CHRIST MINDED

I will admit my friends, that lately, (as in the past few weeks) I have not been very "Christ Minded." And by Christ minded I mean this: the things and thoughts that Christ would have...I sort of "gave up" in a way on ever seeing my heath return, and told the Lord, with a tone laced with a bit of anger, "I'm done." As I blogged last, I touched on what the Lord did with that... but I've been so focused on the carrot in front, I've neither looked at those on my left, nor those on my right, and I realized this today. One of the very biggest reasons we are here on earth is to love on others, and show Christ to others in hopes that they would see Christ in us, and that "Christ might grant them repentance" and we would all glorify Christ in that process.
Perhaps I'm too "in this" trial to be of any service to Him was my thought as of late and I allowed myself to sit back and relax in my pain, in hopes that "someday" it would be useful towards ministering to others, but in hopes of the future ministering, I forgot that ministering right now is important too. You might think this of what I'm saying..."that I am being to hard on myself, and to simply let myself be sick... and be focused on myself to get well.." Well, I too have had those thoughts, but if it is true that when we are weak, Christ is strong, then I should by definition, being displaying the strength of Christ to the world through this. I feel there have been moments where I may have touched this place, but for the most part, I've remained weak, and tired, and sick and my only prayers where prayers for my healing.
Granted, this time of trial has opened my eyes to the pains of others that I was once oblivious too, and that is part of why I know we deal with certain pains in life..but have I had a Christ like mind as I've gone through this? Not usually.
It's not a beating up of self that I'm doing here, I am simply attempting to try and see things from a different perspective, and think the way Jesus prayed in John 17 for the ones He loved, this verse hit me:
"Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world." vs. 24

Now, one might read this and think, "oh how sweet, Jesus wants me in heaven with Him" which in fact, is true! He does! But I also read it this way, Jesus felt pain. Jesus felt suffering. Without that, God's glory would not have been seen, and the love of Christ would not have been evident.
My husband has said many times: "but for the cross, I might forsake the faith! It's hard sometimes! But I can't when I see what He did for me in His suffering and death.."
Now, I do not take this as say, "oh great, Jesus prayed that I'd suffer too...cuz He had too" because those are human thoughts...but I do think as He spoke these words, He understood that magnitude of them, and the process by which we sometimes go through in order to "see His glory." I my friends, want to see His glory in this, right now, not someday when I'm all better, but right now in the heart of the storm. To see His majesty, His greatness, and His purposes as I go through the darkness.
Weight is lifted from suffering when we see it like this. Satan is defeated when we view our trials like this...this is not a "crap happens" situation. This is an opportunity to see God work in ways that I would not have seen Him work otherwise...this is opportunity for me be different because of what I'm going through. It's a chance to be more like Him, and it feels even more contrary to the norm to experience it while trial is still present. One thing I know: He went through it too.
And His story turned out pretty well! :)
I may not feel strong, but I can be with HIS power. I may not feel usable, but I am in His hands, I may not feel like even doing it, but anything is possible with Christ. And the truth is, without Him, I'm not capable, and without Him, this sickness, is just a sickness without purpose, but with Christ, there is purpose in all. Big words right? Not sure I even understand them myself, but it's what He told me to say. What I'm getting at here, is that our minds not a slave to our circumstances...they should be slaves to Christ, and all things good, all things lovely, all things pure, all things holy...those are things of the mind of Christ so our fear, anger, resentment, frustration, and feelings of abandonment, do not belong to Christ. And if it's not from Christ, who is it from? The other side.
Take this is as you will my friends, but it's heavy on my heart as His thoughts for me...and as always, it's my joy to share these thoughts with all of you. I pray they bless you in some way.

Learning to let go..

This life journey has been an ongoing process for me of learning to simply let go of more and more things I used to call "important". Before Marriage, all I did was centered around my very own schedule and time, then post marriage, I let go of a lot of that, then, kids came along and I let go of some more stuff, (most of which I do not miss all that much) however, there are some things in life that are slightly more painful to release. Things like, "I'm in control" or "I've got this situation under control.." or "I can figure this one out on my own.."

Those are all things that in regards to the christian faith, it's hard to keep and still say that God is in fact Lord over ALL in your life.

Throughout my time of struggling through this sickness I've learned to let go of a few things, mostly all of them painful to release because it's another level of "me" that has "just got to go" if my relationship with God is going to deepen in the area of trust.

Here is what I've been asked to let go of lately...fixing this thing. And by this "thing" I mean my present state of trial. Most of the time I'm so miserable I'm having a hard time getting outside of my own desire to just get rid of whatever it is that's making my life that way, and in this case it's the sickness. So I sit and wrack my brain for all the possible possibilities of what I could/should do to release myself from my pain. I can only imagine there are sick people all over the world who have this same thought. And in some cases, there are medical things you can do to help or even cure the sicknesses, but in my case, there is truly not much that I can do. So these past few months, I've been seeking everything I possibly can to solve my problem. I suppose in part that's only natural, but here is the place that I have come to..I'm stressing myself out so much, now I'm not just sick, I'm stressed out and wired because of all my trying to solve my own problems.

Yesterday as I lay in bed, crying out the Lord, I had this overwhelming feeling of the Lord whispering to me to simply "let go." Easier said than done, but I think I have come to a fork in the road of this trial. Here are my choices, I can either continue to stress myself out to the point of sleeplessness, or I can say to the Lord, "I'm done, you take over."

I'm beginning to really lean towards the side of dropping it all, and letting God pick up the pieces of my broken life. I can't continue to hold it all together, all by myself. I have become easily frusterated, easily overwhelmed, and easily angered. All of those things are not things that I like to be apart of who I describe myself as... and the only way I can truly erase them from the vocab of my life, is to ask the Lord to take my "junk" and replace it with His "goods."

The reason this is so hard is because of this: we all thing that health and good fortune just SHOULD be by default apart of our lives...i've said countless times "God, how could this be from your hands?" And for whatever reason, He has allowed it touch me, and i've been fighting it tooth and nail. Well, my white knuckles hurt and my eyes sting from straining, and I as I stated to myself yesterday through clenched teach and tear filled eyes: "God, i'm done. I'm just done. I can't take another moment of this, like this." And by "like this " I mean, the way i've been running things lately. My children need a Mommy who is filled and carried by the Lord, because that woman is better equiped to the job that she must do. And as I've continually learned over and over in my life, "it's not about me" and neither is this. This sickness is not about me, it can be used to shape me, mold me and take me places I could never have gone with health. I know I sound as though I'm falling apart at my seams, but honestly friends, I'm much more whole than I was even a few days ago, and this understanding that I am needing to let go, yet again is releasing me from all kinds of weight that has bogged me down mentally, and now physically. I know I will never fully rid of "me" after all, God made me, me. But as I have stated in other blogs, I want to be the best version of me possible, and the only way this is going to happen is if I continually let go of the plans I've had for me. I know this seems contrary to what makes human sense, but in the kingdom of God, it makes the most sense imaginable. If I sound like a crazy person, maybe I am a little crazy. :) but I'd rather be crazy in God's hands, then sane and in my own control. But here is the underlying motivation for me, every time God takes something from my hands, and takes over, the peace of Christ settles into my heart like never before and I'm once again reminded why I follow this God. For any of you have not yet experienced that transition, when fear is replaced by peace, let me encourage you, it worth trying, and it's worth taking a bit of leap for because in the end, what we are left with is much better than what was there prior to the leap.

Trust me. I speak from experience. I've been leaping a lot lately, and it's only when I decide to stay grounded in my version of control, that trouble comes my way.

So today, rather than crying in fits of anger and asking "How could this be from your hands" I'm saying, " Show me. Teach me. Make me more like you." And that feels better.

What a journey. It's not easy my friends, but I'm convinced, and I hope that you all are too, that it's worth it, every step. Every tear, every cry. Every little moment is worth it because without it, we would not be who God can make us to be. Conquerors in Christ, and obviously much stronger than who we used to be. I pray that I speak to some of your hearts today as you read this, because part of the reason we go through things in this life, is so that we can take what Satan intended for evil, and used it for God's glory. So, in this trial of mine, I pray God is glorified, and Satan is stomped on. So may it be with all of your trials my friends. May today be the day of triumph in Christ for all of you.

When the Rains Came..

There was a song a while back, (way back when I was in high-school) :) that talked about a two sets of Jones's, one of them followed Jesus, one of them followed themselves. Rains came and tried to blow down each of these families homes...but when the rains poured, and wind shook, there one set of Jones's standing that day. It's a cute song on the surface but the message is deep and it was derived from a passage of scripture that has really held me throughout my long time of sickness these past months. Let me share it with you:

"Therefore, every who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. the rain came down, these reams rose and the winds blew and beat against the house; yet it did not fall because it had it's foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house and it fell with a great crash." -Matthew 7:24-27

And this has been my thought ever since I read this passage of scripture a week or so ago, the first time I was pregnant and ill, it shook me to the core. My life just about ripped up at the seams and I thought all was lost. THIS time when I got so sick, (and I have been much sicker than I was the past two times) the winds blew, and the rains have poured, and my ground shook beneath me...but my house did not fall down! Nor will ever, as long as I stand on the rock of Christ who is my strong tower and my shield, my great defense against the evils of this world and battles of the enemy. In Christ, when He is our rock, we will always have victory over evil and peace in the storm. I'm not going to lie and say that the wind did not scare me, and the rain that pelted, did not hurt, and the streams that rose did not reach up and splash, but all in all, I was held safe. My family was held safe, and my future hope was not cut off.

Asking ourselves this question: What set of Jones's are we today? Are we comfortable with that? Or should change be made? Is our foundation built on our own independence? Our own strengths to hold us when things fall apart? Or in stark contrast, is it built upon the solid rock hard foundation of Christ. A rock is a great analogy because with rocks, especially big ones...not alot will move them..and if your rock is the mountains of Christ...nothing will ever move them.

As I mentioned earlier...my life was not always built upon the rock of Christ...I built it upon the rock of "me" which in the end, crumbled at the first sign of real pressure. So I speak from experience here, and I can see the difference...I can feel the difference when my foundation is Christ. Can you?

When God Takes Over

It has hit me lately, that in our relationship with God, in this life, it's an "all or nothing" kinda deal. Not to be too black and white, but for lack a better description...it's the difference between life and death. Morbid? No. Quite the opposite. It's the most alive way to think. Let me explain.

"I have been crucified with Christ, therefore I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live the body, I live by faith in the son of God, who loved me and gave himself up for me."

-Galatians 2:20

Who I am today, greatly affects my eternity. If I live for me now, my eternity, will not be lived in eternity with Christ if I don't claim Him as my everything. Now, I recognize, people come to the saving knowledge of Christ at different points in life...and that is all apart of His plan for us! But when I am given the choice, and I choose either to live for myself, or to live for Christ, I must choose Christ, or I have chosen wrong. I lived in-between choices for many years...saying one, living another... never really selling out to either.

But Paul tells me in the above verse that "I" no longer live, but CHRIST lives in me...and He is my life, and He overcomes the "me" I used to posses.

It's a way of life...not a side-hobby...not a portion...not a piece...it's all, or it's nothing.

I do think that many "Christians" live in such a way that Christ can be just a piece of their life...just like the way their job is a piece of their life, and their time with their family is a piece of their life. God however, cannot be just a piece, if we are to truly live a full life for Christ.

That thought used to scare me, and if I'm honest with you, still does at times, but it's a healthy fear that I have now. The idea of succumbing to His will for us, in everything can be quite frightening because what, if we do not like His will for us? What if it doesn't feel right, or it's uncomfortable, and what if it causes us to suffer? What then?

The pearl in this clam is this: When we are fully succumbing to Christ's all in all, and His full desires for us, we can not imagine a life lived any other way, because we recognize in that place, the difference of where we were...vs. where we are in the center of His will.

When we are in the center of His will, the old looks just that, "Old.." and new in Christ feels so new, it's indescribable, and undeniably better. Anyone that has felt and known the difference, will testify to this truth I am claiming.

And yet, we remain in the old, in the self and in the "me" version of life for sometimes, much too long because of the fear that holds us back of the unknown of Christ.

It's when our earthly things, take a great importance to us that our heavenly things...and we choose our own version of perfection on earth, instead of God's perfect will for us.

The idea that God is real, that heaven is real, and hell is real, is not an idea most of us dare to spend much time pondering because it's fearful to us when we are not yet willing to give in to His will. The only reason it's scary, is because for once, we feel as though we have lost control. Someone else is steering the ship, and for the most part...I would have to say, that's a scary thought for us.

Well, I am here to tell you, it does not have to be scary...and if we, for only one moment could catch a glimpse of the glory that lies ahead, we would not only give up the steering wheel...we'd jump into the lake...and give up the boat all together. Knowing, God will meet our needs.

Do you believe He will meet ALL your needs? Because this my friends is what holds us back...

we are afraid, and we do not trust that He will take care of us...

But the fact that we even struggle with that thought, that I have struggled with that thought baffles me when I consider the message of His death on the cross...

The cross was real. His death for YOU was real. The life He promises us IS REAL. Eternity is REAL...and yes...Hell is real too.

Wrapping our minds around that thought is truly only possible by prayerfully asking for His eyes to see, His ears to hear, and His wisdom to understand. It will not by any ones "wise and persuasive words" that you, or I will come to the saving knowledge of Christ. It's by His power to reveal it to us...and we only to make the right choice...and hear. Not just listen, but hear.

Hearing implies understanding. And understanding, implies change and action. And Action and Change imply that life will be different. I pray Christ is the difference you feel...and trusting His plans, and His will for you, is the choice you make. Oh the wonders that lie beyond that choice. Friends...if you think you have no choice but to live the life you are in right now, think again. So much more lies ahead...when we are in the hands of Christ.

The Things That Really Matter

This time of sickness in my life, has caused me to think about what really matters in life...for fear of sounding quite depressed, :) let me preface this by saying, I was never one to think on matters that "mattered" because I always wanted to live life in such a way that brought the most enjoyment to me, and happiness to my own life. Now, I know this is common thought among the human race in general...we want to have a "good life.." but what defines "good" and who decided that must always be "perfect"? We did. We wrote our own list in our minds at some point that said.."This is what a good life means to me." And so we go on doing our best to follow that plan....our plan.
That has been me, and I have been battling with myself over this list for the past 5 months of being so sick. The sickness, has stopped me in my tracks, and for a while my days were this:
Wake up sick, feel miserable about my predicament, cry out to God..make it through the day, and do my best to sleep at night. Only to wake up and do that again. I made the comment several times to my husband, "each day is painfully the same.." I put my head down, barreled through and looked neither to the left or to the right, only putting my focus ahead on getting through and surviving. Perhaps some of you have felt this way in the past, or are currently there now. I want to encourage you by some thoughts I have had, by some scriptures I have been given, and by the words the Lord has written on my heart, to give me hope.
First of all, realizing that my plans can change, and joy can be found in others routines, and other places...even if it looks totally different than how I imagined. "That's too serious for me, and I don't want to go there..." is a thought that commonly crossed my mind when I thought of a life lived the way I presenting to you. I don't want to think about things that hard to think about, and imagine that not all of my "dreams" will come true the way I imagine that they would...but friends, I am here to tell you...it is not about our circumstances. It's about where our hearts are when we are in those places. Do you get what I'm getting at here? Let me explain further because it has taken me quite a process to figure this one out.
When I imagine a "good day" I imagine it with lots of fun involved...peace for me, peace for my family...and genral good health and welling being. Sometimes...it just isn't so..and yet..as I read today, a testimony of a man who basically dying from a disease that has been apart of his life for most of his life; he said this.."I win either way. If I am healed, I have more time with the people I love, if I am not, I get to go be with Jesus..." FRIENDS!!!! DO you think like this??! How is that possible you say?? Well...when our hope is in Christ, and our joy is not based on our circumstances, that is how it's possible. This is not a scenario of pull yourself up by your bootstraps because you must...this is a conquering in the face of fear, and triumphing in the face of death because your hope is in one who is bigger than all of that. That is huge. That is monumental...and it makes me focus less on the trivial things of today, and more on the things that matter for eternity. My daily impatience with people...circumstances, and emotions diminishes greatly when I consider that unsurprising glory of the life ahead. I am not trying to be dismal..and I trying to talk about the things that all of us want to avoid because it's not "fun."
God created all the things that give us pleasure in life, and we are to take part in those of course! However, they are not be worshiped, and by worshiped I mean, they are not to be what we live our lives for. And I will speak for myself when I say, I have most definitely worshiped some things other than God in my life based off of that definition.

“Even when the way goes through Death Valley, I’m not afraid when you walk at my side. Your trusty shepherd’s crook makes me feel secure.” (MSG) We read in Psalm 46:1-2, “God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need him. We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom, courageous in sea storm and earthquake.” One of my favorite verses in the Bible comforts me, “Don’t panic. I’m with you. There’s no need to fear for I’m your God.” (Isaiah 41:10). Finally God reminds me that He is watching closely over me at all times. “Don’t be afraid, I've redeemed you. I’ve called your name. You’re mine.” (Isaiah 43:1). -Verses from Kent Humphrey's testimony..(the man I spoke of earlier)

It's not that we don't fear death some, or feel agony with pain...for we do, and Christ did, and therefore, we know it's normal...but friends, our perspective must change if we are to live a life in the lane of Christ rather than in our own "fast lane."
I just can't believe all the time I've wasted on things that do not matter. Things that have no eternal purpose, and if these thoughts challenge you, or repulse you even, know that your normal..and these thoughts repulsed me too before my sickness. When one is healthy, it's easy to forget about what really matters..why we are here..and who we are made for. We are here for His purposes...made for His purposes...and remembering all the while, His great, deep, awesome love for us...a love that conquers all fears...and overshadows anything that may feel "more important" than He.
So I ask you, even if you have never dealt with pain as I have spoke of in this man's life...may it be a challenge to you...have you considered your life, looked at your "plans" and asked the Lord if they line up with His? If you have not, as I had not for so many years, now may be the time to do so. And if you know anything of His love, His peace, His grace and His sufficiency to meet all your needs...this will not be painful as you think it may be, for when we are in line with Christ and His plans for us, the pain we used to be so afraid of, pales in comparison to the amazing peace and love of Christ. Things to think on, things to consider, and things to lay at the foot of the cross...and as always, I am only learning, and inviting you all to learn along with me.

A Cheerful Heart

I am an over-analyzer...I analyze myself, my predicaments, and try to figure out what exactly I am doing wrong so that I can fix my circumstances...or so that God will fix them for me because I've now learned the lesson that I assume He is trying to teach me. Case and point: My sickness. It just never ends! However, last night after another long enduring day of it, I found myself wracking my brain out-loud to my husband about what I am doing wrong, and "how to fix it, so I will just get better!" And my wise husband gave me some advice..."to perhaps stop looking for the answers of WHY and just ask the Lord to help me endure." It was hard for me at first to hear that, but at the same time, his words held a lot of truth for me, and I think for anyone dealing with lots of trial...or suffering. Sometimes, there is no good answer..and sometimes the answer is "Trust God." This is a lot harder to say coming from the side that is enduring the hardship than from the outside, in. However, it's must-learn if I am to conquer this, and now, as I learned this morning, remain cheerful. Did I just say, "remain cheerful?!" Yes. I did. :)

How is this possible? Well, by no strength of my own. And I am not talking about a huge grin from ear to ear, however if God gives you that ability in suffering, go for it, people might just think your a little weird...:) But this is what I am really speaking of:

"All the days of the oppressed are wretched, but the cheerful heart has a continual feast.." Proverbs 15:15

Have anyone of you ever been with someone who is oppressed? And the way the verse states it, it sort of feels like a person chooses to stay in an oppressed mindset..I know that this is how I am. If I am down, I get myself in such a "funk" there is no getting out of it...on the flip side, a cheerful heart is a continual feast...and the only thing that comes to mind with the word "feast," is FUN.

My heart is not continual fun. And I'm not sure if it's "literally" possible, but I think that a version of that is...but another word that comes to mind for feast, is rejoicing. And rejoicing in suffering is a message that you hear all throughout the Bible..

After going through what I have been dealing with in this pregnancy..I have been quite the opposite of rejoicing. I rejoiced like crazy when I first got the news, but ever since the sickness set in, I've had a "lets juts get through this so I can rejoice when baby arrives.." attitude...and in part, I think that's natural...but there is a small part of me that wishes I could enjoy today, rather than always waiting for tomorrow. I do not want to be downcast, oppressed in spirit and a soul who does not rejoice unless things are perfect.

Having said that, how do we go about making this change, and implementing rejoicing into our daily lives, even when life is hard? By asking the Lord for a spirit that can rejoice, and by asking Him to show us how, and what to do to get there. I haven't really done that, but I'm beginning to. Take it from someone on the inside of a trial...it's not easy. But I do believe that with His strength, we can. I pray for healing every day, and when I'm not praying for healing, I'm praying for Him to sustain me in my healing. Now, I'm going to have to add, "help me rejoice in suffering" to that list. I feel very inadequate, and scared saying those words because it makes me feel like some pain I have not yet comprehended is to set in, (to make me put my money where my mouth is) but that is not how God works, and I need to put it out there so we all understand...those thoughts are derived from fear, and fear is not of the Lord. I trust Him, and I know that when I pray this, He will supply me with what I need. And so He will for you also...

Friends, this life is a process, we are not home yet, and I want to learn I am to learn, to be the best for Him that I can be. Some days, It's a long enduring road...and other days, it's a hop-skip and a jump. But wherever you fall in that journey, remember that your purpose is to serve Him, and in doing so, your life will have the purpose it was meant to have. And what is life with-out purpose? No life at all...what is life without Christ? No life at all. What is life oppressed and downcast? No life at all. We have been given all we need, supplied by the one who knows our needs before we ask..and that should give us a cheerful heart, just having that knowledge. Don't you feel more cheerful after hearing that? I know I do!

When I am afraid

I have been realizing something about myself lately, and it is this: I am fearful. Fear is something that can start from basically nothing, and grow to an overwhelming size in a matter of moments if only you allow your thoughts to take flight. The enemy loves to play the "fear" game with all of us, and I know, the enemy knows what I fear, and it's most likely what all mothers fear.

It probably can go unsaid, but for the sake of clarity, I will say, what burdens me most is the fear of something catastrophic happening to my children...either the ones I am blessed to care for now, or the ones I have blessed to carry inside of me, I fear for them. And that fear can eat a person alive....

Jesus said this: Do not let your hearts be troubled...trust in God, trust also in me... (John)

He is trustworthy is He not? I trust Him with everything, so I say...and each night as I lay my children down to sleep, I place them in His faithful, trustworthy, and loving care until they awake, and I can care for them once more. But why then, do I still fear? Because I give into it, and allow the enemy his foothold. I tell him with my thoughts, as he conjures up all the possible scenarios of danger for me, that I give in, and I think on those thoughts.

I no longer want this to be my story. I don't have to accept a life lived in fear! Fear is not only contrary to Christ, it is God alone that we are to fear. So when I fear others things, more than I fear God, I think I may be sinning...

He knows my heart, He knows my love for my children, and He holds the keys to my freedom from fear...and I want them. So, as I was tempted the other moment, :) to fear, and run to my children, wondering if there was still breath in them, I clung to His words..."Do not let your hearts be troubled...trust me." And friends, out went fear, and in came peace.

So it is with all things we fear...for me, as a mother, and at this stage of my life that is what bogs me down...but for you, it may be something very different..

It may be fear of the unknown, fear of the future that looms, fear of your past, fear of your death, fear of ...you fill in the blank, but I think if we are all honest with something, there is something that we fear...and it can cripple us at times. I not only felt crippled, I felt paralyzed.

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom..." Proverbs 9: 10a

"When you lie down, you will not be afraid, when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet, Have no fear of sudden disaster..." Proverbs 3: 24,25

No fear of sudden disaster, and the only one I need to fear is the Lord, and fully, we have great reason to trust Him alone, and fear Him alone. The fear of the Lord is much different from the fear of pain and suffering. The fear of the Lord means this: We know, He holds all power, all control, and all things that come through to us in life. We know that He loves us so much He sent His son to die for us. We know we are only touched by things in life that He allows. And so we know that when certain trials come our way, they are only allowed in measures He knows we can handle. That is scripture in living color my friends, and it is not something that tremble with fear because we do not trust, completely the opposite my friends, we fear Him in reverence because of all of His power, and because of the knowledge that He holds this power, we fear. Not because we do not trust Him.

It's with confidence we can walk forward in life because His rules of life, gravity and existence are in place. I often ask myself, how do those without Christ deal with life and all it's struggles? When they are the ones "who are in control.." Oh, I shudder at the thought. The anxiety that must accompany such a belief. The fear that must wrap them up each night, knowing it's their responsibility to protect their lives, not God. I would never let sleep touch my eyes!

But friends, the hope I have in Christ, the hope that you have in Christ, wraps us in peace, and when fear knocks on our door, wrapped in all kinds of possible scenarios...we not only do not answer the door, we boldly shout, "In Christ I trust! It's Christ alone I fear! And I will not be afraid because of Him!" And fear, puts it's tail between it's legs, in once again, in Christ, we are more than conquerors! So I say this,

"When I am afraid, give me Jesus. Give me Jesus, give me Jesus, you can have all the rest, just give me Jesus..." ( A line from a song I love)

Do we really buy this?

The Christian faith is one of many "rules" it seems. Reading through the words of Jesus in Matthew chapters 5 and 6, one might start to get the idea that it is almost near impossible to live as we ought to in the eyes of the Lord. My heart was convicted even by the headings of the passages, things like " Oaths, and Eye for and eye, Love your enemies and Caring for the needy.." And it made me have the thought, why do I strive so hard and yearn within my soul to live a life described through these passages when it seems so hard...and if truly is this difficult...do we really buy this whole idea of righteousness? Who would ask us to be perfect when we know it's impossible? And so we go on living much short of what we ought, by selling ourselves short, and our Maker with our lives that barely resemble the masters image, and design for us. We scoot ourselves so close to the edge of sin that we are there, but not in it. And we are so close to the darkness that we can dip our hands into it, but not immerse ourselves...because why waste our lives now, for a life we are not even certain that we will be "good enough" to get into some years down the road when death stares us in the face.

If this way of life is yours, and these are the thoughts of your heart, you are not alone. But Christ gives us a different story, listen to this:

"For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sakes He became poor, so that you through His power, might be rich." 2 Cor. 8:9

What does this verse have to do with what I spoke of above? Everything. It's about His great love for you, demonstrated by what He did for you, and why we are motivated to live the lives He calls us to...

I keep talking about this life that is so full of joy that we are beaming to the point of glowing, and hearts so full they just run over because there is no more room to be filled, but how do we get to that place from where we are now, a place that feels squelched by rules and constant fingers, pointing out our shortcomings..

The truth is, we are not perfect, nor shall we ever be, (on this side of heaven) but listen friends, when the seed of God was planted in your hearts however many years ago, something took root there that will not let you rest in sin. It's presence is the constant reminder of this idea, "we can do better for Christ.." and that is what spurs us on in part to dig to be more...and where do we dig? The word. His words will inspire you and encourage you. Yes, it's true that it seems as though He has set an impossible standard for us in His words in Matthew..but there are said in means to encourage us, that this life is possible, only by His power, and it's testimony to us that we need His power to accomplish such things.

Paul understood it as he spoke to the Corinthians, as he testified of what they could and should accomplish through Christ:

"Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it according to your means. For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what He does not have." vs 12,12

The closer you are to Christ, the more you will have to give, the more willing you will be and the more work you can do for Him. Work can be equated as this: kindness when it doesn't make worldly sense, gifts given out of poverty, turning the other cheek, blessing instead of cursing, peace instead of pain, faithfulness instead of adultery, righteousness not for the sake of man, for the glory of God.

The more you know your Maker, the more you want to be like Him because His words permeate a room like nothing else can, and they fill a life with a fullness that is indescribable. They promise us peace in the storm, sustenance in the desert, and joy for the afflicted. When we see that happen in our lives, the desire to be more like the supplier of those gifts cannot help but grow, and that is when you see a heart begin to chase after righteousness. And knowing all along, the Lord sees your heart, so there is no need to blow a trumpet (Matt 6:1-4) when righteousness is apart of your life, for God will see and your Father in heaven will reward you.

And also, by doing so, you bring glory to God.

I say these things my friends, to encourage you, that this "holy life" is available to us, and is possible to us, and most of all, it's far from boring. We are always chasing after what we think will give us happiness and contentment, but often fail to look to the only true source. I know this was true in my life...

So perhaps today, examine where you are living..are you as close to the edge as possible, or somewhere far beyond? Or do you wake up each day, knowing that His purposes can and will be made known to you for how you will best bless Him and bring more glory to Him?

It's something we should all consider if we are truly going to be the person He made us to be...and the thought that He has a unique plan for me, is enough to inspire me, to strive for His best for my life. Rather than my best for my life. So I ask you, do you really buy this life I speak of?

Listen to everything falls

The Temptation to Despair

Have any of you felt as though you were slipping into despair? Something in life began to take it's toll and pressure of whatever it it began to feel as though you were being pushing on the top of your head, down into the ground. It's that feeling that you are sinking. It's that feeling that you are going to be squished by the weight of pain. And I am most sure that at some point in any of our lives, we have all had moments, weeks or perhaps longer periods of despair.

I had a bit of despair that slipped in unknowingly to me, I thought that after having a few good days of health, that my sickness was gone. Not so. It returned with a vengeance this past weekend, and I too felt the despair of "why is this happening to me" creep in.

David in the Psalms journaled many moment so despair, but his words from Psalm 119 vs 10

prompted feelings of hope amidst the despair that I was feeling and he said this:

"My comfort in my suffering is this, you preserve my life..."

And to me, his words said this, it is difficult to go through things that rip you apart, that take your "normal" and turn it upside down, it is hard to watch your health slip away from your grasp right before your eyes. It is difficult to see all you love and know disappear....BUT, in that pain God preserves our very lives. He sustains us. He gives us what we need in that moment.

And that is a promise that nothing else in life can offer you or I.

So in that promise of hope, I was able to yesterday move from despair back to being held...and I had this thought that what makes a person's thoughts move towards "rising above."

I asked myself this question..."what can make me different, as I go through suffering?" Meaning, how can my response be different from what my typical response to trial is, not because I am so great, but because I know the power of Christ is available to me, in my suffering, I feel more sustained and hopeful when I am using that power to respond differently. I am learning so much about myself through my trial, what matters, what's important and what I used to waste my God-given time on. So to answer my own question, I had this thought: when I am tempted to despair, I run to the word..and I run to the Lord, and beg for sustenance for my soul, the ability to see beyond today and for my heart be filled with hope like only He can. And although the pain of right now does not disappear, I have an overwhelming feeling of being held, and being sustained.

I don't want to waste the pain I've been through and write it off as "pain I've been through.." (as though it was wasted years) I want to learn, grow and see my pain in such a way that it makes me be a more sensitive, thoughtful, compassionate and helpful person..one who can see other's pain in the way Christ does. Most of my life I've been a far cry from being in that place, and slowly I feel Him moving me to a depth of feeling that I unaccustomed to...but most thankful for and it also gives me great purpose in my pain.

So, for those of you who are in a trial, or have been there in the past, I pray that this God-given perspective allows you a sense of hope. Those times of trial and pain are never something we ask for, but in those times I feel we are given the opportunity to grow more than when life is perfect. We are caused to stretch and grow and reach and strive more than we ever have had to in our lives, and what emerges on the other side, is well worth the trial. And when our strength is in Christ, we have nothing to fear, for in it we find a deeper sense of Christ.

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine, or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. " Romans 8:35

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed, perplexed but not in despair, persecuted but not abandoned, struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Cor 4: 8,9

Cling to this fact my friends, that you are not alone in your sufferings, and certainly, we should not despair because of who Christ is to us. We have such a future hope in Christ! Friends, we are not able to have this attitude on our own, it's by His strength that we can carry this string of pearls that gleam hope to all around our neck. It's by His hands we are held up strong, and upright. And then, when we conquer all that has been set before us, we give God glory by the way we conquer in His strength. You are not one who should despair my friends, because friends, you are conquerors in Christ Jesus. It is my deep desire and hope that any of you who read this, are able to catch a glimps of His love for you even in your trial, it's a temptation of mine to feel as though I am forsaken, forgotten and alone when I am in pain, but that is not the truth. He is there, holding, lifting and encouraging you any moment you ask..and even when you do not...remember this...He never lets go.

A letter from Christ

Friends, Have you ever read this passage of scripture? I'm not sure I have and it struck me so intensely that I wanted to share it with all of you..

"You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known by everybody. You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts." 2 Cor 2:2-4

Have you ever thought about your ministry, the faith that you profess with your life being a letter from Christ to a lost and dying world? What your actions say to others, do they breath words and lines of love and hope, or something lesser? I was absolutely struck by these words, and what a way to have them said, so beautiful. And of course, Paul goes on to give the Lord all the glory that He ought to have as he says this in regards to how we are to do this:

"Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for our ourselves but our competence comes from God."

vs 4,5

So he says, just in case you thought for one moment the life of love you breath towards others in the life of a love letter from Christ came from you, it does not. And it never will, in fact we are not even competent to do this in our own power...

The life that is close enough to God to call their very existence a "love letter from Christ" ought to know one thing, they are blessed. I want that to be said of me...and I pray that someday when I am dead and gone it will be, but I almost feel odd saying so because I feel so far from it at this point..

But I feel we are to desire it, and to strive through His Holy Power to have it...to achieve the kind of life that Paul describes here.

I am simply dumbfounded by (myself) and others as I watch us all walk around in such a way that this "life is never going to end!" The end is probably closer than we can imagine, and I want, I desire to make the most of the life that God has given me...through His power.

I am not above the rest, I simply have lived on the side caution and on the side of living for myself WAY to long. Going through the trial I am beginning to emerge from has made me focus on things that really matter...and as difficult as it is, it forced me to take a good look at myself and all the insignificant, and unimportant things that filled my days.

My life, was lived for me...and my pleasure. Do my days have kingdom purpose? When I get on an air plain, am I thankful for moments of peace to relax by myself, or am I praying desperately that the Lord would lead me to the person who He would have me minister to? Am I aware that there are hundreds of spiritual battles going on around me everywhere I go?

Am I ministering with my very existence? Sadly, No. But I'm aware, and I'm yearning to learn of how I can hold this very understanding in my heart and mind, by His power, and for His glory.

That sounds like a lot of work you say? Well, Friend, in my new opinion, it's the only work worth doing, and the only work that holds eternal value, and the only work that truly brings, peace and joy, even in trial. Yes. Even in trial.

The thought of prisoners being chained to walls and singing praises at the top of their lungs, baffles me. The thought of a man, born to die, saying, "Father forgive them, they know not what they do.." Is beyond my comprehension. But I am forcing myself to go there, because for so many years, I've hidden my face from the hard issues, and thought, "that's what missionaries are for..." and I would comfort my selfishness with a single phrase such as that, and move on.

We don't desire this on our own my friends, we don't live this life of love towards others directly from Christ on our own...it's only by His strength that we can do this...but we must try and strive, and pray and beg and learn and live to live this way, if we are to truly be who God made us to be. It's work worth doing. It's sleep worth loosing. It's life worth having. Because friends, this type of life saves lives. Have you ever thought of yourself as a life-saver? As a hero of sorts? Well, in the eyes of God, you are, to His lost and dying world. This is challenge to myself, this is a challenge to you. What will we do with the old way of life? Who can we be now if Christ truly takes over? Who can we be? More than than you or I could ever imagine, through His power, for His glory. And that's all that matters.