Anxious

As I was on the phone with a nurse the other night, voicing some concerns I had regarding my health after my recent c-section delivery, she followed up my question with this statement that floored me.." Oh yes, I remember you, your a pretty anxious person..." I instantly responded.."I AM NOT AN ANXIOUS PERSON!" I'm not sure if she sensed my disgust for her analysis of me by my response, but I was disgusted. I couldn't believe that someone would label me an "anxious person." I AM NOT ANXIOUS I told myself...I am calm, I am peaceful, I trust in Jesus, therefore how could I be anxious?

Well, turns out friends, she may have been right. Let me tell you just how I came to that conclusion, and what I in turn intend to do about my discovery.

At the core of anxiousness in the wrong placement of trust...I believe that I acquired this anxious spirit over the past 9 months of my very difficult pregnancy, my walls were crashing in around me, life as I knew it ended, and my only hope was delivery of my baby. I constantly called the Dr. looking for solutions, digging for some medications, treatments, anything that would help me "feel more normal again.." Finally finding out that as I stated above, delivery of my baby was the only solution to my agony.

I've had these thought of what I would say in my blog of what I am learning from this experience for several days now, not really knowing exactly where God would have my heart go with this new realization of myself.

Today, as I sat down to read my Bible study, I found out instantly that this weeks lesson was written for me, (or so I feel) as my eyes fell across this statement.." The place you look for help, strength, and reassurance is a starting point for self-examination."

When I heard that comment made of me from the nurse, I began to instantly examine myself, "why she would say such a thing" at first baffled me, and I was very upset by it, but I realized, whenever I felt this anxious feeling creep in, I called the Dr. I look to medicine, I asked for human help, and then turned to God once I had exhausted all those resources.

Check 1.

Then, as I read on in my study, I found this statement that hit home as well.." Do you go to Him first when you feel anxious or threatened?"

(Ok God, I'm listening now..)

Check 2.

I realized that so much of my own desire to have my problem fixed immediately, made me run to human solutions, things I could see, things I could touch, that made me feel more comforted than perhaps, "sending up a prayer.." I know that God uses the medical people of our day, and the advances in medicine to help us in our times of health needs...I'm not saying that those things are not in fact often answers to our prayers...but they should not be our God.

I always felt like..."Oh, should I call AGAIN...they are probably so sick of my voice at that place..." But the Dr and nurses always reassured me that that is why they were there, but deep down, I can't help but think they must of felt annoyed by me at times, and my constant health questions, needs and fears.

Anxiousness is fear, wrapped up in a different package, and fear is a lack of trust in what God can do for me instead of what man can do for me.

Man has some medicines, some cures perhaps that can temporarily make me feel better, but God is the only one who can forever make me well...and forever make me whole again.

An anxious heart is not a heart who is relying, and depending upon God, and I repent of that!

Knowing full well, after a life lived knowing His truth, but not actually applying it, that He truly is the only one who can heal, mend, and make whole again.

I praise Him for the medical leaders He has raised up, but I should not praise the medical leaders before I praise Him. As I truly examine myself I see the places I need to change, and the place I need to turn to first is Jesus...

He also said, This is what the kingdom of God is like. A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how (Mark 4:26-27).
As Jesus draws the picture this farmer goes out to sow. It is hard work as he sows the field, but this is what he can do. But then he goes home and goes to bed. He does not sit up all night biting his fingernails, wondering if the seed fell in the right places or whether it will take root. Nor does he rise the next morning and go out and dig it up to see whether or not it has sprouted yet. He rests secure in the fact that God is at work, that He has a part in this process, and He must do it; no one can do it for Him. -Ray Stedman

I WILL NOT WORRY ABOUT WHAT I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER!!!