Lessons from French Toast

As a Mom, I am not very good at letting things go. It seems that motherhood forced me to let go of many things that I once thought so important, and now of course, have very little value to me. Things like, getting my nails done every 8 days, no longer important. Going to the mall every other day, no longer important. Making sure my appearance is perfect all the time, no longer important. However, those things were all about me, and focused on me. Now, I'm recognizing to more "me" things that bug me about myself. I get mad too quickly. (especially when tired)

I'm bugged easy by little things the kids do, things that every kid does, but proves to get the best of me most days. (Mom's, am I the only one?)

But here's the thing, I don't like that I can't keep my cool, and I don't like that I steal joy from my children's world every time I get frustrated over things that upset my plans for things. Case and point...

I wanted to make french toast for the kids for breakfast, I thought "what kid wouldn't like french toast?" and I told my boy this morning I was going to make him this very special breakfast, but instead of responding in joy, He yelled at me NO. I INSTANTLY got mad. I flared back at him, (because how dare he turn down my sweet thought?!!!) and told him that FINE, he wasn't getting breakfast then. Which of course was ridiculous, but in my mind, it made sense at the time. He insulted me. And I was mad. Therefore, he would pay by not getting any breakfast at all, ( that ungrateful little boy I thought to myself)

In the end, he for some reason changed his mind and wanted the french toast after-all, and I walked away somewhat happy, feeling like I did a good job. Here's the part that I don't like about me, this "french toast" episode, was all about making myself feel like I was a good Mom. I wanted my kids to think that I was great, and selfishly I was fulfilled by doing this great act of breakfast making. I know it sounds crazy but it's just a very small example of my huge human display of self. And I hate it.

Jesus suffered much at the cross. He suffered much taunting, much ridicule and many people throwing His gift back in His face. And the real deal sealer here is that He had not one iota of selfishness in His heart as He went to the cross, nor did He yell at them.."fine! then your not getting any salvation from me ever!!! ever!!!" That's what I would have said. What ungrateful pigs, the ones whom He came to save, they merely spit on Him and told Him that "If He had so much power, He should just save Himself.." Ouch. And I'm mad about a little french toast.

So I'm learning. I'm learning things more and more each day that can and will change. They will change because I know I serve a God who will not allow me to remain complacent, He will not allow me to remain comfortable in my sin, and He most certainly will not allow me to settle for attitudes that are less than glorifying to Him. It's all about this process of learning and understand on how to have God make my life more reflective of Christ. That is my goal my friends, that is my desire, and right now, I feel like I'm really long ways off. But all I can do is tell my Lord and Savior I'm sorry, and that as I repent, I will carry out the definition of repentance, and that is to change and not turn back to the sin I have repented from. Now, I know that I am not a perfect Mommy, but the Lord can and will equip me with all I need each day to conquer every little battle I have in my heart over my desires of self. My desires to be fulfilled by my good deeds, by my world being just as I want it to be and by my desires to have my children act "just so." (which of course would be absolutely painful for them..they are children, and they must be allowed to act as children)

I didn't agree with my son's attitude at breakfast, but I my friends, am not any better. So, I plan to teach him as best as I can the attitudes of a Christ centered heart, and what a better way to teach him such things, than to model them in my own life. It appears, I have a bit of learning to do myself. May this encourage any of you out there who feel as though they are in the same place as I, we are all beautiful works in progress and none of us perfect. There is a fair amount of grace in that phrase and I know we all need grace. May you feel His grace today, just as I have.