Ever find yourself sitting in a quiet, or not so quiet place, and suddenly your gone. (in your mind that is) Your thoughts have drifted and you are far-away in "the land where my life became something bigger than it is..." Oh I know we have all had those moments, at 13 I had myself engaged to Brad Pitt. I'm so very glad THAT dream didn't pan out. (thank you Lord) But regardless, we all dream big things for ourselves.
Thinking these thoughts today made me think, "I wonder what the Lord dreamed up for me when He thought me up...before I was...before I became." Have I walked the places He wanted me to walk? Much of my early adult life I did not. I went to and fro like a scared bunny. But as the years progressed and God got ahold of my heart, I began to see a different way a life, a life spent with Him. HE is with me wherever I go. And He knows what is best for me. He has my best interests at heart, and He is the ultimate tour guide.
I sometimes feel like I need a little more direction, a little more instruction on what my days should look like, because most days if I'm totally honest, it feels like I'm barely getting there. (wherever it is that I'm supposed to be.) This is why I take those ever-so-precious moments and sit with the Lord. I actually get kind of teary eyed when I think of those sweet moments I get to spend all alone with Jesus. I have to fight to get them some days, with kids up early and to bed late, and non-existent nap times... I have to pray for the Lord to help me find, and carve out, or really grab a hold of the moments He has for me.
But it's in these moments that I gain insight, understanding and grow in my wisdom of how to see the finger of God tracing His lines in my life. It's a nudge, a feeling I can't shake, a thought that I know is not from my own mind, or a prayer that comes springing out of my lips. A name remembered of a person I long forgot and an opportunity that only could be because He made it possible. These are the "moments of God" that I long for, strain with my eyes to see and wait with eager expectation.
When I know it's Him, I eagerly walk forward, not without prayer, and discernment, but when you know His voice, you trust it. He is the Shepherd. He is the gate, and He knows what it's like to be human. He was tempted. He gets it, and He knows human emotion. And He never plays with my heart. His ways are always good, and He is trustworthy. The great unchangeable I AM.
So living my best life, what does this really look like? I know to the world it probably does not look like what my life looks like. :) My life is so simple! It's so normal. It's nothing special. But, wait friend, before you agree and resign in your heart that therefore you are nothing special, remember whom it is we take our marching orders from?! The Lord of Heaven and earth. Our lives are anything but normal, or mundane. God is using us in His plan, not because He has to, but because He wants to and He loves to involve His children in His plans.
It's the father who could very easily fix the lawn-mower all by himself, but instead He calls his son to his side, and asks the son for some "help." God uses us because He loves to. He uses us because He made us with different interests, abilities and gifts, and He wants us to use those gifts to further His kingdom, and bring Him glory.
So I really must ask myself, "Is what I am striving to do, going to bring Him glory. Am I feeling worn out by my striving? Or does it feel 'fueled' by a stronger source? " If I am running on nothing in a human sense but have all the energy in the world, I would say thing fingerprints of God are all over what ever it is I'm doing. In other words, in that sort of a situation I would say that I was in the center of His will for me.
"Lord, show me your will!" How many times have I prayed this? Probably more times that I can possibly dare to count. I want to know His will more than I want anything else in this world (except to be with Him) And it's in the seeking that I find. It's in the longing, that I learn.
There are times where I feel like He is actually being quiet on purpose. But in these times I know He is not "hiding" from me but rather He is encouraging me to dig deeper into Him, and His word. I learn so much when I seek Him like this, but in this seeking I get to know Him. That is what I have found. If all were so easy, and I had every answer I ever wanted to know right away, I most likely would quit seeking Him so hard, and start relying upon myself. It's not that He is silent so that I'm lost, rather He can be quiet at times so I learn first of all how to be patient...( a lesson all people should learn at some point) and so that I learn to patiently trust Him. He is faithful, and I can honestly say, all my NEEDS are met. He meets me when I need to be met. He takes the time to instruct me and it's often at the moments I'm thinking I need something totally different that He shows up with what I really need.
That is why I always marvel at Him. Many times I begin to think I know what is really going on with me, and if only God would listen and answer my prayers... this is not the thinking that He desires. Before the creation of the world HE WAS. And HE IS...and IS TO COME. That is pretty all encompassing, leaving little room for me to question if He really knows what is going on. (even if my prayer is never answered the way I thought He should answer it...) you know what though friends? I don't care anymore. I don't want what I want anymore. I want to want what He wants for me. Because I can honestly say for the first time in my life I want Him more. Because all His ways are good and perfect...and therefore my faith is increased that if I am not getting whatever it is in my life that I thought I should have to make me feel complete, then I fully (with all my heart) trust that what HE has is better.
To God be the Glory. Great things He has done. The Great High Priest who's name is love, He is my Savior and my God.
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