Is God In This?

This has been the "theme" of my life this year. I find myself constantly looking, searching, digging, examining and analyzing every single thing, person, experience and opportunity that crosses my path. What am I looking for? God. Is He in "it" I ask myself...

I know it probably sounds exhausting to you that I do this, but I feel it's what I am supposed to do... if I truly am here on earth to understand, learn all He wants me to, so that I can DO for Him all that He wants me to. I don't totally understand why I am here...but He knows why He placed me earth, why He continues to allow me to live day after day, and my purpose is in His hands alone...and I'm OK with that. I didn't used to be...I wanted to have control of my life, but since He changed me and transformed my life to be useful to Him, my desire is to have my purposes, be His purposes. His opportunities are everywhere, and I know there are more that I miss than those that I see, but the ones I do recognize I prayerfully approach.

Every day presents itself as a chance to be Jesus to others, speak His name wherever possible, shed His light wherever I go, and simply do whatever task He has in store for me, knowing all the while that if I say "no" to His job he's asked me to do, He will use (and bless) someone else..and I'll miss out.

I don't want to have you misunderstand that we are not unique to Him, because we are...but just as a side note, if I see a job from the Lord highlighted in my day, and I say No because it does not feel like what I want for myself that day, then I truly do miss out seeing the work of the Lord unfold first hand.

His purposes are not always known to me, but just as the verse says, "you will hear a voice behind you saying, "this is the way, walk in it..." His direction is always present, and that is where I find my peace...( and my agenda) for each day.

This can be done whether you are a stay at home mom, or a fire chief...a baker, or a writer, a teacher or a gardener. His plans for you are available to you anytime you ask...isn't that amazing?

Each year seems to have a theme for me...whether it be a year of trial...or a year to be refreshed, He is in it...and so are His instructions for my direction.

"This is the way, walk in it.." those words sit in my heart, dwell in my mind and cannot be erased from my lips. I love that about Him.

He has a plan, and He's asked me to participate in it...that alone is amazing to me.

So every time I have coffee with a friend, go shopping at target, play blocks with my children, or make dinner for my family I can look for His purposes in that event. It gives so much purpose to every step I take. Every move I make...(so the song says..)

Now, if you are walking a particularly "trying" road, don't be discouraged...( I know this is easier said that done) but my friends, on roads of trial, I have felt His closeness even more so than when I've walked roads of peace...and it's in these valleys of darkness that His purposes shine the brightest to me. Each year that the calender turns over, I feel that I have learned more of Him and my life has gained more purpose as a direct result of those things learned!

God is in absolutely everything...( don't be confused with what I mean here, I'm not saying that you and I are gods and rocks and trees are gods..) I'm saying His Godly PURPOSES can be seen wherever you look, if your eyes are open and your ears are tuned in to His design for your life.

I look at it like this...

God is a painter...in His hands he holds the brushes and different paint colors of life...

I am the color green...and He can paint me into whatever landscape He chooses...if He wants to used me as hints of green in an ocean scene, then He can... Or if he wants to paint a meadow, then my green color will be more prevalent..but regardless of where He chooses to use my green hue, I may not always know His purpose of His use, I just need to be available. To be ready to have His brush dipped into my life's color so that I can be available for His perfect picture to be created. I love that He considers me worthy of use. And I'm aware of how much of life's beauty I'd miss out on if I was simply to hard or unavailable for use...

SO, not be cliche', but as we approach yet another calender year, I find myself once again waiting in anticipation of what uses He might have for me.

There is no room for pride in His uses though, for I know, it's by grace that I've been used, and He alone decides what color He will paint with today...He knows best what color will fit in what painting, and the color cannot be prideful in that.

I simply lay there on the pallet, waiting for use.

I never used to look at life like this, but the reason I find so much joy in doing so now, is that now, whatever I do, as long as I am held tightly up in His hands, my life has GREAT purpose. And friends, without purpose in life, we will all find ourselves deeply depressed, why exist if you have no purpose for existence? In Him alone is their purpose that lasts. In Him alone is their a reason for a new year. As I write these words, I once again remind myself, and hopefully all of you, why we do what we do. Why we are who we are...and why we find joy for today.

I understand that their are poopy diapers that get plopped on your lap that may not feel like a particularly significant purpose for that moment, but my friend, if you did not change that poopy diaper do you know what would happen to that poopy child's bottom? It would blister, and become unbearable for that child. You have great purpose even in that poopy diaper. Your actions through Christ can shape/change and mold any situation for the better.

It does not matter what color you signify on the pallet, just be there. Just be available to the painter, and watch as your life takes on so much color you will not know what to do with yourself! Be available, be used, have purpose. Happy New Years friends!

The Battle with Self..

God says: Trust me..

We say...I think I know better

God says: I am the way the truth and the life...

We say: I want to do it my way

God says: In I alone is there peace..

We say: Peace doesn't sound like a party though...

God says: I am the living water...whoever drinks of me will never thirst again..

We say: Water is boring

God says: I am the bread of life, whoever comes to me will never be hungry

We say: But.....I want something other than bread God...

God says: You may eat from all trees in the garden, except this ONE.

We say: I don't like limitations

God says: narrow is the path

We say: I don't like narrow

God says: But I so loved the world that I gave my only Son's life up for you!

We say: We didn't ask you to do that...

God says: I know. But I did it because of my great love you! And all I ask, is that you follow me and you can have a full, abundant life forever with me in eternity...

We say: Does that mean I can't go my own way?

God says: The path of least resistance does not end in the dwelling of least resistance..

We Say: I don't like to climb

God Says: Don't worry, I'll carry you...

We Say: Why would you do that for me?

God says: Because unlike the world, I want the best for you...unlike the evil one who speaks lies to you about what "life" should look like, I am life!

We say: I'm scared.

God says: I will quiet your soul and lead you beside still waters. I am you shepherd....

We say: I'm so far down, how will I ever get to where you want me to be?

God says: Don't worry...I will guide you

We say: I just don't want to give up all my stuff that's so important to me!

God says: This world has nothing for you.

We say: I'll be lonely

God says: I will never leave you nor forsake you...

We say: What will I say to others when they make fun of me?

God says: When you are with me, all else fades away...

We say: How can I be sure of this?

God says: I am the beginning, the end....one small step at a time.

We say?????

Friends...what do you say??? He's waiting for your answer....with outstretched, nail pierced hands, He waits...

Complacent, busy minds...

As a woman, my mind is constantly busy, thoughts running here and there, some of them are good, some bad..and lately, I feel as though they may be too complacent regarding the things that really matter. The things I SHOULD be spending time thinking about.

It's not just about Christmas, and the generic things that clutter our hearts and minds in this season...(although that's a good thing to reflect on as well) but where my mind is resting this morning is this: are my thoughts in the place they ought to be with the urgency of Christ?

I was reading through my Bible study on the book of Isaiah and there was one verse that popped out to me, where Isaiah is challenging the women of that day, because they have become "secure" and "complacent" regarding the things of God...(His plans...His desires for them...)

Obviously as women we have much that can clutter our minds...(ie..make our minds busy) but that doesn't mean we should stay there in that place... Isaiah went on to say that "in a little more than a year" (Isaiah 32:10) that the women would tremble and no longer feel secure..

And so it made me think..How much time do you think we all have here? I mean...are we going to be on earth for another 100 years, or is Christ going to return sooner than our busy, complacent minds can comprehend? And if He comes back sooner than our busy, complacent minds can comprehend, than what are going to do??? Are we ready for that? Am I ready for that?

I want my mind to be sharp, alert and always on the look out for things that the Lord may have for me to learn, see or do. So as I sat here contemplating these things it hit me...do I DAILY, MOMENT BY MOMENT proclaim His name WHENEVER POSSIBLE? Or, do I think, "Oh, I don't have time for that right now...OR...that doesn't feel very comfortable..therefore I don't want to 'go there' at this time.."Do you know what I'm getting at? We are with our friends, our family, or complete strangers and we here that voice in our hearts that says.."drop MY name here.." OR..."talk about ME now!" And we either obey, or we ignore it.

So, if I truly have the urgency that I spoke of in my last post, then what am I doing about it? What am I saying about it??? I don't think the Lord has called me to climb a mountain and preach like Billy Gram...( I will spare all of you) but I do think He gives me opportunities to overcome my complacency of heart and mind...and I want to be on my guard, looking! Watching! Waiting!

We are told He will come as a thief in the night...and just to help you understand where my mind is, I will paint you a very short word picture:

You are sound asleep in your bed...warm...cozy...everything is quiet and perfect...(and by perfect I mean all your children are sleeping) :)

Out of no-where you hear a giant crash from another room down the hall...unsure of what room it might be (perhaps your son or daughters room) you jump out of bed...your heart is pounding in your chest and your feel as though you can't breath..with sweaty palms you open your bedroom door...

Now here is where the story can either be good or bad, depending on where you stand with Christ at the time of the break in...

I'll give you both scenarios: If you are in right standing with Christ (following Him daily...seeking His will for your life) the thief in the night turns out to be your knight in shining armor who carries you and your believing family members off to a wonderful place with no more pain, no more tears, no more sorrow...where a sun shines out all fear, depression, and worldly problems. It's perfect there.

And on the flip side, if you are living your life for yourself, chasing after your own will, your own desires for yourself and giving God perhaps only casual thoughts on occasion then your story ends differently then the one above..

As you open the bedroom door with sweaty palms, you see a man dressed in black from head to toe...with angry eyes..and you realize, you were caught in a life and death situation with your guard down....your not ready....

Friends....if you heart does not rest with great certainty on which story scenario you fall into, then perhaps you should do some soul searching today...

I want my mind to be more than just busy with thoughts of my life right now...I want my mind to full of thoughts that HE puts in it...

It may take some work at first, to divorce the human thoughts that come so naturally to me, but over time, I know in His strength, I can think the way HE wants me to.

With such little time before the thief crashes though our windows, we must realize that there is NO room for complacency, No room but needless busy minds...

Be on our guards! Be watching! Be living our lives each day for Him as if this day is our last. Not in a morbid way, but with great assurance of where we are going, and great hope that we are doing the work, the only work that really matters for the only purpose that really matters, for the only God who exists.

Forgive me if I sound like I'm crazy, but friends, knowing where you stand today, affects where you go when the thief knocks down your door. We do not have room or time to be complacent or busy...

Isaiah's warning struck my heart greatly...has it struck yours also?

Honoring More Than The Baby...

Having just had a baby, it's not much of a stretch for me to become emotional when I think of a "baby born to die..." and it would be very easy for be stay in the place of considering the Christmas story as "the sweet baby Jesus" lays quietly asleep....

That scene is emotional, sweet and tear-jerking. But let me tell you where my heart is resting this Christmas, in total awe...fearfully honoring more than just the baby.

That baby, had more power in His tiny person than anything I could dream of fathoming, and that tiny baby is the reason I can have hope every single day I live...that tiny baby is the reason for everything that means anything, and that tiny baby saved my life.

To stand at the manger scene and cry tears of sadness over a sweet baby who was born with a death sentence would be a disservice to the King and His purpose. His purpose on earth, being brought to earth the way He did was not to evoke feelings of sadness, but to allow us to understand that He truly "got it" (in terms of going through what we do) and also, to show us a perfect way to live, all the while being fully God, (perfect) and fully human (all our temptations) but not ever sin.

I find myself full of awe, fear and trembling this Christmas. He is so much bigger than my mind can comprehend, and the fact that it's sometimes difficult for me obey Him proves to me that I do not fully understand His greatness. He is a sweet Savior, but He also is bigger, stronger and more amazing than anything else in all of creation. He is not created, He is creator, nothing could be added to Him to make Him better and the mountains are His footstool. That's the God I'm worshiping this Christmas..

I feel this sense of urgency this Christmas to speak about Christ and His greatness, thinking of Jesus as the sweet baby boy does not cause me to feel like I have anything to worry about, anything to fear, or anything to confess. But when I think about Him as the strong King who created all and who controls all, speaks life into a soul and breaths life into a dead man's bones, I realize, there is more here to this baby.

The urgency I feel stems from this:

Each year, it's another year, another year of life on earth, one with joys, sadness, lessons learned and new things to do. But where does He fit in all of that for me? Do I honor Him as I claim I do? Do I WORSHIP Him as the be-all and end-all, or is He simply something that makes me feel good as I say my prayers before bed? He is a security blanket? Or do I give my everything for Him? He is not just a sweet baby my friends, He is a mighty King, and stronger than anything you or I can dare to comprehend. And here is the real place my heart is resting, soon, very soon, this world as we know it, will pass before our eyes. A trumpet will sound, and He is coming back for His own. I may sound like I'm talking crazy talk, but it's His plan, and I want to be apart of it. But who I am today, greatly affects where I go on "that final day..."

I don't want Him to come back and find me crying sweet emotional tears of "that poor child in the manger" rather than living each day fearfully for Him. (and by fearfully I mean with great respect)

I'm not normally and "hell and damnation" sort of person, and that is not to be the reason completely that we turn our eyes from self and back towards Him...but friends, my friends! Do you realize the urgency I speak of here? Christmas is a time to reflect on He who was born to die, but more-so, reflect on the reasons He HAD to die...He had to die because of how utterly lost we are without Him, and His great love for us held that baby on the cross because He did not want to see one of us perish.

Christmas is a time to celebrate the birth, but let us also reflect on the greatness of He who was born...He is more than a baby...He's our only hope, and our everything.

"THE LORD ALMIGHTY, HE IS THE KING OF GLORY.." Psalm 24:10

The Truth About Being "Strong.."

I have had some thoughts swirling around my mind, and not being able to find the time to blog has been driving me crazy....but my thoughts are this:

During my pregnancy, I thought nothing of myself, I was too sick to think of anything but being done, so pride was gone, and the motivations of my heart were focused on survival by reliance upon Christ. Now that I am "well" again, and as every woman who has ever been pregnant can relate to me in this feeling: I'm alive again! The old struggles with sinful heart motivations have now returned as well. When we are stronger, God is less needed, and when we are healthy, we are able to take care of own needs instead of total reliance on God. It's true when people say that we are weakest, He is strongest! So now as I go about my daily routine, I obviously still have struggles, but nothing compared to what it was like before I gave birth, so even my worst struggles of today, do not compare to my struggles "then.."

As I awoke yesterday morning my self-reliance hit me...and so did the reality of all the changes that have hit me now that my new baby is here...

My need for God returned like lightening and I hit my knees. Rather I called my sweet friend who hit her knees for me...and together we prayed. Reliance on self is a dangerous place to be, when I sit in that place for too long, I pack on all kinds of sinful pounds and they sound a little something like this.."I can do this on my own!" "I'm such a strong person!" "I'm an over-comer!" and to the tune of "I am woman, hear me roar..."

I can't imagine any of those heart attitudes are honoring to my Father, and so today I am humbled...I am humbled because of how desperately I DO need Him, and quickly I can forget that. My Father does SO much for me, and I have one week where I feel overly confident in self, and I'm smack dab back in self-reliance land. I hate that about myself.

Then, as I sat in this place of recognition of self, I felt the whisper of the Lord trickle into my heart and say something to the affect of..."for who's glory to you live?"

I pondered that for a bit, knowing where this thought was leading me, and I confessed, " For my glory Lord..." When I am stuck in "I am strong enough on my own..." I am doing things in hope that others will recognize my strength, and glorify ME. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. That's pretty nasty.

So friends, I refuse to sit here. As I turned my gaze to His word this morning, He met me right where I was at...and words of the Psalms filled my soul with peace once again...

It is true that the second you feel that "twinge" of self confidence/reliance, bowing low before the cross is the only true cure. God is our strength. God is THE source of all life we have. He breaths existence into us, and He controls the air we breath in. There is no room for "self" in that, and for that, I am thankful. I hang on the reminder that I am not in control, and honestly, I am thankful that I am not, for I make lousy ruler of myself.

So today, as I head out into the trenches of life...(for many days, it does feel like this) I realize there can be joy in those trenches when I am taking my instruction from the Lord as opposed to calling my own shots...

On my coffee cup that I got from the coffee shop the other night this was written on it: "Be the ruler of your own life.." Friends, take heed when you see those types of phrases, they are written everywhere, and preached wherever you look, and those words are so misleading. They sound good, and they tickle our ears, but in the end they lead us down a path of much pain.

WE are not the rulers of our own worlds!

I had a lesson in this already, and I'd rather not go down that road again...

SO today, as you consider your own life, why you do what you do, who you do it for, and mostly, where your strength comes from...remind yourself as I am doing today, I much stronger, when I am weak in self-reliance, and strong in reliance on Christ.

We win...

As a believer, I always know that "the battle has been won..." but that doesn't still mean we won't face trials of all shapes and sizes. Having just exited a season of trial, I know that the enemy is ready and willing to fire shots at me at any given time.

As I learned on Sunday as I listened to my pastor's sermon on the battle at hand between heaven and sin, (Satan) it made me realize this: Yes! The final battle is won..."There was war in heaven, Michael and his angels fought against the dragon and the dragon and his angels fought back. But, he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven..." Rev. 12:7-9

However, Satan is still fighting as long as we are on earth, his ultimate goal in his attacks is to turn our eyes from Jesus. So whatever you are facing in your life, if it is causing you to turn your eyes away from your true Savior, or simply focus your attention on something earthly for a time (trial, pain, or even joys of earth) then you are most likely being "gently" attacked by the great deceiver. He is the master at this game, the master at making you simply "forget" about Christ long enough to get you down. He masks himself as good, and in doing so, the evil goes unnoticed until we are far from Him. Bringing my baby home has been wonderful, but time slips away each day so quickly and my time that I had with the Lord is shorter than it was before babies arrival, I recognize my hearts desire is to be with my Lord as much as possible, but the enemy can attack me with time challenges too! So, I keep my eyes alert, looking, praying and searching for wisdom to have the strength of Lord to see Satan's attacks, and run to Jesus when they hit.

Even though I know the final battle is won, I still feel the hits the enemy throws at me to try and waver my gaze from the Lord's and make me falter.

If I give in to any one of those attacks, a falter can lead to a sin....and sin draws us away from Christ. No-one is perfect, and we all sin, but our hearts stay more on the path of Christ as we resist the devil, and cling to His hands.

I find myself clinging a lot lately, fear is never far from my mind, and the enemy has been working over time on me ever since my new baby entered the world...isn't that just like the enemy to do this? To try and steal joy from one of God's most joyous times? The gift of life is to be celebrated, praising the Lord for that gift, but when I am shaking in fear from thoughts the enemy places on my mind, and I choose to stay in that place of fear, then God is not praised, and my heart is now burdened.

Do you see how crafty this enemy is? That is why we are told in Ephesians 6 to be on our guard, to put on the armor of Christ to protect ourselves. The battle is everywhere, and we need not look to far until we the temptations of the evil one. He is fighting in over-drive, in subtle ways, hoping to go unnoticed by us so that he can do his deceitful work in turning our eyes from Christ. Do not remove your armor, do not lay it down, for when you do a arrow of deceit will pierce your back, and by the time you realize you've been hit, sin may have already taken hold of your mind....

Even if a sin has taken over, and you realize this, it's never too late to say to the Lord.."Forgive me, make me strong in you..."

So I ask you friends...are you on your guard? Are you watchful, mindful, and aware of the enemy and his desires to make you fall? Are you praying for protection? Are you surrounding yourself with His goodness to ward off the attacks of the evil one? If the answer is no...then run to the word! Find the answers throughout His book and clothe yourself once more in the armor of Christ. In the end, Christ wins. Satan looses, but the end is not here yet, and the battle wages on, so get your tools ready to ward of the attacks that most certainly come, and will most likely come when you are least expecting them. (this is how the deceiver works!)

So whether it is rain or sun that has taken your eyes off of Him, it does not matter, the solution is the same, clothe yourself with Him who saves, and the enemy will not stand a chance!

Amazing Grace

I have had this post running around in my head for over a week! Gods grace is everywhere we look, there are so many songs written of it, so much of christian faith is foundationally built upon the grace of God. We would not exist without the grace of God because it's the grace of God that keeps us alive, and it's the grace of God that allows the gift of eternal life.

So fittingly, I named my new baby girl Grace. She was born last Friday night, and the name Grace has been written on my heart for quite some time. It has been a year of "grace" I should say.

From the get-go, my desires to have another child were intense. I prayed desperately for another baby, which for those of you who know me, this may come as some surprise because my first two babes are pretty close in age. But once the idea, (desire) for another child was planted in my heart, I could not erase it. There were many reasons I wanted another child, some of them were selfish, some of them were simply based on my intense passion for the gift of life. The selfish reasons were ones that motivated my actions of "trying" so hard. I tried within my own power, and with everything I knew how to do to conceive. All my efforts failed. When I surrendered my desires to the Lord, ceased my "trying"...that is when I was first given "Grace."

The months following were quite difficult, sickness took over me like a wave and discontinued my ability to function. I was stripped of all things that brought me comfort here on earth, "food, ability to exercise and run, the ability to "do it all" for everyone." I was stripped of my self sufficiency, and all pride that encompassed that, disappeared as well. The Lord took me back to my original place of complete dependence on Him. Talk about Grace.

As I studied the book of Isaiah this winter, much of it is based on God's sovereignty, and of course, His Grace. Tears lept to my eyes every time God's Grace was mentioned in the study talks, because I knew God was showing me this in a very personal way. I had Grace living inside me like I never had before.

So in the days approaching Grace's arrival, I knew there was truly only one name for God's ultimate gift....Life is His gift to us. Grace in life, is His ultimate gift to us, and I received both!

So as I heard life's first cry last Friday night, I wept. Knowing that God brought into completion a visual picture of a spiritual realm that I so often fail to recognize, or try to comprehend.

I still am whirling from the amazing gift I was handed tangibly handed that night, and from the spiritual gift I was given, but mainly, how it was brought to life with birth of my Grace.

This line from the song "Amazing Grace" has been ringing in my ears since I conceived, and I thought I'd share it with you my friends:

T'was Grace that taught...my heart to fear.

And Grace, my fears relieved.

How precious did that Grace appear...

the hour I first believed

He taught my heart to fear through the amazing circumstances of when her life began, and my heart most certainly learned to fear God in a healthy way though my difficult circumstances that encompassed my pregnancy, and Oh how precious the Grace of God appeared the hour I first believed His promises to me, regarding Grace, regarding life, and regarding how much He loves us.

That's my story about Grace!