None of us like to hear the word no. Especially from the one in charge. Because, the one in charge has the final say, and we know that, that is the word that goes. So then we have to figure out what we're going to do with that "No."
My first response when He said no, was of course, tears. Lots of them. Then I grieved heavily for a long time. Then I got mad. Then I began to accept the no on many different levels, but continued to take the "no acceptance" back time and time again. Shaking my head and fist thinking, "this certainly could not have been for real."
But it was for real.
I look at the process I went though as I reeled around and around from that "no" and I wish I would have been able to just say, "OK Lord, your will be done. It's not my life, it's yours, do with it what you will."
I wish that had been my initial response.
But it wasn't. I know He doesn't blame me, nor is He angry with me for my response. But still, when God says no, it's hard. He must know it's hard...because He lets us process. He never shamed me or made me feel like I was less His child because I struggled with His no...( like I sometimes can do when my children real at my no's.) He just let me process and so I did.
Over the years as the "no" became my reality some would say that I just got used to my no, but I beg to differ. His no changed me.
I'll tell you what I can see as of now from His "no."
It has made me more compassionate towards others who have received a no. It has made me watch my words, and check my heart, and consider how others might perceive the way I speak of things that they do not have.
DO I appear to be taking something I already have for granted? I check my heart on that quite frequently.
I recognize that what I always want for myself is not what is best for me. Of course we know this in our heads, but getting our hearts to comprehend this is quite another thing. That is what GOD'S no, did for me. It allowed my heart and it's understanding of not "getting what I want all the time..." and to respond in a God honoring way.
Are there days I still ask God to change His mind? Absolutely. Are there days I don't beg Him to change His no to a yes?! Absolutely. And could shock me with a "yes" at some point? Yes! He's God! He's sovereign! And His plans are perfect. But I will tell you what is different about the way I think about His "no" now. My hope does not rest in the "yes." My hope lies in the person of Jesus Christ. He is unchanging, unfading and always present. Therefore I will not fear. Though the earth quake and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, I will not fear. (Psalm 46) My God is perfect and in control and I know that He planned things for me since before the foundations of the Earth were put into place (Ephesians 1:4) and I cannot argue with His word when He tells me that He has plans to prosper me and not to harm me." (Jeremiah 29:11) God is good. Even when He says no.
The process through which we all come to understand His sovereignty is as different as we all are, and if you are currently on the heals of hearing a "no" from your divine creator, do not despair. Go through the process, but don't fight the No. Rest in His hands, rest in His twisting and turning of your broken dreams, and know that only when the Master has shaped things the way He knows they will be best, will He rest.
HE is twisting your story upside down? Have all the pieces and cards you held crashed to the floor beneath you? Do not despair. Trust. Rest. Rest in His word, that is truth. Run to His word because it will fill you with the strength you need. He is making you better, He is making you useful. Be bendable. Be mold able. Let your body fall into His hands and let Him use you as He knows you will be used. In this place you will have the most peace, and the most contentment. It's when we fight His molding that we find real pain. The pain that will not go away.
The nights I cried with a heart so heavy it quite literally drug me to the floor, I was not at peace as I fought His will and plans for me. But when I succumbed, and trusted and then finally, rested in His plan, the peace like a river that I had always heard about but never experienced until then, flooded in.
"Be still and know that I am God ...." Psalm 46:10
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