I am just like a little child with her face pressed up against the window waiting expectantly for her Daddy to return home from work, she presses her nose up the glass too "see better". The glass fogs up and she turns her face to the clock, 'How long will he be?" She asks her mother.
Many days I feel adults wait this way too. I know I have at different phases of my life. In fact it has happened so many times to me, I question, "Is life just one big waiting room?"
How many times have I lifted my face towards heaven and said, "When Lord?" When will "it" happen. When will my prayers be answered. How long?
I assume I am not the one out there who has felt this way. The unmet desire may be different but the questions still remain. And some days I have to fight against the desire to say, "Lord, why is this taking so long." God always gently reminds me that He is never late.
I sigh and in my heart I know He is trustworthy, so once again, I rest my case with Jesus, because I know He knows it all, therefore He knows what's best. And in that truth, I can rest.
But what do to with the ache in your heart as you wait? When all possible methods have been exhausted, and no leaf has been left unturned? Then what?
In the past, as I wrestled with unanswered prayer, (at least the answer I was looking for) I became impatient and I attempted to take matters into my own hands. There are times God asks us to act on our own behalf, but we will know what this action should be because He will line things up.
"It's hard to feel like I'm just sitting on my hands Lord..." I have said. But I recognize that my efforts are futile if God is not behind the action, propelling it forward.
What should I do with this longing then...
The truth is, is that if my longing was fulfilled, and my miracle granted, (which I absolutely believe God intervenes in miraculous ways in our daily lives) would I be happier? Would my life lack sorrow? Would my days be only filled with joy? The answer is no.
Even if my deepest prayer was answered, I know I'd still have difficulty, disappointment and trial.
SO why pray for my miracle? Why pray for my desired end? Because He asks me to.
"Ask, and it will be given to you, seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7
He wants me to communicate with Him. He wants me to share my heart, and poor out my deepest longings.
I know one thing, when I cry out to God in my moments of longing, and desire, He meets me there. HE answers me with His presence. I am not alone, and I feel held. Is my prayer answered always the way I wish it would be? No...
But even Jesus prayed,
"Lord, not my will but yours.."
SO that is how I pray now. I tell the Lord me desires, I pour out the ache, the sorrow and the discouragement, but at the end of the day I say this: "Lord, your ways are best, your will over mine."
It has taken me many years to be able to say that prayer and mean it. To literally trust Him more than I fear.
He has taken me down the road of trust for many years, and even now, after all this time with Him teaching me, I still falter some days.
As I sat down to write this my heart began to break for all the woman I know right now who are waiting for something, woman who are seeking God, and praying for His perfect will in their lives, and I recognize, He has them on a road that is all their own. And what He will teach them is unique to them, and to you.
Whatever road of waiting that God has asked you to walk, know that you are not on this road all by yourself, Your Father who sent His son to die to for you, and who already gave you His best gift, Jesus, will not leave you hanging.
It may not be in your perfect timeline, and my not look exactly how you thought it would look, but His purposes and plans for you are as clear and true and blue sky above you.
So many times I take back what I have handed to God already...I visualize sticking my "unanswered prayer" or "dream" in a box, and handing it to Jesus. And He always took good care of it. He knew what was in my box, and I know He would carry the burden of my hurts better than I ever could. So then I could just be free, knowing God was holding my desires in His hands.
It doesn't mean I don't still get sad about it once and while, but it does mean that I and my burden are being held by one who has the power to hold it all together, and One who never misses a beat.
Jesus goes beyond my expectations into a realm I cannot even imagine. So once again, I hand Jesus my box of desire, and I tell Him, "this is yours."
With hands free from burden, I lift them up to heaven and say, "Your first, I want you most, the rest is up to you!"
And as I walk away from the window I've had my face pressed up against for however long, I realize that I've had my answer all along, He's here...AND He's never going to leave me. What He does with this life I live, is up to Him, and I can trust Him in this...
So I pray, I pour out my heart, laying my requests before my God and King, and with a face lifted towards heaven I say, "LORD, NOT MY WILL, BUT YOURS BE DONE!"
"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Hebrews 13:8
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