How It's Going to Be

I have felt a bit of hope creep back into my being today...hope and peace. Let me tell you why, and how I've been feeling lately...

I have had an overwhelming sense of looming sadness in my heart this past week, and some of it I know could be pregnancy hormones, along with other elements of my life, but for the most part, I'm thrilled with my life, and all that God has given me. ( I am learning to be more thankful for what I have) But why the doom and gloom feeling? As I've mentioned before, I've been reading through Isaiah and hearing all that was happening in his time in the land of Judah, the heartache the people were causing the Lord because of their rebellion, and of course, how our world today is mimicking those things..

I never like to focus too much on what wrong with society, others and myself, because honestly, there is SO much that's wrong...but that is not what I want to focus on today as I write.

Have you ever thought of this: there is going to be a day where Christ reigns, where good is more prevalent than evil and there truly will be peace in the hearts of all? I'm talking about some the things that Isaiah shares with us as he writes his book, and how it's a foretaste of things to come. Want to hear more? I thought so.

What I am speaking of is something that Isaiah calls the "day of the Lord" and it's depicted to be the time when Christ returns for His 1000 year reign. And I do mean, "literal" reign. In Isaiah 4:6 it speaks of how He will be present in our daily lives as "cloud of smoke by day and glow of flaming fir by night" much like how it was as He led the Israelites out of the desert...

He will be visible, and what we now know as "normal" is going to change, (for the better) Peace will overcome, fear will be demolished, and He will be the most important thing to all of us.

Although I do not fully understand how this will play out, what it's going to look like, and when it will be, I know that He promises this time of peace, and it's available to all who call on His name with a genuine and sincere heart. This is where I want to spend some time, because friends, the state my heart was in even two years ago, was not a place of genuine faith. And the pride that still continues to grow in my heart in ways that I am only beginning to see, I recognize the importance of examination of heart, and an understanding of the sin in the pride of man.

Let me explain something, most of my life, I considered God to be an glory hungry person, simply because He's God, and I guess, He wanted what He wanted. (selfishly) This is just not the case, God's desire for glory is one in the same as His desire for and love for us...Because He created us to love Him and we are most content and satisfied in life when we are living our lives as He created us to, things just work best. For we were created to love Him! Do you see the full circle? SO what happens when we love ourselves more than Him? Or when we love something else more than Him? Life becomes less satisfying, we become discontent and so we dive in deeper and deeper into the things of this world to fill what we are empty in. Love.

A love wrongly placed, is called idolatry. And idolatry in itself is a way we all sin against the Lord in, when we say in our hearts, and with our actions, "this is something I can't live with-out." I do not mean to be extreme here friends, but there is nothing in THIS world that we should say, "I can't live without it." Let me be honest when I say, there were many many things I could identify in my own life that I would border on saying, "I can't live with out it." Or life would be pretty stinky without it/them.

Mostly now, it's family that has the temptation to steal my affections for "1st place," but I SEE so clearly how my first passion much be for HIM...and not my children or husband...or any other person who is so important to me in my life.

I am not great. He is great. My life is not great because of outside sources, it's great because He is in it. And there was a day, not very long ago, that this was just not the case. I am learning so much about myself, and I see my name in the chapters of Isaiah as he depicts the sin of the prideful women in that day, how they held their heads high because of outside sources, rather than the Lord Almighty.

We take pride in many things these days, and we parade them around like we are God. And it's scary. Do you think that God would let us get away with things He punished the nation of Judah for? No. There woman were prideful, full of themselves, basically they paraded themselves around in their physical beauty and took much pride in this. There are many ways I have done this, and it saddens my heart. So in the days of "women's rights," "gay pride" and "tolerance" we have lost much of what we were created to be...( I am no exception) and so it was with the people of Judah.

Let me bring this home my friends...

It's not about us. When we get that, peace floods in. The other thing that happens when we put God first, and live our lives as we ought for Him, fear disappears, because we know, bottom line, we are held safe in His promise of hope for us...we have an eternity with Christ that awaits us.

I do not need to live in fear when God has been rightly placed on His throne in my heart, and I trust that He who created me, knows whats best for me. This is a hard concept for many, (me too) and for many years, I've fought that. But I see now, that one cannot live a life of satisfaction when someone/or something is more important than God. It just does not work.

My heart was heavy this morning as I went into my study, but when I emerged having learned what I learned today that there will be a day when "every knee shall bow, and every tongue will confess, that God is love, and love has come, for us all..." (when we confess, and place Him first)

Let me leave you with a verse of peace, that depicts the joy of what we will see on that day when He returns, and He takes over...

"The wolf and lamb will feed together and the lion will eat straw like the Ox, but dust will be the serpents food. They will neither harm nor destroy on all my holy mountains, Says the Lord!"

Isaiah 65:25

I want that day to be today. I want our world to be a world of peace. Only the Lord knows when this day will be, but friends, if you are out there, and you are wavering in any sense, wondering if a life with God is worth it...let me tell you...it is. And although I know there is still much ugly in my heart, I have HOPE and HIS PEACE in my heart for today, tomorrow and every day after that because He's got my life in His hold, and that is right where I want to be. Are you....?

Running Around In Circles

I have been over thinking things a bit lately, mainly because I'm trying to do everything right, stay organized and be prepared for what God will have me do each day, but unfortunately, I'm starting to get a little overwhelmed. I'm overwhelming myself. Anyone else ever do this? I hate that I do, and I'm sad that I'm still running around in that same circle...but I am. And the Lord has put it on my heart to really focus on overcoming that. I suppose it could be classified as just having "one of those days.." but often times, it seems as though it runs deeper for me. I have much to look forward to, I have many joyful things that are apart of my life today, and I have great purpose in who I am in Christ, and yet, I still hear the whispered lies in my head, the ones that we all hear, and the after a while of listening to them we all get bogged down by. That too is something more of me that I'd like to divorce.
God tells me it's not my job to overcome on my own...It's only in His strength that we stand, and when we are weak, He is strong for us...when we are tired, He is wide awake, ready for battle, and action. He works through us, we are His tools, His mouths, His vessels of His message.
And in that, I still have room for fear? It should not be this way. That is over thinking, and really, it's passing myself up on freedom that is readily available to me.
So I say, "I'm tired of life not being the way I wish it was..." meaning, the difficulty pregnancy has brought into my life, I can't move, I'm sore...and my list I love to complain about goes on and on...
I have to believe His disciples felt this way at times, "I left my family for this? This road is long. The sky is hot. My feet hurt, I haven't had any food I like for a while...my coat has a hole in it..." And I'm sure, they got hung up on that stuff for a while...until the Lord quieted their grumbling, reminding them, they had greater purpose. Now it's not to say that life will always be hard, or that things will always be for us just as they are right now, but in this moment, I need to let go of my "discomfort" and trust that God's got some plans for me, and that He plans to sustain me when times are a bit hard.
I keep finding myself say, "I can't keep up!" whether it be with the house work, the children, the tasks I tell myself I must to today to be a worth while home-maker..but my worth is not in those things, and if I ask for the strength to accomplish the things HE thinks are important, the strength will be there.
So, even if today is "one of those days.." and I feel tired, inadequate and as if the road I'm walking it just too long, He knows, and He's waiting for me to ask Him what HE thinks in regards to me, rather than what I think of myself. What I think about me, will always be flawed. What I think about what I can accomplish will always be narrower than what He thinks, and I will always underestimate myself, compared to what He knows to be true of me. I just need to ask Him and when He answers me, believe what He says. I wonder how many of you may be having this type of day as well? If you are, and you really identify with feelings of "I just cant keep up..." then know that you are not alone, and God longs to answer your cries. So ask Him. Don't hesitate to tell Him exactly what you feel, and then watch as He points you right where you need to go, either in the Word, or as someone around you offers you the support you need that very moment. He is God who cares about the details. So go ahead, tell Him, tell Him your fearful, tell Him your overwhelmed...tell Him your unsure...tell Him your just so tired. He is your creator...He cares more than any other soul ever will, and He's just the right person to tell, because he has all the answers.

Not Sure I Like What I See

I have been doing a bit of self-examination of my heart lately, basing it off of all that I've learned in Isaiah and the pride that over-took the hearts of those people...pride is something I never really thought I had a problem with pride, and usually, the things that you think are not a problem, are. And although I don't go around boasting with my mouth, I hold things in my heart that say, "Wow, I'm pretty good!" And I carry that attitude with me. Now there is a difference between saying, "The Lord has blessed with me a gift, I'm thankful for it, and I will use to His glory..." and " I'm really good at stuff." Paul had this problem too...He was wise man, and after his miraculous conversion on the Road to Damascus, I'm sure he had moments of "Wow, God must think I'm pretty awesome to single me out and transform me in such a great way..." and being that he was a young scholarly man, he went out to preach the name of the Lord, however, He did this in His own power and failed miserably. He ended up getting pursued by an official of the city he was in, and had to escape through being lowered in a basket, down a wall to escape. A cowards escape. But, after his escape, it caused him to reevaluate who he was relying on, and why he was doing what he was doing. Sure, He had all the requirements of a philosopher or a wise religious man, that's what he new how to do best! But that was not what God had in store for him. God thought that Paul would make a great evangelist, but God wanted Paul to do it on God's terms, so He gave Paul the cover of "tent maker" and then, sent Paul out as someone in rags and sandals, rather than a greatly dressed, well known prophet of the Lord. Humbling isn't it? And yet, when we say, "Lord your will for me, not mine..." We have to mean it. ( And in the end, Paul is quoted and his story is renown, but it is because God made Him so..)

SO what is the matter truly, with just having some pride? I mean, it doesn't feel like out of all the sins to choose from, that one is that bad right? Well, I'm here to tell you, the Lord hates pride. He tells His people this in Isaiah 2:11 that " The eyes of the arrogant will be humbled and the pride of men brought low."

He is a God of glory. He is a God is created you, your gifts and your abilities. (me too) and in that, if we take up our place at the place of glory, on that final day, He will not be pleased, and frankly, I don't want to be caught on that final day saying anything of my own abilities. And again, we cannot fake being humble. Trust me, I've tried. And I stink at it. Have you ever met a truly humble person? Someone who just genuinely knows they are nothing without God? I have, and I love being with them. They are so beautiful to be around, and their spirits just draw others to them because it's so refreshing to be around someone who doesn't think their all that and a bag of chips. I guess it's all about the refinement process right? We don't start as gold, we start as coal...or sometimes fools gold, but by the end of the process, when God has done His great work in our lives we hopefully shine and shimmer, and others are drawn to us by our simple beauty that has occurred by no act of our own.

So why is it so important that we reach this place of humble acknowledgement of our prideful state? Because it matters for eternity, and what we do on earth, affects our end, and when Christ returns on "that day" and looks at us, what would we want Him to say of us? I only want to hear two words, "well done." And anything short of that, is less than what we were ought to be here on earth. We have a job here on earth my friends, it may feel like "your way, your life, your accomplishments" and I guess you can make it that, but if you do, and this is what your life (and my life) is about, then that's all we get. Were done after that, and death brings nothing but death. In stark contrast, the life lived in humble acceptance of what God's plans for us are gives birth to life everlasting on the day of our death, and it also brings much glory to Him as we live.

I know it's a lot to think about, and it certainly causes one to reexamine just what they've been doing lately, either for Christ or for themselves...but for myself...when I consider my "ministry" I have to know this: It's only by grace that we enter, only by grace we can come. Not by our human endeavors, but by the blood of the lamb. Grace, grace, God's grace. The only thing that can cleans and pardon our sin. Nothin but the blood, nothing but the blood of Jesus.

There is no room for "I" in all of that, and if I try to spell my name into the place of glory I will find number one, that it doesn't fit very well, looks out of place, and at some point, someone is going to say, "that's not right..." Know what I mean?

Let me finish by saying this, and I quote Peter...

"These have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." 1Peter 1:7

In you, Jesus Christ can be revealed to others, and on that final day He will say "well done."

Oh, that this may be my story...someday.

Doing Business With God

Today, as I sat under the teaching of my Bible study leader, I was once again reminded of the importance of where our hearts are, being real...being obedient, and doing business with God. What do I mean by this? As I read more in the book of Isaiah, I am astonished at all the similarities of Judah in the day, and America today. We as a whole are well off, we are prosperous, we are successful, we have much, and there is overwhelming sense of "we can do it on our own..." and really, much pride is taken in that. Being humble, and vulnerable is difficult for most, (myself included) and there is an entitlement, ungrateful attitude that is seemingly seeped into our core from birth. We deserve the best, no one gave it to us, we earned it. Isn't that sort of how we feel as we climb the ladder at work, or do well in our own little worlds? Praise from man trumps praise from God, and being religious because "it's what you ought to do" tends to be more important that being real. Well friends, I'm here to pose a question to you that I've been asking myself today, "Is it real?" And if it's not real, than really, whats the point?

And by "it" I mean your faith. Your relationship with God, and who you profess to be. I'm not talking about the popular phrase, "be true to you.." that implies that even if "you" is morally wrong, go with it, if that's what you are...

No. Far from it. I'm asking you, is your walk with God honest, humble, reliant on Him alone, and grateful. Yes. I said grateful. You may feel as though life is just to hard, to be grateful for too much, and honestly, I'm guilty of this thought myself. But friends....we have much to be grateful for. I'm not just saying "count your blessings when things are good..." I'm talking about taking your eyes, (my eyes) off of ourselves when we are in pain, placing them on the cross, and saying, "Lord, I trust you."

We are not to be dependant upon our own securities, because when are we truly secure? A robber could break in at any time, and a tornado could sweep through and destroy your town, and then what? Do we determine that God does not care?

Well...in Isaiah, the story is this, Judah, is a strong, prosperous town, who has truly forgotten God.. She has decided that she is OK in going through the religious "acts", because isn't that what they were commanded to do in Leviticus? True. The commandments are there, but when there is no depth behind the actions, and no truth behind the words...then they are as I said in my last post, "meaningless." I'm afraid for many of us in this great nation of ours, we are in exactly the same place. We are strong! We are full of wealth! We have it all compared to most parts of the world...and friends, we are prideful. It's true we need to take care of what God has given us, but instead of being grateful to God, we want more! We have determined for the most part, that we are in our lives circumstances, because we got ourselves there! We made a name for ourselves, we earned our first dollar, and we intend to keep it that way.

And, our hearts are far from God. God is not pleased with this type of attitude, and He has thankfully given us the example of Judah to show us what He desires from us. It is true that life can be hard, but friends, God uses some of those hardships to hopefully get our attention, and cause us to once more take a good look at the cross...and do business with God. To ask God once again, whats your will for me? Show me where I ought to be, what I ought to do? Ask Him what His plans are for you rather than what you want for you. (I am no exception to this rule)

Friends, perhaps you consider this cliche at this point, but do you believe that God loves you and wants His best for you? His best, is better than anything this world says is best, or what you tell yourself is best. The truth will come out in the end, and as long as we still have breath, and we can still read His word, than we know, there is still time to take His best, over ours.

He tells us what we ought to do in Isaiah 1:16 and 17

There are 7 things He lists for us to get our feet back on the right track, and to do this much needed business with Him.

Here they are:

*wash your hands and be clean (stop what your doing that wrong)

*Take your evil deeds out of His sight

*Stop doing wrong (confessing)

*Learn to do right (Ask Him!)

*Seek Justice

*Encourage the oppressed (quite only caring for yourself)

*Defend the Fatherless

*Plead the case of the widow (look out for the needy)

And I would finish this off by simply saying, when these things are done with an honest heart, it is pleasing, if we try and accomplish this list because we are told to, but our hearts are far from God, than this too, is a waste of our time and God is not honored in it.

It has to be real. God sees whats real, and whats not...

The best part of this, is He has so much grace on us, He warns us over and over again, and I feel, we need another warning friends, I need another warning. If I become to complacent, to self-reliant, my work for the Lord diminishes and my discontent, ungrateful attitude takes over, and I'm sure is easily seen by others.

So I ask you...are you grateful? Are you real? Have you done any business with God lately? He's waiting..He loves you...and yes, life is short.

What's Inside

I came across a passage of scripture not too long ago that actually made me weep in sorrow towards my own dishonesty of heart. Before the Lord grabbed a hold of me, and reshaped me as someone who hopefully looks more like Him...I had a lot of things that were sin in my life that I of course was blinded too. The problem with sin that we are blinded too is this, usually, everyone else around us can see it. As I read these words from Isaiah I was struck by what what the Lord was saying...listen:
"Stop bringing me meaningless offerings! When you spread out your hands in prayer, I will hide my eyes from you! Even if you offer many prayers I will not listen. Your hands are full of blood, wash and make yourself clean. Take your evil deeds from my sight." Isaiah 1: 13,15

So, why did this verse strike me so much? Because the reason the Lord calls these peoples offerings "meaningless" is because they claimed closeness to Christ, and yet their lives were full of sin that they were both blinded by, and unrepentant of. And then they (and I) had the audacity to come to the foot of the cross and offer up prayers to the Lord, either in request or praise.
God desires, no, God needs a sincere heart...if we are to come to Him and have a real relationship with our Father, then we must be fully honest with Him and honest with ourselves about what lies deep within. If we hold any idol...anything that takes a greater importance to us than Christ, than we are offering Him meaningless offerings.
I again recognized this truth as my pastor yesterday morning described a similar situation that was happening in the days of Paul (taken from Acts 19:21-40)
but it was no different really than what we do today, people were following the a goddess who claimed to give them a feeling of being "safe and sound". Now isn't that what we all want? To be full of peace, be safe and sound, and have comfort? Isn't that what we are all striving for?
If we are looking for that sense of safety from any other source other than Christ, than we are considering that source to be more important, or more powerful than Christ. I know for a fact there have been times in my life where other things took greater importance than God, and I struggle daily with allowing my thoughts to drift towards things that steal my affections away from Him. Most things I find however, and as I learned in the sermon yesterday, most things that take our place of idol ship above Christ, are all good things. Things like family, jobs, making a good income, safety for our children, (which can lead to strongholds of fear for them) and of course, being healthy and looking good.
All of those things are good! And yet, when any one of those takes greater importance than Christ, then they are no longer good, but distorted. If we think that making more money for example, will make us feel more safe, then we embark on a 80 hour work week job to fulfill that dream, then we are making our job and making more money, our new God. I think you get the picture. And then come Sunday morning, or any morning as we attempt to come before the cross and offer Him our requests...He looks at us and says..."that is a meaningless offering to me."
My friends, God desires our best...and has already given us His...
The way He designed us, was to desire safety. He is to be our source of that safety. No other thing or person or religion will give you that safety, peace, contentment and fulfillment in life. We were created to love Him, serve Him, and honor Him, and in return we are filled to the max with all the things we need most to survive. Wouldn't you rather be filled to the max by God, than strive till your fingers bleed to acquire half of what God will just supply you with? All He asks for is an honest heart, willing to serve Him first. Willing to put Him first. And as we let go of whatever our idols are, we will experience the freedom of Christ, in Christ, that we were designed to live in.
So, where do we start? How do we get there? Read on in Isaiah and He tells you plainly...
"Stop doing wrong, learn to do right! If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the best from the land!" Isaiah 1:16b and 19
We come to Him, we confess out idols...lay them down, ask Him to replace them and daily, (perhaps momentarily for a while) ask Him to give us the strength to do this...He will meet your needs. He will meet you where you are at. He is not an unapproachable God. He is the God who sent His son to earth, for you. He's already done the first act of reaching out to you, and now, He waits for our response. So what will say? What will we do? He waiting.

A Fresh View

In my heart, as of late has resonated this feeling of, "Whats really important, finding what matters, and doing it." That something big is in the works within our nation as a whole, knowing how much we have turned from our Maker...it really frightens me.
My husband and I have done a fair amount of discussing the end times, and all that is happening across the world, and how it relates to certain prophesies of end times. It' causes to me to take each day very seriously. Perhaps a bit too seriously, but for someone who never cared about tomorrow, to suddenly feel as I do, it's quite a change and I have to credit God for a deepening in my concerns for His world.
I always have the mentality that each individual is here for a purpose, and God's purposes for that person will be made known the more they get to know God and what He wants for them!
Unfortunately fear always laces my thoughts, one, because God is so big, and He can do so much. But two, because I know my depravity at the core, and that I am only one person, what can I do for God? However, riding on my initial conviction that God has a certain plan for each of us, forces me to step forward, knowing His plans for my steps will be made more clear as I just simply put one foot in front of the other. It's truly blind faith that leads us friends, for we don't know what lies ahead, all we can do is trust in His best for us, and know He loves us as children and will do nothing that does not fit into that plan of "best."
The way the world is today, living in either denial or complete self sufficiency, is what scares me the most. There are many times throughout scripture where God warns us to not forget Him. I would say, as in all other times, we are slowly forgetting Him more and more as a nation, and I'm uncertain about what He may do to cause to turn our gaze back to Him once more.
I cannot describe that plans of God for our nations future, nor do I want to...but I do know this, He tells us "My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.." Isaiah 55:8-9
He is so concerned for us friends! He cares about our every move, and our every move has the potential to honor Him, ignore Him in blindness, or flat out refute Him, and I do not want to be grouped into the latter two groups! SO this of course makes you feel like, "what a mean dictator God!" But that is not farther from the truth. God causes things to happen in our lives, in hopes that our eyes will once more turn to Him, and rely upon His strength rather than our own, and when a whole nation turns away, the discipline has to reach many in order to any good. That's where you see things like the Flood of Noah, Sodom and Gomorrah, the warning to Nineveh by Jonah, and many many more. God does not want us to shake in fear, He simply wants us to lift our eyes to Him and put our trust in Him, so the world that HE created will run as is should. What you believe about God will greatly affect how you live your life...and if you believe that He has His best in mind for you, then you will act in accordance with that belief. If you think God "has it out for you.." then perhaps you should first consider why you have those thoughts, and then line it up with scripture. If it does not line up, perhaps entertain the idea that some of your thoughts towards God are scewed.
"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you! Because the Lord disciplines those He loves, and He punishes those He accepts as a son...Moreover we have all had human Fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live!" Hebrews 12:5,9

This is more a call to examine our hearts, and see perhaps where we ought to pick up and take notice of Him more, and listen more. Some respond in fear, and others seem oblivious, but in either case, self reliance is what fuels both. We are too self reliant as a whole, and I myself am most certainly guilty of this too! We are not built to be reliant upon ourselves...we were created by a Father who loves us more than we can ever fathom, who has plans for us, and if our desire is to fight that way of life, then we have a long road ahead. It's when we attempt to tear away ourselves from His loving grasp that truly, we are lost, blind and alone. Independence may be what you want, but Independence is not freedom. Just as "less is more" and "more is often too much" so it goes with doing our thing, and going our own way. I know this is a lot, and the thoughts I have on this go on and on...but may these sobering thoughts, cause you to consider first, where you are, and secondly, how you may encourage others to see where they are at too...in hopes that we will all turn back to Him! Never forgetting, His death on the cross for us, the reality of Hell, and the beauty of a life lived with Christ.

Seasons

As I was driving into town this morning, I was struck the simple thought on how life changes, life seasons come and go, and so does our normal...

Normally this time of year, my life looks different...I'm able to do more, and go more, but with how my body is in pregnancy right now, I have to cool it.

The season I'm in with my children is very busy, and anyone with small children knows what "busy" means. :) As my day began at 6am, and I sort of fought the idea that my day was going to begin at that time, I sighed, gave into my new normal and got up to meet the children's needs.

Perhaps the normallcy of my new normal is setting in, and just like an new toy gets old, so do new phases of life. I had much different expectations for my pregnancy than what has actually occurred, and the occurrence of those differences, has caused me to be more eager for the next phase...the next normal. A new season.

As I greeted a few gals at the gym they comments on their older children's busy lives...and how they never get to see them anymore. And so I mused to myself...every season has it's down falls, and every season has it's joys. Finding contentment in those seasons, wherever we are, has got to be the key. I might say that the phase I'm in is more physically exhausting and draining but the stage of teens and beyond, has it's own challenges...

I just have had such a challenging time staying positive through all the hardship this pregnancy has brought into my life, I've almost forced myself to not analyze my situation too much so I don't get too down. That's not really my idea of thriving.

So as the rain falls today, and my children smash their fingers in car windows, I have to go beyond the right now, and say, there is joy in my today, I just have to look for it.

Things can always be worse...and I know this. I have much to be thankful for, and before I know it, my season will change, and I'll wonder what was so bad about what I'm going through right now! Contentment. I truly believe that this is what it all boils down to. To compare life seasons, life circumstances and life's blessings with those of others, only causes me to shift impatiently in my place of right now. Perseverance through trials, focus on what really matters, and obviously, pray through my attitudes...and I am convinced (through experience) that God fulfills my desires for peace and contentment. If Paul can find contentment while being in prison, I can find contentment in my trivial issues of today. Some days, this may be easier than others, but when I focus on the goodness of today, I have less time to think about what "bad".

The very fact that I have a child growing inside of me, makes this season worth while. The very fact that my 2 year old, wraps her arms around my neck and says to me, "I love you Mommy." (spontaneously) makes my season of right now, worth it.

And lets face it, perfection is heaven, and we are not there yet!

So as you read this, and I'm sure you are finding yourself analyzing your season at hand, what can you be thankful for? There truly are times of life where we say, "this just stinks." But even in that, we are learning things. Trust me, I know.

Life on earth is a bit of struggle at times, this I know, but dwelling on our struggles, only makes them bigger, and when we cast our cares on Him, it's amazing how quickly the size of that care seems to shrink! So take time to find things to be thankful for as you rest in your current season, and pray though the things that are less than pleasant. Knowing all the while, if we can honor Him with our attitudes in the tough stuff...then we truly are giving Him our best...and living life the way that pleases Him. (which is why we do what we do)

I know, this line of thinking takes a bit of discipline, but I am certainly more content in my season when I think this way, pray this way, and live this way.

After all, this is not only the day that He has made, but the season that He has made, and we ought to rejoice in it...regardless. ( yikes!) Easier said than done, but this is why we pray!

Enjoy you season, and rest in the simple truth that He is going to give you His best for you, and it's hard to argue with Him on that.

He's All I Need

I've learned a couple of things over the weekend. One of them being, He's all I need, and the beauty of that, is that He's right here. Let me explain...
As I have mentioned, life has been a bit intense for me lately, and with a trial I've been dealing with that has been physically exhausting, I found myself crying out the Lord, and saying, "This new problem I'm facing Lord, it feels a little cruel that you'd let me deal with it on top of everything else." Yes, I actually said.."cruel" the Lord. But I know He also understands and He hears my heart, so rather than lashing out at me, as I would have done towards someone who told me that I was being cruel, He met me right where I was at...
As I was driving the kids around in the evening, calming down for the evening, after a day of crying out to the Lord, a song came on the radio that struck me, and it talked about how God is right here...and then it hit me...
I've been asking Him why He's allowed what He allowed into my life, and yet I realized something completely different, that I was being sustained through my hardship. To put into terms all of you can understand, I was running on fumes, from my continual lack of sleep, and yet, I had so much patience with my kids, I was able to do all of my normal things and I felt peace. Most times in my life, when I've dealt with sleep issues, (usually during pregnancy) or right after a baby has been born, I'm a mess. I'm feeling out of control...and just plain miserable...now, I will not deny that I was tired, but the chaos that usually comes with insomnia for me, was not present. God was right there. And, He truly was all I needed.
So today in church I was convicted and encouraged that once again, the Lord was speaking to me through my life's experiences, and He was reassuring me that it was in fact He that was holding me together, always has been, always will be.
Sometimes, when life is good, all is well, and I don't have a trial, I forget this simple truth, that He is all I need...and so, I then go through sometimes as I am now, and I am once again reminded of that.
So I ask you my friends...is He all you need? Do you believe that He's right there with you? It's easy to forget, trust me. But you might be in a circumstance, much like I am, where it's impossible to coast, where it's impossible to feel as though you can do it on your own...
The reason you may feel this way, as I have, is that it is impossible to do it on your own and thrive..meaning to do more than "make it.." I personally am not comfortable with just, surviving. I want to thrive...my situation may change, or it may not, but if I am constantly waiting to thrive until things "get good again" than I am beginning to sing a song to the tune of the "grass is always greener..." and my level of contentment for what God has given me today, goes way down. I'm not saying it's easy to look at pain and problems, and say, "wow...that's great!" But we can look at pain and problems and still say, "God is great." Because He is, first, He great simply because He's God. Next He's great because we are never abandoned, and thirdly He's great because He is only one who can satisfy us, even in the storm. You may think what you need is to get out, but He rather wants to hold you through it. It's a different way of thinking, and it's not necessarily the easy way out. But friends, He's your best option, and if you have experienced His holding through the storm you will see, He's yours only option that makes any sense at all. We all are faced with the temptation to tell God that He's being cruel...and I have to think He gets that. But He's wiser, bigger and more knowledgeable than I and He knows what I really need. And so that's what I get from Him. He knows I need to be sustained, not always fixed right when I want, but I am sustained, and I see Him in that. (perhaps more than if my situation just instantly got better) So each day that I know I'm running on fumes, and I'm not sure how I will make it through that day, I can say this: "Lord, sustain me. Lord, You are all I need. Lord, I know you are right here. And you know what friends? He's right there with you too. He longs to sustain you, and He longs for you to see that truly, He is all you need.

Living Free

Letting go of stuff has never been easy for me, I am a pack-rat of things, emotions and yes, anger. I have learned however that in letting go of things, there is freedom...and yet every so often I forget this and I pack some "stuff" away and begin to tow them along with me, which of course, makes my load heavier and heavier until I start to falter from the weight of all I'm carrying. Perhaps some of you do the same? Regardless...this is something that I know I struggle with and God knows I struggle with, and He is not comfortable with letting me wear myself out trying to hold onto so many things that He is much more equipped to carry that I. He holds the whole world and I falter with just a few extra things on my plate, so I do recognize my obvious weakness in light of His great strength. I had a situation not to long ago where God asked me to let something go emotionally...I told Him no at first but as time wore on it was obvious the emotions that I was lugging around, were too big for me and were simply weighing me down, and not allowing me to live in the freedom that I know God intended me to live in. I know I speak a lot of freedom here on this blog, but it is because freedom is so important. Freedom from any sort of bondage, whether physical or emotional, freedom is something that all strive for, but few find. I want it. I want to hold, keep it, and wrap it around my neck so that I don't ever loose it. Thankfully, I know that as God inhabits me, I possess freedom and it's available to me, but I have to act as though I am free. It's as if I know the gate is open, and yet I still run around in circles in my cage...that's not true freedom!
That's claiming something and then not showing proof in life that you own it! Do I own freedom? Or am I still tied down by my inability to let go, and let God take over. Sadly, many days, I forget that God is there to take over for me, and I live in my cage, with the gate open, but never walking out into the fresh air.
Granted, I will admit, I have weathered a difficult emotional time here this past season, but God has been telling me for many days now, that my cage door is open...and yet, here I sit. Acting as though I am locked up. Wearing my heavy load of burdens and washing my feet with my tears. This is not how I was intended to live, nor you my friends. So, this week, I've let a few things go. My stress has begun to deplete and rest in beginning to return to my soul...
Do you ever find yourself saying, "Life shouldn't have to be this hard?!" Well, know that you are not alone. I sit in my car as I'm heading to and fro about my business each day, and I've made a point to look around me and see how people look, (happy, down...) as they are by themselves in their cars...Do you know what I see? A lot of sad faces. Why is that I think? Here is what I've come up with...we are so burdened. We are heavy laden! We are exhausted. The life has been sucked out of us because number one, we are too weak to stand, and number two, in that weakness, life has lost it's joy and purpose. Now, the two major things we find when we find Christ are these, joy and purpose!!!! SO many of us walk around believers and non-believers alike, as though we do not have the freedom of Christ! Some of us hold the keys to freedom only we refuse to use them, and some of us have yet to take Christ up on His offer for our own set of keys that will unlock the door of our cage...
Do you know where you fall in that? Where do you sit? Is the joy gone? Have you lost your purpose? Does every day feel the same????? I've been there! It's not fun! But friends! There is an answer! And by now, you must know His name. My cell was opened years ago...and yet here I sit! What holds us down? What weighs us down? The inability to let go, and let God, to hand Him it all. And I mean, everything. Your fears...your pain...your kids...your husbands...your wives...your jobs...your emotions...your anger towards another...your insecurities...your very life.
When all of that is in His hands...what are left with? The peace of knowing, all our "stuff" is in good hands. So truly...we do not worry about tomorrow...we do not worry about what we will eat, or drink or wear...or more properly put, where your children will got to school...or how you will pay that bill...or if this pain in your life will ever end? He is big enough to hold it all. And just knowing that bring joy to my step. Having trouble keeping your house clean? Tell HIM!!! Having a difficult time with your attitude with your co-workers??? Tell Him! Having a hard time loving your spouse? Tell Him. He longs to carry what He already knows bogs you down, and me down. I don't know about you, but I'm starting today. He's going to get an ear full, but it's not anything He doesn't already know, but He wants me to offer it up to Him. That's part of the freedom....I pray these words encourage any and all of you today, and that today may be a day where you too can let some stuff go!

Not A Failure

Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart (2 Corinthians 4:1)

I have been struggling a bit with myself lately, feeling as though "I'm not accomplishing anything" or I'm "never doing enough" either in my home, with my children or for the Lord. Paul would tell me that I'm "losing heart..." and that is not of the Lord. He tells me that I am more than a conqueror, and that I should not lose heart, and yet, I do. Which tells me, I'm not listening to the one whom I need to listen to most. Instead of listening to voices in my head, I need to listen to the voice of God and what He says to me is dramatically different than what I tell myself.
Chatting with a friend yesterday we both agreed that there is always something more that could be done, one more kind word, one more card sent, one more teaching lesson done with a child, and yet, even if we did all those things, I believe I would still feel like there more to be done. The work is always there, and God gives us the strength to accomplish what is most important for His plans for that very day. When I am listening to the Lord, when I am seeking His guidance, and being obedient in what He tells me to do, then what more should I do? I have to think that Paul was overwhelmed by his ministry at times, he talks about it some in 1 Cor. Chapter 4, He just says whats on his heart that "Up to this point we have become the scum of the earth, the refuse of the world..." vs 13
Basically, he seems discouraged, yet in the very next book he writes that we should not lose heart. I think Paul's life example should tell us, we all get down, but we are not to stay there. We are not to feel like "scum" because of emotions that come with a difficult time. We are to move forward in confidence knowing that when we are in the center of His will for us, we will be doing all we can! So, here is where I stand today, and what I am making certain of is that I am in the center of His will. Having the "mind of Christ" meaning that the thoughts of my heart, are things that would please Him...that I am not getting distracted by the things of this world, and thinking on things that are pleasing and holy. Do I do this perfectly? No. I don't. But today I realize why I do what I do. Why I seek Him each morning for the wisdom I will need for that very day. Because without His wisdom...I will not live out that day as HE would have me do...and when I live my day in my own wisdom, I have to think that this is where the feeling so failure come in...
So as I set out today in the wisdom and fear of the Lord...taking one step after another in His name, I know that today will be the day I ought to live, and there is no fear of failure in that.

It has to be real

Today in church my Pastor informed us that he was going to be speaking on superstitions...immediately I decided, "Oh, this is not for me"...But not only did I realize it was for me, I think it's for everyone...

Back a ways, when I was wrestling through some majors issues in my life, I found myself bargaining with God in a way..Saying, "God, if you only will give me what I'm asking for, I'll do this, and that, for you.." Or this angle as well..."Lord, if I do this and that for you, will you grant me my request?" In a sense, it's as if I thought that I could manipulate God. I learned today, and all those days I bargained with God, that God cannot be manipulated..and if I am doing good things for Christ, and doing things in His name, in hopes that I might receive what it is I'm asking for, then I might as well save my energy and breath.

God sees my heart. God hears through what I am saying to the heart of the matter, and it's sad that I thought I could manipulate Him into doing what I was asking Him to do for me.

God answers prayers. That much is true. But He does it when a believer comes with an honest and pure heart, asking with right motives...not trusting in themselves...but in faith, stepping out and knowing that HE truly is their only hope for answers. I finally did come to that place, and the Lord did in return give me what I had been asking for, but I came to that place after months and months of trying to manipulate Him, my situation and others to get what I wanted. God is not going to honor that! He honors those who requests of Him, come from a place that is real.

We may even be able to deceive ourselves for a time into thinking that our "good behavior" is because we truly are being good for Christ, and no other reason, but what happens, when all our good deeds lead to nothing? What happens when our plans backfire? What happens when you stay sick, or you don't get your job, or your plans fall through? Then what? Do we decide that God does not care? No, it's back to the drawing board with our heart in hand, and I asked God to show me...to make me be real just for the sake of being honest, not so that I could get what I wanted. It's hard to say that to the Lord without an ounce of personal gain in our minds to fuel us in this, true, we are human and our minds think human things, but when God takes over, and motives become pure, and hearts become real, the thing we want so badly, may begin to pale in comparison to the truth we find in Him.

Sometimes, it's those unanswered requests that lead us to a place of recognizing our sin, and sometimes, it's a journey that takes us closer to the one who is jealous for our hearts, but either way, we must lay aside our "most desired result" for Him.

Why? Because we have to want Him more. And we have to want Him in this way simply because we want Him...not because we think He will be our magical request genie who makes all our wishes come true. Sadly, there have been more times than not that I have sought Him with my selfish motives hidden behind my prayers of love, and others may have been deceived...but God was not. He was not angry with me however, He simply did not grant my prayers as I had hoped, which in return, made me angry for a time, but then I came to the place where I realized much of what Pastor spoke on today. And it's there, in that place that I found peace...then some months later, my prayers were answered. It's not a magical equation, and sometimes, what we want never comes true, because what we wanted initially was not right for us, but trust me friends, if God does not answer that prayer, and your dream is not coming true, God has a greater purpose for you that your eyes cannot see yet.

What does that have to do with being superstitious? Everything. Because superstitious simply means that "if we do "this" in a certain way, we will get "that..." And that my friends, is just not how God works. There is simply no "special" way to pray, and say His name that will get us what we want, but there is a sense of knowing He hears our hearts when we drop to our knees in complete and utter honesty and ask Him for the desires of our hearts...

For when our hearts are in line with Christ, usually our requests are in line with Him as well..and the answers are usually seen. There are things like, healing from cancer, and poverty for other countries that cause me to ask God why? when those things are not solved...however, just as I battled with Him on why my sickness lasted so long, I see certain things that were brought up out of that terrible phase for me, and I'm sure His greater purposes will be reflected in the greater tragedies of the world as well. Not to dismiss them by any means, but knowing I have no answers, I can only trust that God has them wrapped up in His plan as we continue to pray for healing and help for those in those places.

If I have spoke to any of your hearts my friends, take some time today and throughout the next week to examine, and really ask the Lord to show you the places that perhaps you have tried to manipulate Him into doing what you want...and if you find those things, as I did, ask Him to shape and change you. Clean and wash you, so that you can to Him with the realness that says, "Even if I don't get what I want, I will still follow you with you all my heart." That is what I think it looks like to be real. And trust me friends, push fear aside, for what He has for you, if it's not the same as what you think you need, will be the best you could ever imagine. That is where we are real...it's a little scary, a little unknown, but in Him there is perfect peace, and as we step out, trust Him with all manipulations aside, things become a little more clear, we will see Him. No magical solution here my friends. Just a sense that being real with Christ, is better than pretending in hope that we will get our answers now...and ultimately, as I have found...He is the answer.

A great day..

Yesterday, was a beautiful cool day, feeling much like fall, and so we took advantage of being outside, and not sweating!!! We layed the blanket out on the lawn, and we all snuggled. Until that got boring and then we threw grass, made hats out of blankets, and swang on the swings. :)

But regardless, it was a good time. Enjoy the footage!

"Don't doubt me..." -God

Even with all of God's goodness, and how nearly every day, I see answered prayers, I still doubt Him. I still question Him, and ask Him if He knows what He's doing.
Why do I still have to face pains, and trials Lord? I find myself asking...
And yet even as I ask that, I can't help but allow my mind to be flooded with countless times throughout scripture where believers, solid believers, struggled. Don't you think Paul asked that as he faced all the opposition He did from the people that he was attempting to minister too? Don't you think that Jesus wept with disbelief that His loving Father would continue to ask Him to go through with the death sentence? Don't you think that Christians all over the world cried out in questions as they faced torture for His name? Yes. I have to believe that they did. Now my trials, pale in comparison to theirs, and I feel a little silly for even having mentioned my problems now that I recount all that others have faced...but yet, my pain, is my pain, and your pain, is yours, and it's why we ask God, "why?"
But I'm here to tell you...even when folks of old asked why? They still went on to praise His name, read any Psalm and you will hear David say things like, "and yet I will praise you..."
Do I do that? Not usually.
But The Lord reminds us in Isaiah, that He is faithful, that He who has promised is faithful and He will rescue His people.
"Do I bring the moment of birth and not the delivery? says the Lord...do I close up the womb when I bring to delivery, says your God.." Isaiah 66:9
What He is telling me here, is "Do I lead you through the desert, only to abandon you a mile from home?" No. Surely not. He will not abandon you or I a mile from home, and here is the point I make...a mile from home, is still not home. We are still struggling...even though we know we are close, (and sometimes we do not know just how close we are) but He promises us, He will not lead us into labor, and not allow the delivery to take place.
And then He says this.." As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you." vs 13
Comforting isn't it? He doesn't beat around the bush, He just says what He means, and means what He says. He will rescue. He will return. He will come for you and take you the rest of the way home. I know, this world can at times feel as though it is crashing in on you. But isn't in the midst of the crashing that we cry out for Him the most? That we recognize our need for Him most? I know it is this way for me. As I run on no sleep, and face all the challenges of my day I know it is only by His strength that I stand even now. Only by His strength was I led to His word rather than being led to tears. If sorrow floods in around you, and the big and small pressures of you life seem to swell up and engulf you, know this...He will allow your child to be delivered...labor will progress with pain, but in the end, you are left with something better than what you had before. The triumph of a battle won, new life has been created and you have learned something you would not have learned, had the labor process never began.
So if you are stuck in labor, and have been for a while...know this...your child is coming. He promised you that. I'm taking great comfort in these lines from Isaiah today, and I pray you all will too.