Starving

A song keeps coming into my head tonight and it's this: "Jesus, Jesus, your the answer, to all I'm searching for." And really, its true. He is. For what comes to mind when you think of "starving"? On empty. In need. An unmet desire. An unmet "need." A longing unfulfilled. Vacancy. Lack there of. Or, lets search a little deeper..."desperate," "irrational," "willing to go out on a ledge for it..." For me, this list could go on and on. I have had this story on my mind that I remember hearing a while back about a foster mom who had 15 or so children she was taking care of, and her form of discipline was to starve the kids. One night a 15 year old boy (who weighed 80 lbs or so and was 6 ft tall) was digging through someone's trash and was discovered by another person. Of course all of this was brought to light, and the starving boy and all the others where pulled from this women's home and their starving needs were met. (Praise the Lord) But this picture of sneaking out at night and digging in the trash to meet a need keeps sticking with me. I was so struck by that image, ( I saw a the pics on the news) and I cannot erase them from my mind.

Recently, I have realized something that I am starving for, and I have been holding onto faint wisps of hope, digging through trash cans if you will for the slightest possibility of this need being met. But I'm asking myself tonight friends, "why do I keep digging in the trash can, when I have the banquet set before me?" Christ is my banquet. He is the ultimate source of fulfillment, and the ultimate filler, and yet, and yet, I still dig in the trash, thinking that maybe I'll find something better there? I never will. Only God can meet my deepest need. These needs we have, are usually running pretty deep. They go so deep in places that most people don't even know how to get there, how to fill it, or how to even really depict what it is that we REALLY need. We may think we need a new relationship because our old one feels stale. But what really need is refreshment from Christ so we (He) can pour life back into what is dead. We may think we need a new "whatever" but what we really need is to have our satisfaction be found in Christ so that we will be content because our contentment is found in Christ, whom we always have enough of. Are you getting my drift? I really think that I have a deeper issue than I realized. I have a deeper need that I have been trying to fill with something that God gives, man makes, but truly, is not the answer. Yes, the thing I desire is good. And, it's something God blesses us with. But, what I desire, meets the need of the symptom, not the source. What is the source? That is my quest.

Only God can answer my questions, only God can teach me to ask the right ones of Him and only God can meet that then-discovered need. Too much thinking? Too much digging? Too much work? Not so when you realize that if our goal is to live our very best to bring Him the most glory and have the most satisfied, filled life possible? (for His glory) Then no my friends. It's not too much work, and it is worth digging for. So tonight I sit, and I pray. Recognizing I am starving, and only He can fill me in the right way, with the right things. My body doesn't need some cheap imitation of good wholesome "food"...my body needs the real deal, the actual root of the meat of the source of the thing that will sustain. That will not run out, run dry and dissipate over time. He is the source. The beginning of it. The end of it. The only thing that makes sense of the madness, and sheds light in the dark. Bring peace where their is chaos, and fills what is so deeply empty. Are you full? Are you less than this? It's a question worth asking, and an answer worth finding. For in the end it will make everything else make more sense and all other things in our lives more worthwhile. Don't you want to live your best for the one who deserves the best? He sees our full potential. He knows what we can do really do for Him...and how it will bless us along the way. I want the fullest of the full. I want all I can get out of this life for Him, and not some cheap imitation. I want life, truth, joy, peace, and satisfaction. No more digging in the trash cans. I'm going to dig deep into His well of truth. I know He will fill me, He always has, and always will. So this time my friends, it will be no different. I'm so ready to be full.

People- NOT interuptions.

So, I've always been a self-proclaimed "selfish with my time" sort of person. I've never really seen a problem with that. I mean, who could blame me? I have three kids 4 and under, I stay at home and am lucky if I get a shower in between the time it takes to cook, clean, and care for my family. SO who would blame me for being selfish with the "few minutes I get to myself" each day. You can almost here my self righteousness....

And that's the problem. You see, if someone where to call, text, stop by or wake up during my "ME" time, watch out. Ugliness would rear her hideous head and bite. It's as if you could hear her say, " This is MY time. Don't take that from me! me, me, me. Mine. mine. mine." Yeah, I sound like I'm 2 in my head. And that'd be a pretty fair assessment. In the past, if someone would knock on my door during nap time, I'd rage inside, and either be rude when I answered the door, or not answer the door at all. If someone would call during nap time, I'd screen my calls, and hit ignore. But God has been speaking to me, and through our pastors sermon today I was again reminded of the very reason I am here on earth is to minister to others, regardless of the time they come a'knocking on my door. The same was true for my kids. I find myself getting very annoyed if the kids wake up early from their naps, or earlier than I want them to in the morning, or heaven forbid that they don't nap at all. My day could be ruined by this because lets face it, " I didn't get my "me" time". I hate saying that out-loud because it really sounds so terrible, but it's true, and saying it out loud makes me think about it. And again I tell myself, this life, is not-about-me. I'll say it again, THIS LIFE, IS NOT ABOUT ME. I might have to repeat that to myself some more, but I'll move on for right now. Why is it so important that I answer when people knock, awake, or call? Because God has put me on this earth to minister to others, and if someone comes to me with a need, and I say, "I'm busy..." what does that say in regards to my devotion to my ministry for that which I was created? It says that at the core of, I think that I am more important. That MY needs are more important to meet, that theirs. And in that, is selfishness at it's best. My needs. Not theirs. My desires. Not theirs. Me. Not them. Get it? good. "SO, you say, it's bad for any single person to have a personal need?" No. Of course not. God knows I have needs. In fact, He knows how many hairs I've got on my head. He knows my thoughts, my deep felt feelings, and my desires for rest. Do you know that He alone will lead my beside still waters, waters that will restore my SOUL? My soul cannot be restored by my own personal attempts at rest/relaxation. What is it that we are all so long for? A break! We all want a break from all of it! All of life's struggles. All of life's burden that seem to heavy to carry. SO, in our desperate attempts to fix our problems with human solutions, we do our best to rest, to escape, to find peace...at whatever cost. Even if we have to turn down the opportunity to encourage another soul, we'll do it, because MAN, we need a break. Sound familiar? I'm so sad to say, that yes, this does sound all to familiar to me. These are my thoughts my friends. And I want that to change. God will fill me! God will restore my soul! God will refresh me! In fact, He will do these things, better than I could ever dream of on my own. If only, I say, THEM FIRST GOD. YOU first God. Me last. And then my friends, the last shall be first, (in a way) and He will meet our needs. He will be faithful even when we are not, but what a reward to hear Him say, " Well DONE good and FAITHFUL servant..." And why will He call us faithful? Because we said YES when our flesh wanted to say NO. When we say YES in HIS strength, and watch as He take ordinary life "interruptions" and turns them into "God-designed appointments."

SO that's what I am striving to see when I hear the knock, receive the call, or hear the child that threatens to take away my "me" time. I know God will test me on this, and make me put my money where my mouth is, because He only desires to make me look more like HIM. And I'm OK with that. I want that. Because it will not be in MY strength that I do this. It will be in His. And in doing so, I realize that I WILL GET TO BE apart of a bigger plan, something BIGGER than me. Something BETTER than MY time. Something worth doing. Something that matters. And what matters most to God? His children. Their needs. His plan. His designs coming through to lead all those in the world to salvation. And how is He going to do this? Through His faithful servants. YOU. Me. Them.

It's the good stuff...

I feel a little speechless right now. Like, I will never find the right words to tell you all what I have written on my heart. All I know is this: God is sooo good. Read on if you want to know why.

"He has showed you, O man what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, and to love mercy, and walk humbly with your God." -Micah 6:8

Every time I start to flounder, every time I start to sink, when I turn to the Father for help, He's right there. Every time I get proud, every time I start to think I've got it together, I turn to the Father, and He shows me my folly, proves to me His goodness, and picks me back up again. Every time I feel a burden to heavy to carry, every time I sense myself beginning to feel overwhelmed, to small, or as though life is just too much to bear I remember this: Everything to God in prayer.

Today as I prayed for help, cried out for understanding, and sought His wisdom the lyrics to this song came to my mouth before I could even think. And I began to sing:

What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!

What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!

O what peace we often forfeit,

O what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

2. Have we trials and temptations?

Is there trouble anywhere?

We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?

Jesus knows our every weakness;

take it to the Lord in prayer.

3. Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?

Precious Savior, still our refuge; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?

Take it to the Lord in prayer!

In his arms he'll take and shield thee;

thou wilt find a solace there.

He is my solace... He is my peace I often forfeit, so instead, today, I'm taking it to the Lord in prayer.

Reading the words from 1 Corinthians and hearing His gentle voice to my heart say this:

" Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful.... He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts..." -1 Cor. 4: 3&5

It doesn't matter if I SOUND good. It doesn't matter how OTHERS view me. What matters are my hearts motives. The things that God sees. So instead of being so prideful that I think that I can conquer any battle on my own, solve any problem in my own wisdom, make sense of any matter with my own knowledge. Think again O my soul. Rely on Him. Depend on Him. Bring it to HIM in prayer. Oh what peace I often forfeit. Oh what needless pain I often bear....just because I did not carry, everything to Him in prayer.

"For what makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did not receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?" - 1 Corinthians 4: 7

So I say, not in my strength to I bring anything, not in my strength to have peace. I have peace only when I bring it to the Father. Precious Savior still my refuge...I'll take it to the Lord in prayer.

HE KNOWS...

I am so thankful for my Lord tonight. You see, He sees me sitting here, knowing that I need to be encouraged, and as I open His word, turn His pages that breath life into me, I KNOW that I am heard. He's better than talking to your best friend on earth. He's better than any "make you feel better" food. He's better than your spouse. He's better than having a good cry. (although if you need a good cry He'll comfort you.) He offers comfort that no one on earth ever could and He lifts your spirits in a way that only God can. It's everywhere on the pages of His word, and I just find myself eternally thankful for that word. He always tells me just what I need to hear when I need to hear it. This is one of the many blessings of having Him as my Lord and Savior and personal Father. One who hears my cry, sees my need and rushes to meet me right (and before) I call to Him. He reaches out His hands to me, and touches my face. He cradles me in His arms and He lovingly speaks words of life into my soul. He is the very beginning of everything, the only thing that really makes sense, and the only person who makes sense of things. He is the one thing that lasts. The one being who is eternal. The one I can always count on. The one who never fails. The one who never says the wrong thing. The only one who truly has my best interests at heart. And the soul provider of my true, lasting joy. He created all that is good, and helps me through all that is bad. He is the greatest thing I've ever experienced and the greatest thing I have to look forward to. He makes everything in this life pale in comparison to His great promises for me. He will never be out-done. He will never be too much. He will never be out of reach, or disappear. He will never leave. He will always be trustworthy. He is the full and only source of air that I have. He is the one I love, and long to love more deeply. He is the only thing that will never change. And the only thing I will never fully understand but can seek all my life. He is limitless. He is boundless. He knows no end. He literally goes on, forever. And He is my God. I get to call His name when I am need. I know I am blessed. I know I am the most unworthy. And yet, the most blessed. (any one who calls on His name will be saved)

He can make sense of chaos. (even when answers are not found) He heals hurts. He comforts souls, not just surface wounds. He goes into the places I didn't even know I had to fix the real deep problems I can't even make sense of and makes me right again and somehow, it all makes sense because He is my author. And my perfecter. He is the only thing I have faith in. He is the only thing that I live for (really). And I get to call His name. day after day. Time after time. He knows it all. He's seen it all. He waits for me to ask for help, (and rushes in before I even do so) He heals me. Makes me whole again. He knows my name. He knows my future, my past and my present. and loves me anyway. He forgives my limitless sins. He conquers my fears. He heals the depths of my despairs. He knows me better than any other soul. He know my soul. He knows what I just did, what I just said, and as my eyes turn and look towards His, all I see is love as I fall to my knees before Him. I honor Him. I long to honor Him more. I cherish Him and long to cherish Him more. I long for what He has in store. I long to see Him in eternity. I long for what awaits me in His eternal home. And I long to have the pains of this life be no more. But while I sit in the waiting room, I know there is so much more I can learn of Him, do for Him and experience in His glory. Half of His words i have yet to read. Still so many countless things to learn. I long to learn them. I long to see His deep secrets for me. And I'll wait on Him each moment until He finds all the right moments to teach me. I am here. I am waiting. I am longing. And He knows me. He knows who I am. The good the bad and the very ugly. And yet, and yet, He loves me still. Now that is an amazing God.

Does it control you?

Have you ever felt over-powered by something? Unable to break free of something? Unable to see beyond something? Yes...I have too.

Have you ever dreamt of the day you'd wake up and be free of that "thing" and be able to open your eyes and not think about that "longing" or that desire to NOT long for that "longing..." Me too. It's what controls us that we serve you see. You may think yourself a free person. A person who owes no-one a thing, or belongs to any other soul. You are "free as a bird.." "light as a feather.." Full of aspirations...dreams....and freedom? Check yourself my friends...how free are you...really....??

As I sat reading the word today I was struck by how much the idea of slavery is focused on in the Bible...the idea of being a slave to something can either be good or bad depending on who and what you are a slave too.

"But thanks be to God that though you used to be salves to sin, you whole heartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. You have BEEN SET FREE and become slaves to righteousness." - Romans 6:17

That's sort of backwards thinking you might have thought as you read those words...that being a slave to something can actually set you free? But when it's righteousness that you are in bondage too...it is the freeing place any soul could ever be. (i know this first hand)

"But now that you have been set free from sin and you have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to Holiness, and the result is eternal LIFE." - Romans 6:22

Yikes! Is probably what your thinking. Strong verbiage there. "slaves to God???" Do people still say that?? Yes they do, and yes we live this way BECAUSE it leads to eternal life. Holiness is freedom my friends from ever feeling squirmy about something, freedom to always be able to answer someone honestly, with a pure answer that claims, "I have nothing to hide." Can you say that? nothing to hide at all... I think we all would love to claim that...wouldn't we?

Why do we want to be pure? Why do we want this eternal life?

"The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life..."- Romans 6:23

That's why. Because as hard as it is to say, (and hear) death is the other side of life, and death my friends will happen, sooner or later. I know it's not fun to think about, but it's sort of like that terrible story on the news that you just can't pull your eyes away because you have to see the end, we all hate the idea of death, but we know we are going to have to go through it at some point, and once we hit death's wall, and move through that, where do you think you will end up? Dead? Sadly, if we have not faced the truth of Christ in life...we will face it in death.

What kind of a plan is that from a loving God? you might ask this as I have...

He has given us all the chances in the world in THIS life because in the moments after death, it's simply too late.

"But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness.."- Romans 8: 10

No one on earth is "better" than another. No one is perfect. No one is good. We are all dead in our mortal bodies. It's our choices to follow truth, to be a slave to righteousness because in the slavery to Christ, there is freedom. Life on earth with joy, and life after death for eternity. (and in the eternal life, life will be perfect, without blemish, with out flaw, no more tears.) Just saying that makes me want it now...

"What then shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who DID NOT SPARE His own son, but gave Him up for us all- how will He not also along with Him graciously give us all thing?" - Romans 8:31

Why is it that we are so in bondage to things? So controlled by people, things and dreams? Because we want it all. We want what we think will make us ultimately the most happy. The best...the greatest...having it all is our biggest dream.

Sadly it's the pursuit of happiness that often leads us to the most sadness and empty sort of life. For we were made to desire perfection because we were made to long for heaven and all it's holiness.

So really, the only thing that sets us free is slavery. Backwards thinking you say? It's not when you think that in story of faith, Jesus died to save. Therefore we offer ourselves as living sacrifices to he who died to save. I know...it sounds so radical. But the story of Jesus (which is not just a story) is radical. Grace is radical. Faith is radical. But a life that is lived controlled by Christ is the most free life you will ever live.

You know the feeling you get when your on vacation and you wake up to the sun shining, the water lapping on the beach that sits right outside your little cottage door, the coffee has just been made for you and you know that nothing stands in the way of the good you want to enjoy for that day? Eternal life with Christ is that, only multiplied by more than you can ever imagine.

So what is it that controls you? Do you see darkness? Or peace? THIS life is not perfect but with Christ, it's the best you will ever live. (not because everything is roses, but because even in trial, there is hope) Something to think about my friends....

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers neither height, not depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:37-39

It could be so much worse...

I'm giving myself a pep talk today. There are lots of things on my mind, most of them not really holding that great of importance in the broad scheme of things, but for some reason, important enough to burden me. I realize there are so many things in life that could be worse, and what I face today pales in comparison to what another soul may be facing.

It's not as though I am slipping into a hole of blackness, or I feel as though my life is over, but honestly, I feel the weight of this sinful world and it's heavy. There are some days where I simply sit back and say "Come Lord Jesus come." And today, is one of those days.

Humans have so many emotions, feelings and misleading thoughts. We are not perfect, and our world is not perfect. Therefore, why do I expect my life to feel "perfect" all the time. I know how a good day feels, and I know how a bad day feels, and yet, I flounder every time I feel the "bad day" emotions hit me. God is not a God who disappears or checks out for a while, so on my bad days, if I feel distant from Him, I need to consider that I am possibly relying on self, thinking of self too much and spending too much time focused on things that do not matter. Things that are temporary, fleeting, and not really important. I think I may have figured out my greatest issues friends...thoughts too focused on self, lead to selfish feelings, selfish actions and selfish emotions. Thoughts centered on Christ only can lead to good things. This world is full of self. And I am by nature a selfish person. SO, when I live in self, focus on self and live FOR self, go figure that I'd start to feel down. Self fails. Self is ugly. Self is not perfect. Self is not uplifting. God is perfect, God is encouraging. God offers good things. God is pure. I need to turn from self, and look full into His wonderful face. (watching the things of earth grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.)

It's difficult to turn away from our own emotions, our own feelings and desires. It's what seems so important! But in reality, it's not. The job that God has given me in caring for my family and raising my children is worth every second I spend. Every second I spend is another opportunity to give Him praise, to offer Him glory and to invest in something that matters. (my children's lively hood, salvation and well-being) I am suddenly feeling more lifted.

" He upholds the cause of the oppressed and gives FOOD TO THE HUNGRY, The Lord sets prisoners free, and gives sight to the blind, the Lord lifts THOSE WHO ARE BOWED DOWN and the Lord loves the righteous. He watches over the alien, sustains the fatherless, and the widow." Psalm 146: 7,8

Why oh why does it take a day of drowning in self to finally lay down selfish feelings long enough to look into His loving eyes? Eyes that look at me and say, "I am your solution in a dry and weary land?" You know, all other solutions fail? Coffee (although wonderful) gets old. Running, (although delightfully exhilarating) must end. Vacation, (although needed) ends. Date nights (although amazing) do not make life worth living in the end. What matters most? HIM!!! What holds us together? JESUS. What fills us up more than any treat, food or pleasure? CHRIST. I pray you hear my passion. If you are feeling as I was earlier today, let me encourage you friends...get your eyes off of yourself, your circumstances and what is going wrong in your life and start looking into the wonderful eyes of Jesus. And watch, and see and I am seeing right now, the things of THIS world...grow strangely dim. This is me, starting over today. I pretending it's a new dawn right now. And this is my new beginning.

Thank you Lord Jesus for new beginnings. That we can start over any time we ask you to clean our slate. With my slate clean, and my heart rejoicing I go forward in my day with joy in my heart and lightness in my step knowing you paid it all so that I can live free of this life's burdens that long to ensnare me, bog me down and keep me in chains. You have set me free and I will be free indeed. Amen.

Great faith? What's that?

You know the verse, "have faith as small as a mustered seed and you can move a mountain?" And I have always struggled with that because I've felt like at certain times in my life, "I have faith God! I really do!! So why aren't my mountains moving?"

Viewing Abraham who is one of the Bible's greatest men of faith I really just see a man who took God at his word. God told Abraham that He was going to do something (give him a child and increase his descendants to be as many as the stars in the sky) and Abraham believed Him. Seems simple enough. But how much time did Abraham have to believe for? Didn't seem to matter.

"Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him." - Romans 4: 18

Against all hope. Have you ever felt like that? No hope. Absolutely nothing pointed towards the understanding that the thing you were hoping for was in the cards. (at least in the near future) and yet, you held on to the hope that you had. That's faith my friend.

You want to hear some more about those mountains? Well let me tell you: It's that job that you never think your going to get but you keep striving towards it by going to interviews, and pursuing every open door you find.

It's that time goal you have for your next race...you feel as though you may never ever reach it, but as you train and train you give God your best and you keep on going.

It's that sickness for your family member that you never stop praying for healing for.

It's the battle with depression that you keep fighting because you have faith that God will sustain you.

Moving the mountain does not always means that the trouble you are praying against leaves you life. The mountain can be the WAY you endure that trouble. Your mountain may be your fear about the sickness, your fear about the race, your fear about the depression. And when you trust HIM your mountain begins to move.

"The words, "it was credited to him" were written not for him alone, but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness-for us who believe in Him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead." Romans 4: 23,24

As I was reading through these passages this morning I just kept praying, "Lord, give me eyes to see, I know that Abraham was a great man of faith, but what was it that he did so differently from the rest of us? HOW did he have so much faith? Where did this "skill" come from..."

Faith is this: Taking God at His word. Why do we feel as though we can do this? (taking Him at His word) "This righteousness from God comes through Faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe..." Romans 3: 22

and how can we believe? " But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

So lets break this down: We can have faith because we can trust Him. We can trust Him because he loved us enough to die for us while we were still faithless sinners.

Therefore I can have faith in what God is doing. This does not mean that everything sickness I pray healing over will be healed. BUT the way I am able to have hope, peace and joy in that sickness does prove His faithfulness. Without God, sickness and death are just, sickness and death. But With God there is promise of life after death, and hope in trial. Does this mean I'm going to go to my race and win it? Am I suddenly going to be able to run a 6 minute mile? Most likely not. But I can in faith trust my training, to run my best race possible.

Faith DOES move mountains, but perhaps we have spent to much time focusing on what the mountain is that we missed it's movement. A misplaced mountain, and faith can completely be missed. SO name your mountain today. And then ask God to show you how to move it. Abraham was a great man who took God at His word. Because Abraham had FAITH IN HIS WORDS based on His track record of faithfulness. And so can you. Go forward in faith today, not because your awesome, but because God is awesome. Not because your strong, but because God is strong. Not because your a perfect follower of Christ, but because Christ is perfect. That is where your source of faith comes from, tapping into it, is as easy as looking back at His past faithfulness which is written on every single page of His word.

Driven Along

Today as I spent some time in the book of Acts I was struck by a simple story. Paul in this story is currently a prisoner, and they are sailing from one shore to another, (all details can be read in Acts chapter 27, and I highly recommend you do so) but during this voyage, they are hit by a major storm, with huge winds and strong gales, waves threatening to topple the ship over.

Paul had previously warned the sailors and leaders of the voyage to not take this risk in the journey and set sail on seas that could be deadly, but being that Paul was only a prisoner, they took no heed to his warning. They really should have.

There is a verse partway through the story that really struck me and it was this:

" The ship was caught by the storm and could not head into the wind, we GAVE WAY to it and were driven along..." vs 15

Now I realize that in this story, this verse is just documentation of fact about this event, but to me, it went a little deeper. And I started asking myself questions like these: How many times have I been warned either by a person or the Holy Spirit to not venture forward, and I do anyways? And....How many times have I then realized I should've listened, but now the force in which I am caught up in my wrong way is driving me along so strongly, I am forced to give way and be drug along in a current I am not strong enough to fight...ON MY OWN.

It goes a little something like this, it was my own bad choices that got me in this mess, but now that I am here, I realize just how helpless I am to get myself out, and I realize I was foolish to disobey God in His leading...

been there...

I always think in these type of situations, "I wish I had a Paul to stand up and warn me plane as day as these men did.." but what I fail to realize is that the Holy Spirit speaks just as loudly as Paul, and the Holy Spirit resides inside of me and the person of warning would be on the outside, so my warning is clearer...and yet, I still go my own way.

Being sensitive to the pull of the Holy Spirit is key in my going the right way, in my not getting pulled into the current, in my not setting sail.

It's usually the decision to "set sail" that tempts us the most, it may be heading out into the lake of adventure that really know we should not venture into, or the deep pools of relationships that WE KNOW are all wrong for us, or the deep ocean of passions that we chase that are contrary to what the Spirit would have for us. I have so been there.

Here is the good part though:

When we take the plunge into waters we should avoid, and sail into lakes that are simply to rough for us, (because the Lord has a better place for us to enjoy cool refreshing water) there is grace when we realize we are now being driven along, against our will, and we realize how weak we are out there on our own.

In the story of this voyage from Acts, Paul receives a word from an angel of the Lord who informs Paul that he and all the men on the ship would be saved if they stayed on the ship, and of course, our God followed through on His words to Paul. The ship landed, the ship was wrecked but the men were saved. God's glory was seen even in their failure to obey Him. And this is what happens with us as well.

When we screw up, take a swim where we should not, realize our folly and cry out for help, He ALWAYS comes to our side, and as we lean into Him for help in the midst of our chaos, we begin to respond in a way that reflects the Father rather than self and others pick up and take notice.Glory is brought the Father, and we of course, learn something huge.

We are weak on our own. Our Father in Heaven has more strength that we can even fathom, more wisdom that we can relate to and more understanding than every genius in this world combined.

And yet we think we know better. Amazing isn't it? We don't have to go our own way. We can listen to Him and obey Him and avoid being driven along. But when we do fall, when we do get caught up, He is there to rescue us with grace if only we cry out about our ignorance. I do this daily. And so I am most thankful for His grace. Aren't you?

More Blessed...

SO I have to be honest with you readers, my attitude in the home lately has been just terrible. I had a few days where my husband was sick and I was taking care of more than my normal share of things, giving of my down-time, my energy and my moments that used to be for MY personal using. I started to feel pretty great about myself. I started think that I was really quite a marter. Yeah, pride does for sure come before the fall of mankind. Then, after I fell, I've the next few days feeling sorry for myself. I mean really, "poor me because I have beautiful children that God blessed me with that I have to take care of, poor me that I have a warm, safe home to live in and clean, Poor me that I have a husband who happens to need extra help right now, but one who normally takes care of all our families financial needs, and loves me without ceasing...yeah, that's right. poor me. boo hoo.

*note sarcasm*

I've been praying and praying throughout this time that the Lord would help me, encourage me, and help me through this "difficult" time.

I'm not saying that doing a huge workload at home is easy. It's not. It is in fact very tiresome somedays, but let me tell you something that the Lord shared with me today:

"IT IS MORE BLESSED TO GIVE THAN TO RECEIVE." - Acts 20: 35b

And it is. Have you ever stopped to think about the times when you were the most content, the most fulfilled and the most joyful? Why, for me it's when I know I'm helping someone else. But I often forget this in my selfish times and go back to the "give me" attitude that I hate so much in myself.

That is not pleaseing to my Father. Faith with action is dead. Saying that I love my family and that they are my biggest blessings is great except for the fact that I whine and complain when I actually have to take care of them. Yep...poor me.

I'm telling myself to shape up. God is telling me to shape up and I realize my folly. So as I say "forgive me Lord..." for the hundredth, millionth, time I feel the refreshment of the Lord wash over me. It's not about me.

It's all about Him, and what He wants to do with me. He cares deeply for me, and wants His very best for me. He sees that I am tired, and longing to be refreshed, and refreshment is what He offers me. "He gives strength to the tired and weary, and His understanding no one can fathom."-Isaiah 40:29

His understanding I cannot fathom, but He longs to give my tired, weary body strength. And yours...

So as I divorce my attitude of self today, won't you join me in the prayer that claims...

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I AM the LORD, your GOD, the HOLY ONE OF ISRAEL , your SAVIOR." - Isaiah 43: 2-3

Look at your circumstances through HIS EYES. Don't waste time comparing your "miserable circumstances" to someone else's rosy looking life. Remember the truths that He has set out for you who follow after Him...

"I Will turn the darkness into light before the, and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do: I will NOT FORSAKE THEM." -Isaiah 42: 16b

You are not forsaken, and neither am I.