Emotion ( scum)

For a long time I have realized that emotions can get the best of us as humans. Especially when we remove ourselves from how God would like us to behave, respond, and react. I am great at "saying" I will act and respond one way (HIS way) ahead of time, but then in the end, I let my flesh have full vent. This my friends is not good.
Matthew 12:7 talks about how "He desires mercy NOT sacrifice." For a long time I was so confused by this verse but as the Holy Spirit has been teaching me, (through real life examples) that it's not about just going through the motions with a fake smile on your face. It's about living it, and living it out real. Heart emotions, and motives in line with HIS. Ouch, and hard to do when you are responding in the flesh. It is clear that there is no evil in God. He is perfect. Holy and righteous. I on the other hand when left to my own demise, am the scum of the earth. Actually, in my flesh I'm lower than the scum, I'm the bottom feeder fish that eats the scum. Or maybe I the parasite that eats off of the fish that eats the scum, but regardless, I'm in bad shape when I am left on my own. And God knows it.
He did make me, and yes, I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I realize this. But the yuck that resonates in the hearts of the person left to live in their own fleshly state, yucky.
So I feel humbled. I feel humbled because I took a good look at how I am capable of responding when I respond on my accord, rather than tapping into the Lord's unlimited resources. I respond poorly every time when I respond in my own strength.
I doesn't matter any of the details but I am hear to testify to you my friends that when we respond in our own strength, and respond in a situation based on human emotion, it is a recipe for disaster. It's a recipe that blows up in the oven and tastes like death once it's served. It's a recipe that will never ever turn out. Ever.
Many people have tried to bake the cake called "Human based responses" because we start to think we are strong in our faith and "we've got this." (Wrong. It will be wrong every time mind you.) Does not matter how many cooking classes you've had, or how long you've been cooking. Everyone can fail at this recipe if they do in their own wisdom and strength.
"Out of the overflow of heart the mouth speaks."  Matthew 12:34

I've also heard that "when your squeezed by difficult circumstances, you see what comes out."
When real life situations press in on you, and your forced to take a little heat, what comes out in these difficult times is really what's inside of you. I've seen and witnessed certain people whom I admire that were squeezed, and out came patience, joy and peace.
Unfortunately when my little life example tube of toothpaste is squeezed, out squeezed a response of the flesh. It tasted like death and smelled even worse.
I don't want to self-ridicule myself, but I do say these things in honesty because I want whomever reads this to realize, we all have stuff we have to work on.
About the time we start to think we are figuring things out, that is the time we usually get  a situation of "squeezing.." AND we see what's really inside of us.
Now God is not in the business of letting us live with yucky stuff inside. He wants us to be pure and blameless because when I am pure and blameless, I am usable.
I want to be usable.
"He raised you up for such a time as this..." -book of Ester

I want Him to use me because if I am not being used by GOD I feel so empty. If I am living simply on my accord, for my plans, my will and my ways, I will fall almost instantly, not to mention I feel like a used paper towel. (gross) :)

I have had an area of my life lately where I have sensed the Lord saying, "this is not good." And of course, He tested me in that area. I did unfortunately fail the test miserably. BUT THANKS BE TO GOD FOR HIS GRACE. AND for His mercy that is new every morning.
And so far as the east is from the west so far have my transgressions been removed.
So I can still arise with the Lord and face His word, and take on whatever lessons He has for me in this new day.
I know it is by grace that I have been saved, not through works so that no one can boast. BUT I am finding myself even more aware that every step I take has to be kept in step with the Spirit because even if I run ahead two feet, I am in trouble. I will come across things in my path that make me stumble, but when I am fully clothed in His ability, I will not falter AS OFTEN as when I decide I will "go it alone this time."

I did sense the attitude of "I'm good, I've got this," that had begun to come over me, and that alone should have been a bright red flag. The attitude of "self sufficiency" has no place at the foot of the cross.
I am most usable when I am empty. Why? Because then He can fill me to the BRIM with usable stuff. The stuff that HE loves. Patience, kindness, goodness, self control, selflessness. That sort of stuff. That kind of good fruit. The fruit that is keeping with repentance. (Matthew 3:8)
The kind of stuff that James 3 talks about. The LACK of selfish ambition. For where you have selfish ambition you have all kinds of evil. (James 3:16)
Selfish ambition is just that. It makes me do all kinds of selfish things I really would never do if I only stayed close to Jesus.
You can not bring selfish ambition to the table when you intend to have a good witness.
Freshwater and salt water CANNOT pour from the same spring. It's just impossible..
"It is by grace I have been saved."
Thanking God for grace today. And walking forward into Monday a little more empty of myself, and of course, humbled.
" Above all else, guard you heart for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23

When I forget to guard my heart, I extend an invitation for the yuck of the flesh to walk in and start taking over. Selfishness pulls up a chair, and self ambition unpacks her bags.
I do not want those things taking root in my heart. No. Never.
Jesus's home is my heart. His responses, His emotions, His ways are the only ways I want to have a place in My heart.
Thanks be to God for HIS grace.
"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me."
He saved me from the grave, put an adornment of grace on my head, He took me by the hand and led me to a place, a rock that is higher than I. He set my feet upon the rock. Only there can I stand. Only IN HIM can I live.
Thank you Jesus for your grace and mercy that are NEW every day.