Filling The Void

I am the queen of "if there is a space let's fill it." Or at least I used to be.
This world to date is so full of stuff is it not? We can have whatever we want, whenever we want, and in reality, it may be to our detriment. I am constantly reminding myself that "more" does make me happier.
I suppose this is something we all know, but have a hard time living out. I know that my new top will not make me happy long term but I get it anyway. I know that my new toys for the kids will not make them joyful long term, but I buy them anyway. Why do I do this?
I used to not ever wonder, I just bought, and bought and bought. Why did I do this?
I was trying to fill the void.
SO what's the void I speak of?
It's like an itch you can't scratch, a memory you just can't quite remember, a longing you just can't put your finger on, but yet it's there.
Like when your hungry for something but you can't figure out quite what it is.
That's the void.
You will rarely feel the void when life is grand. When the sun is shining and your friends are surrounding you. No, the void really shows up when your alone. When it's dark, when the rain drizzles down and the hot cup of coffee you hold just isn't warming you on the inside.
That's the void.
I wrestled with the void for most of my life. And without really knowing what to do about it, I grabbed everything in sight to try and help  me fill the void, a new outfit, a new job, a new boyfriend...and strangely, nothing worked.
Until one day, Jesus finally got ahold of my heart.

"Come to me all you who are weary and I will give you rest." Mathew 11:28

"I am the bread of life, whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty." John 6:35

This is the type of thing that requires taking a plunge. It's the type of thing that you don't realize you needed it so bad until you have lived with it for a few moments.
God met me in a hospital bed several years ago. It took great trial to cause me to realize the gaping void in my life. Anyone who knew me before could tell you that life before Jesus was not pretty.

I was in constant pursuit of things to satisfy myself, but once I got what I wanted I was never truly
able to enjoy because I was not at peace with myself, or God.

I kept trying to fill what God only could. I kept trying to find a substitute for the real thing. Only to come up short realize it just can't be done. Who wants sugar free when they can have the real deal?

Having nice, new things is not bad. Enjoying the latest and greatest is not bad. But where things go sour is when my hope is placed in those things, when I look to find my joy and contentment from the next best thing.
Things will never satisfy.
Ever.
Only Jesus, the Creator of us, will satisfy us.
His scripture is full of words that fill your body, mind and soul with truth that gives peace.
Reading my Bible used to feel like a chore, to dust off the archaic old book that God wrote thousands of years ago, and do my best to focus my mind on it for 20 minutes each day. I set my clock in my head and rejoice when my time was up. Whew! Done for the day. I thought if I read the Bible I'd be in better standing with God. So I kept up with the habit for sake of patting myself on the back.
As you can imagine, I did not grow from what I read, for it made no impact on me. I did not take His words to heart, and they certainly did not inspire me to do His will, or to follow Him.

The other night, as I read the story of Jesus calling Matthew to be His disciple, I was struck by this.
I pictured Jesus walking towards my table as I, Matthew, sat there collecting taxes. I had everything I wanted in life, tax collectors were quite well off, and I was living in a beautiful home. I had everything the world had to offer.
Then Jesus. Jesus showed up. He stood in front of my table, and stared at me with eyes full of love, kindness and something I suddenly knew I needed to have. What was it that was in His eyes? What was it about that gaze that was so intoxicating? He had something money could never buy, He had life. He had joy.  He had salvation. He had a narrow road. And I, Matthew, wanted it!
So I stared at Jesus, as He stood there in front of my tax booth table, He looked at me and simply said, "Follow me."
And without even knowing what had happened, I found myself on my feet and following after this man. I hung onto every word He said. He spoke words my ears had longed to hear, words of peace, contentment and joy. Words a tax collector had no knowledge of. I only knew lust, greed and desire.
But this man, Jesus, had something my soul craved, so I left. I left it all to follow Him.
(derived from Matthew 9:9-10)

So that in essence is what happened to me, and really it's what happens to any person who finally catches a glimps of what Jesus can bring to our lives.

It truly gives life the phrase, "I once was blind, but now I see."

Once I began to follow after Jesus just as Matthew did, I felt the void that I had dealt with my whole life, begin to dissipate. Slowly, I felt a loss of desire for more stuff. I wanted to be kinder, and less selfish, and recognized the places in my life where I had misplaced my focus.
Focusing on Jesus causes me to see Jesus and not everything the world tells me I need to make myself happy. Instead, it makes me see that Jesus has already given me everything my soul needs. Life, joy and peace. Salvation.
Jesus is my Savior in every sense of the word.
And He can be yours too. Be like Matthew. Stand up, and follow Him.