The Life I Long to Live

O How I wrestle to have control.
Wrapping my mind around the truth that "this life is NOT my own, " seems to be the ongoing song I sing. (or that is sung over me)
Recognizing that I am apart of His (the Lord's family) is an amazing truth all on it's own, but then when I face the reality that since I am apart of His family, I am also apart of something bigger than my "own little world."
Why is it so hard to get outside of myself? To see the bigger picture?
Many times it's because I am focused on the temporary, and other times it's because I have not spent the time to stare into the face of Jesus. (reading His Word)
You see, when we look at Jesus, our worlds begin to make more sense.
When we look at Jesus, we instinctively want more of Him. His gaze is intoxicating and we find everything we have ever needed in life to be fulfilled as we look at Him.
What we once thought we wanted fades into the distance as we look into the face of the Lord.
All I once held dear grows strangely dim, as the song says.
It's weird, and it's like this: We live in the world, but we are not OF this world. We are here, but were not to be sold out for "here." We operate in the now, and live for our eternal home.
We enjoy what we have, knowing what He has for us in heaven is 100 million times better. We let go of our own selfish desires because we know when we let go, He places in our hands HIS better plan.
What I want matters not, not because God doesn't care, but instead because God cares more than I could ever know... He cares too much to give me what will not benefit me.
It's a hard concept for the child to understand, but the parent sees what the child does not. And so the child wakes up each morning, looking to their parent for what will happen that day. The child makes all kinds of crazy requests, and of course the parents do try to take all those requests into consideration. But at the end of it, the parent makes the call based on what is best for the whole family. For everyone involved, and at the heart of it, is to do what is best for the children. So as I come to God with my "wish list" of the direction I would like my life to go, I know He, the loving parent, considers all my requests with deep love. And then, makes the choices based on His sovereign will and ultimate wisdom.
And I the child, rest in that.
I don't need to know where I am going, because I know the one who traces my steps.
Why should the one who see's only a corner of the map lead the way, when the one who CREATED the map and it's many routs is sitting next to me? Why should I drive, when I am blind, and lost? Would I rather have the one who has clear vision, and deep understanding of the terrain drive instead?
My life is not my own.
And why do I trust Him?
The explainable happens when we trust Him. Fear washes away. Joy returns. Peace takes over. And I feel like I am right where I am supposed to be.
I don't need fancy arguments, I don't need endless genealogies. I don't need all the greatest philosophical descriptions to prove to me how, what, where and when. Instead, I place my life into the hands of the one who spoke the earth into existence. I fix my gaze with His, and I step out onto the water. Knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, that on the other side of my last breath lies the Kingdom my whole being craves. In the presence of the One my heart loves.
So yes, there are days that this life does not makes sense to me. There are days my human ability to comprehend simply is maxed out. (for lack of a better term) But what I will tell you is this: I know the one who conquers sin and death, who walks on water, who speaks life into being. Who places children in wombs, and builds empires, tears them down, and wins the final battle.
I am on the side of grace. I am in communion with the One who holds all things together. And so, on the days that my vision is cloudy, I fix my eyes on Jesus, and everything important suddenly comes in view, and the stresses of this world, fade away.
He is enough. He is all I need. He is all I want. And His ways, in my life are what I want.
(not in my own strength, but in His, for His glory.)
Jesus, it's all for your glory, for your plan, my life is in His hands.