Starving

A song keeps coming into my head tonight and it's this: "Jesus, Jesus, your the answer, to all I'm searching for." And really, its true. He is. For what comes to mind when you think of "starving"? On empty. In need. An unmet desire. An unmet "need." A longing unfulfilled. Vacancy. Lack there of. Or, lets search a little deeper..."desperate," "irrational," "willing to go out on a ledge for it..." For me, this list could go on and on. I have had this story on my mind that I remember hearing a while back about a foster mom who had 15 or so children she was taking care of, and her form of discipline was to starve the kids. One night a 15 year old boy (who weighed 80 lbs or so and was 6 ft tall) was digging through someone's trash and was discovered by another person. Of course all of this was brought to light, and the starving boy and all the others where pulled from this women's home and their starving needs were met. (Praise the Lord) But this picture of sneaking out at night and digging in the trash to meet a need keeps sticking with me. I was so struck by that image, ( I saw a the pics on the news) and I cannot erase them from my mind.

Recently, I have realized something that I am starving for, and I have been holding onto faint wisps of hope, digging through trash cans if you will for the slightest possibility of this need being met. But I'm asking myself tonight friends, "why do I keep digging in the trash can, when I have the banquet set before me?" Christ is my banquet. He is the ultimate source of fulfillment, and the ultimate filler, and yet, and yet, I still dig in the trash, thinking that maybe I'll find something better there? I never will. Only God can meet my deepest need. These needs we have, are usually running pretty deep. They go so deep in places that most people don't even know how to get there, how to fill it, or how to even really depict what it is that we REALLY need. We may think we need a new relationship because our old one feels stale. But what really need is refreshment from Christ so we (He) can pour life back into what is dead. We may think we need a new "whatever" but what we really need is to have our satisfaction be found in Christ so that we will be content because our contentment is found in Christ, whom we always have enough of. Are you getting my drift? I really think that I have a deeper issue than I realized. I have a deeper need that I have been trying to fill with something that God gives, man makes, but truly, is not the answer. Yes, the thing I desire is good. And, it's something God blesses us with. But, what I desire, meets the need of the symptom, not the source. What is the source? That is my quest.

Only God can answer my questions, only God can teach me to ask the right ones of Him and only God can meet that then-discovered need. Too much thinking? Too much digging? Too much work? Not so when you realize that if our goal is to live our very best to bring Him the most glory and have the most satisfied, filled life possible? (for His glory) Then no my friends. It's not too much work, and it is worth digging for. So tonight I sit, and I pray. Recognizing I am starving, and only He can fill me in the right way, with the right things. My body doesn't need some cheap imitation of good wholesome "food"...my body needs the real deal, the actual root of the meat of the source of the thing that will sustain. That will not run out, run dry and dissipate over time. He is the source. The beginning of it. The end of it. The only thing that makes sense of the madness, and sheds light in the dark. Bring peace where their is chaos, and fills what is so deeply empty. Are you full? Are you less than this? It's a question worth asking, and an answer worth finding. For in the end it will make everything else make more sense and all other things in our lives more worthwhile. Don't you want to live your best for the one who deserves the best? He sees our full potential. He knows what we can do really do for Him...and how it will bless us along the way. I want the fullest of the full. I want all I can get out of this life for Him, and not some cheap imitation. I want life, truth, joy, peace, and satisfaction. No more digging in the trash cans. I'm going to dig deep into His well of truth. I know He will fill me, He always has, and always will. So this time my friends, it will be no different. I'm so ready to be full.