The Proof

I have been pondering something, and by pondering I mean seeking the Lord, and praying about an idea. Really, it all comes down to belief doesn't it? What we believe in...and how much weight we put on that belief. If we just "kinda" believe in something, we won't put our full weight on it. Like when you were five and you started to question if the tooth fairy wasn't really real...so you went ahead and put the tooth under your pillow without telling your parents? And awoke to the bare fact that no money had been left. So the next night you told your parents and wallah! Money. Guess who doesn't believe in the tooth fairy anymore. (If your real hardcore you might try that sequence again, but getting same results you will eventually come to the point of not believing.)
So it is with our faith.
The Pharisees really, just did not believe Jesus when He said He was God's son. It's why they followed all the rituals to the T, and continued in the old way of life even after the new way of life had been presented to them. They refused to believe that there was something better then the old law they were used to living by. Their old way of "salvation." They continued to wash their outsides clean, with attitudes that festered inside. I of course can relate on some levels. We all probably can if we really are honest with ourselves. It's hard to point a type of finger if you yourself have ever wrestled with some form of belief in Jesus.
I always wondered what Jesus meant in Mark 8:15 where He states that His disciples should "watch out for the yeast of the Pharisees's." It seems oddly placed with what He speaks of next..."Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears, but fail to hear? And don't you remember? When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many baskets did you pick up? "twelve" they replied. (verses 18-20)

Doesn't that seem oddly placed? And for years I have been left wondering, (without verbalizing it to the Lord) what this really meant. He was clearly frustrated with His followers for not getting this either, and I was frustrated that I wasn't any smarter then they were. (but I failed to call upon the wisdom of the Lord)
So today as I was processing this passage once again, it hit me...and I asked HIM to show me what the meant. And here is what I got. It all comes down to belief. His disciples literally heard the bread break, and the baskets they picked up with their own hands was tangible proof that He was the real deal. And He said, watch out for the yeast, the unbelief of the Pharisees. They ACT like they belief. But they do not believe the proof.
Today I was thinking, I hope that I am not one of those people who act really nice out in public but come home and am a total jerk to everyone I am related too. (been that) And I also hope that the fruit that I am producing is sincere. BINGO.
Pure. Sincere. Real. Honest.
That is what I want on the inside.
Clean the inside of that cup would you...HE says to me.. (HE says it nicer and then offers to clean it for me if only I commit to leave my life of sin) Clearly...no one has condemned me and it is HIS kindness that has led me to repentance. So I hold out the cup...the yucky stuff on the inside too and ask Him to do the works on me.
Now I am clean. But I walk away, and put some more junk back in my cup. It's plain to me that I do not believe fully. If I did, I would have left my life of sin, and lived like Jesus desired. So here I sit. Processing all of this. I don't want to produce yeast in line with the Pharisees. But quite honestly, is my life the proof of my belief in Him? Is my life the proof of Jesus?
Is my marriage and pure, holy representation of how Christ loves His church?(The way I love my husband in word and deed)  Is my "sincerity," sincere?
I have done some self reflection here. If I am to be as Abraham, and as his belief was accredited to him as righteousness, shouldn't my life be the proof? (the inside of my life)
Yes. It should.
He went to the cross because of unbelief. Eve disbelieved that God would tell her the whole truth in the garden. The people disbelieved that Jesus was the Christ, the Savior. And I now am faced with the choice as well. Do I believe with my whole self? I saw the bread. I ate the bread. I heard it break. And Jesus, I commit...LET MY LIFE BE THE PROOF. For your Glory Jesus. For your glory.