I was going to title this blog 'wholeheartedly' but then, I realized that only touched on a piece of what I wanted to convey here in this blog post. The Lord has been gracious to me in revealing a huge area of sin in my life. And it is called, half-hearted parenting. Anyone know this?
I know it ALL to well. Unfortunately. It means, I have not been giving my children, and ultimately my GOD, my very best.
It means I take MY selfish stresses out on my kids in a loud voice, it means they suffer when MY time (that I actually signed up to give away when I gave birth to them...) is threatened.
You know it went a little something like this: " What do you mean you not tired????!!! You HAVE to nap! Mommy. NEEDS. A Break.
Can anyone see a better way to handle that?
I can. Now....
How about this, maybe this would be better. Mommy senses she is getting tired. Drops to her knees, and asks Jesus to strengthen her for the remainder of the day, she asks the Lord to help her....and she takes each breath in Him until she feels re-energized. SO then if nap time isn't going to be a reality that day, this mommy now has her attitude boosted by the ultimate source of energy.
I have had a bit of a para-dime shift in my thinking....you see I never realized, or actaully, I never took the time to focus on what God really wanted me to do with my children. One key word has rung through the silence....and the word is TRAIN.
I began reading the book, "The 5 Love Languages of Children" and for those of you who know me well, know that this a really big deal. I don't read any book other than God's word, because I always sited that, " I have no time for any other book..." Turns out, I need to make time. The Lord has taught me so much through this book, and I have realized I have barely scratched the surface in what it means to truly know my child, MINISTER to my child, and encourage my child in the ways of the Lord. (train) And therefore, I have aquirred some real tools on how to be a better Mommy to my precious gifts. Turns out, that just like me, (go figure) my children, have a primary love language...and when that primary love language is not being met, they begin to act out. But in my ignorance, I just thought they were being naughty for no real reason. But the book states to me that my children act out when they feel unloved, in hope of attaining some sort of affection, attention or otherwise from me. I was very struck by this. I sat on the floor and balled my eyes out because I realized all of my failures. Once having accepted that in many ways I had royally screwed up, I called my dear friend who encouraged me, and together we moved on. She encouraged me not to stay there, but rather to thank the Lord that He took the time to stop me dead in my tracks and cared enough about me to show me a better way. Parenting through His supply...taking it to the next level. Giving my children the love they needed. My love should not be based on how I feel, it is not conditional. It is not situational. It's not based on how well the perform, or listen, or obey. It is based on the true and simple fact that Christ loves me this way, and He is my example. I can, and I will love my children because they are His children. As I have begun to put this into practice, to put my role in my home, my MINISTRY in my home ahead of outside ministries, I have SEEN the change in a HUGE way. Are my children perfect? Of course not. But they are responding. They are noticing the change in me, and they are clearly doing much better. I want a thriving family. A family that is well cared for. Not one that is just barely scraping by because lets face it, Mommy is to tired to read books to you tonight. (not that we don't all have our bad days or nights once and a while.) But all in all, Mommy is being powered by Christ, and I have confirmation after confirmation that He is pleased with my new found change of doing things.
He keeps lining things up for me, and most days, I feel stacked. I mean, (well supplied) with everything that I need. I realized that I was heading down a path of destruction. Not just for myself but also for my children. Their well being and ability to thrive was being scwelched in a major way by my choosing my own comfort over theirs.
It's not that I neglected them...but I clearly was not giving them the best. I was not considering them a ministry. They were merely apart of what I did. You know, you can wash the floors in your kitchen, OR you can turn on the music you little floor washing machine, get down and get dirty, washing those floors with all your heart soul and mind, singing praise music to Jesus the entire time. See the difference? Jesus sees the difference...and now, so do I.
(as do my children)
My children, home life and husband have benefited from this change that God has brought about in my life...and although there are days where I feel as though I do nothing for myself, I see where HE meets my needs instead of me striving, and pushing and yelling my way into getting some down time. Jesus has changed me, and met me where I was at my weakest...and then He showed me a better way.
There are seasons to all things. There may be another time in my life where He tells me it's OK for me to branch out and do more outside of the home ministry opportunities again, but right now I am incredibly thankful that He took the time to take me off the rat race wheel of busy-ness that was causing me to become this person I hated. (at home) He saw that when I had filled my plate so full, I began to crack, and the people whom He chose for me to minister to first were suffering.
I know life is an ongoing journey of becoming more and more like the person He wants me to be. And this is just another stepping stone in that process. I am so thankful. I serve a God who seriously takes my sanctification seriously. How could He be any more personal?
I mean this not to be a message of how any mom should be like me, for His plans for you are different than His plans for me, but I thought perhaps my message of redemption, and His promise to" restore the years the locust had eaten" would encourage some of you as well. It's never to late for Him to turn us around, and slow us down, and show us a different way. I love this about the God we serve. Every day is an adventure...my joy is back, my peace is abounding, and yes, I feel blessed.
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