Friday, June 15, 2012

Cross over the lines.

Boom! My head hits the wall. BAM! I smack against the wall again. Crack! I hit it one more final time. How many times do I have to hit my head on the wall before I realize, hitting the wall does not make it move? To move a wall you need a big crew of people who know what they are doing. You need the right tools. The right amount of time.
When was the last time you had a bitter, mean, hateful word said to you, and it made you change what you were doing? Usually when someone says something to me in anger, I resist them all the more. So why, and I ask myself this...do I think that saying something in anger to another person whom I might disagree with, would cause them to change? My words, my bitter angry devouring words will never change another person.
And a third thought, how do I practically live our Jesus's words, "I desire MERCY, not sacrifice..." Sacrifice is all outward. Mercy is what's on the inside. I'll do something to show someone my deep deep love for Jesus by the way I sacrifice for Jesus. I hate to even say that because what could I ever sacrifice to Jesus that would "pay Him back" for what He did for me on the cross. Nothing. I can do nothing. Mercy however, is saying in effect that, "Jesus, I have nothing, but my life. Use my life. To love others. To be your hands and feet. Use me as you will..." And in that friend, even in that place, I still think, "It's a gift to be used.."
You have seen the scenario..(in my own life) I do something grand...I tell everyone about it, or hope that someone else will speak of my grand sacrifice that I bestowed benevolently on another undeserving individual, all for my glory in the end though. Because honestly, could you imagine if I did this wonderful thing and no-one noticed? Oh the agony! I realize i'm being a little antagonistic towards myself here, but I don't want to use another person, i'm the best example I could think of.
Jesus says, "by their fruit you will know them." "I desire mercy, not sacrifice." "Love God, love my people."
So in light of these statements I have a few thoughts.
This life I am in, is not eternal. This life will fade. It's temporary. The battle is really not against flesh and blood. I want to be a faithful minister for Jesus. He has for some reason chosen to use me. (by grace) and I want to make myself absolutely and UTTERLY available to Him. I want nothing to hinder Him and I from having a good relationship. What hinders us? My sin. My flesh gets in the way so often. I choose to do something to self gratify myself. Like, elevate myself above another, choose to not help someone. Choose to put someone down with my words, or in my heart. I choose to respond selfishly. I choose me, over Him. That's what it is really. But outwardly I can still maintain a "sacrificial" demeanor. In the social media world an d in the eye of the watching world, I can look really good. But God knows my secrete motives, my heart. My secrete desires to simply pray my loud prayers in the public square, and ultimately do things that only make me look good to others. This is how I am in my flesh. Really.
So when I see this, I say yuck. And I decide that it stinks bad enough that I am going to moment by moment put on Jesus Christ's attitude through prayer, and in the meantime pray for a vision for the eternal. To pray for a mindset to sink deep within my person that considers the next life, more real than the life I am in now. To lay aside the sacrifices, and put on the mercy. To say the thing that draws us together. To do the thing that connects the great expanse. To put on the attributes of Christ, and to put off the ways of the flesh. I know I can do this only through Jesus, and when the good has been done that HE has asked me to do for Him, in Him, by Him, with me as His gloves, I turn around and give His name all the fame.
It's a new way of thinking. Image control is huge. I want to lay aside my image and cross over the lines and live like He did. How many years have I wasted living for myself? To gratify the desires of my flesh? I don't want to be holy because then others will say, "Oh look how Holy she is..." No. He says, "be holy because I am holy." I want to be holy, because it blesses others.
Only He can make it legit. Only He can make this be real in me. By the fruit you will recognize them. I don't want fruit that is lovely on the outside but rotten and moldy on the inside. Have you ever seen a peach that is like that? You pick it out at the store because it LOOKS sooooo good. But the second you bite into it, it's dry, and gross. I don't want to be that kind of person. I don't want to wear the Jesus t-shirt but flick off my husband. I don't want to be the fraud who says I love you, but thinks nothing about cutting you off in traffic. Why the severity? Because. Hebrews 9:14 tells me that I "serve the living God." And one day, I will be with Him for all of eternity, in my eternal home. My life now?  A mist and a vapor. I'm gonna start living like it's fleeting and live hard for Jesus now, knowing my eternal reward will be there, and I want to live for my Jesus, the way my Jesus lived. Mercy, not sacrifice friends. Lets cross over the lines and love, and live like He did. (and lives through you and I.)

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