All I once held dear...

Today in church our Pastor asked us this basic question, "What is your treasure? (and then followed up with this,) and if it's not Christ, then you are committing adultery towards Him in your heart..." A bold statement, but true.

Which of course led me to this thought regarding myself...I have another god at times, and it's name is "health." These past few months of sickness have caused me to worship health, and at times, worship it more that God. I love God so very dearly and I know in my heart I would parish every day in my spirit if it were not for His gentle hands holding me through all my times...and yet when it came to my sickness, I really let myself off the hook completely. I figured, no-one would ask me to rise above this sickness, surly not. It's terrible! I'm miserable! It's a trial like no other, and therefore, I can put all else on hold until my life is healthy again. And I began to daily worship my health (or lack there of) until the day it returned, then I could give God my full attention again. So went my thinking...until today.

I never once considered my constant thoughts about my health returning to be sinful...I mean, I know certainly God does not expect me to say "Yay! I'm so pumped to be so sick every day!!!" But I do think He still expects my full adoration, my full heart for Him and to not place so much emphasis on my "getting better," for really, I have considered the day I get well, to be my day of redemption. I am longing for it like I am longing for Christ's return, because that day when my health returns will be the day that I can live again...so have been my thoughts. Which in a sense is true, but these long months of sickness have made up 60 some days of time that I could've been learning and growing closer to God, rather than holding my breath, biting my tonge and waiting for the day of deliverance. God has much in store for me to learn, even in the midst of trial, and I know this....it's just hard to do it. And so in lies the hope of Christ...

This is where Christ steps in for me..it truly is not by human power anything miraculous is accomplished and so it is with my ability to rejoice in suffering. I cannot do it if I am simply following human convictions and acting with human power. I just cannot. It's impossible.

But as I learned in the past.."What is impossible for man, is possible for Christ..."

We sang this song this morning that contained this lyric..."All I once held dear, now I count as loss, for the sake of knowing you...knowing you Jesus.."

Do I count my health as a loss compared to the joy of knowing Him? No. I do not.

But I plan on learning how to...

And friends, the same can be done for anything that holds all of your affections too...you fill in the blank for yourselves...what is it that you hold dear, perhaps dearer than Christ Jesus.

Christ Jesus who for the sake of a lost and dying world, went the cross and died so that we could have abundant life in Him here and beyond? Yes. That Jesus Christ. The only Jesus Christ. The one who should hold the very very highest place in our hearts. In my heart.

Oh friends...isn't it easy to love Him when times are good? But what about when times are not so good, and our health fails, we lose our jobs, our children fall ill and our house is damaged in fire..what then? Do we love Him most still? For most of us the answer is no...because when it's hard and times are tough we shake our fists to heaven and ask Him why????!!

And getting the thing back that we lost becomes our God. I am so in this place. And so convicted and so ready to move forward to the plans He has for me. Oh what lessons have I missed out on? I want to learn them now.

I am here to be His tool...His clay! To be mold able to be used! I have not been very usable lately. I have been quite rigid, stiff and almost dead. I've been so sad this week and I now know why...My God was taken from His highest chair and put just below my health and so the center of my universe was off-kilter. Things do not flow as smoothly when God is off His throne in your heart...do they?

So as boldly step forward with the strength of Christ pumping through my veins, I pray that HE can be my health of spirit, mind, body and heart until the physical health does return, and friends, I want it to return, but I want God more. So this is where I stand...this is where I must stand if I am ever to be truly healthy.