Say it in love

I find myself so often trying to mince words, or simply avoid conversations all together, thinking that then the conflict with just "disappear." It never does. Avoidance is not a solution, it's a aggravation. Stuffed feelings only simmer down their deep inside of you and eventually, they will come to a full boil, and boil right out. (most likely in the wrong way)

I am learning this and after almost 7 years of marriage, I am learning it still is a challenge to deal with things head on, but it's worth it.

So you and "so and so" are having an issue about "this" but rather than talking about "this" you talk about "that" and anything else you can think of, making full circles around your issue but never actually discussing this issue. This is a recipe for disaster. Simmer turns to boil, and boil turns to full out explosion. (sometimes inward, but usually outward)

So we go on dealing with this avoidance by discussing with everyone and their mother about our issue except the person we really need to be talking to. It's like in grade school when Suzy bugs you, but instead of telling Suzy, you tell all of Suzy's best friends, Suzy's aunt who lives next door and Suzy's brother (who you think is cute) but you never tell Suzy. We need to stop this madness. Suzy needs to know she bugged you so that Suzy and you can work on it. (me too) and instead of saying "I need to get over this" over and over again, we need to deal with it so that we can actually get over it.

So how do we do this? One thing that sticks out to me that I often fail to do is pray about it. I commonly just go to my husband if I have an issue with someone, talk it out with him and the decide to get over it. But eventually, it comes back up again, because that one conversation only proved to smooth my ruffled emotions for a short time, and now my hackles are raised once more because another offense has occurred and now the previously stuffed issue has reared it's ugly head again. Avoidance is not a solution, it is an aggravation.

Now that we are all fully aggravated and we have lost count of the offenses that have been stored up in our minds and hearts, and now the job of telling Suzy the real reason we're avoiding her is going to be a whole lot harder.

When I take my issues with others (we all have them) to the foot of the cross, and kneel before the Father, extending my open hands with my issue laying in them, I suddenly feel as though light is shone on my issue, and I see it as He sees it. Instead of seeing how I was wronged, I see how Suzy is hurt. Instead of being aggravated by Suzy's behavior, I see the pain behind the behavior, and my heart begins to melt. Now, I might be more ready to talk with Suzy about my frustrations, because now I am speaking in love. And I'm also not avoiding anything. I'm dealing with conflict, in love. This my friends, is the very best way to change hard feelings, to change hurt, to change bitterness, to change stuffed anger. This is the best way to turn aggravation, into peace.

So as I sit down with Suzy, I say this: " I see your really hurting. I feel that their must be a whole lot of pain in your life. How can I pray for you? Let me tell you how I perceive it when you say "this" to me, and why you say it like "this". It hurts my feelings. How can I help you? I love you....and I want to encourage..."

Doesn't that sound better? Can you imagine how our relationships could be transformed if this is how we dealt with conflict? I have my work cut out for me, but the beauty of this is that I do not deal with this in my own power. I do it in the all-surpassing power of Christ. His power is available to me, His help is always there, and all I need to do is to humbly ask Him for the strength to say what right, to say it how He wants me to say it, and have the love for the person I am in conflict with, to love them as HE loves them. And I would be willing to bet that by the time you sit down to talk with Suzy, your anger is almost completely gone. That would be a very good indication that your ready to talk. The absence of anger when it used to overwhelm, means God has done His work in you and now He can use you in a way you never imagined. I think this is how "loving your enemies" becomes possible. Your enemy is truly just a person your disliking, or having intense conflict with. We all have them. But let us let God redefine our conflict. This is how God spells conflict. L-O-V-E.

As It Comes Alive

I am reading through the book of Acts right now. It's quite a story and I keep finding myself in tears as I read the words written there. There are such amazing stories written in this book and the thing I keep telling myself as I get lost in these chapters of this amazing book is that "these are more than just stories, these things actually happened."

Today I tearfully read through the story of Paul and Silas, (chapter 16) and how they drove a evil spirit out of a slave girl, the spirit was making this young girl shout out prophecy (from Satan) and her masters were making money off of her predictions to people. Obviously the masters of this slave girl were not pleased when the realized that Paul had cast this spirit out and freed this girl from her slavery to this spirit. She was their lively hood in a way. So they drug Paul and Silas into the city courts, made up some lies about them and in the end Paul and Silas were convicted (although innocent) stripped, flogged and beaten and then thrown in prison. (This actually happend to two men who were following Christ and merely spreading the good news of Christ)

This is where my heart throbbed and my eyes filled with tears, for immediately after those verses of their beating it reads this:

" About midnight Paul and Silas were PRAYING AND SINGING HYMNS to God and the other prisoners were listening to them..." vs 25

And here I pause. Lets reverse roles. I'm a christian, in the streets of my home town, preaching the good news of Christ that I do in fact live for. People who hear me don't like it. Supposing my children are with me they rip my children from me, they strip me down to nothing, they beat me, they flog me, and then, they drag me down to the police station and throw me in a cell. And what do I do? I sit down in my cell and begin to sing praises? I wish I could say I would do that, but friends, I think I would not. I think I would do anything but that. I would most likely lay on the floor and sob, wish myself to be dead, and pray that my husband would come and rescue me.

I don't want to put Paul and Silas on a pedestal, I only want to make the point that they are the prime example of peace in the storm. The prime example of why we live for Christ the way we do. One would argue, that if they didn't follow Christ in the first place that they wouldn't be in that mess to begin with, and I suppose that would be a fair assessment, but let me tell you this: People all over the world from every tribe and nation would not face persecution such as this if it were not worth living for. there may be a few crazies out there who would if it were not real, but not the masses that do, and not the different time periods of people, past and present. The timeless truths of the Bible were followed to the point of persecution not because these men were all crazy but because they were crazy for Christ because of what He did for us on the cross. What happens next in the story must be told, the Lord rescues Paul and Silas with a violent earthquake that shook the whole prison, all the doors flew open, and every prisoner was set free. The jailer of course who was present wondered what was happening and when he realized what was, he was about to kill himself because he knew what would happen to him if his superior found him with all the opened jail doors. Who would believe this story? But Paul and Silas called out to him and told him that they were all still there, and not to carry out his own death. The man looks to them and asks, "sirs...what must I do to be saved??" vs 30

And he does then accept Christ as His Lord and Savior after witnessing what took place.

Is it possible that the Lord put Paul and Silas in this predicament to lead this man to Christ, and probably all other prisoners watching? Possibly. Is it possible that we are in our painful circumstances in life to lead the watching world to Christ as they see how we sing and praise His name in the midst of our personal sorrow? Perhaps.

These stories are coming to life for me, and at the center of these stories is the overwhelming truths that with Christ, all things are possible, that there can be peace in pain, and that with Him we are saved, regardless of how bleak our circumstances may appear.

How we respond, matters. How we live, matters. And most of all, who we live FOR matters.

More to learn

It's funny how at certain points in my life I sort of sit back "hypothetically speaking" and put my hands behind my head, relax, and say, "there. I've learned it all. I think I'm good now." Let me give you word of caution here my friends...if you ever feel this way, stop feeling this way. :) It usually implies that you are about to learn something new. It's not as though I was feeling cocky in any sense of the word, I just was feeling as though I had really been through a season of learning, and now, it was time to relax for just a bit, feeling as though I could take some time off because "now, I was in a good place."

I don't even really like saying that out-loud but I am not superstitious so I can go ahead and say it. Haha.

What I am getting at is this though: there are always two roads a person can take, one- being the easy way and two- of course is the hard way. Sometimes it makes sense to take the easy way, but let me just say, whenever you take the hard way, you learn more.

Take a vacation for example, perhaps your honeymoon....you and your new spouse are getting to know each other in a whole new one on one way because if you were like me, your honeymoon was your first real vacation away alone together. You have the choice of hiking up the mountain, or driving. But really...WHY NOT HIKE? Ha. Time to talk, and do something exciting together. Only, before too long you realize, hiking is hot. It's uncomfortable. There's no water 1/2 way up the mountain, and lets face it, you have to pee and there is not a potty anywhere.

That's a lot like how life is, but when we find ourselves in those predicaments, we can either lean into the pain, ask for help, weather thru and learn what we need to from our issue at hand, or we can sit down, cry, and possibly give up.

I don't want to give up in the midst of having to learn something big. God always has more to teach us, more to show us, and He has ways He can best do this. Usually, I see my two choices, it almost always takes place in such a way that I can either ignore it, or face it head on. I like that I am beginning to say, "I'll face it." In this facing, it produces character...it produces growth, and makes me into a better version of myself. I want to be the best I can for my God. He has plans for me, and I want to be able to function within those plans with the best tools that only come from learning in circumstances I could choose to avoid, but don't.

If I'm going to be here, (on earth) I really ought to BE HERE. I don't want to miss out on a lesson, a teaching or a chance to grow because I simply was tired of doing the work. There is always more to learn. There are always places in my heart and mind that need to be examined or reflected upon. I can always, always, always, grow more to look more like my creator. That's what I want. So when I feel blindsided by the next lesson I am starting, a page I was not predicting that I'd have to turn, I should go ahead and say, "I'll take the hike." Knowing, that when I hike, I see more, I hear more, I feel more, I can experience things on a whole different level than if I simply hopped in my car, and drove. There is always work to be done on our person, we are always in need of more "tinkering" because of who we are in Christ, we can never look "too much" like Him. I'm not saying this stress you out, and I most certainly am not saying that Christ doesn't love you just the way you are, but in terms of christian personal growth, were never done. I'm never done.

Isn't that a good thing though? For if we could fold our hands in our lap and say that "we had made it" then, what would the purpose be of being here on earth? No friends, we are never done, and in the perfecting process, we have the chance to encourage others through our mistakes, help others through our folly and build others up through the difficulties that we've been through. SO much purpose right there. So many ways and reason to bring God glory. And I for one, know I have much more to learn about myself, much deeper I can dig, much more I should know, and the more I will come to know my Savior better.

I want to dig not because it's easy, but because the work produces more joy for here, more life to give here, and a promise of knowing my perfecter in a more personal way. The more of me I abandon, the more of Him I take on. And to me, that seems like a pretty fair trade. Dig. Climb. Learn. All for His glory.

Have a nice life

Isn't kind of odd that every time I talk with someone about what they are doing that day, I think, "that sure sounds nice, in fact, it sounds better than what I'm doing today..."

In reality, what the other person is doing most likely is not all that exciting to them, but to me, because it's not what I'm doing, it of course sounds more enjoyable. Leading me to think that generally speaking we think that our "normal" is really not that great.

Why is that? Why would we usually almost always, live someone Else's day out? Why does someone Else's plan always sound like a better one and why can't we view our daily doings the way we view other's daily doings? I think it boils down to discontentment. It's not that I am always discontent with my life, or what is going in on my day, I just find myself thinking that others have it better than me, or that their lives sound more exciting. But even as I write that out, it truly is another (nicer) way of saying, discontent. I don't want that to be said of me.

I have been blessed with much. I know the Lord has given me much. My children, my husband, my relationships with others, even my ability to speak, hear and run.

SO many things I overlook in my life that others probably would say, "boy, she's blessed."

Today I am asking myself, praying myself through and challenging myself to view all of the things I'd rather not do in my life as something to be thankful for. The fact that I have laundry, means I have more than one pair of clothes to wear. There are folks around the world who don't have that problem.

The fact that I am struggling to decide on what to make for dinner, means I have options. That's something a women in Japan isn't really have the option of worrying about as we speak. The fact that I have to fork out money for gas, means I have a vehicle to drive...and the fact that I have to change dirty diapers means that I have babies to be thankful for, and that is something 1/2 of the women in America can't have. I'm feeling more thankful already.

I realize that there is unpleasantness in each of lives, our days get eaten up by the folly that lives in the world, the sin that came when Adam and Eve ate a certain fruit...but beyond that, I recognize my main reason for hope in each day, and contentment in each day is that I have Christ. I have the biggest reason above all other things that fill my life up so full, He is the main thing that should cause me to be content. And do you want to know the very best part about this? He's available to you too. Everyone who calls on His name can be saved. Pretty amazing. That puts us all back on the same playing field doesn't it? Regardless of how many children you have, if you have a car or if you don't, if you have a spouse or if you don't.

The deal is is this, there probably is someone out there who you think just has it better, but if you examined their heart, they may be saying the same of you. What are your reason's for not liking "your" day, your agenda...your doings? Are they because they don't feel fun or exciting? Did they when you first started it? (whatever it is, i.e...had a baby, built a new house, bought a new car, married a new person) The reason is this, new stuff, new people, new places ALWAYS GET OLD. They always will pale in comparison to what Christ has to offer, and what He gives is eternal.

Now, it may not always be roses for you once your walking with the Lord, but I tell you one thing for sure, where you are with Christ will always be peace in your soul. And peace with your circumstances, peace with your children, peace with your spouse, car, home, LIFE... is always better then the next best thing. (or someone Else's thing)

What He gave ME is what He knew I needed. I love that. What He gave YOU, is what YOU needed. I love that too. What we have, will never be the same in terms of stuff. But what we have in Christ, is available to you, just the same as it is to me. Do you want what I speak of? The ability to wake up each morning and say, "thank you Lord for this, or that, or what's happening in my life..." I want that. I want to look at the rain and say, "thank you Lord for this..." and to look at the storm and say, "thank you Lord that you've equipped me to handle this..."

We can do that you know. It's not crazy talk. It's what's available to you and to me to live lives that are full, content, and filled with peace.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid." - John 14: 27

Have a nice life my friends with this knowledge.....

Breaking

Today in church we took communion. This is normal enough. But something new came to my heart and mind today as I held my little wafer. (you know the chalk like tasting "bread" you have at communion) I was doing as I do every time (almost routinely) holding my bread in my hand waiting for the "go-ahead" to break it in half and take it.

As I sat there, and in the quietness of my heart I heard this whisper that said..."It's your sin that breaks me." My heart lept to my throat, and as I sat there staring at the little round wafer in my hand, tears began to sting my eyes. "It was my sin that held Him there..." came to mind, and I began to cry. "my body is broken for you..." I heard the pastor say, and the words snapped me back into present time, back from my far away place. I heard all the little snaps all around me as everyone sitting near me began to "break" their communion. Sobs started to choke me. My sin, break Him. It's my sin that broke him. His body was BROKEN for me. If it were not for my sin, He would not have been broken. I'm so sorry Lord....I repent. I'm so sorry...I'm so repentant...

"I did it for you, because I love you, because your repentant, because you know you need my forgiveness..." And yet, I also know He did it for me while I was still YET a sinner...

So now that I KNOW I'm a sinner...and I RECOGNIZE my sin...and REPENT of my sin...my breaking that wafer represents my ACCEPTANCE of my NEED FOR GRACE. And OH HOW I NEED GRACE.

Do you think you need grace? Is it something you think about? I haven't really thought much about my desperate need for grace all that often...and that is why today, and I heard the wafers break around me, and as I held my own wafer in my hand, knowing that in order to accept that grace, it would have to be broken. He had to be broken. So, He let them break Him. He was broken on the cross...for me. For my sin. Before I even knew my sin.

SO here I sit. Holding my wafer, each second that goes by that I do not break it in two, I stand out in the crowd a little bit more...crying, I break it. I accept His grace. I repent. I show my public display of my need for His saving grace. Thank you for the cross.

I will never take communion lightly again. I will never approach the table as though, "I'm not really that bad..." Or that my sin "isn't big enough to confess..." I'm going to lay it ALL out there. My negligence, my complacency...my deceit, my malice, my dishonor of the Father in my thoughts, my poor attitudes, my disgust for others, my contempt towards correction...

I'm laying it all out there. Nothing human is safe. It's all sin. ACCEPT what is covered by the cross. And as I accept His gift of salvation, I accept forgiveness, and a cover for all my unrighteousness...KNOWING all the while, without that gift of salvation I would be spending my eternity in hell. A place where Isaiah tells me there is constant pain, constant turmoil, fire that will not burn out, and gnashing of teeth. I don't want that, and I don't believe anyone in their right mind would say they would prefer that to the way heaven is described by Isaiah, where he says the "former things will not be remembered (65:17) but where we will be glad and rejoice forever (vs.18) and where "never again will an infant live only a few days..." vs 20 and where children will no longer be doomed to misfortune (vs. 23) and of course that the lamb and wolf will feed together as well as the lion eating straw like an ox..( vs. 25)

All of those things sound amazing to me. They whisper peace, and contentment and joy without ceasing. I heard heaven described this way, we will get there and upon entering we will look to one another and say, "cancer? whats that? I can't seem to remember..."

"As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you..." Isaiah 66: 13

Do you need comfort? Do you want a future promise of peace without end? Do you need someone to wipe the tears from your eyes and fill that aching void in your soul? Then first, accept the fact that He was broken for you, and repent of what has broken Him, and then live on in the freedom He offers you in the cross.

He was broken for me, and for you, so that you could have eternal life. I am recognizing the magnitude of that statement today.

Over It

Have you ever felt, "Man, I wish I could just stop thinking about "this". You fill in the blank for what your "this" is. It's that thing that you can't get past, that unforgiveness, that word that someone said to you, that situation that caused you trouble, that person who ticks you off. That is your "this". And my friend, it has to go...

So it is with me, I have been living with a bit of not letting go. Only in my case..I won't let go of my past. The person I used to be was so terrible, and I've had a hard time remembering that she's gone forever. That who God replaced with that old person is who I am today, and that He is constantly perfecting me to look more like Him. I am thankful to be this work in progress. I am thankful that He extended grace, I thankful that He took the old, and made it new. I am thankful that I am no longer stuck in the yuck of who I was. I am thankful for many, many things. And so with the recognition of all of that I am thankful for, it makes me more and more aware of the person I just won't forget, and it's the old me.

I want to let her go forever and say, " GOD has forgiven you! GOD has set you FREE!" And yet, the enemy who is oh so cunning, the enemy who longs to chain me back up in my sin of past, crouches and my door, knocking, whispering lies through the cracks in my skin, "you are not new...you are not worthy...you are not saved...you are nothing." Have you ever heard those lies? When you KNOW that Christ has set you free, and yet, and yet...we choose to listen to the whisper instead of the loud true voice of freedom. It's time I get over my old self, and live in the freedom I posses. Perhaps you feel the same way.

Maybe the thing that YOU need to get over is different from mine, perhaps it's an old broken relationship, and old lie you told, and old lie someone else told to you....a person who wronged you, or someone you wronged...

Whatever it is, lets get over it the right way. The only way to truly be free, and get over the things that hold us down, chain us back up, and keep us from living in the joy we already posses, is the lie that we just "can't get over it, and let it go..."
"it'd be too hard..." we hear... "who would forgive you for that..." the voice says..."she would never understand..." "what would I say??" "and how would I say it..."

the questions ripple like water after a rock hits the glassy surface of a pool, and they seem to be never-ending. Our minds are a flit and flurry of emotions and thoughts, and once again, we get lost in the depths of..."I can never get over this..."

Friends...I'm here to tell you, we can. And it's time. It is for freedom He set us free. And in that, we will be free indeed. Every truth from the Bible speaks of the change that happens when a soul lives for Christ, when a soul dies to the former self, and takes on the new clothes, the new countenance of who He makes us. And it's so beautiful. It's so light. It's so free. And it's so worth it. Are you questioning what I say? Are you wondering what I speak of? Ask the Lord, search the Bible, look for the passages on freedom, and you will see, in every situation, when the old goes, the new comes. And life begins again. Do you want your life to begin again? Are you tired of the old way? Are you ready for something new? something exciting? Something that "takes your breath away?" Well let me tell you friends...Christ takes my breath away. Who I was before, is so gone. It's so over. It was the moment I asked for grace and forgiveness. Who I was that I know He forgave..(and continues to forgive) was gone long ago. Daily He renews me, true....but He no longer remember who I used to be. IN certain cases it's OK to recall our past and say, "look how far we have come" but let us not live in the past. Let us not live in the yuck of yesterday, and if you are still wearing some of yesterday's yuck...ask Him to help you take it off for good. And each day, as the yuck begs to be picked up and carried, you and I can say, NO!! We are free of you. We are a new creation...and we are over it.