Holding It Together

I can do it, I can do it, I can make this stay together. I'll try harder I'll work longer hours and I will make this work. Strive.
That is the attitude of a heart that is trusting in their own ability to make things happen. It's really just the disguise of a " works based" mentality. And it's exhausting. I used to live in that mindset. One little verse rocks my world every time I read it:

" He is before all things and in him all things hold together." -Colossians 1:17

He alone causes the waves to roar, the sun to shine and my day to begin. He decides what goes on in my life. He is God over EVERYTHING. There are days I love this truth and I feel His presence all over my day. And then other days, as I pick up my Do It Myself attitude, and my peace runs out the backdoor, its harder to feel held. God is my ever present help in times of need, Psalm 46 tells me that. But what about the times I sort of don't want His help? Those are yucky days for me. The days I start building my own empire and making my own plans, (apart from Him)... Yes, those days are ones I strongly wish ( pray) to avoid. Unfortunately, many times my flesh takes over and I do go my own way.
What I love about my Lord is that He's never going to let me go completely. He may allow me to wander in my own little desert for a while, as I chose it, but He is waiting for me to recognize my need for Him. It's hard because some days as I take off running in the wrong direction and I glance over my shoulders, there I see Him. He looks at me as if to say, " Daughter, what are you doing? The path your on leads no-where good! Turn around!" Some days I do, and other days I persist in my rebellious ways. In both cases however, whether I turn around early or hesitate, Jesus is there waiting with open arms for me to fall into. As I feel His strength, feeling my hope and joy restored as I rest in His embrace I confess my rebellious attitude and feel His beautiful forgiveness wash over me. Jesus my beginning and my end, who holds the whole world in His hands and spins my days into motion. He gives me works to do that fills me with purpose, and He blesses me with glimpses of Himself and His hands in my life everyday. I'm a self proclaimed Do It Myselfer, but it's off to rehab for me. I denounce my self sufficient ways and lay them at His feet.