The Temptation to Despair

Have any of you felt as though you were slipping into despair? Something in life began to take it's toll and pressure of whatever it it began to feel as though you were being pushing on the top of your head, down into the ground. It's that feeling that you are sinking. It's that feeling that you are going to be squished by the weight of pain. And I am most sure that at some point in any of our lives, we have all had moments, weeks or perhaps longer periods of despair.

I had a bit of despair that slipped in unknowingly to me, I thought that after having a few good days of health, that my sickness was gone. Not so. It returned with a vengeance this past weekend, and I too felt the despair of "why is this happening to me" creep in.

David in the Psalms journaled many moment so despair, but his words from Psalm 119 vs 10

prompted feelings of hope amidst the despair that I was feeling and he said this:

"My comfort in my suffering is this, you preserve my life..."

And to me, his words said this, it is difficult to go through things that rip you apart, that take your "normal" and turn it upside down, it is hard to watch your health slip away from your grasp right before your eyes. It is difficult to see all you love and know disappear....BUT, in that pain God preserves our very lives. He sustains us. He gives us what we need in that moment.

And that is a promise that nothing else in life can offer you or I.

So in that promise of hope, I was able to yesterday move from despair back to being held...and I had this thought that what makes a person's thoughts move towards "rising above."

I asked myself this question..."what can make me different, as I go through suffering?" Meaning, how can my response be different from what my typical response to trial is, not because I am so great, but because I know the power of Christ is available to me, in my suffering, I feel more sustained and hopeful when I am using that power to respond differently. I am learning so much about myself through my trial, what matters, what's important and what I used to waste my God-given time on. So to answer my own question, I had this thought: when I am tempted to despair, I run to the word..and I run to the Lord, and beg for sustenance for my soul, the ability to see beyond today and for my heart be filled with hope like only He can. And although the pain of right now does not disappear, I have an overwhelming feeling of being held, and being sustained.

I don't want to waste the pain I've been through and write it off as "pain I've been through.." (as though it was wasted years) I want to learn, grow and see my pain in such a way that it makes me be a more sensitive, thoughtful, compassionate and helpful person..one who can see other's pain in the way Christ does. Most of my life I've been a far cry from being in that place, and slowly I feel Him moving me to a depth of feeling that I unaccustomed to...but most thankful for and it also gives me great purpose in my pain.

So, for those of you who are in a trial, or have been there in the past, I pray that this God-given perspective allows you a sense of hope. Those times of trial and pain are never something we ask for, but in those times I feel we are given the opportunity to grow more than when life is perfect. We are caused to stretch and grow and reach and strive more than we ever have had to in our lives, and what emerges on the other side, is well worth the trial. And when our strength is in Christ, we have nothing to fear, for in it we find a deeper sense of Christ.

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine, or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. " Romans 8:35

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed, perplexed but not in despair, persecuted but not abandoned, struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Cor 4: 8,9

Cling to this fact my friends, that you are not alone in your sufferings, and certainly, we should not despair because of who Christ is to us. We have such a future hope in Christ! Friends, we are not able to have this attitude on our own, it's by His strength that we can carry this string of pearls that gleam hope to all around our neck. It's by His hands we are held up strong, and upright. And then, when we conquer all that has been set before us, we give God glory by the way we conquer in His strength. You are not one who should despair my friends, because friends, you are conquerors in Christ Jesus. It is my deep desire and hope that any of you who read this, are able to catch a glimps of His love for you even in your trial, it's a temptation of mine to feel as though I am forsaken, forgotten and alone when I am in pain, but that is not the truth. He is there, holding, lifting and encouraging you any moment you ask..and even when you do not...remember this...He never lets go.