Something must begin somewhere...and just as God breathed life into vast nothingness, so our sin is given birth to at some point, some-where, some-how. This has been the concept of my thinking over the past morning and I'm fabricating some sort of a defense against the origins of my sin. Basically, fighting sin where it all began. It may not have "felt" like sin when this whole thing first began, (whatever the "thing" is for you and I) it mostly likely felt like an idea, something that we were just pondering. Soon, a "what if" scenario began in my mind, and then the idea gave birth to action that resulted in me, saying "no thank-you" to God's plan for me, and "yes please," to myself. That is where it began. When I whispered to myself in places that no-one else could hear, "I want this more than anything else in this world..." and my dreams ran away with my heart. A heart that once belonged fully to God, was now divided and not giving it's best to the ultimate giver. I took what was intended for Him and gave it away to my dream, and it was not long before I realized my mistake(s).
SO here is where I stand, at the edge of this great abyss with a little better view of where I was, I am humbled, and crushed all the same time by my missteps and wondering how He, The Father continues to take me back even after all of my folly.
I always knew that He was jealous for my affections, I just did not recognize the absolute importance of rendering Him the first of all of me, not just pieces. With my mouth I was stating, "God would want me to have this, God would want me to be happy, right?" Well, the answer is not a big red "wrong" entirely...I do thing the Lord desires joy for me, that is why He gave me His son first and then His Holy spirit to guide me into places that would bring me joy. But I have to be listening to the direction of the Holy Spirit in order to get to those places He designed for me. I'm learning so many things about myself in this journey. Anyone relate?
Ray Stedman said this on this particular topic and I "randomly" came across it this morning. Ha.
How random.
"We must reject those basic assumptions that have caused our trouble in the first place- putting them off, rejecting them, ridding ourselves of them just as you take off your dirty clothes."
In short, every time we long to return to the "old" way of things, ( the thing that got us into this mess in the first place) we must run away. And find a way to refute it each and every time it comes into our minds. Easier said than done, but once a habit is begun to be formed, refuting the lie gets easier each time. I know this to be true with other things I've struggled with over the course of my short life. Every time the origin of that sin tries to get in, perhaps in a different form, I can recognize it for what it is. The lie. So what is "your lie?" Is the lie of self? The lie that your desires are better than God's? The lie that you can do this without His help? Or perhaps it's the lie I believe..."I'm in control."
The sin of self is as bitter as gal and it leaves you so empty. It's so hard to see this when your in the moment, when your caught in the throws of this sin. It's the desire to be something your not. It's the desire to have something that you know you should not. It's the desire to put you first before God. And whether or not we are all willing to admit it, it's there in each of us in some form or another and the enemy knows this. He studies his victims and He knows their weak points, and after a lifelong of knowing your particular weakness, he strikes, and he fights for your affections. Anything that pulls you away from the High King is fine with the enemy and lets face it, at the core, we all like ourselves alot. And pleasing ourselves is an easy path to follow. (for a time)
Then the emotional distresses hit. Why is this friends? I have found it true in my own heart. Once we see that making ourselves content and joyful on our own is impossible, (we do this through many attempts of trial and error) and then in order to get back to the only place we know of that gives us real joy, we know we have some laying down of self to do. And there in lies the real battle field. This is where the enemy pulls out all the stakes and your heart is on the line.
God holds what is absolutely, perfectly, peacefully the best for us, and somehow, we find it within ourselves to fight that. God is contrary to sinful nature and we friends, are sinful nature at the core. That is why we are his adopted children, through Jesus, we now can bare His name, but we need to divorce who we were before.
"We must do this because the corruption of life comes from these wrong attitudes. Paul says the former manner of life is corrupt—decayed, dead, foul, selfish, unhappy, restless. These are the things that have made life unhappy or miserable. He points out we can recognize these attitudes by the way they operate. They are "deceitful lusts." Unfortunately, this word lust is greatly misunderstood in our day. We invariably associate it with something sexual. But this word is much broader than that. It means any urge or basic drive. We will get closer to the essential meaning of this word if we use the term urge. These deceitful urges are constantly coming to us as we react to various situations in which we find ourselves." - Ray Stedman
"God did this so that by 2 unchangeable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who fled to take hold of the hope offered us, may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure."
- Hebrews 6:18-19
Who here can raise their hand and say with absolute confidence "I am firm and secure." Well, I know one thing, my future is secure in Christ, but my heart here on earth can become more and more secure in the hope that I profess. Not just secured, but anchored. Anchored to bottom of the sea of God's joy, contentment and hope.
Hope is something we all take for granted when we have it, but I do not anymore. I recognize the gift of hope, and now the gift of His mercy and grace. One round of the fight may have been won for my heart, and now I'm even more motivated to stay on my guard, quick on my feet and constantly listening to my coach for the next step to take.
I wish there was a way to communicate how humbled I am by the opportunity that Christ continues to offer me, as I feel like step after step I fail Him. But as I lay there on the ground covered in the mess I've made, I look up and friends, do you know what I see? I see Jesus, extending His hand to me. Have you ever felt that?
If not, know this, the hand is extended to you as well, we all start at the same place, no-one person is better than another and God loves us all equally. Isn't that comforting to know? We all need to be reminded of that. So take these words with you today, and when you find yourselves in a battle, on the ground, covered in mud, just look up, then hand is there, waiting for you my friend to take hold.
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