OVERTAKE ME!

Once again I am humbled. Just when I think I might be getting something, the Lord reveals to me my utter state of sin. I am not going to bash myself, for I know I am forgiven and in His grace, set free to start fresh, that is what I love so much about the faith we have in Christ.
But once I have realized the dirt, and I have asked Him to clean me, I realize how much farther I have to go.
"Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you." Romans 12:3b

Whenever I start to feel as though "I'm doing good here.." I usually am about to realize my state of need once more...God never wants us to feel as though we are rising above our sins on our own, because He knows we cannot do this, and then, we are being "pridefully righteous."
I don't want that to be said of me.
Something that you see as a string that connects all things of a "righteous man" is a purity in his heart. If you read through the scriptures, it truly seems to matter little if you "act" good, if your heart is not good, God will know and see right through to that sin.
Acting is acting. It's not real. If I am not pure in my heart, then I am only acting purity and in that case, I'm a fraud. I desire to be clean inside and out, and that my words could be heard, and my actions could be seen no matter who I was in front of. No secretes, no gossip, no stored up frustrations towards another..just simple purity of heart.
That feels so clean, so innocent, and so righteous. And that is what we are called to be.
Impossible? On our own it is. On my own it is. Never will I achieve that place of lovely existence by trying harder...or working at it. The only way it will be even remotely possible for me to see my life rest in such a place, is by a daily reliance, dependence and existence in, through and on Christ.
My every step. My every breath. My every thought. I pray..."Lord, overtake me."
What it all boils down to, is sincerity of desire..
"Love, must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal but keep your spiritual fervour, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need, practice hospitality." Romans 12:9-13
Now, some of those things, we can do in our strength it would seem, but we would become burned out with in a matter of weeks or even days. It's just too hard to try and draw from human wells, to water God's lands.
If we are going to do what we need to do, with a sincere, pure and true heart, motivated by the things that motivate God, then we need to draw from His wells to quench the thirst of those who are in need, and for our own thirst.
I realize today, I'm thirstier than I thought. And I'm less equipped that I had hoped...I may desire purity of heart, but I'm far from pure. Only when Christ covers me, and overtakes me completely can I do what I need to do, how I need to do it.
It's not complicated...it's actually quite simple. We are weak. We are not capable to doing anything in our own power that will have kingdom value. So, we ask the Lord to take over all of us...to seep into every crack and crevasse of our existence and fill us up. FULL.
Then, when trials come, when people need help, when the phone rings and or the children cry, you will, I will, have what we need to do what we know we are being called to do.
I think we will all feel the difference, and those we minister to will feel the difference...and at the end of our days, we will not feel like a crust of dry bread, we will feel like a full, fresh loaf of bread. So take these thoughts into consideration as you go about your days, and ask the Lord if you are as you should be, or if something needs to change. I am doing this, for I am acutely aware of the change that needs to happen if I am to go on living for Him as I claim I do. My heart must match the rest of me. Overtake me Lord.