My worst enemy

Is me. Or, at least my selfish ambitions. SOOOO much good can be done. So many people to that God puts in our path to encourage, help and lift up. However, when I do these things, who may I ask am I letting take the glory? Yes...this stings a bit doesn't it. I know. I realize now that much of what I do, is so that people pick up and say, "wow, that was really nice, OR, man, she's a great person..." and although it is not a bad thing to have people notice that you are doing nice things, but it's who gets the thanks and honor for doing these nice things. And if my answer is anything other than to point my fingers heavenward and say, "my creator..." then I am doing what I do, out of selfish ambition...and this defeats the purpose of all the goodness done. Man can even be prideful in the fact that they are selfless. Isn't' that amazing? We are rotten to the core, and it's only by the grace of God that we have any goodness in our lives as all. If you think for one second that man is "basically good..." think again. Think no further than perhaps, what was your first thought of this morning? Perhaps, what you get yourself at the store, or how you could manipulate your morning so that it would be the best for you....*raises hand* that's me anyways.

I'm always thinking about, me. Selfish ambition. Why do I do what I do? Am a resounding symbol or clanging gong? Am I ringing my bell in the market place as I drop my tithe into the bucket? Am I saying, "men, look at me, as I help this person, as I hold this door, as I lift this soul up?" do I do it so the eyses of the world to see? Or am I doing it privately, not letting my left hand know what my right hand is giving? Am I silently serving the homeless and needy? OR do I call up all my friends, or put on Facebook what I am doing that day, so that others may "happen to see" what I am up to. Selfish ambition. Oh how I loath my selfish ambition.

For in selfish ambition, there is a motive that serves self behind all that I do. There is a twinge of "what can I can get out of this" in all I say and do to help others. This is not the gift that honors my Father in heaven. And the reason He does not like it is not because He wants me to be a doormat, or that He wants me to be unthanked and miserable, no, quite the contrary, what He wants is to further the Kingdom the most, and the way He does this, is by having a soul who is desiring to bring the most glory to the Father, with the least selfish ambition that puffs up and makes prideful the do-er. I do not want to be a prideful servant. (oxymoron?) I am to be like Christ, how do I do this? IN HIS STRENGTH. How do I immitate the one I was created to serve? I watch Him I read of His ways, I breath is ways in and then back out again, I remain in Him at all times, and I strive to make my every move look like His. The only way I will know what His moves look like, is by studying Him. And to study Him is the greatest way to honor someone. When you "obsessed" with someone, and you want to be "just like" them, what do you do? You dress like them, talk like them, eat what they eat, and walk how they walk. Yes. You desire to become them...and in doing these things, you emualte the person they are. This is not some hollywood obsession, or some disturbing description, this is a life of a Christ-follower. I love my Lord so much I want to be just like Him. And in doing so, I pray my selfish ambition get smaller, and my appearance becomes more like the Father...and all who walk in this way, will be more like Christ when their hearts are right, their motives are pure, and the glory is rightly placed.

Either way, let selfish ambition have no part in me O Lord, that I can be the servent you want me to be, the do what I ought to do to bring you the most glory, to serve you in the best way, and the further the kingdom, not for my benefit, (for I know you will give me peace beyond measure and blessings in the form of joy and contentment) that will last much much longer than the raise of an eyebrow or a pat on the back from man. I want to want, what you want. I want to do, what you want me to do, ALL FOR YOUR GLORY...and nothing else. My reward is heaven. My joy is knowing that I am the child that pleases her Father...and my gift is that I am sealed, and yours. Amen

Words To Live By

The Christian life can be hard...can I get an amen? BUT: The truths we NEED to have to live a life that is peaceful, joyful, fulfilling and God-glorifying is all written down for us...thank you Lord... And, in case any of you readers do not have the time to sit and look up each individual verse that will give you hope for your day, can I do it for you? It will be my gift to you, no work involved on your part my friends, just read on, let HIS scripture wash over you, encourage you and give you fuel for your day.... If a message of how to stay strong cloaked in love and grace from the Father, read on.

We first understand that we are sinners...(not so warm and fuzzy but vital for our faith) and so, once we have accepted this, we can read His word with and understanding that He gave everything (His life) for us, (sinners) because of His love for us, we are free. (that's my disclaimer)

But the scripture declares that the whole world is a prisoner of sin...so that what was promised, being given through faith in Jesus Christ, might be given to those who believe...Galatians 3:22

Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of His son into our hearts (wow) the Spirit who calls out, "Abba! Father!" So you are no longer a slave to sin, but a SON! and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir. (WOW) Galatians 4:6,7

But, now that you know God,- or rather are KNOWN BY GOD-how is that you are turning back to those weak and miserable principles? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again? ( a call to watch our step, and stay strong for Him!) Galatians 4:9

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free! Stand FIRM! Then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

But by faith we eagerly await through the Spirit the righteousness for which we hope, For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision (going through the motions) or uncircumcision (not going through the motions) has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through LOVE! YOU were running a good race, WHO cut in and kept you from obeying the truth? (a reminder from Paul that this life is a race, and the enemy longs to step in and distract us enough to take our eyes off of Christ, so we miss out on the goodness of life with Him)

Galatians 5: 5-7

So I say, live by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. (not because we are rules based but because we have found that this way of life is the most fulfilling, brings us the most hope for each day, peace and a heart overflowing with joy!) For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. (because what we want, is not what is best for us) BUT if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.

Galatians 5:16-17a

But the FRUIT (goodness) of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. Against such things there is no law. (Don't we all want to have people in our lives with these gifts??) Those who belong to Christ Jesus have CRUCIFIED the sinful nature, with it passions, and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

- Galatians 5:22-26

Do not be deceived. God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature from that nature will reap destruction. (no-one is exempt) the one who sows to please the Spirit will reap ETERNAL LIFE. Let us not become weary of doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:7-9

May I never boast except in the cross of our LORD Jesus Christ... Galatians 6:14

The truth is, that once we understand that Christ died for the ungodly....and without Him we walk through the shadow of death alone, and in HIM there is life everlasting because of His FREE gift of salvation, if only we accept that we are NOT our own gods, and we live for something bigger than ourselves, we will have all that God can bless us with and more. The peace that comes with freedom in Christ is greater than any earthly treasure we could ever hope to have. I am not saying this as though I've got it all figured out, and I am the most imperfect of all people. I know this. I know without Christ with me for even a second I can fall on my face, and commit the worst sin of my life. I am so imperfect, but by the grace of God, I get to live this life full of His goodness, richness in hope, joy and peace...and I get to live with the knowledge and understanding that when He returns, I'm going with Him. I don't really think that I can fully wrap my mind around what this really means, but let me tell you friends is not a matter of preference, its a matter of life and death. His goodness overwhelms me, His life delights me, and His joy encamps around my soul....my existence is one of worth only because of Him, and my lips will forever move to bring glory to His name (not because I am any good, but because His goodness lives inside me) Thank you Lord...and friends, I pray these verses encourage, challenge and inspire you to see yourselves as you really are, bought with a price, a gift beyond words, and our lives can be an offering to Him.

"Ancient words, ever true. Changing me, and changing you, we have come, with open hearts, so let the ancient words impart..."

Dear God, I'm really tired....

Have you ever started a prayer out this way? I feel as though I do a lot. I just keep getting these reminders that He cares about everything, that He is apart of everything, and that everything, everything, has deeper reasons behind why they go on. It may not seem to be this way at the time, the fact that you crashed your car, stubbed your toe and pinched your finger may just seem like terrible things that happen to you throughout your day, but in the end, to look for God in these things is a good think. I'm not saying that we are going to love the fact that these things happen, or that we are to always think so hard as to exhaust ourselves in our normal daily activities, but nothing seems to happen just "because." God uses all things, for the good of those who love Him.

" The Lord is righteous in all His ways and loving towards all he has made." Psalm 145:17

God is perfect. This world is not. We are not, our lives are not...the things that happen to us on a day to day basis are not. But God can use not perfect things, to perfect us. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes, it does not make sense, but when we rely on Him to reveal His ways to us, to focus on what we might learn from our difficult circumstances, we go deeper than we had been before the accident, trial, or complication came into our life. It's kinda scary sometimes, and many times, I decide I'm NOT going to look deeper or dig into the difficult circumstance so that I can avoid having to learn something else. Because honestly, I get tired!!! But the deal is friends, God knows this, He knows me and all my weakness, AND He knows what I can handle, and how much of it I can handle, and He promises to never give me MORE than I can handle. SO let me get this strait for myself,: I trust God. I know He is my everything, that He is in everything that goes on in my life, that He can use all things that go on in my life for His good purposes, and His good purposes are the best for me in my life. In other words, He's got this, I'm held, and He is going to help me through whatever it is that I feel is complicating my life. And through that process, He's going to make me look more like Him, experience Him in a deeper way, and show me new ways that I can experience this life, with His grace that is all sufficient for me, in a much better, much deeper way. Yeah, I guess I do want that. I just sometimes don't like the means by which this deepening takes place, but I've learned to run to Him more quickly, and give up my control almost instantly, because in the end, I'm better off being submissive to the Father who has my best at heart. He's one I can trust, in fact, He's the only ONE that I can trust, and if I trust Him this fully, don't you think that what He brings into my life is going to be the best for me? And if I learn from that best, (regardless of how challenging it appears) that I am going to be a more peaceful, happier, joyful, life-filled person in the end? He looks at me as His child, He loves me and wants all the best for me, but He also sees my flaws, and longs to lovingly extract them because He knows if this extraction takes place, I will have more peace in my life. And more peace= less tired. And isn't my exhaustion the whole reason I came to Him in the first place? He cares about everything. Everything. I feel safe in that. Do you?

Everything that is lovely...

Get your mind out of the gutter! Did your parents ever say that to you? I'm sure we've all spent some time in the gutter, and it's not a very nice to place to be quite frankly. The gutter has many different names....many different descriptions. It seems like every few days, (or hours) I need to remind myself that the gutter is a place that man goes naturally, and that man cannot climb out of on his or her own. It's a place none of us like to be, (especially once were out) but it's a place we all gravitate towards. It's like this: you don't like to gossip...but...someone just mentioned this person you really don't like, and now they are spilling the dirt on them that just tickles your ears, and down to the gutter you go as you drag their name down in your conversation. (been there) Or, your mad at your spouse, your kids, your dog, you whatever, and rather than taking the few minutes to breath and ask the Lord for assistance (that's what He's waiting for you know) we plunge forward into our display of anger and rage, after all, it was justified right? Gutter time.

Oh the way of man, it is so different from the things that God intends for us. It's so opposite of what we were first created for. We were born to be, apart of something holy. Have you ever heard those lyrics in a popular christian song out right now? It's true. We were. And when we go down to the depths of all the gutters that are out there, we pass up on an opportunity to be apart of something holy. When we give into temptation to rage, lie, lust or covet, we miss out on our wonderful chance to see God's strength play out in our weakness. We miss out on the opportunity to see Him work in all His strength, might and glory. I for one, want to see more of this in my own life, not because I feel that I deserve it, (for I don't) but because I know God has chosen me as His daughter, and part of being a daughter of a King (or son) is that you get to see the stuff that other people on the outside don't get to see your dad do. Things that He reserves for the ones who live with Him. It's a gift...a priceless gift to be able to enjoy His talents. His talents are priceless and there is no cap on how great He can be.

He has the strength to help you every single time you need it. Every single time that gutter calls your name, you merely have to rely on His strength, and watch my friends, as you walk past the gutter you used to slide into without even meaning too. (or meaning to ) But regardless...it's His strength, His provision and His might that will keep you from retracing your old steps, back into the depths of dark places that do not glorify Him. We were made to be apart of His holy plan, and in His holy plan, there is no room for gutter talk, gutter thoughts, and gutter ways. Those are the things of our pasts that we need to leave behind us. Not that we don't still trip and fall into one once and a while, not that we don't still willingly sin, but the amount of what we do this is challenged constantly by our knowledge of Him, and the understanding that we were made to think on more lovely things now! ( for we are saved by grace)

So think on these lovely things my friends, the fruits of the spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness Gentleness, Self Control. Ray Stedman said it like this: "basically the fruits of the spirit are summed up in CHRIST LIKENESS..." I love that. Christ likeness is the likeness that I want to be seen when other look at me.

Whenever I am tempted to do something half-way, (because lets face it, no-one is watching) or to say the thing that I know is evil, or think the thoughts that I know are not pleasing...I say this to myself..."be Holy, for HE is Holy...be perfect, for HE is perfect." There is no other standard by that which I need to be concerned of. For the standard of Christ is the highest and most perfect you will find. And also, reaps the best rewards and benefits. The rewards are this: an upright countenance, never a thought to second guess yourself (did I do this wrong?) a clear conscience and an understanding that you gave everything your possible best, for His glory alone.

What I say may sound like a lot of work. Let me just say, I do none of this in my own strength, no one can. And if we try, we are will end our days exhausted, tired, and feeling as though we failed. WE DO NOT DO THIS IN OUR OWN STRENGTH. It is the power of Christ that holds us, moves us and propels us past our gutters, through our trials, up the mountains and through the oceans of our lives. This once again friends, has very little to do with us, and everything, absolutely everything to do WITH CHRIST. (no lie) and I for one, am so very thankful I have the knowledge that leads to hope, freedom and peace. *you can have it too...anyone can.* Tap into the only source that sustains us. Christ. Jesus Christ. Oh how I love you Lord.

Man of Sorrows

What a name...who would ask for sorrow? Who would want pain? No one willingly signs up for these things, and yet when these things come into our lives, we have choices to make. How will we respond, and what will we do? Will we scream at the night sky and yell at whomever we think is causing this pain? Will we question, beg and cry? Will we finally come to terms that God is God and we are not? And in our meekness as we humbly say the words that "we are not in control" will God then fill us with peace during our pain? In many cases, as believers struggle through their pain, trial and suffering, this is exactly what happens. To be poor in spirit? Who would want this? But why does God tell us in Matthew in the be-attitudes that we are "blessed" if we are poor in spirit?

"Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in ever way; in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distress, in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger, in purity, understanding, patience and kindness, in the Holy Spirit, and in sincere love of God, with weapons of rigorousness in the right hand and in the left, through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report, genuine yet disregarded as imposter's, known yet regarded as unknown, dying and yet we LIVE ON. Beaten and yet NOT KILLED sorrowful yet ALWAYS REJOICING. Poor, yet making many rich, having nothing...and YET, POSSESSING EVERYTHING." - 2 Corinthians 6: 4-10

Wow right? This passage amazes me not because I am anywhere near this, but because this standard is achievable through Christ Jesus our Lord. "
"Be perfect for I am perfect " Christ said. This phrase kept running through my mind when I was being tempted to rage in my trial this past weekend (and week.) I was attacked by a plague similar to Egypt in many ways and as each force of nature hit my family one after another, one had to stop and think..."God what are you doing here?" and "Why is this happening? What does God want me to see that I am missing or have been missing" Let me say my friends, my eyes have been opened. My heart is no-longer looking the other way at my disfunction. Just as Pharaoh missed his opportunity to please the Lord and live a life filled with all of God's goodness because his heart was hard, this too could have been said of me. Cleanse...this is what the Lord has said to me. Rid yourself of the clutter that eats your life, and steals your joy, stresses you out and puts unnecessary burden on your and your family. Live free in ME alone. De-clutter your head, your heart, your home and your life. Then you will be able see what you have and be thankful for it. Truly thankful.

So man of sorrow? What a name...but it's a name that speaks joy in the end. It's a name that possess the joy of Christ when you have seen your sorrow through and learned all that you need to learn from the sorrow. Be perfect for I am perfect. I realize that we cannot be perfect. But in the face of trial, it's common and natural as a believer to say, "GOD! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?" And His answer is..."everything." because as we posses everything that this world has to offer, we are poor in Christ. But when we are rich in Christ and poor in the world, this my friends is when we have it all. I'm not saying it wrong to own nice things, or enjoy the blessings that God gives you here, but to have the stuff be your purpose, and the things that clutter your home be the items of joy, then this is where we go wrong.

As the plagues crashed down on my life, with each one I realized the next level of purge that needed to take place. Get rid of the junk.

What is crazy is that rules give you freedom. Sounds opposite I know, but it's true. If you have lines in place, your know where you can go. If you have no lines, no rules, no budgets, no guidelines, then how will you know where you shouldn't go? And isn't it stressful to be lost? That was my problem. I was on the road that didn't know, to place I was unsure of, in a car I didn't recognize and I expected to be at peace with my adventure. Well, no peace could be found there in this place.

SO today, as I sit, knowing I did what God wanted me to do, and although I did not respond as I should have for a very long time, I feel I am where God wants me to be now...and it feels so much better than where I was even 5 days ago.

A wise pastor said that if we can say, "Thank you Lord" in the face of all of our trials, it would be a good thing. For if everything comes from Him, then when we are experiencing must be His best. (even when it doesn't look like it, or feel like it) BLESSINGS CAN COME IN RAINDROPS. So as the rain comes down, and the dark sky's rage...know that His best can lie in those clouds. And peace can reside in the storm, strength comes from being weak in ourselves, and peace comes from laying it ALL down. So I say, Thank you Lord. (and I do mean it).

I know it's YOUR will, I know it's YOUR will, I know it's YOUR will.....

Have you ever had to repeat something over and over and over again to yourself, just to try and make yourself believe it. Name it, claim it, isn't that what they say? Well what about when what your supposed to claim is not what you want? What about when the "your will O Lord, not mine.." is not just different from what you wanted, but opposite? That's when it gets hard. That's when the rubber meets the road. And then, there is the aspect of when someone ELSE gets what you thought was meant for you. (or what you are thinking you should have) That's when it gets really hard.

When "so and so" gets cured from their disease, but you don't, or your mom doesn't or your grandma doesn't. That's when it's hard.

Or when it feels like someone else who "doesn't deserve" that thing, gets it. And you who have worked so very hard, are left empty handed. That also, is when it's hard.

These scenarios I speak of, are really what this life is all about. What I mentioned above, sums up a lot of what makes us unhappy in life. We feel slighted. We feel as though we deserve more....and our hearts are breaking over it. And it's actually very likely what we are desiring, is good stuff! You know like, a better job, a baby, a better living situation...the list goes on...

Sometimes, God simply says something we are not interested in hearing. And I for one, know that if I tell God I am not interested in hearing what He has to say, that I am shirking the one source of hope I really truly have. IF I, reject what God says, attempt to achieve my desired result with human ambition, in human strength, by human means, I will only fall short of something that does not even come close to what God may have had in store for me. Just because what we are getting, looks different than what we thought we wanted, it does not mean that we are not getting the best. We are. We are getting His best, which for outweighs our best. (by a long shot.)

The problem is, that in the midst of the trial, the storm and the distress, we often forget that God can see what we cannot. I constantly remind myself of this truth...God sees the whole picture. He does. And I cannot. So as much as my would cries, longs and yurns for what it thinks it needs, I have to faithfully put myself back into the loving arms of the Father, knowing, that He knows best, and His WILL for me, is best. If I let my own will come out stronger and be louder, then I will end up being discontent, and angry. If I slam my fist down, and cry as the person who has what I want walks on by, then I only force myself into my own misery. God has given me freedom. God has made a way for me to have joy. And it's in His will. IN His plan. In His peace. In those things alone will I find my peace, joy and contentment. I do believe this. I've seen it be this way before, and the number one thing a person can do to help themselves to see God's faithfulness, is to look back into their past and see where He has been faithful before. He will not let go, He will not leave me stranded. And He will not leave me empty. Ever. Do you believe that? I may not always like what is going on in my life, but I do know, the thought of doing it without Christ's ever present help, peace and strength to ride on, I would be down on the ground, face down in the dirt. My worst day with Christ, would still be better than my best day alone. And if I believe what I just said, that I do believe that His will for me is best. So I say...Not my will Lord, but yours. *sigh*

Dear God, This is kinda hard...

So if you were to read a proverb every day for a month, today would land you on Proverbs 31. And of course, if you know anything about Proverbs 31, it's all about the "perfect woman." Lovely I thought, as I read this today. I already know I'm no where near as good as this woman is in the Bible (whoever she is) but it happens to land a day when this mommy in particular is worn out, tired of the constantness (is that a word?) of "needs" that need to be met, and demands that are demanding to be filled. Yes, I was whining. Yes, I was not going to do this with a smile on my face because lets face it...even my smile is tired.

"Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She bring him good not harm, ALL THE DAYS of her life." vs 11

Check 1. All the days? shucks. missed that memo.

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, she can laugh at the days to come..." vs 25

Check 2. Now this one, I want. I spent most of my morning being bent over in fears that "maybe, might possibly, could by chance, probably never going to be but I'm still going to worry about it because that's what mom's do." "laugh at the days to come?" Yes. I want that.

Check 3. "Her children arise and call her blessed..." Oh man. I want that one real bad. But, today might not be the day to ask them to get outside of themselves enough to call ME blessed. I don't think I'd call me blessed if I had been with me the way I had been this day.

So today, as I was loading my troop up into the car, to go run all of our errands, (that I never get to run by myself anymore I mumble to myself) (whats it like to do this alone without 3 people hanging on you and sucking on you, I grumble) I say this to the Lord in the most honest way I can muster up on my (not so) Proverbs 31 woman day: "LORD." (i say this loudly) " THIS IS REALLY HARD." "I know you gave me these kids to bless me, and I know that I do really love them, HOWEVER...I just have to say...THIS IS REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY (really) HARD sometimes. To constantly attempt to keep my cool when crying, screaming, and demanding are so constant. When all I want to do is go back to my former self for ONE DAY and go to the salon, go the beach, drink a MT DEW (and not worry if it's going to show up on my butt in the morning) go for a boat ride with my friends, and go to sleep, AND SLEEP ALL NIGHT." *and then I start to cry* and I say, "But....I know you gave me these children to bless me. I know you love me. And I love you, and I love them. But God...(whispers with tears) This is really hard sometimes. Will you help me? Will you give me strength? Will you fill me? Will you remind me that you are going to take care of me even when things are really really hard?" *silence* and then, I felt the knot in my throat melt, and the tears began to cease...a sense of renewed strength came over me. So...I climbed in the car, turned around and looked at my children and say, "OK...ready to go to the dollar store now? Cuz I am." And from the back I hear my son say, "It's OK mom, I forgive you."

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; But a WOMAN WHO FEARS THE LORD, is to be praised." vs 30

I think we are all proverbs 31 women when we know who it is that holds us together.

Thank you Jesus for holding me together, thank you Abba Father for craddleing me in your arms of LOVE when my world is swirling around me. Thank you Holy Spirit for leading me, and directing me in the way I should go. This woman, is nothing without you. Amen.

*God tells us to come to him like children. Although my behavior felt odd for a grown woman, it's okay to tell God when were upset. We are His children, and He wants us to share it all with Him: The good, the bad and the ugly.