My hands tremble and my heart quakes. I shudder at the evil that lives within man. I can not stomach the thought of living in a world where this type of violence lives on every street corner.
I know you want my racing mind to stop. I know you want me to find my hiding place in the quiet of your embrace, where I can lay my head on your chest and listen to your heart beat.
I want to grab my children, cling them to me, wrap them up in my arms and never release them. I want to hide away in my home and never let them face the dangers of this world.
But I felt you remind me, that you are in control. That you are King over my life, my children's lives and the lives of those lost. You held the hands of the babies who left earth to soon yesterday in the same way you hold the hands of babies who are aborted every day. You held the hand of the baby I lost before I knew how fragile life was, and you will hold my hand when I leave this earth as well. I want to sit in the corner, and cry, but you are telling me that I need not hide. I want to hide my children away so they can be "safe" but I realize the safest place they can be is in your hands, as I daily place them there knowing they are mine to take care of for as long as you want me to, and when it's time for me, or them to leave this earth, it will be best.
I want to hate those who kill. I want to hate those who take lives. And then I remember that my hate is equal to murder. And I repent.
I want to rage. I want to throw my hands up and blame someone. Anyone. Yell and show how indecent this world has become. How this world has lost it's innocence and value of life, but then I remember what you said as you hung there on the cross, "Father, forgive them. They know not what they do." And my face burns in shame. FOR it was MY sin that held you there.
And I also remember that this world is NOT my eternal home. I am only passing through. And so are the children who go home too soon on our clocks.
Big tears rolled down me cheeks. The hurt I feel in my heart resembles that of a gun shot wound because it leaves a big hole. As I see some of the faces who's very real life has been shattered in one day. But then I remember those holes you bore for me, in your hands, your feet and your side. You bore those wounds for me, and everyone else who knows how bad they need you.
The pain I feel in this world Lord, sometimes is more than I can handle.
And then I remember, I'm not supposed to try and handle it, I'm supposed to hand it to you. And you Lord will hold my pains, my fears and my hurts for me...and you let me rest in your perfection.
As people fire off hate with their mouths, guns and looks, I rest in the fact that someday you will make this whole broken world a thing of the past.
I trust you more than I fear, and I hand you every pain I feel, and I know you hold every tear that has fallen.
Jesus, you are the only One who makes sense is this world and this is why I need you now, and always.
Amen
Dear Friends,
This prayer comes from the depths of my soul. If you don't know the peace I speak of, seek the Lord of heaven. Cry out to the God of peace. Ask for His hand to hold yours, and He will. Jesus is the only answer in the face of such amazing sorrow and pain. Jesus is the only HOPE that you can hold on to that will never leave you or forsake you. And I know we all want to ask the question, "why would He allow this..." but I don't ask that question anymore because I know and I trust that even though the pain we feel on earth is excruciating it will end when He brings this world to a close, and we go heavenward. We have pain because we live in a pain scorched world. God is in control. God is sovereign. But the wickedness that is organic in man will not cease until man no longer thinks he does not need God. Murder is as old as the garden of Eden, and it will not end until He returns. But until that day comes we have an ever present help who meets us where we are at...and I pray you all ask Him to meet you where you are at right now. I know I am.
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