Held Accountable

Today the Lord challenged me with something, and although I already knew I may be in the wrong, my heart was struck when I heard the challenge.
Although God is in control of all, (sovereign) and although I say I desire only to be a tool in His hands, I still have the ability to make poor choices. Those choices affect myself, and others, (usually family) and in doing so, I may be disobedient to the Lord. Going pridefully my own way, and saying with my actions that "I know better than God."
How I handle something can greatly change the outcome of many situations. And although God is ultimately in control of everything, I am still held accountable for my bad choices. He can and does use my sin at times to better me in the long run, but, I may have been able to avoid pain if I chose to obey in the first place.
The idea that God plans everything, (even pain) is challenging at best and the idea that even my painful (wrong) choices could be a part of His plan, I would rather keep myself so close to Him, that my chances of making a wrong choice get smaller and smaller. Or simply that I would recognize my sin earlier on. It's my pride that gets in the way and makes me feel that I perhaps, do not need to seek His council, or prayerfully consider that my opinion may be wrong! Heaven forbid that I be wrong! But in many cases, I am. I am learning this sooner and sooner thankfully, but none the less, the wrongness (is that a word?) still exists.
So as I faced that challenge laid before me this morning, that perhaps I do not know best, I had to lay aside my motherly pride, and admit, He is God, and I am not. I had earlier that morning prayed and asked for prayer specifically in the area of discerning pride before it takes root. Prayer answered. So now that I have my answer, now what do I do?
I can't pretend I didn't hear my answer, (although I considered that) I can't act as though His words were for someone else. (although I considered that as well) I have to face what answer I have received, knowing it was meant for me today...and act. The hearing, and the acting are two very different things. It's one thing to hear a rule, but quite another to obey it.
Through my processing, I pray someone out there learns from this, to make this whole thing I've been through worth it! I have had an emotional week wrestling with my desires, wondering if they are right or wrong, knowing however in the back of my mind, chances are, I was wrong. (because I usually am) But knowing, that because I serve a most faithful God, He would reveal to me quite plainly the way I ought to go.
Isn't that amazing that we serve a God who cares this much for us? To take the time to speak to us as individuals? But then, once we hear His voice, His words, and His direction, we DO need to act according to His plans for us. That is where I am held accountable. So, that is where the "choice" lies.
We all have choices, we make them everyday, and although some of them seem like meaningless things, everything, absolutely everything, comes back to His plan for us. Even the choice perhaps of what store you shop at, or what outfit you wear, because in one of those intimate details, the Lord may have something for you there...
So don't think for one moment that "this doesn't matter..." and that what you do..."doesn't matter." Because number one, God will use it...and number two, if it's happening, it's somehow a part of His plan. (either good or bad depending on what choice we made)
We are always held accountable. It would be easy to become complacent if we thought that no matter what, God's plan was God's plan, and were His puppets. We are not His puppets, we are His tools. There is a difference. Tools have purpose. Puppets do not.
So the next time you think..."no big deal...what I'm doing doesn't affect anyone..." Think again. We are held accountable. I am held accountable...and what I decide today, matters.
Choose wisely...and by wisely, I mean prayerfully! It matters.