The other day I found myself (hypothetically) sitting on what felt like a cold dirt floor of rejection and disappointment, wondering what God was planning on doing with my life. And wishing that whatever it was that He had up His sleeve for me would hurry up and get into motion. I wanted to get on with it, whatever it was.
"stay here" I felt Him sing over me.
Stay HERE? I thought?
We've all been there, wishing for something "better." Wanting something to be over.
God's timing is GOD'S timing. And no being on the face of the planet can rush that, whether through trial or through joy. Yes, I could get up and walk out of the life God beautifully painted for me, and leave the shelter of His protection and go out on my own, but that is not my desire either, and I know it.
I'm sure we have all heard every saying in the book in regards to waiting for God's timing, so I will spare you those. Let's just focus on where we are, and that it's OK to not know why you are where you are and just trust God.
Patient endurance comes to mind. Long suffering. Trusting when your not in the valley of vision. When you are in this place, it requires that you look, NO, stare...at ONE thing, one person rather, and that is Jesus.
If you take your eyes off of Him, the trial becomes all you can see.
Yesterday as I sat in church The Lord grabbed a hold of my heart, and encouraged me to look at the things I feared most...and I felt as though He asked me to contemplate, "what is the worst that could happen?" Well, what is the worst?
Most people would say "death". But quite honestly, is that the worst? Because death just leads me to my life with Jesus in eternity. "watching someone you love suffer... or suffering yourself.." Yes, but Jesus is long suffering, and suffering only draws you closer to the one you love. Ok what then? What do you fear? Not receiving what you wanted in life? I countered with, God takes care of my desire as long as I stay close to Him, my peace remains...
SO what then? What can the enemy do? If you kill me I get what I ultimately want, to be with Jesus, if you make me see suffering, I will only plunge to deeper depths of love and trust with Jesus. This is not just for me though friends, any believer has this promise and in this place, fear loses it's power over you!
And so with peace and confidence in the One who set me free, I can pray..
"Our Father in Heaven, Hallowed be thy name, your Kingdom come, Your WILL be done."
Matthew 6:9,10
This thought process takes an attitude that says, "I will remain." I will be here until God moves me forward. It's an attitude that surrenders the idea of being in control or driving the ship. It's an attitude that moment by moment commits it's way to Him.
So day by day, this is what I do.
It's not that I am not thankful for today, for I am. I think every person out there has to fight the urge to place their joy or hope in "the next thing." Where Jesus does call us to be hopeful in expectation of His return, and I am, but earthly desire steps in and begs me to try to find my hope in the next best thing. That is not where Jesus wants my hope to come from. My hope is, in you Lord.
SO yes Lord, HERE is where I will stay. Until you move me. Here is where I will be. Amen.
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