say. No really though...does that make you wonder..."why is she?" I would have wondered that if even just 4 short years ago someone had said to me, "I'm content..." CONTENT? What does that mean anyway...OK... You may think..."She has all her needs met, nice husband, kids...house...food...clothes.." You know, the usual things that makes someone Else's grass look greener. No friends, it's not that my grass is so green. OR that I have had all my hearts longings fulfilled...OR have I? You see, I have come to know that I really only long for one thing. Interested? "How can I narrow it down to ONE thing...??" You may ask. I do have an answer. This is not a self help. This is not something where you will walk away and say, "There...crossed that off my list, now I can be content." But what I have that fills my hunger..IS available to YOU as well. (If you have in fact found your hunger to be UN-met) My answer is this. You can be alone, in a crowded room, and be OK. You can be in pain, suffering and anguish, but know at the end of the day, your HELD. I can be in the hardest, most challenging, most frustrating situation but feel peace. I could be placed in a situation that would cause even the most patient personality of person to freak...and yet, it is well with my soul. HOW CAN THIS BE???!
He answers...EVERY time I call. He knocks until I answer. He sings over me. He delights in me. (and my soul in Him) He rescues me. He wipes my tears. He never ends. Never leaves. Never cheats. Never wrongs. Never steals. Never lies. Never ever ever looks at me in shame. He never tells me that "I'm not good enough." Or that I "should look different." He longs to perfect me. Make me lovely. Make me to be the BEST version of myself so I can be, all the things I just described. He wants me to be sanctified, but He won't sanctify me alone. He is with me every step of the way. He is the bread of life. The water that never goes dry. He is the stream in the desert, and the road through the sea. He is the answer to a Dr. when they say, "there's no hope." And He is the only one who could save me. REALLY save me. save me from myself. My sin. My flesh. My selfishness. My bitterness that I default to. My jealousy that comes so naturally.
Let me present this to you. Someone else, gets something YOU want. (that you don't have) WHAT DO YOU DO...THINK...FEEL? Anger? Resentment? Unexplainable rage? Yeah...I do to..when I act in my own strength.
DO YOU KNOW YOU HAVE ANOTHER OPTION??? To not act in your own strength? But rather...to say.."LORD!!! I drowning here! Pull me out of myself!!! Make me see this the way YOU see this!!! I don't want to wither away in my anorexia of desire that will never be quenched.."
You know that girl...the one who is too skinny. That's what you look like in the spiritual word...what I looked like...I was trying to do it on my own...starving myself of the only food that would save me. Some people die from that disease. Some people die trying to cure themselves of the disease...and some people...find the way out, and get their lives handed back to them. What are you afraid of friend...?
Being over-fed? Are you afraid you will try His bread of life and then realize how good it is...but are afraid to sell out? Well let me tell you, as a former anorexic...I have never been more satisfied. WHO JESUS is to me, has left me more satisfied that anything I could have ever tried to satisfy myself with. He's it for me friends. He's all I crave. All I long to savor. All I need to be filled. You want this that I speak of?
OK. Here is what you do....Say His name. Is it not the most delicious thing you have have ever said?
"The Spirit (Jesus) gives life, the flesh (us) counts for nothing!!!! The words I have spoken to you are spirit and they ARE LIFE." John 6:63

You want to be full? Call on the only ONE who can fill you completely, absolutely, fully...filled. Never hunger again. Never watch your friends go out and wonder, will I ever be asked to go too??? This the is the who satisfies you MORE than an earthly pleasure, feeling, or satisfaction. Not that we still do not long for things of this world from time to time, we are flesh by nature. *son's of Adam... but we are the adopted son's and daughters of the MOST HIGH GOD and He will take you to a place of fulfillment that you never thought possible. If only you would ask. Ask. Honestly. Sincerely. Purely. With an open heart. Ask. HE WILL ANSWER.
"Give us each day, our daily bread." Luke 11:3

Meet My Perfect Children

HAHA. Life can be so funny sometimes. It seems as though everywhere you look you see everyone out with their well behaved, do as I say, never-mis-behave PERFECT children.
And then of course, their are your own children, screaming, fighting, wiping their boogers on the restaurant table, and saying "POOP" really loudly for all to hear.
YES my friends, children are not always perfect. And so then of course, as mom's we come to the conclusion that our children are the only children in the world who act like this. Ours are the only ones who EVER misbehave, and ours are the only ones who ever scream/kick/throw themselves on the floor in public.
So then, as mom's we hang our heads, walk around in shame because lets face it, "we have failed." STOP RIGHT THERE.
That is what the enemy, the prince of DARKNESS wants you to believe.
Your child is human. So are you. Your child makes selfish choices, we all do. Your child ACTS on their frustrations. (so do Mommies) and Your child is created in God's image. And so are you Mommy friend. (and Daddy's)
Listen here... we are to train a child up in the way they should go, (says Proverbs) but also, children still choose to go their own way, even when they know the "way they SHOULD G0". Grown ups do that too...
What I mean to say is this: We all have in mind the way we WANT to go, act and be. And at times, it's different than the way she SHOULD go, act or be. YOU adult, are HIS child. Do you think that for even one second, the God and Father of YOU says about Himself, "I failed. I made bad work. I screwed up with that child" when YOU do something disruptive or disobedient to the Maker? NO. He does not. He looks at you with LOVE in His eyes, and says, "I forgive you. I love you. Seek me. Walk in my ways, pursue holiness. And of course, next time, ask me for help and it won't be so difficult." Yes. This is the Father we have. If we are to learn from Him, be like Him and parent like HE does, than this is what we ought to do also for our unruly children. Sometimes however, unruly children need a bit of discipline. And then we do as we must, just as HE does as He must in order to perfect us. We must be consistent as HE is consistent. We must turn to one who is higher than us to help us in this...but we also know that His plans for us are not to harm us but to give us a hope and future. So we are with our children. So the next time you find yourself in the grocery store with a child, kicking and screaming, and the "perfect" family of children walk by, know this: no-one is perfect, not even one. We set our rules in place, we stick to them, and we deal with new situations as they arise. Just as HE does. We have His laws. We write them on our hearts. We follow this with His direction. We are respectful to His decrees, and we succeed in life. ( In the Kingdom sense) Right? Don't we want little children of the kingdom? But we must not equate that therefore we have failed, if in fact our children act in their own selfish will from time to time. After all, they are sons of Adam. And daughters of Eve. It all goes back to the garden of Eden. We are not ever going to be perfect until we attain our heavenly bodies upon the second coming, the arrival of Christ Jesus our Lord and Savior, and on that day, you can look at your child, and say, "Your perfect." But until that day, you can look at your booger wiping, poop talking, floor kicking, show-stopping child and say, "Someday you'll be perfect,(and so will Mommy) and I love you now in your imperfections," (Just as He loves us in our imperfections) (and then ask the Lord for strengthen so you don't have a tantrum too) deal with the imperfections with the wisdom HE supplies, and move on...knowing that tomorrow, is a new day, and HIS mercies are new EVERY MORNING. THANK YOU LORD. :)
"This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24

Compelled

Like a jubilant song bursting forth from the lips of one who has just received a second chance, life anew, and freedom, comes these words as the Lord inspires inside of me a heavenly theme to glorify His name.
He tells me, in this life, you will have trials, but to take heart, for He has overcome the world. John 16:33
But also tells me that with the JOY set before Him, He endured the cross and all its sufferings. He did this for me. He had an eternal perspective. He recognized the certainty of death, and the certainty of eternity for those who are sealed, chosen, and received by Christ. Thus, having endured the cross, conquering sin and death, winning the victory through that death, He made a way for us to have a life of fullness, abundant joy, and life without end. He is the conquering King. The ONE. The reason. The source. Our ability. Our anchor.
I have had one of those weeks that begs the question, "Jesus, could you come back soon...this life is very hard." Anyone else having a week like that? I assumed I was not alone.
God is not a God who cannot identify with us in our suffering. He was fully man, and now, as is, fully God. He came in the lowliest state so that He could identify with us. We are a miserable lot at times. Wandering around in the dark, without the lights turned on, bumping into things, and breaking our noses because we don't want to stop long enough and ask the one who can SEE AND GIVES SIGHT for directions. "Jesus!!!" I said..." I give up. I wave my white flag. I surrender RIGHT NOW." You are the one I want, You are the ONE I need. You are my only necessity.
The only thing necessary for living life the way I ought. I open your word. I read your words. I get life...and sustenance for the journey set before me. My feet are set on a solid rock. One that does not shake, move or shift. "You LORD...are SOLID." And I will not question His sovereignty. He sees, what I never will. He holds what I could never bear. He creates what I never would have thought of. He is bigger on all levels, and "Jesus, for that I am thankful." Take my life and let it be, ever only Lord for thee.
No more of this wayward heart "prone to wander..." I asked you Lord, what is my Ebeneezer? The thing that saved me? Truth about who I was and who I wasn't. Before He came and rescued me in my lowly estate, I was desolate, depressed, cold, sad and alone. Obsessed with the things of the world...lost without a map...and hungry with no real way of feeding myself full. Empty for all of eternity, but because He cast His gaze upon me, lifted me up out of the mud and mire...and am now who I am today...a work in progress, saved by grace...perfected by His truth and saved for all eternity. "THANK YOU JESUS, I STAND AMAZED." SO this is why you endured hell, death, and the grave? For my freedom? O Lord, your beautiful! You face is all I see...and all I long to see. With you alone is my soul satisfied, and my soul longs for more and more of you. Take me to the rock who is higher than I. You are the ONE. For you, daily I'm compelled to BE. And thy GOODNESS like a fetter, draws my wandering heart to thee. What is my Ebeneezer? A picture of who I used to be. That is what reminds me. The darkness in my eyes. The pain in my heart. One day lost, the next day alive. One day dead..the next living in the abundance of His grace. Thank you Jesus. Do you know what it is I speak of? Do you relate? Or does this sound like another language you have never heard? If these words are like another dialect to you, say this, "Open the eyes of my heart Lord..." And then ask the Maker of Heaven and earth to speak to YOU! He is the reason you are here. Ask Him. Be compelled by something greater than your own little world. Don't you ever wonder, stop and think that perhaps, just maybe, there is something out there that is greater than your own little world? Well friends, I have news for you. And it's good news. The best news you will ever hear once He translates it to your heart. There is MORE!!!! And for the joy set before us, He endured death on cross so that you could have life now, and for eternity. All He asks is that we come to Him with a broken and contrite Spirit. TO lay down our selfish pride, and admit there has to be something greater than US. He is greater. He made you. He is your MAKER. SAVIOR. CREATOR. REDEEMER. LIFE. SOURCE. AND FATHER. Call on Him and He will answer you, and teach you great and unsearchable things THAT YOU DO NOT KNOW. that is why I call Him the source. Before Christ, we were dead in our sins, so dead we didn't even know how dead we were. Do you feel alive right now? If not, consider the fact, you might be missing something. That something could be Christ. Ask Him friend...COMPELLED I speak. COMPELLED, I live. COMPELLED...I walk this life out in faith knowing that my eternal HOME awaits. And there is not a day that goes by that I DO NOT LONG FOR IT WITH ALL MY HEART. Jesus is there. Better is one day in your courts, then thousands elsewhere. Thank you Holy Father for making a way for a sinner like me.

I Love You Jesus Letter

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. I love that name. I really, really love that name. It is high and lifted up. Above all else, and is the source of all I do, say and think. He is the person I wake up for every morning, the person I seek first before I do anything at all. He is the most important thing I will ever consider and my very best thought each day. You are the Great I Am, the wonderful, mighty prince of peace, the Councilor and the delight of my soul. My home, and you have made your home in me. My Lover, My Father, My Helper, My friend, My love, my Authority, My peace. You sanctify me, you lift me up when I am weak, you are strength, you are the Source of all things good in my life. You are joy. You are love. You are wisdom, might, and power. You lead, you guide, you direct and you discipline, all this and more I accept from your hand. You are, you always will be, you always have been. In you there is no darkness. In you there all comfort. In you my hope is found. In you I rest. You are my resting place. You are my streams of life, my water and my food. Without you I am homeless, Fatherless, and without anything of real value. To you I am thankful. To you I owe it all. In you is freedom, grace, and forgiveness. In you is life. Abundant life. Everlasting Life. Breath. Holy Spirit blow over me! Baby Jesus, Strong and Mighty King, I bow low in the presence of the One. Nothing can snatch me from your hands. You freed me from death, and fear of death. One small child, a baby born to die. Raised to life, and now, is the victorious raining King, the Great High Priest who ever intercedes on my behalf. Who lives and breaths to make me more like Him. Who breaths His life into me, and makes me walk when I cannot stand and makes me run, when I cannot move. You are miraculous . In one tiny baby hand is the grace that saved the world, and in the other tiny baby hand is death, life and resurrection. Little chubby baby feet that would walk the streets of dust, and death, now walk the streets of peals, rubies and gold. All day long the angels surround and sing, “Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God almighty who reigns!!!” The ALPHA, the OMEGA, my beginning, and my end. How I long to gaze into your eyes if only for a moment. Your beauty is indescribable, your glory, who can fathom? The soft kindness in your voice saying, “You are my child, remain in me…” And then you speak words of love to a crowd who spit on you sweet baby Jesus. A gorgeous, perfect child, born to be spit upon, for the sake of MY SIN. Yes Lord, what can I say but thank you. Face down in the dust I long to kiss your beautiful feet. Can I catch a glimpse of you? Just one small look? To hold me till I get to be with you for eternity. Here is my glimpse… As a mother looks into the face of a new born child, and stares into eyes full of wonder? That is my glimpse. The beauty that overwhelms the freshness of the new little life a Mother holds…you create life, you give life, you gave your life. If only I could wash your feet with my tears. I couldn’t’ bare to look in your eyes, but you tell me too! You say, “Daughter! Arise! Look at me! Fix your eyes on Jesus.” Jesus , Jesus, you’re the answer to all I’m searching for. If only I could find words to accurately describe my love for you, one day I prayed, “Oh Lord! Won’t you let me love you more?” and you did. And you did. Thank you.