Thankful

It wasn't very long ago that I was walking down a cold lonely road that lead no-where good...the endpoint of where I was headed was simply to more loneliness and fear, and more of the stuff I was trying to run from in my own power. Things like, inability to move beyond fears, self-love/self loathing...and bad choices that resulted in guilt.

But one day in March of 2008 the Lord grabbed my heart, and I've never looked back...

As I continued on the road to faith I realized that with each passing day I was more and more aware of my sinfulness, and more and more aware of me deep deep need for Him.

Whats funny about laying down of self, is that the more you lay down, the more you realize you have to lay down! But with that does not come the guilt that I used to feel before I surrendered...

I mean, I am constantly grieved by my intense sinfulness, but I am able to confess and then release it to the Lord in a way that I never could of before I surrendered myself to Him.

The interesting thing about surrender is this..."salvation can only come as a result of righteousness, and righteousness can only be present after its demands are answered as sin in punished and wickedness is dealt with..." -a clip from my bible study.

These thoughts of mine come on the wings of reading about some of the intense judgments people faced in Isaiah chapter 34, there is nothing warm and fuzzy about what is said there in regards to what will happen to those who choose "self" over "Christ," and "my way" over "His way..."

Friends, at face value, I understand how this looks...and you ask? What kind of God, would be so terribly brutal to people He created... and the answer is this: If He is God, and He is Just, then He could not justly reward those who obey, if He did not justly punish those who did not. This information is hard to mince. This message is hard to fluff! But it's the message of the reality of who we are, with and without Christ. Who I am with Christ is this: redeemed. Saved. Joyful. Peaceful. Content.

Who I am without Christ is this: rebellious. Angry. Self righteous. Alone. Bitter. Cold. Dead.

I know ALL of those feelings very well because I spent a lot of time living in that place before I surrendered to Him.

Now, as I sit here today, I cannot tell you the extent of thankfulness that I have within me towards Him who rescued me from Hell. And not just hell beyond death, but the Hell I allowed myself to stay in here on earth all those years...the path of self-love is really the path of destruction, pain and death. I loved myself and my plans for myself so much and for so long, that when my blinders came off my eyes, I wanted to puke for days to rid myself of the disease that lived within me. I use intense verbiage because frankly friends...too often this message is fluffed and pruned so sound so pretty. But the message of death, is just that, death.

But wait...before you leave me, listen to this!!!! The message that took me up out of death, shines light into every nook and cranny of your lonely life. Picture a very dark room. Dust, cobwebs and dark loom in every inch of the room. All of sudden, a window curtain is riped off! The light SHINES in! Yes, the dust and dark is exposed by the light, but now, we see things as they really are, and we know where to start with the cleaning. So it is with Christ in our lives, once His light shines in, the confusion disappears, the allusions of joy disappear and we can see what we need to fix in order to make that fake joy, real. It of course does not happen over night, and a soul who's dark room has been exposed is constantly finding cobwebs they missed in the first round of cleaning...second...third...100th..

BUT THAT IS THE BEAUTY OF GRACE!!! We are constantly being redeemed, constantly changed, constantly renewed..day after day, renewed!

Who we are in His light, all on our own, of course is dead. But who we are once we have clothed ourselves with His brightness, holds life beyond belief. So, if you constantly find yourself getting hung up on the punishments that you know of in the Bible, know this, without a just God who punishes, you do not have a just God who saves. Just, is just, all across the board, and I want a God who is consistent...don't you? Let the whole rest of the world be wishy-washy, because when my stronghold is in a constant, never changing God, I can rest securely in that!!!! And so can you my friends. have you thought of these things I suggest to you today? If not, spend some time praying and asking the Holy God of Israel to speak to your heart. He will speak. So here I sit, knowing where I would be without Him, and shaking my head is pure amazement that He saved ME. So thankful.