Outside of Me

It is difficult to shift ones thinking so much so that you are literally outside of yourself, meaning, no more you in you, all that is left is what God gives you to be sustained on.

And although that makes me sound like I am barely hanging on by a thread, I am not, I'm hanging onto God, and there is absolute peace in that. I knew this to be true today when I encountered a situation that even two weeks ago would have pushed me over the edge...but it did not today. Why is this? Because Christ is sustaining me. He is bigger than anything that could topple a human emotion. Human emotions are so fickle, they sway with the wind, one day up, the next down. But when Christ is steering the ship and being the very sustenance of life, peace replaces human emotion. Praise the Lord for that. I found myself thanking Him so deeply here this afternoon for that and it sunk it how much different my response was today from days past, I not only saw God in that moment with my own eyes, I believe a little more deeply. My trust grew and my peace increased.

Getting outside of myself has been a lifelong journey and in my 26 years, I never imagined all that I would want to divorce of myself. I really am sure that apart from Christ, there is no good in me, and that is in fact right where God wants me to be I think.

" NOT MY WILL, BUT YOURS BE DONE." LUKE 22:24

That verse basically covers it all in one fell swoop and I like that phrase, it's easy to remember and I is a basic laying down of self. The laying down that God requires a follower to do if we are to truly run after the path of Christ, go where HE goes and learn what He teaches.

Pride and self sufficiency just cannot be present when we claim to have given Christ full control, and most of my life I spent teetering on the fence, of "your will God, NO! wait! my will..." and I stayed there for many many years. But the wind kept swaying me and finally, I fell into the arms of the Father fully on the other side. There are times where I do try and climb back up on that fence and lean towards the "my will" side of the fence, but chaos breaks out and I soon recognize my folly once more and land back into the Father arms once more.

He his so patient with me, and yet, as I felt the sting of his pruning here these past couple of months, I recognize that although He is patient, He is jealous (not in a sinful way) but He is jealous for my heart and arranges circumstances so I feel my need for Him, because He wants more for me than what I think I need.

I am only an "I" when I am in the center of c-h-r-I-s-t.

Because there I exist, in the center of His name, the center of His will. His plan.

Today, as my heart began to respond in regards to the "old me" He again was my Gardner, taking ahold of my heart and face in his gentle hands saying, "My plan for that person, Is not my plan for you. My plan for you looks different...trust me, trust my plan."

SO, I responded towards Christ as He desired me to. I placed my trust in His hands, and do you know what friends? My faith grew. Because in that moment, when I was in great need, He knelt down and took the time to reassure me again.

It's like when your child is begging for your attention, and we comply, we kneel down, look into their eyes, and take the time in that moment to reassure them, and calm their fears.

So, here is where I am whole. I am whole and full when I am on the outside of me, and on the inside of Christ. In the center of His name I am a whole person.

So here I rest...Longing for one thing, more of Him. Thanks be to God.

FOR GOD IS GREATER THAN OUR HEARTS, AND HE KNOWS EVERYTHING. -1 John 3:20b