When It's Just Not Happening ( "unanswered prayer")

I am just like a little child with her face pressed up against the window waiting expectantly for her Daddy to return home from work, she presses her nose up the glass too "see better". The glass fogs up and she turns her face to the clock, 'How long will he be?" She asks her mother.

Many days I feel adults wait this way too. I know I have at different phases of my life. In fact it has happened so many times to me, I question, "Is life just one big waiting room?"

How many times have I lifted my face towards heaven and said, "When Lord?" When will "it" happen. When will my prayers be answered. How long?

I assume I am not the one out there who has felt this way. The unmet desire may be different but the questions still remain. And some days I have to fight against the desire to say, "Lord, why is this taking so long." God always gently reminds me that He is never late.

I sigh and in my heart I know He is trustworthy, so once again, I rest my case with Jesus, because I know He knows it all, therefore He knows what's best. And in that truth, I can rest.

But what do to with the ache in your heart as you wait? When all possible methods have been exhausted, and  no leaf has been left unturned? Then what?

In the past, as I wrestled with unanswered prayer, (at least the answer I was looking for) I became impatient and I attempted to take matters into my own hands. There are times God asks us to act on our own behalf, but we will know what this action should be because He will line things up.

"It's hard to feel like I'm just sitting on my hands Lord..." I have said. But I recognize that my efforts are futile if God is not behind the action, propelling it forward.

What should I do with this longing then...

The truth is, is that if my longing was fulfilled, and my miracle granted, (which I absolutely believe God intervenes in miraculous ways in our daily lives) would I be happier? Would my life lack sorrow? Would my days be only filled with joy? The answer is no.
Even if my deepest prayer was answered, I know I'd still have difficulty, disappointment and trial.
SO why pray for my miracle? Why pray for my desired end? Because He asks me to.

"Ask, and it will be given to you, seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7

He wants me to communicate with Him. He wants me to share my heart, and poor out my deepest longings.

I know one thing, when I cry out to God in my moments of longing, and desire, He meets me there. HE answers me with His presence. I am not alone, and I feel held. Is my prayer answered always the way I wish it would be? No...
But even Jesus prayed,
"Lord, not my will but yours.."
SO that is how I pray now. I tell the Lord me desires, I pour out the ache, the sorrow and the discouragement, but at the end of the day I say this: "Lord, your ways are best, your will over mine."

It has taken me many years to be able to say that prayer and mean it. To literally trust Him more than I fear.
He has taken me down the road of trust for many years, and even now, after all this time with Him teaching me, I still falter some days.

As I sat down to write this my heart began to break for all the woman I know right now who are waiting for something, woman who are seeking God, and praying for His perfect will in their lives, and I recognize, He has them on a road that is all their own. And what He will teach them is unique to them, and to you.
Whatever road of waiting that God has asked you to walk, know that you are not on this road all by yourself, Your Father who sent His son to die to for you, and who already gave you His best gift, Jesus, will not leave you hanging.

It may not be in your perfect timeline, and my not look exactly how you thought it would look, but His purposes and plans for you are as clear and true and blue sky above you.

So many times I take back what I have handed to God already...I visualize sticking my "unanswered prayer" or "dream" in a box, and handing it to Jesus. And He always took good care of it. He knew what was in my box, and I know He would carry the burden of my hurts better than I ever could. So then I could just be free, knowing God was holding my desires in His hands.

It doesn't mean I don't still get sad about it once and while, but it does mean that I and my burden are being held by one who has the power to hold it all together, and One who never misses a beat.

Jesus goes beyond my expectations into a realm I cannot even imagine. So once again, I hand Jesus my box of desire, and I tell Him, "this is yours."

With hands free from burden, I lift them up to heaven and say, "Your first, I want you most, the rest is up to you!"
And as I walk away from the window I've had my face pressed up against for however long, I realize that I've had my answer all along, He's here...AND He's never going to leave me. What He does with this life I live, is up to Him, and I can trust Him in this...
So I pray, I pour out my heart, laying my requests before my God and King, and with a face lifted towards heaven I say, "LORD, NOT MY WILL, BUT YOURS BE DONE!" 

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Hebrews 13:8

Filling The Void

I am the queen of "if there is a space let's fill it." Or at least I used to be.
This world to date is so full of stuff is it not? We can have whatever we want, whenever we want, and in reality, it may be to our detriment. I am constantly reminding myself that "more" does make me happier.
I suppose this is something we all know, but have a hard time living out. I know that my new top will not make me happy long term but I get it anyway. I know that my new toys for the kids will not make them joyful long term, but I buy them anyway. Why do I do this?
I used to not ever wonder, I just bought, and bought and bought. Why did I do this?
I was trying to fill the void.
SO what's the void I speak of?
It's like an itch you can't scratch, a memory you just can't quite remember, a longing you just can't put your finger on, but yet it's there.
Like when your hungry for something but you can't figure out quite what it is.
That's the void.
You will rarely feel the void when life is grand. When the sun is shining and your friends are surrounding you. No, the void really shows up when your alone. When it's dark, when the rain drizzles down and the hot cup of coffee you hold just isn't warming you on the inside.
That's the void.
I wrestled with the void for most of my life. And without really knowing what to do about it, I grabbed everything in sight to try and help  me fill the void, a new outfit, a new job, a new boyfriend...and strangely, nothing worked.
Until one day, Jesus finally got ahold of my heart.

"Come to me all you who are weary and I will give you rest." Mathew 11:28

"I am the bread of life, whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty." John 6:35

This is the type of thing that requires taking a plunge. It's the type of thing that you don't realize you needed it so bad until you have lived with it for a few moments.
God met me in a hospital bed several years ago. It took great trial to cause me to realize the gaping void in my life. Anyone who knew me before could tell you that life before Jesus was not pretty.

I was in constant pursuit of things to satisfy myself, but once I got what I wanted I was never truly
able to enjoy because I was not at peace with myself, or God.

I kept trying to fill what God only could. I kept trying to find a substitute for the real thing. Only to come up short realize it just can't be done. Who wants sugar free when they can have the real deal?

Having nice, new things is not bad. Enjoying the latest and greatest is not bad. But where things go sour is when my hope is placed in those things, when I look to find my joy and contentment from the next best thing.
Things will never satisfy.
Ever.
Only Jesus, the Creator of us, will satisfy us.
His scripture is full of words that fill your body, mind and soul with truth that gives peace.
Reading my Bible used to feel like a chore, to dust off the archaic old book that God wrote thousands of years ago, and do my best to focus my mind on it for 20 minutes each day. I set my clock in my head and rejoice when my time was up. Whew! Done for the day. I thought if I read the Bible I'd be in better standing with God. So I kept up with the habit for sake of patting myself on the back.
As you can imagine, I did not grow from what I read, for it made no impact on me. I did not take His words to heart, and they certainly did not inspire me to do His will, or to follow Him.

The other night, as I read the story of Jesus calling Matthew to be His disciple, I was struck by this.
I pictured Jesus walking towards my table as I, Matthew, sat there collecting taxes. I had everything I wanted in life, tax collectors were quite well off, and I was living in a beautiful home. I had everything the world had to offer.
Then Jesus. Jesus showed up. He stood in front of my table, and stared at me with eyes full of love, kindness and something I suddenly knew I needed to have. What was it that was in His eyes? What was it about that gaze that was so intoxicating? He had something money could never buy, He had life. He had joy.  He had salvation. He had a narrow road. And I, Matthew, wanted it!
So I stared at Jesus, as He stood there in front of my tax booth table, He looked at me and simply said, "Follow me."
And without even knowing what had happened, I found myself on my feet and following after this man. I hung onto every word He said. He spoke words my ears had longed to hear, words of peace, contentment and joy. Words a tax collector had no knowledge of. I only knew lust, greed and desire.
But this man, Jesus, had something my soul craved, so I left. I left it all to follow Him.
(derived from Matthew 9:9-10)

So that in essence is what happened to me, and really it's what happens to any person who finally catches a glimps of what Jesus can bring to our lives.

It truly gives life the phrase, "I once was blind, but now I see."

Once I began to follow after Jesus just as Matthew did, I felt the void that I had dealt with my whole life, begin to dissipate. Slowly, I felt a loss of desire for more stuff. I wanted to be kinder, and less selfish, and recognized the places in my life where I had misplaced my focus.
Focusing on Jesus causes me to see Jesus and not everything the world tells me I need to make myself happy. Instead, it makes me see that Jesus has already given me everything my soul needs. Life, joy and peace. Salvation.
Jesus is my Savior in every sense of the word.
And He can be yours too. Be like Matthew. Stand up, and follow Him.

Desperate

Last night as I was contemplating Jesus, and how badly I wanted to hear audible words from Him, and what I wouldn't give to just see Him, and spend a day sitting with Him in real person, my heart ached for His physical presence.

I got the image of a person running through a forest, searching, desperate and looking frantically for another. Like how a desperate mother feels when she has lost sight of her small child while at the beach. She is desperate, she is frantic, looking.

I felt this way about Him last night. Looking, running, searching desperate for Him, and His words. I imagined myself in the days of when Jesus was walking on earth, and to know He was there, but not with me would drive me crazy.
I pictured myself slipping out the front door and running through the night, looking on every street corner, ever bunch of trees, every hill, every valley, until suddenly, I run into a clearing, and there He is, sitting on a bench waiting for me.
I start to weep! I found Him! There He is! I rush to His side, bury my face into His hug. "O Jesus! I was looking for you everywhere!!! I wanted to be with you so bad."

"I'm right here, come sit with me for a while.." He said. My aching heart was soothed. I was comforted. The sigh of relief from desperation slips from my lips. I'm content. I'm with my Master. I'm at peace.

There was another woman who felt this way in the Bible too. Mark 5:25-34

25 And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. 26 She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. 27 When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, 28 because she thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.”29 Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.

30 At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched my clothes?”

31 “You see the people crowding against you,” his disciples answered, “and yet you can ask, ‘Who touched me?’ ”

32 But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. 33 Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. 34 He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.”

She was desperate. She knew Jesus was her only hope for healing. Her only source for true freedom.
I've come to realize this too, and it has left me desperate for Him, more of Him, thankful for Him.

No matter the storm, Jesus can calm it, and if He does not want to take the storm away right away, He holds me up in the midst of it. Even if it doesn't look like how I thought it would, it matters not, as long as I'm with Him, I'm ok.

Duet. 31:6 Says this:

6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”


He is always, always, always with me. I need only to trust in His provision. I need to lean on His shoulder for my support. To be thankful in the midst of the trial, and be at peace in the storm as He is.

Lately the Lord has shown me that He is all I need. Even in the midst of struggle, trial and sorrow, I can be thankful.
Be thankful IN all circumstances. Not just after the trial is over, not just before the trial starts, but IN the midst of the trial, and I can be thankful, because I have something greater than anything words can describe: I have Jesus.

So here I sit, my head on His lap, His hands on my head. He comforts me. He encourages me. He gives me words of strength and encouragement ... I trust in no one else. I rest in Christ alone.

Psalm 40:1-3 is the thankful cry of my heart.

 I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry.

2 He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings.

3 And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord.

Aligning With God (His plan, His way, NOT MINE)

"A Horse Is a vain source of hope." Says Psalms,
But in contrast,  David writes later in the Psalms, "With God I can scale any wall."
Isaiah 30 says, "woe to you who relies on Egypt.." and in contrast Matthew 6:33 says, "Seek first His kingdom and ALL THIS will be added unto you."

I don't know how many times I've read these verses, but never have I thought about their real implications of them. Anything against God, will fail. Really, this is what it states at it's core.
So when my rebellious heart says to itself, "I'm going to do this whether God likes it or not." I lie to myself and to God, in essence I think that I myself, A mere human being could win without the help of my God.

God, all powerful, who made me is greater than anything I could ever dream up, or build, or do. Any escape plan I formulate, any tactic, or help will not stand a chance against the omnipresent, all powerful, and all knowing God.

This is really to our benefit though, and yet so often we fight it.

We all have the plans that form in our heart, about how it is we intend to get what we want, but do we stop to ask "Is this what God wants?" before we plan? Before we build, before we scheme, before we buy and before we speak, do we ask the Lord of His desires for us?

Sometimes I do, and many times I don't.

"How do YOU O LORD want me to respond?" The Lord loves to lovingly direct and respond to His children, we need only to ask. And then watch to see what He does in response to our heartfelt question and request of direction.

"I want to do the Lord's will." I've said it a million times, but do I really? What about when God asks me to do something contrary to my desires? To give something up, knowing He has something unseen by me that is better...

So instead I fight, I pull and I drag my feet, but in the end, after the struggle, and I lay myself exhausted at His feet in surrender, and I get to the goodness I fought against, I see the pointless ambition in chasing after my own desires, instead of His.

But O the great grace of God. He is so patient with me, not wanting any man to perish. So carefully He directs me, so patiently He leads me, sometimes through difficulty, but never am I alone.

If I stay close to Him, if I listen to His voice, if I lay my head on His chest and listen to the heartbeat of His direction, O the peace I live in.
Even in trial I am in peace. Even in struggle I am thankful, even when I don't get what I thought I needed.

God does know best.

I want to align my heart with His. Align my desires with His. To want what He wants. To go where He wants me to go, knowing that it's in this dangerously wonderful place that I can finally rest.
There may be a storm waging ahead, and winds that threaten to topple, odds that stack up against me with staggering force, and circumstances that would make anyone question what God was doing..but we don't question. Why? Because of God.
God is God and we are not.
"Be still and know that I am God" He says.
"Trust Me"  He says. Why? Because He made us.

The rebellion of my heart astounds me at times. The waywardness of my desires flabbergasts me. But the patience of my God is what really shocks me.
He is so patient. So kind, so perfect.

He gently restores me, He teaches me, but with the best tactics. He instructs me so perfectly. And in the end, He makes me better.
He wants me to be the best version of myself.

I want to do His will. I want to be who HE wants me to be. I want to DO what He wants me to do. I want to obey. I want to live the life HE wants me to live. I want to minister where HE wants me to minister. I want to say the words HE wants me to say.

Psalms says this, "In His heart a man makes his plans, but the LORD directs His steps"

Jamie Grace sings this...."You lead, I'll follow, your hands hold my tomorrow, your will, your way, I know you've got me tenderly."

I think she says it best.

Praying earnestly that God will align your heart with His desires for you and watch as your flower unfolds. You may face trial, you may face difficulty, but woe to the man who thinks that they can succeed against the Lord.
God's forgiveness is always available, and His condemnation? It's gone when your in Christ Jesus, but don't take this as a free license to continue in your sin and rebellion.
God's grace is sufficient and His plan is perfect.

We can walk, rest and LIVE in this truth.

Forgotten how to INSPIRE

There is a song out right now that speaks of how all people everywhere are so busy trying to build their empires, they have forgotten how to inspire others, whether it be with the talents, gifts and abilities that God gave them, or with words, or actions. Regardless, we are a busy people, living busy lives, and we strive very hard to make the most money we can, and live the best life ( possessions wise) as though this will make us happy, all the while completely forgetting about how to inspire others. There are some days where my job of being a stay at home mom is anything less than an inspiration, in fact some days, it feel like I instead, slipped and fell in the mud. But God in His infinite grace, picks me up, dusts me off and shows me once again a renewed sense of the immense job HE gave me. The job of inspiring my children, pointing their faces heavenward, teaching them the deep and simple truths about Christ all throughout the day. As we walk along the road, ride in the car, sit around the dinner table and play with legos. There is always a time to speak His name, and the time is now.
The other place we inspire is at a place of employment, or in your sport, or with the excellence God has given you in a certain field of interest. God grants us many interests and abilities, and He expands our fields sometimes to grow you, and I for His Kingdom, for His glory.

God amazes me with His creativity, and all the different talents and abilities He gives people, and He fuels our abilities by placing us in situations in which our field of talent can grow, for His glory, but also....to Inspire others.

Have you ever thought about your abilities that way? That they are there to help and encourage others? TO lift others up? This means, also that there will be times that God expands you, promotes you, elevates you to be in a place where your name will get noticed, but the catch is this: He does not do this so our name can be known, and our empire can grow. He does this so that we can encourage, build up, give others more confidence and ultimately to bring His name more glory. This all happens when we respond in the God glorifying way, as opposed to the self glorifying way.

Ecclesiastes 5:11 says this:

" As goods increase, so do those who consume them. And what benefit are they to the owners, except to feast their eyes on them."

If my desire is to simply build my empire within my own home, to grow my own personal environment, then I am better off not doing this.

And then this verse, I find this next one to be the pinnacle for the spring board of my thinking:
Ecclesiastes 4:4

"And I saw that all toil and all achievement spring from one person's envy of another. THis to is meaningless, a chasing after the wind."

Envy? Or Inspiration. That is my question. Are we striving, perusing, building and doing because we are truly just envious of someone else?  Essentially, we say that they had " it " and then we of course, were filled with desire for that same thing. So in many cases, we don't just want what they have, we compete with them and want what they have, only better.

I doubt this is how God intended for it to be. Don't you think? I think if He spoke audibly to us He would not commend our envy, our biting and devouring. It's not pleasing to Him, nor does it give His name any glory what so ever.

Rather, what if we did something different with our gifts, abilities and talents. We blessed and Inspired others. We set pride, envy and desire for more wealth aside, and we purely and simply gave God free reign with what we did, and how we did it. Spirit led talents, and design.

What if we said nothing of what "WE" did, but rather, thanked Him for an opportunity to encourage and inspire others, I wonder how much more content we would be.

Contentment, satisfaction and peace within our doings is really what we are all striving after. We love recognition because this makes us feel important, but what is importance really? To know that we were really something. That our life had meaning and purpose. For fame ,beauty and riches fade, and none of them can you bring with you when you die. Why not take what God has given you and use it to inspire others. God and only God can teach us how to leave a legacy of inspiration. And remember, it's not about our name being known, but His. If no one knows my name when I die, I care not. What I do care about is that through the way my life was lived, His name was famed, and those around me were encouraged and inspired. For His name, for His glory, I live by His grace.

The American Dream

Since the time we are children we see what type of life our parents were working towards.
One where they were free from care, concern and could buy anything they wanted. One where the cupboards were always full, (and topped with crown molding) and this is where peace was (is) found.

If you could list the American dream of a middle class working person it would most likely sound like this: Have the best job for their education, and have best and nicest house in their financial bracket, have the nicest car within their affordability, wear the nicest clothes that were within their means and eat out as often as their budget allowed.

The American dream for the stay at home mom, have a husband who provides for her and the family, a car that impresses her friends, enough money so she can freely buy what she wants for herself and the kids. A schedule that allows her to relax and do things for herself, and to be thin.

The American dream for the athlete, to be the best at what he/she does. To be at the top of the charts. To have people know your at the top of the charts. (thanks to Facebook this is really quite possible)  To have the latest gear, know the latest information so that you can perform at the top of your game for your identity to be known as one who does well, always!

So where then does the "dream" fit in for those who follow Jesus? I wonder what Jesus would think about my dreams.
I'm no different, I want the best for myself too. I'm selfish. I care sometimes too much about what other people think about me. I want to be the best at what I do.
But there is a shift in my thinking lately.
Here's why. If I do all I do for the glory of me, it's fading and when I die, so does all I worked so hard to attain. If I live for the latest the greatest and the most beautiful, you tell me how long that will last after I breath my last?
It's like I think I can take it with me to heaven.

Lately, the world has lost it's glimmer for me. Lately, the things of earth have begun to grow strangely dim. I am thankful for all He has blessed me with, and I would not for one second like to take it for granted, (although I do at times) But the reality of how absolutely fleeting and temporary this world is absolutely astounding me.

SO now, back to the American dream for the believer, here is my new list:
To do all I do, for the glory of God. To work my best for the King. TO live for an Audience of One, and to minister in any way possible to everyone I can.
To lay down my pride, and let others go first.
To NOT judge, and to not consider myself better or more important than another.
To NOT take for granted that which God has so graciously given to me.
TO take note of the little gifts and wonders in each day and to pray through every step I take.
So I take those steps, whether back or forward in His name, for His glory, for the purpose of His Kingdom.

My new American dream of course is absolutely unattainable in the flesh, (meaning in my own strength) but this sort of living would be better classified as "Spirit Led Living."

It's not that I scorn the nice things, or shun my athletic progress or turn my nose up a fancy new car, I actually admire their beauty, and enjoy their abilities as things God has created, but I don't idolize them nor should I ever make them my end all and be all.
That position belongs to Christ alone.
Do you get the difference? The shift has been made in my thinking and truly, all I once held dearer than dear has begun to become strangely dim.
I want what God wants for me. His dreams are my dreams. His aspirations are mine, and I want His dreams, because I know it's what's best.
There are days this is hard, but this is why I rely not on my own strength or ability to stay in this type of thinking and living. I rely FULLY on the grace and strength God provides.
Quite frankly, I want Jesus to come back right now.
But until I see the skies part and I go up in joy, I will live here as He designed me to, doing His bidding, and living my life for the glory of God.
I give Him praise for all He has blessed me with and I stare in wonder that the God of the universe would take the time to provide money for me to go to Starbucks. :) :)
Thank you Jesus, I live for you.

Trick or Treat, And Full Of Deceit

A day to dress up, do something fun, and get candy. That's it right? That's all it is! Harmless. Completely and utterly harmless.
That is how I felt about Halloween for many years.
I never really took the time to evaluate what Halloween was really about, and why it's celebrations were celebrated in the darkness, and centered around dark figures.
Ghosts, witches, vampires and the walking dead are all among the guests at this dark party. Blood, gore and sheer death were also welcome.
Come on in, and bring your innocent 3 year old with you. She's sure to love it.
So certainly not all Halloween parties reach that level of darkness, but even the children are dressed as vampires.
Do you know what vampires do? They suck blood. At least that's what they do in the stories you hear.
How about witches? They play with darkness, they play with black magic and they were far from pleasing to the Lord in the Bible times. I doubt He has changed His feelings towards them.
The truth about darkness is this: It defies the light. It shuns the light, it hates the light.
The scriptures tell us to "Put aside the deeds of darkness."

Why draw a line in the sand? Why make it so serious? I will tell you why. If it, (the thing) has anything to do with celebrating evil, darkness or satan himself, I will have no part.
I want no part in bringing glory to that which opposes the light.
All things good, pure and light, these are things that encourage, build up and give peace are what I ought to focus my attention on.

Many times our children have no clue what they are really celebrating, it's only known that we (adults) like to get dressed up too, we like a night to go out and be crazy and it's fun to have pretend blood dripping down your chin. Our children are watching.

"My children dress up like Moses, or Noah..." That's good. They can do that any day of the week though. And Noah and Moses would not have dared to venture into the celebration of death that we so carelessly raise our glass to each October 31st.

I have begun to pray already for darkness to retreat, praying over that day, and what it means for my neighborhood.
If only we had spiritual eyes and could see the enemy prancing around that night, enjoying his delightfully dark night.

Halloween is like Satan's birthday. That's what we call it at our house. We will not celebrate such a terrible thing.

I really do think that it's from pure and simple ignorance and being naive that keeps most of us from caring about the real implications of Halloween.
So we put up "cute" little ghosts in our yard, and funny looking skeletal figures with some nice red eyes, or green, and we say, Trick or Treat!

I hate how I was so duped for those years, duped into thinking that celebrating the dark for just one day, was harmless. I shutter to think that I gave the enemy glory as I dressed up my two and three year old. But I did it, because everyone else was!

Over the years, the Lord asked me to take a long hard look at the reason's why I felt bad saying NO to the evil that knocked on my door each Halloween night. My reasons were shallow, and so I laid aside my will. I said No to this form of evil, and I locked my doors to it. I prayed for Spiritual protection, and for God to guard my home on that night of darkness. I'm not afraid of the darkness, but I want my shield held high.

Perhaps you disagree, or perhaps you do agree and have never thought about this day, October 31st in such a way.
But either way I do challenge you examine your own reasons, and come up with a answer that falls in line with what God desires for you.

A Fruitful Vine (wives)

Psalms talks about how a man who serves the Lord and walks in obedience receives a reward. One of those rewards mentioned is a wife who is like a "fruitful vine."
Call me old fashioned but wives, have you considered yourselves to be a "reward" to your husband, and are our lives comparable to a "fruitful vine" as we work in our homes and with our children?
Are our husbands blessed by us when they walk through the door, or are we more of a curse than a blessing.
Many days I may just as well fall into the curse category. (unfortunately) I'm all worn out from my long day, and I am not particularly interested in how I can "be a blessing" to my husband.
After all, I worked just as hard as him I say to myself. Issue Number 1 with this starts here! It's in my thinking. I'm feeling overwhelmed, I'm feeling exhausted by my endless list of "to do's" and I'm also feeling a little sorry for myself, after I all I tell myself, "my husband didn't have to do his job with a two year old screaming bloody murder all day." Depending on how mad I am I add a "fricken" in between bloody, and murder. (now you see the flaw?)
It's not a battle of who worked harder.
Here is where I find my road that starts to bring some clarity to my situation. Of course it starts with Jesus. It always does.
I realize I have been many things unpleasant which of course calls me to be thankful for "no condemnation" spoken of in Romans 8.
The next thing I focus on is this: Am I doing things God's way? Am I running my home, and raising my children the way God is leading me to? Or am I running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to frantically do all that has piled up on my "mommy do" list?
God never gives me more than I can handle. He says so in His word. So why do I feel squished by my life's long list of "must get done.." (now)
Perhaps it's me, perhaps I'm the problem. (what a thought huh?) Just maybe I am placing too much on myself, and then feeling guilty when it's not accomplished, and then scooping an extra heaping spoonful of condemnation on my plate after it's all said and (not) done.
I squish myself with my own expectations!
So now what?
Of course, my answers begin with Jesus, and end with Him.
I must rely on Him. And literally pray through my list, and see if it's lining up with His will for me. He may very well want me to scrub my bathroom grout with a toothbrush, organize the basement and clean all the kids's rooms, but I better not dare to start any of those tasks without His strength.
Otherwise my strength is gone before I've even begun. And then, the part about where my husband comes home to a "fruitful vine" simply gets tossed out the window.
How can I be fruitful in my home, and not fatigued to the point of collapsing by 8pm? I start my day differently for starters. I begin, by being with Jesus. Spending time in His word, focusing on all that HE has in store for me helps me to gain focus. Then I give Him my desired "to do's" and wait for the peace to show up! As I'm doing my own list, on my own clock and in my own strength, my peace in pretty much non-existent. But through careful watchfulness, I see His hands pointing me in the directions He wants me to take for that day, and once I get His blessing to carry on, I do so!
Obviously there are certain tasks that are non-negotiable, I have to feed my family, making meals and such, also, my family needs clothes to wear, so the laundry must be done, my kids need clean clothes for school and my husbands shirts need to be dry and ready for him, but God will lead me when the best time is to do even these things! Should I make dinner ahead of time? And how much time do I have, so I even pray about WHAT to make! Yes! Everything I do is prayerful, and in that I find my peace. God may want me to sit with my children and play tea set with them instead of scrubbing the floor! He may prompt a spiritual and life-changing conversation with one of my children if I am resting with them on the couch, that I would have otherwise missed if I was out doing something else! The wonderful thing is that I never have to wonder, I need only ASK Him and He will supply me with the understanding and strength to be ALL He desires me to be for Him, for His glory, for His purpose and Kingdom! And as a mother and wife, my very first priority outside of Jesus is serving and ministering to my family.
As I began my week, I was more like a dead bush that fruitful vine, but as I poured out my heart the Lord, realizing I was feeling dry and dead, He breathed His life into me, and green leaves begin to grow as He waters me with His truth and love.
Joy sprouts little buds and peace digs deep roots, and when my husband opens the door tonight my prayer is that instead of a dead plant of a wife, He will find a blossoming fruitful vine, a wife that truly is a blessing to him!  

The Life I Long to Live

O How I wrestle to have control.
Wrapping my mind around the truth that "this life is NOT my own, " seems to be the ongoing song I sing. (or that is sung over me)
Recognizing that I am apart of His (the Lord's family) is an amazing truth all on it's own, but then when I face the reality that since I am apart of His family, I am also apart of something bigger than my "own little world."
Why is it so hard to get outside of myself? To see the bigger picture?
Many times it's because I am focused on the temporary, and other times it's because I have not spent the time to stare into the face of Jesus. (reading His Word)
You see, when we look at Jesus, our worlds begin to make more sense.
When we look at Jesus, we instinctively want more of Him. His gaze is intoxicating and we find everything we have ever needed in life to be fulfilled as we look at Him.
What we once thought we wanted fades into the distance as we look into the face of the Lord.
All I once held dear grows strangely dim, as the song says.
It's weird, and it's like this: We live in the world, but we are not OF this world. We are here, but were not to be sold out for "here." We operate in the now, and live for our eternal home.
We enjoy what we have, knowing what He has for us in heaven is 100 million times better. We let go of our own selfish desires because we know when we let go, He places in our hands HIS better plan.
What I want matters not, not because God doesn't care, but instead because God cares more than I could ever know... He cares too much to give me what will not benefit me.
It's a hard concept for the child to understand, but the parent sees what the child does not. And so the child wakes up each morning, looking to their parent for what will happen that day. The child makes all kinds of crazy requests, and of course the parents do try to take all those requests into consideration. But at the end of it, the parent makes the call based on what is best for the whole family. For everyone involved, and at the heart of it, is to do what is best for the children. So as I come to God with my "wish list" of the direction I would like my life to go, I know He, the loving parent, considers all my requests with deep love. And then, makes the choices based on His sovereign will and ultimate wisdom.
And I the child, rest in that.
I don't need to know where I am going, because I know the one who traces my steps.
Why should the one who see's only a corner of the map lead the way, when the one who CREATED the map and it's many routs is sitting next to me? Why should I drive, when I am blind, and lost? Would I rather have the one who has clear vision, and deep understanding of the terrain drive instead?
My life is not my own.
And why do I trust Him?
The explainable happens when we trust Him. Fear washes away. Joy returns. Peace takes over. And I feel like I am right where I am supposed to be.
I don't need fancy arguments, I don't need endless genealogies. I don't need all the greatest philosophical descriptions to prove to me how, what, where and when. Instead, I place my life into the hands of the one who spoke the earth into existence. I fix my gaze with His, and I step out onto the water. Knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, that on the other side of my last breath lies the Kingdom my whole being craves. In the presence of the One my heart loves.
So yes, there are days that this life does not makes sense to me. There are days my human ability to comprehend simply is maxed out. (for lack of a better term) But what I will tell you is this: I know the one who conquers sin and death, who walks on water, who speaks life into being. Who places children in wombs, and builds empires, tears them down, and wins the final battle.
I am on the side of grace. I am in communion with the One who holds all things together. And so, on the days that my vision is cloudy, I fix my eyes on Jesus, and everything important suddenly comes in view, and the stresses of this world, fade away.
He is enough. He is all I need. He is all I want. And His ways, in my life are what I want.
(not in my own strength, but in His, for His glory.)
Jesus, it's all for your glory, for your plan, my life is in His hands.  

Holding It Together

I can do it, I can do it, I can make this stay together. I'll try harder I'll work longer hours and I will make this work. Strive.
That is the attitude of a heart that is trusting in their own ability to make things happen. It's really just the disguise of a " works based" mentality. And it's exhausting. I used to live in that mindset. One little verse rocks my world every time I read it:

" He is before all things and in him all things hold together." -Colossians 1:17

He alone causes the waves to roar, the sun to shine and my day to begin. He decides what goes on in my life. He is God over EVERYTHING. There are days I love this truth and I feel His presence all over my day. And then other days, as I pick up my Do It Myself attitude, and my peace runs out the backdoor, its harder to feel held. God is my ever present help in times of need, Psalm 46 tells me that. But what about the times I sort of don't want His help? Those are yucky days for me. The days I start building my own empire and making my own plans, (apart from Him)... Yes, those days are ones I strongly wish ( pray) to avoid. Unfortunately, many times my flesh takes over and I do go my own way.
What I love about my Lord is that He's never going to let me go completely. He may allow me to wander in my own little desert for a while, as I chose it, but He is waiting for me to recognize my need for Him. It's hard because some days as I take off running in the wrong direction and I glance over my shoulders, there I see Him. He looks at me as if to say, " Daughter, what are you doing? The path your on leads no-where good! Turn around!" Some days I do, and other days I persist in my rebellious ways. In both cases however, whether I turn around early or hesitate, Jesus is there waiting with open arms for me to fall into. As I feel His strength, feeling my hope and joy restored as I rest in His embrace I confess my rebellious attitude and feel His beautiful forgiveness wash over me. Jesus my beginning and my end, who holds the whole world in His hands and spins my days into motion. He gives me works to do that fills me with purpose, and He blesses me with glimpses of Himself and His hands in my life everyday. I'm a self proclaimed Do It Myselfer, but it's off to rehab for me. I denounce my self sufficient ways and lay them at His feet.

Who do you see?

Man. When left to his/her own demise, we act in accordance with out OWN will. It drives me crazy. I drive myself crazy.
Constantly I think, "Today, I will be selfless. Today, I will serve. Today I will seek others better good than my own."
And at the end of each day, I hang my head in failure and say, "Tomorrow, I will try harder."
Perhaps I am taking the wrong approach?
I think so.
Today as I spent time with my Lord in His word it's as if He said, "Who are you doing this for? Why are you doing it?"
I thought for a bit, and decided that much of the time, I do what I do, to make myself feel better about myself.
And there in lies my problem.
If I am doing what I do for selfish gain, or for self gratification, I do my work in vain.
It's not bad to get kicks from doing what I do, to enjoy my work, but that should not be my full motive.
Strange isn't it? God gives us passions, desires and gifts and tells us to use them, but when I use them only to gratify self, I come up empty, discouraged and frustrated.
The reason is this: God gave all of us gifts. He told us to use them to do what? BRING HIM GLORY.
If I do what I do completely for selfish motives, then my friends, I labor in vain.
My labor also loses purpose, because deep inside the being of every believer is the desire to please their maker. And the longing with me is  a deep black hole when I stray away from my God designed purpose.
The think about being One with Christ is that when you stray for Him, you leave the best part of yourself behind. All things begin to lose the purpose and meaning because in all honesty, nothing fulfills me like He does when I act and move in the center of His WILL for me.
I long to live my days out in constant Spirit led service. TO know that my purpose runs deeper than "making it through the day."
I think we all feel this way.
The difference between what I say and what the world tells you is this... WHO is at the center of the picture when the day is done? When the audience stands up to applaud when the good work is done, who do we point at for the glory? God.
I point to Christ, the one who sustains me, fuels me, makes me, and breathes purpose into me.
When I start a day in my own strength, I end my day lifeless on the floor, worn out from all my doings. But if I instead, start my day out asking the Lord to fuel me in all that HE has planned for me, my day begins with Holy, God given purpose.
Now that I recognize the difference, who would ever chose their own way? And yet I do....
There are days my carnal flesh just simply takes over, and I long to hear the crowd shout my name rather than His. Forgive me Lord.
I forget that I live for an audience of One.
SO today and I sat in His presence, and He breathed His life giving hope, truth and joy into me, as I reflected on His word, I was reminded once again of why I do what I do, and who I really am.
I am an ambassador for Christ, who gets to sit in the presence of the King and do His bidding. I am blessed to have such a position. I am truly blessed because He gave me a position of weight. I get orders from the King, and live each day to bring Him so much glory with how I do what He has asked me to.
Then at the end of the day, the King sits and encourages me, He tells me what a beautiful child I am, and HOW much HE loves me.
Only He can give me the true fulfillment I don't just want, but NEED.
While on earth, it can be hard, because we cannot see all that He is doing with us, and through us, sometimes we catch a glimpse of what He is doing IN us, but regardless, we are nearsighted, shortsighted and easily discouraged.
SO in light of what I know to be true about me, and also what I know to be true about HIM, I stay close to the Father, do His bidding, and when the job is done, I kneel down low so you can only see Him.
Here I find my purpose, hope and joy.
And when Jesus takes me home, my joy will be complete! But until that blessed day comes, here I stand, in honor of my audience of ONE.

In Pursuit of His Will (Sick of myself)

"I want what He wants for me." I have said that phrase a hundred times. I have prayed, "Lord, show me your will. Teach me your way so I can walk in it."  And sometimes, I say it in desperation, other times I say it because I feel like I should and then there are days like today when I get to the end of myself, where I say it with gut wrenching honesty.

Do I really want what He wants for me? Am I really serious when I say, "I render my will?" And the answer is, by the grace of God, yes. I'm sick of me quite frankly. I'm sick of doing things "my way." I run around like a scared puppy, chasing my tail, wearing holes in my carpet, trying to accomplish my plans and my desires. I work with such a vigor, and in most cases, what I work at is not having any eternal value.

I repent of that.

Today, and every day is a day to start anew. To tell My Lord that I do not want to chase after my own desires. I want to follow His path. His plan. Only when I'm on His path am I going where I need to be to grow, and be the best version of me I can be.

If I settle for my own way, I'll get the cheap imitation that following my flesh provides. My way is never filled with peace, and joy. Joy is something no one person can give themselves. You can try, but you come up tired of trying. Trust me, I've tried.

So I really felt that I needed or rather, wanted to say it out loud that I'm sick of me. I'm sick of chasing after the wind. You try catching the wind in your hands sometime and tell me how it works for you. Thus far I have been completely unsuccessful.

Here is the beautiful part however, God is patient with me. God is not sitting there saying, "I'm so annoyed with her." Jesus would never say that of me. But He will gently nudge me. He will pull on my heartstrings, and He will lift my face and ask me to look in eyes.

Have you ever had a time where it was difficult to look someone in the eyes? The eyes are the window to the soul. Honesty or deception is held in that gaze and until I could look at Him honestly and say, "I give up." I wasn't really able to look Him in the eyes.

For many weeks the Lord has placed, "Fix your eyes on Jesus." Type verses, situations and interactions with others in my path. I continued to look away, trudging slowly uphill on my own plan and path.
But as I experienced the straw that broke my camels back yesterday, I realized my folly.
No amount of my striving to get the things, or happiness I seek will come without first surrendering myself, to His plan.

The gentleness of His gaze is intoxicating. It's so wonderful, how did I ever look away in the first place? Oh, I remember, I got distracted. I got distracted by things of this world. Jesus warned me in His word that this world would never satisfy me. And I realize He never lies. He is the wisest and I am learning that even when the deception of the enemy sounds nice, it's not. The enemy fights hard with small tactics and distraction is one of his greatest tools. It seems to work wonders on me.

"Strengthen me Lord so I can see with Your eyes, and discern with Your wisdom."

I realize this is not a place I can stay in my own power. In my own strength. God's grace is sufficient. He will hold me fast. He will keep me strong, and when I falter, He will pick me back up again.
My God is relentless.

The other day I was thinking about how it is amazing to be completely abandoned to Him.
To trust Him so fully that He says "Jump" and I leap.
He always catches me. Always.

I know I am better off in His will. I know this, so why is it so easy to leave His path in pursuit of my own? I am not in heaven yet, and the battle wages on. This earth is not my home, and that is the reason I just cannot get comfortable here. But Jesus is the protection I clothe myself in, day in and day out. So that when the trials hit, I'm well dressed for the occasion.

God is never surprised. He's never says, "boy, that's a huge shock to me, I didn't know that would happen!" No. He knows everything, and so it baffles me that I would seek my own way over the one who sees the whole picture. Crazy isn't it? When I put it that way?

God knew me before I was born.

So I put a few things in a box today and I handed the box to Jesus. (again) but each time I learn this lesson, I grow stronger in my relationship with Him. And once again, He reminds me, He is patient, and that He not condemning me.
He will never say, "I knew you'd screw up!" No, quite the opposite. Instead, He says, " I will never leave you nor forsake you."
And again, in a humbled state, I kneel before the cross, and cling to Him with all my might. Knowing I will never do this in my own strength.

He is my light. My life. My path, my bread, and my sustenance. Plain and simple.
Without Him, I am nothing.
Without His direction, I am completely, and utterly lost.
Thanks be to God for His grace.
By day He directs me with His love, and night His love is my song. (Psalms)

Thank you Lord.
I surrender all.

Grow!

1 Peter 4:19

19So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.


The reality is that opposition, suffering, difficult people and circumstances cause you to grow. It's not so much that God wants us to have thick skin, but rather the opposite! To be tender and sensitive to others all the while able to withstand what wages on the surface. You essentially are a beautiful little purple pansy flower, but your able to withstand the wind, the rain and the trials of life because your root system is deeply rooted in Christ! Your foundation is deep and it's built on One who lasts and lasts. Your tender beauty above surface will cause others to be attracted to Jesus in you, and the fragrant aroma you put off will cause people to wonder how it is you smell so nice! And then you will have the opportunity to say, " O, that must be Jesus your smelling!"

Jesus, my perfect Judge.

Don't plead or appeal with man who has no real control over you. God always has the final word. Take your case up with Him who has ultimate control. This is why we are told " Do not worry about what you will eat or what you will wear." For our heavenly Father knows what we need! Striving to meet our own needs or desires, attaining that which we long for is futile if it is apart from His will for us. Sure, we can strive and work to achieve our deepest desires, but it will be a cheap imitation of the goodness God desires for us. If we settle for the short term, temporary satisfaction that "seems right" at the time, but fail to seek Gods will and direction, then our peace and joy will fade as quickly as the newness of our newly attained thing. God indeed does know what is best for us. What person loves the new car they purchased on credit when it's 10 years down the road? Of course not, they have already moved on to "better" cars, going deeper into debt. I'd rather place myself in the hands of the one who controls the wind and the rain. The One who paints the skies portrait every morning, and the One who places children in a womb. That is whom I run to when I have a thought, a desire or a need. And even more astounding is that before I even tell Him of my longings, He finishes my sentence for me. Yes, that is the One I will turn to. In my impatience I turn to mans solutions. In my ignorance I try to pull one over on the Living God. Claiming there's nothing wrong with my striving. No!!!! With Jesus the striving can cease! And when I quit my striving and grasping at straws to attain, accomplish or succeed in my own power, I see Him rend the Heavens and come down on my behalf. If God is for me, who then can be against me???? With Jesus I stand, with Jesus I rest. With Jesus I rest my case.

What is in your load Traveler?

I watched a man walk down a dirt road. He was alone, and he looked like the kind of person who had been carrying a heavy load two miles too long. The traveler kept shifting his big heavy bag from one shoulder to the other, trying to shift himself into a position that will make the load he carried a little bit lighter.
What is so important that someone would carry around such a load for so long I mused. The man was clearly weary. He was  obviously in need of a friend to help him carry this load, a friend to give him a lift. As I watched, another man approached him. "This just got interesting..." I thought to myself. I now no longer minded that my ride was late. I wanted to see this interaction!
The man who approached the traveler asked the man what he was carrying? He asked to see inside the bag.
The traveler hesitated, but seemed to welcome the opportunity to lift the load off of his shoulders if only for a moment. So with a little hesitation, the traveler set down his bag. I watched as the two men chatted a bit, the man opposite our traveler motioned to see what was inside the bag. I wanted to see too! The traveler said quietly, "Oh, this is just all my old stuff." The other man responded, "must be pretty important stuff for you to carry it all this way." The traveler looked down. "What's going on here.." I wondered.
The traveler sort of kicked some dirt back and forth between his feet, shifting a bit before he reached into his bag. With eyes wide I watched as he took out a box that was clearly very heavy. On it was written something, I think it said, "I can't forgive her."
"What's that?" asked the man opposite the traveler. The traveler said, that's my box of stuff I can't let go of. "oh really?" was the reply.
"What else do you have in that bag?" Asked the man...
So I watched as the man began to unload his bag right there on the dirty road. A box labeled, "Hate." Came out next. Followed by "Shame." And then finally "Miserable."
When the contents of the bag were all laid out on the road, exposed to the sunlight, the traveler stood there and stared. So did I. So did the man who stood with our traveler.
"Now what?" asked the man...
Traveler paused, looked up and said, "I haven't looked at this stuff in a while."
"Do you need this stuff?" asked the other man...
Traveler looked down at his collection, then back up at the man. What happened next is something I promise you I will never forget. The man, who was with the traveler, slowly began to one by one, pick up Travelers boxes, and put them back in the bag. After the bag was full again, (and heavy) Travelers new friend picked up the bag. He put in on His shoulder. He put His free hand on Travelers shoulder and said, "How about I carry this stuff for you?"
"What are you going to do with all my old stuff...?" asked a confused, baffled Traveler.
The man looked at Traveler and said this:
"I will help you get rid of what weighs you down. Now, look at your hands, they are free. They are empty of all the old stuff. Now your hands are free to do things that bring life to you, and to others. Use your hands for good, not evil. Bless others with those free hands. Do you want this from me? "

Traveler stood their speechless. He slowly nodded. The other man turned around and started to walk away, his new load in tow.  Traveler dropped to his knees. I heard Him whisper "Thank you." To the now distant figure of the man who took the load from Traveler.

I found myself wiping tears from my eyes.

Then Traveler stood up, looked at his newly freed arms and hands, he raised them up, and at the top of his lungs he cried.."THANK YOU!"

"Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." -Jesus

Freedom is a gift we accept from the hands of Jesus as He takes our burdens, frees us up for lives that can now be filled with praise. The loads we carry, the burdens we hold on to do not bring us freedom. They only weigh us down. Everyone is a Traveler at some point in their life. And Jesus, is always there, always available, and always present. All we need to do is accept our need for His help, and the rest is history.

When Your Not " There" Yet.

No one likes the wait and the journey can get tiresome. No one likes the unknowns. But the truth that holds me fast is this: I wait on the Lord, and NOT in my own strength. Your on a road with ups and downs. Twists and turns, joys mixed with sorrow. Lessons are learned. Refinment is taking place. And you know it's really for your good, and His glory. God is really doing something here, and even though it hurts a little at times, most real change does. For with change, something old is shed, and something new is put on. Like trading slavery for freedom, your will for His, your plan for His plan. Not knowing has never been more peace filled. Why? Because we know and are known fully by the author of our story. We trust His plans for the story of our life. How can we trust Him so? Because anyone who would give their life for ours, is trustworthy. Think on that fellow traveler. The one who plans your walk for each day is constant. Never leaving, always teaching, always offering instruction, and encouragement. He holds out words of life to nourish you for the road ahead. Consider today how much stronger you are now compared to when you first began! Don't get discourage. He who began a good work in you will carry it out into completion. See the road that leads winding into that mountain ahead? It's beautiful, but steep, and He will lead you the entire way! He will never leave you as orphans. He is an ever present help. Don't get weary! Remember who your walking with. He renews your strength! Today is another day to rest in His strength. Be encouraged!!!! You are never alone.

Is Facebook bragging, or is it really harmless sharing?

A young man lives a neighborhood. He never talks to any of his neighbors really. He has over 200 neighbors. One day he walks out his front door and at the top of lungs he cries, "I just ate pancakes." His neighbors who were out in their yards thought the young man's  exclamation was strange, but they sort of found it interesting also. So the next day, someone who lived a few houses down from the pancake man, walked out his front door and yelled, "I love my wife!"
His wife followed by, "My man is the coolest!"
Cute isn't it?
No one asked them, but they thought they'd share.
In the following weeks the announcements from people's door steps continued, and it grew by the daily, pretty soon everyone was doing it!
Things like, "I just watch an awesome movie!" or, "That actor is so cute!" Were being yelled from windows, doors and walkways for all who cared to listen or hear.
What the trend seemed to do was to give people a voice who were once silent. People started talking, not really to each other, but at least they were talking right?
The trend was fun, even good for a while, but then one day, a man walked out his front door and said something controversial. That in and of itself wasn't bad I guess, but it didn't really need to be said in that setting.
Then next day, a woman shared in great detail about her new car.
And then a man copied her later that day, by bragging about the way his business just hit record highs in sales that day.
The business man who lived next door to that business man felt pretty bad about himself because of what his neighbor loudly proclaimed moments ago.
The bragging trend was aired in light of, "sharing good news.." but to those whom the good news felt more like bragging, the news brought them down.
One woman repeatedly talked of her "amazing husband..." but the woman who lived a few doors down who's husband just left her, felt really bad everyday when she heard the "happily married woman's" daily status.
It began to make people wish they could move.
People said, "if you don't like hearing what we say every day, then you should move."
So some people did.
Others just opened their windows or doors at the "quieter, safer times" of the day, so they could still be apart of the neighborhood, but they started to get ostracized by certain folks who were annoyed with their inability to tolerate the fun new habit most of the neighborhood had really begun to enjoy.
Because, if they tolerated their neighbors bragging one day, even giving them a "thumbs up" from time to time, then they, the other person could share their "good news" the next day.
It was hard from some though, like one woman, who was trying to have a baby, she had been unable to conceive for 8 years, it was miserable for her every time one of her neighbors would talk about how, "annoyed she was with her kids..." Or when the neighbors would loudly proclaim how easy it was for them to get pregnant. I think that woman did end up moving. It's too bad ya know? That she had to leave because of what other people said carelessly or bragged about.
Anyways, it's sort of an interesting story, and it was a good reminder for me to always keep in check when I walk in my neighborhood and share my daily thoughts. It made me think, "if what I say doesn't encourage others, then I shouldn't waste my breath."
Speaking life, is what I've heard it called.
Saying words the breath life into others.
It's good sometimes to share good things that are going on in my life with people, but I usually wait to share that news until I`m asked by the couple of friends I`m face to face with.
It's not that sharing things with ALL of my neighbors is bad, but I started thinking, "maybe this news would cause someone else to be troubled, or discontent with what they have." Or how about the new house remodel, my parents might enjoy hearing about that, or a few select friends, but my whole neighborhood? They probably wouldn't really care about that.
If I shared my tri-yearly vacation pictures of the beach, it might make my friends feels bad who can't afford to take a beach vacation. Well, maybe these things I've been thinking are yesterdays news for you, or maybe they are good food for thought! These words were good for me at least.
SO I decided to make THIS post my "neighborhood status" for a while. You can do the same if you'd like!

Weeds In Marriage (It's not over)

Matthew 13:24-28

24 Jesus told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. 25 But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. 26 When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared.

27 “The owner’s servants came to him and said, ‘Sir, didn’t you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?’

28 “‘An enemy did this,’ he replied.

Weeds can grow in a marriage without the couple even knowing when and how they were planted. The enemy can come in and whisper seeds of bitterness, frustration, and resentment. Before the couple knows what happened, their hearts are hard towards one another. Weeds strangle the plant from the root up. And in all honesty, some weeds look like pretty flowers, so the marriage garden can still look pretty on ground level. But underneath, death is taking place as the pretty little weed slowly strangles the root. Couples beware. Your enemy crouches like a roaring lion ready to deceive you. He will plant seeds according to your weaknesses and slowly cultivate a stronghold of separation in your marriage if you are not careful. As believers we need to always be on our guard against the tiny seeds the enemy can put in our minds. How then shall we survive?! You ask... With our ever present Help in times if need. But also through prayerful connectedness with one another. Pray with your spouse. Prayer produces a vulnerability before each other and God. I cannot count the number of times conflict has been detected by the Holy Spirit and resolved before the seed has had time to grow because we, " took it to the Lord in prayer." Can you not even put your fingers on what's wrong? Your advocate the Holy Spirit can reach His fingers in and extract what He discerned is wrong. So to ward off, detect and uproot the weed seeds being scattered in marriage we need to pray together as a couple, alone and sincerely, without ceasing. Prayer is like air, without it, you won't live ( be spiritually alive) very long! You and your spouse are not helpless victims. You are not a product of your difficult circumstances. Do not reduce your ability to thrive to circumstantial evidence. You are a product of Jesus Christ. Your marriage is a replica of how Christ loves His church. 
Recently my husband and I had a brief "weed" situation. Something came into our marriage that played on my insecurities, and of course, what the enemy planted twinged an old wound. Before I knew it my mind was running like wild fire. I was all bent up inside, thinking our marriage was backsliding and fast. How quickly our marriage does falter when I take my eyes off of my Savior and His truth, when we finally came to the bottom of what was actually go on, and we invited the Holy Spirit to come in and weed out our garden, we found freedom once again, and we rejoiced in the work of what He did. We delighted in the fact that what we were unable to do, the Holy Spirit did with ease. 
He is our advocate, our lifeline, and the one we call in and out of season. I do sincerely love my husband, but the enemy can cloud my vision with a mere moment of lies, and who I once was very attracted too and loved to enjoy my moments and days with, suddenly becomes the shadowland I want to escape.  It's actually frightening how quickly I can be swayed, and all the more proving my desperate need for Jesus's constant influence in my life and my marriage.
Do not be discouraged dear friend if you are facing marital conflict, because you have a Father who  is more than capable of healing any rip or tear you feel in your marriage bond.
Jesus is the healer of all things, and this situation is not too big for Him, nor Is the Father angry with you or your spouse!  You are both His children, and He knows all children fall into temptation and folly, so not only is His ability to save completely sufficient, so is His grace!  You are not fighting against flesh and blood, but rather the enemy whom you cannot see, an enemy who wants your marriage to fail in the worst way. The enemy hates marriage because it represents what the Lord has with His bride the church, and it's God's design. The enemy hates God's design. So thanks be to God that we have a God who's "arm is NOT to short to save." 
Take it to your knees, no matter how foreign it may feel. DO not give the enemy a foothold. Pray with your spouse, pray for your spouse and pray without ceasing. 

I'll Never Measure Up

Inside of every person lies the desire to be the best. And if not the best, as close to that as possible.
The desire for excellence is great. Even Godly. But, what happens when suddenly, my best is no longer good enough, because "that girl over there" seems to do it better than me? (at least according to my judgments) And so begins the endless cycle of comparisons.
There is a lot that goes on in this thinking that is flawed, and there is a little bit that is good. It is good to do your personal best, reliance on God at the forefront of thinking, prayerfully taking on each task at hand, and giving God your all! This is good.
Where things "go sour" is when we start looking at what someone else is doing and line it up with what we can do. We now have taken our eyes off our "heavenly Role Model" and fixed our eyes on a mere human model.
This comparison can take place in any field, genre or situation.
What is the reason I do this? Why do I compare my ability, my body, my home, my (you name it) to someone else's?
I'll tell you what this type of thinking produces and what it does not produce.
This comparison mindset only produces a self demoting mentality. Dissatisfaction and discontentment with both who I am, and what I can do.
And really what it points to is my self focus. "If I'm not happy with me, I'm not happy at all."
It shows that I am so concerned with me, (even if it's self demotion of me) that I will let myself and thoughts about myself get me down.
This type of comparison thinking does not produce joy.
It does not produce productivity and it does not make me closer to my Heavenly Father.
I am not saying that we ought to walk around talking about "how great we think we are." But rather, in our hearts, recognize that God made us individual, with unique gifts and abilities.
Instead of comparisons, I should rather think about I can "spur another on with love and good deeds" as the Bible states.
And how to build others up in the Lord! In doing so, I am already on the right track to forget about my mental comparison because I am focusing more on what builds up then that which tears down.

I've heard it said, "Always leave a room with a good word on your lips, and people will always be excited to see you come back in." - Joyce Meyer

And in all honesty, we feel better when we do this.
But there is missing piece here because lets face it, we are all human, no one is perfect (not one) and we all can do well at things for a time, and then in our fatigue our flesh begins to take over.

I am queen of starting out strong in the Lord, and ending tired in the flesh. How does this keep happening? It's because I let my spiritual guard down, I get over confident and I rely on the flesh. I essentially say, "Thanks God for getting me started, but I've got this now...." AND of course, my flight tail spins.

So each day I start in a similar fashion. In the Word. I know I am rendered useless without His instruction. It's my life line.
And it's yours too!
No one ever has ever, (EVER) in their own strength pleased God.
Rather, we rely on the Spirit to propel us in love, good deeds and faith. We live expectantly for what the Lord will do with our meager offerings, and know that the God who turns streams in dry land and vise versa, will do good things with our mess.

I start out the day often feeling insecure, insufficient, overwhelmed and a bit fatigued. (motherhood can do this to a girl) but what I find when I pour into the pages of His word is this: I find strength, support for the day, fuel for each event, words where there normally are none, peace where it normally it is not found, and joy in difficult circumstances.

In His strength I find the energy He has provided for countless people over countless years. He simply gives what I cannot give myself.

And in this, I find peace. Where peace lies, dissatisfaction disappears. When I am feeling dissatisfied with myself, my circumstances, my position in life, my (whatever) I have to start to examine once more where my eyes are resting, and in whom my trust is in.

If I have begun to rely upon myself, I will slip.

But God is my ever present help. (Psalm 46) and in HIM my hope is found.
HOPE. You need that today?
Peace? Feeling anxious, or inadequate?
God is completely adequate to meet all your needs, refocus your gaze on Him, (and off of that girl who is so much skinnier than you) and allow you the strength and ambition to be joy filled and productive for Him.

Each day I say this in my weakness, "Lord, propel me to do what you want me to do. Give me the strength to be who YOU want me to be today. Allow the ability and ambition to accomplish what you want me to accomplish and help me to care and think on only what YOU want for me."

"FIX your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of your faith" Hebrews 12:2

Your happiness does not lie in being more like your "idle" if your idle is not Jesus. Trust me, only He can make you what you want to be. Only He can give you the love your going to need. Only He can turn your life into the story you long for.
Let HIM write your days. Trust me, His ending is perfect!
And, it goes without saying, He loves you, because He loved you, because He loved you first. Not because you performed well, sang the best, ran the fastest or looked the prettiest. He loves you because you are His child. Chew on that today dear friend.
And...ENJOY YOUR DAYS WITH JESUS!