Complete Abandonment

What does it mean to you when I say abandonment? For some it probably does not bring good thoughts to mind. I get that. To BE abandoned...is awful. BUT to abandon yourself to something or someone is a totally different thing all together.

In the study of the book of Isaiah that I am doing I found this verse where it speaks of how Isaiah COMPLETELY ABANDONS HIMSELF TO DEPENDENCE ON GOD. And I CAPPED those words so they would stand out among the rest, as they did for me. It was like red letters jumping off a page at me and screaming my name. Abandon myself. I want that....I think that this is the only way to live...now that I've come this far.

You see in the Christian walk, we like to first acknowledge that it does in fact make sense to follow a God. SO we do this. We start maybe attending a church or a Bible study for this is what you are told to do. We learn some, we read some, we pray some...and honestly...it's there in that place that I lived for 20 years. That's a long time to live in the same place. Especially spiritually the same. No real movement, no real progress, growth, or excitement for what I was learning, reading, or praying.

As I have spoke of before, one day, the Lord grabbed my heart, and through a series of events, I began to slowly abandon myself more and more to the cross...to His grace...to His plans.

With each passing week and I dive myself deeper into the word through the study of Isaiah I learn new things about God, and in turn, new things about myself that need to change. One cannot look into the mirror of Christ, see their own reflection, and say, "yep, that looks good." No...when one looks at themselves most honestly in the mirror of the truth of Christ, we realize once again, over and over that we are a work in progress, who is in DESPERATE need of the cross. We are saved, true, but the refining? Well that takes a lifetime. But that is what is so BEAUTIFUL about the God we serve... He never stops making us better! He never stops adding those finishing touches to our beautiful Godly reflection...and I for one, am thankful. Because it means that if I continue on this path of abandonment of self then I will one day, each day, look a little bit more like the one I was created to copy. I love that.

It isn't easy...and it doesn't always feel good, but there is a huge difference in feeling good, and knowing that there is good being done IN YOU. ( by no doings of your own..) SO why oh why you ask would anyone subject themselves to constant refinement? For in complete abandonment there is freedom. Freedom to know that you have joy in Christ, peace in Christ, a new name in Christ, no more sorrow in your eternal home, no more searching, wandering, feelings of discontent, being lost, being alone, being afraid....

There is a popular song out right now that has lyrics that go like this: " So I'll stand, with hands high and heart abandoned, in awe of the ONE WHO GAVE IT ALL...I'll stand my soul Lord to you surrendered all I have IS YOURS..."

IN those lyrics you will hear the real reason we can abandon ourselves without fear to this God, because, for me, He gave it all... ( and for you).

SO in my times of fearing what might be around the corner for me that could possibly refine me further, I know, and I trust, the I serve a God who cares for me best, and first did what was best for me, by dying on the cross. That alone, gives me peace in knowing that no-one who gives their "life" up for someone else would then turn around and do something to harm the one they just saved. So as I write this, I realize the only place in my life that I will ever be fully filled, fully peaceful, fully joyful, fully content, is in the place of abandonment to the one who gave it all for me. I rest in that truth today.

Born to be...

When you were born, when I was born, God had a specific plan for us in His mind, the kinds of gifts you and I would have, the kind of work we would be best suited for. Isn't that amazing? However encouraging that is, most of us, do not live life this way. We tend to live more in terms of "what I want for my life..." and disregard that we may have been created for something different than this. Catch my drift? God's plan for us, may be different than what we would want for ourselves and so we veer off the path of God, and towards a path of personal gain, or "least resistance" and carry on. The problem with going our own way, is this: we are created to worship something. It's our desire to have purpose in what we do. People of old used to carve out idols of wood or stone, or gold even just so that they could have something to worship. In our day and age we more often worship ourselves, (at least our lifestyles point to this) and we are able to feel satisfied in this for a while. UNTIL, something falls apart, something rocks our image of self, or our world of self...and we realize, that once again, we are not in control, and from the back of our minds we hear a voice that says, " you were made for more." There are song lyrics that go a little something like this: "You were born to be, apart of something holy, all of us are restless till we find..." And what those words speak of is our desperate desire to be something. To do something. To be known for something. Well how about this: We are known by God, He desires desperately to have us be used by Him. We have an opportunity each and every day to awake with the desires in our hearts to serve Him in His plan for us. To live each day for HIS glory, and to allow our lives to have purpose for Him, for in this, we have peace that would never have otherwise.

You, (and I) tend to chase after things that we THINK are going to give us purpose. To validate our existence, and to make us, "somebody." Every soul out there wants to know that they are meant for something, that they were born for something. We all want to do something big, and be somebody, (even if it's just for one other person) we want to be a "somebody."

Well let me tell you friends, if there is air in your lungs, then God has a purpose for you. You were born for something HOLY. What does this mean? It means there is reason for life beyond today, it means there is purpose for you beyond what you can humanly comprehend, and it means you are most likely only scratching the surface of the gits and abilities that God has created you with. Being apart of something holy is this: Awake with the thought and prayer on your lips that begs the question..."Can you imagine what an impact it would have on the world if everyone who follows Christ would wake up each morning and thank God for the gifts he or she has been given and ask for opportunities that day to use them for his glory?" -Shelia Walsh

OPPORTUNITIES FOR HIS GLORY equates much purpose into your life, much peace into your soul and contentment for whole self.

In fact, living this way, makes you whole. Different than what we are taught by the world isn't is? We are always told..."you can be anything you want to be..." "just work harder and you'll get there..." Isn't that what you think, and have been told all your life? Try something different today...ask GOD what He might have for you, what purpose He might desire to use you for...and see if there is a difference in your day, in your attitude about your day, and the things that happen in and throughout your day. You may find yourself in places and with people you never would have been had you gone your way. God's purpose is the only purpose worth living for. Everything else will leave you empty my friend. He's the only one who can offer you something that will "scratch that itch" and "fill that void." When you rest your head on your pillow is there a discontent that resonates? Regardless of how "wonderful life is..." when the lights are off at night and when we are all alone, and completely honest with ourselves...if we are simply living for self...there is always going to be something missing. Let me tell you friends, It's because, "you were born to be, apart of something holy." Think on that for a while...and as you do so, perhaps, ask the Lord, (even if you don't normally talk to Him) what He might have for your life...and wait as He answers you. He's real friends...just ask Him.

Better then......

You know the song..."better is one day in your courts than thousands else where..." but what is that really saying for you, for me, in regards to our daily lives?

I heard a song on the radio the other day that made reference to the things in life that promise us life filled with happiness, but always fall short. To sum it up it spoke of rings, homes, wealth, good times, lots of friends, looks...(anything that draws us in as humans) and the song countered those earthly pleasures with heavenly pleasure...Joy that knows no bounds, peace the does not fade, a friend that never leaves nor forsakes and a life without end.

But right now...right now...how does this help us? Today, in your trial, in your pain, how does a promise of "far away heaven" make you really feel?

It's all about His plan, (as believers that is) and as we place our lives, and our every breath into those loving hands, we essentially tell God that His desires FOR US are better than OUR desires FOR US. Do I really, really, truly, honestly believe this? Do I???? That's where I am sitting today, and I can say, that yes, I do...but it's putting my money where my mouth is that's difficult sometimes. As I watch the world seem to literally fall apart around me, I have to question myself..."am I truly living in peace, with the knowledge that Christ is in control, and that I am living according to HIS PLAN?" Often the idea of "His plan" scares me a bit if I'm going to be totally honest...I'm sure I'm not alone in this: For what I often think that God is going to do with me in the parameter of His plan feels like it just may very well be painful for me. What do you see when you look around and view other believers lives who are really, truly IN LOVE with the Savior? It seems like that are either in trial, just having gotten out of a trial, or are entering into a trial. And by trial I mean: painful circumstances outside of their control. And you have heard it said I'm sure that when life is the toughest, that is when we are closest to the Savior...so why is this? I wish the Lord could send me some very clear memo that read: THIS IS WHY YOU GO THROUGH TRIAL... Then I wouldn't be so afraid of the unknown. But, here is where I am getting to in my own walk: I know that I trust God.. (which I pray daily for more trust) And...I know that He is doing His very best for me, because He loves me perfectly and without flaw ( I need only to look to the cross) So...therefore I am only left to conclude, that His way for me is perfect...and being in His hands is the best place to be, whether in pain or not. My biggest conclusion regarding this whole issue, is IT IS better to be in HIS courts for ONE DAY than my own path ALONE for A THOUSAND YEARS. I am not sure where you stand on this issue my friends, and as you read these words, odds are, you are someone who falls into the category of either being in a trial, coming out of a trial, or just entered a trial. And I'm sure that trial has left you questioning, wondering, and hopefully growing into a better version of you. You see, that is what trial does to us, as we face the trial head on in the strength of Christ, acknowledge that their is always places in our lives that could grow more for the better, and rely then on the UN-ending, all-powerful, perfect, mighty strength of the Lord...good can in fact, emerge from bad. Sure, we could put our head down, and barrel through the storm, we'd emerge faint, weak, wrecked and alone, but chances are, we'd survive, but wouldn't you rather THRIVE than survive? I know I would. SO let me just end by saying this: I do not know what this life holds for me ultimately. But that's OK. I want it to be OK... because I know I am in the best, most trustworthy hands there are. And in faith, I pray that He will help me to put my money where my mouth is. In the trials I have faced before, He has carried me. In the unknowns in my future, I know He will carry me thru those as well...and there is so much freedom from FEAR that drags us down when we place our uncertainties in His most loving hands.

Too Much Guilt!

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that as women....we live with too much guilt. (men reading this, let this be an inside glimpse to a women's heart and mind) We have guilt over not doing enough, OR... doing too much. We have guilt for not being able to keep up...or feeling as though we have been prideful about how well we keep up. We have guilt over what we eat, either too much or too little. We have guilt over work...do you go outside of the home? Or do you stay home with your children...their can be guilt either way. "HONESTLY!!!" is what I want to scream!!! "Stop the noise!!!" is what I want to yell. I want to shut my brain off. Anyone with me? SO here I sit, recognizing and acknowledging the noise in my heart and mind, the guilt that masquerades as innocence and the feeding into that only breeds more of the same in my heart and mind. I have to stop here and say one thing about myself...I always air on the side of feeling guilty over everything because I think then that I am scotch free of sinning in anyway. If I am guilty, then I obviously couldn't be doing anything wrong towards another because guilt brings feelings of being sorry! And if your always sorry, then your always meek, humble and contrite of heart right? Um...wrong. Guilt is another way of feeling sorry...FOR YOURSELF. And...I overlook the fact that when I am feeling guilty, who am I thinking about? That's right...me..myself...and I. I'm not thinking about other people...because all of my guilty feelings go as follows... I am not being a good enough mom. I am not spending enough time with my kids..I am eating too unhealthy...I am not cleaning my house enough...I am not spending enough time with God...I am not good at.....FILL IN THE BLANK. That's is what I mean by stop the noise. All of those feelings, started with I. SO who am I feeling the most for? ME. I may place the guilt on situations that relate to others, but the guilt is not really focused on that individual. Here's the truth about what God says about me: I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I have been forgiven. I have no cause to fear. I am accepted regardless of my shortcomings. I am a daughter of the KING. ( Romans 8:15-17) Hows that feel? I think better....God did not give me a spirit that is slave to fear. Guilt is cousins with fear, for in guilt we fear we are not doing enough...we are not good enough, and we are not pleasing to God. I am pleasing to God when I admit that I can do nothing in my own strength, but only in HIS strength do I RUN not grow WEARY. (Isaiah 40:31) Only in His strength can I be the best mother, the best wife...the best daughter, sister, friend and everything else that falls in between. Only in HIM am I free...( Collisions 1:14) guilt LESS and filled with peace. Oh how I want this for myself...and every other women out there... So friends...lets say NO to guilt. Lets stop thinking about ourselves...and "all our shortcomings.." and all the ways.."we'll never measure up.." For in life with Christ, who makes the standards? Christ. And when we accepted His gift of salvation, we already said, I can nothing without Christ who gives me strength...(Phil. 4:13) So in that, I know that I (and you) can rest secure. No guilt in that. No shame in this. We are His, and as we seek after His will for us and our lives, and give Him our every thought, fear, emotion, care and word we are most certainly PLEASING to the Father. For all He sees is His son who died for us in OUR PLACE. As we accept this gift of forgiveness of sins, we also accept the gift of freedom in life. Beautiful isn't it? And guess what? I feel a whole lot less guilty right now and whole lot more affirmed in who CHRIST made me to be. NOT what I think I should be. I pray you feel the peace of Christ as His words wash over you today as you read this.

Bigger than that..

What is the one thought, that when it comes to mind, you instantly push it out of your thoughts simply because it seems too big to conquer? The idea that stops you in your tracks, makes you weep and causes your heart to faint? That is the thing that God is bigger than.

The one thing that feels so big to carry, to huge too consider and too overwhelming to think on...that is what God can fix.

There is one thing in my life that feels just that big. And I of course respond as any normal human would, and first I freak out, then I cry, and then I remember...oh yes, it's not about me.

God has given me in my life, what God knows I can handle. God has given me what God knows will best suit me and my family for my stint of years on this earth.

God has given me exactly what God knows will do the work for the kingdom that I WAS CREATED to do. Oh yes...it's not about me.

So as I consider my "much to big" problem today, I am tempted to falter. Tempted to freak out. Tempted to cry out "Why GOD?????!" but I won't. I simply refuse. Why? Because I know this God I serve is bigger than this. AND...He is doing what best for me. Do I believe that?

Some days, I do. Some days, I forget that..oh yes, it's not about me.

My serving Him...is not about me. It's about bringing Him GLORY.

My ministry in His name is not about me. It's about doing what I was created to do..FOR HIS GLORY.

My life, my very life...the things I do each day, the things I live for, the people I live for, those also are not about me. They are gifts given to me in my life here on earth, and I am to treat them with the love and the respect that God would. Why? You got it...FOR HIS GLORY.

So the question I've been asking myself today is this: would I serve God if I knew He would never bless me? If it was only for the serving Him? If selfish motives were not involved? How would I serve Him then? Would I love Him with devotion? Would I give as I am trying to give right now? Convicting thoughts I'm having here today.

It's like how we operate in a marriage..you know, I give, then you give? Right? WRONG. In a perfect would both sides give evenly. And in a godly marriage you do this because you know it's honoring to the Father and to your spouse to do so...but what if you never received back what you gave? Should you then not have to give? NO. You give regardless.

What I am trying to convey here is this: God does bless us, and that is a gift. But..do we serve Him simply in hope of receiving His blessings, or do we serve Him truly because it's our deepest hearts desire to serve Him? I'm sure you can sense my answer...and why I'm so convicted by these thoughts...

Many days...I know I fall much shorter of this that I would like. Thank you Father for your Grace!

God does not operate on a barter system.. I cannot say to Him, Lord, "If I do this for you, will you give me this in return?" No. My goal for life should be this: To serve Him...knowing He will give me what is best for me, and praise Him in the joy of those gifts...and when I want something different than what He has given me, I should ask Him for the strength to accept what He has given me, and lean into the difficulty to grow.

That's that goal. A lofty one, but still, a goal.

So as I look at my "too big for me" problem at hand I place it at the foot of the cross and I say.."Oh yes..it's not about me."

Something New

Normally, I am stressed as a mom. Normally, I am annoyed as a mom. Normally, I do not like who I am as a mom, but lately, something has changed within me and I like it. A LOT.

I was staring into the sweet little eyes of my baby the other morning...(something I have become quite fond of doing) and it hit me, I used to stare into my other children's eyes the same way! But now they are bigger, and run away too fast for me to sit and stare into their eyes as I once did. But it caused me to feel a couple of things...one of those things was thankfulness for the time I had with each one of them as little babies. What a gift. The other thing it made me be reminded of is that each day I have with my children is a gift. Each little phase, each little step I climb with them brings me into a deeper knowledge of who they are as little people, their likes, their dislikes, and the JOY they bring to my heart, and God's.

The other thing that this new level of appreciation for my children has brought me is this: the idea that hundreds, no, HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of babies are born (or not born) to parents who do not love them, want them or who cannot take care of them. And my heart is breaking over that thought. I read a story the other day where a baby in a poverty stricken country who died because his mother was unable to feed him anymore and he died of thirst. Literally. I cried over that for quite a while. And it has left me thinking...what can I do? How can I expand my sphere of influence to HELP. "I am only one person." That is why my mind tells me every time I want to do something for some of God's little lambs. But the change that started in my own home with the appreciation that God gave to me in my own children has grown to a desire to help whomever, however, wherever.

I guess I'm writing this more because I want to cause each one of you reading this to ask yourselves...what might I do? How might I help? Because we need only to ASK the Father to show us, direct us, and teach us where we ought to be, go and do. And He will respond. So I asked the Father this, and He gave me a very small answer, (one that I will keep to myself) but it was an answer none the less....and so I am going to go forward and act on that, knowing He will continue to open doors for me as He sees fit. He is not only a God of placing desires in our hearts, He is a God of showing us how to act on that, and do what He wants us to do.

It was with blind passion that Peter stepped out onto the water, and of course, as he began to doubt himself (because Peter was considering his own abilities rather than what God could do with him) and Peter began to sink, but WAIT! The Lord reached out, grabbed Peter's hand, and they walked back to the boat together. It's with that type of mindset that I dig into this new heartfelt (renewed) passion for children...(not just my own) and wondering, where might God lead me, (and you) in this.

Just stop, consider and pray. This is meant to be more than a pump you up, and then have you walk away to forget about what I've said...

Is there a hungry child on your street? In your school? Across the globe? whom you could help??

Seek and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened. Ask, and you will receive...

So seek His will. Knock at the door with expectancy of answers..Ask...and wait to receive the direction that only HE can give you.

Passion mixed with the Spirit's leading is a recipe for success in furthering the kingdom of Heaven...

"whoever offers a cup of water in My name..." and "Feed my sheep.." ring loud in my ears today. Consider this friends...as I am.