OK...so today has been an exceptionally hard day for me. I know the end to my pain is in sight, and I am thankful for the child that awaits for me at the end, but in the last leg of this race, I'm exhausted, fatigued, and just plain ready to give up. Much like in a marathon where the runner asks themselves, "why is this so hard for me? why can't I run strong, or look strong like all the other runners around me? Why is it that it's MY leg that's going bad, not the person's next to me...and why Oh why did I sign up for this race?" Now, I am not asking "why am I where I am at..." because I know that. But I am asking, "why is it so hard for me..." and of course, one cannot ask that question without following it up with thoughts of "why isn't God making it better?" Or, "is God mad at me."
Today I learned this: God does not get mad at His children as humans do. Human anger is flawed. Sometimes it's justified, but usually, it's out of our own selfishness that we act irrationally, and anger rises up in us. As a Mom, my most angering moments are because of my children doing things that stir up, "How dare they?" feelings inside of me, and the anger surfaces.
God's gentle correction is not placed upon us in the form of suffering because He is mean, and sometimes, it's just because we happen to be living in a fallen world that some of the bad stuff that happens to us and sometimes, our suffering is as of a result of bad choices. As in the case of the people described in the 5Th chapter of Isaiah, who's hearts where hard, they disregarded God with all their words and actions, and they, ignited His just wrath because they disowned their Creator. For the believer who seeks His will for their lives, He handles things differently. What happened to the people as a result of their ignorance of God and their need for their Creator, bad things happened to get their attention...God will not stand for blatent disregaurd, and it was difficult for Him because this was His "chosen" people...one would think, they of all people should know better right?
Our world, my own heart, forgets how bad I need God. Until pain hits. Then, I remember...and I come running to Him. I don't think every painful thing in a person's life is as of result of human sin....don't hear that. But it can be. When everything you thought was stable, has come crashing in around you, and you are left asking why? First, know God loves you more than you will ever know. Secondly, know that God is just, meaning is doesn't screw up and He's perfect. Thirdly, sometimes pain comes in the form of the Master Gardner pruning His vines. Whenever something gets cuts back, it grows back stronger. Cruel you say? No. When we are seeking His best for our lives, we are never cut back too far that we cannot grow back, truly.
I am in that right now. I'm not claiming for certain that God is "pruning" me back for some big growth spurt, but when I'm in the pain I'm in right now, it's impossible for me to do life all on my own. I HAVE to turn to my Gardner, even if I am sometimes asking Him "why?" I always know He's my best solution. He's yours too. When we are examining our hearts, when we are honest with ourselves..(and don't waste your time not being honest with yourself) you will know that there are places in our lives that do need work. Because no one is perfect! We always a work in progress...or at least I am. There is always some form of selfishness, pride or greed that manifests itself in my being, and God does not like that stuff. The level of severity in which it manifests itself ebbs and flows, and the intensity in which I let it take it's hold me depends on who I'm relying upon. (God or myself) And trust me, when we are in sin, we will find all kinds of ways to justify it's being there, and why it should remain, and obviously, how we are "not really that bad." (Which only causes us to be comfortable in our sin, for a time that is)
I am so there! Now, when we consider the ways in which God gets our attention, we think, "How unfair!" But as I mentioned already, God's wrath is not as we think. And we also need to remember, for the believer, the sold out, repentant believer, there is a promise of wrath fulfilled on the cross. He already took ALL of God's wrath that was justly meant for us. But we did not get that wrath. Jesus did....talk about grace. All He asks, is that we honestly seek Him, devotedly serve Him, and offer Him our hearts. And it's a done deal. Then we are constantly growing, constantly looking more like Him, and constantly doing the work He has planned for us.
I know. It does seems like a big job. But with God, we are strong.
Now, back the pruning illustration...when tending to grapes, the Gardner must prune, or the grapes will never grow big, and flourish from year to year...so it is with us as believers. If we stay the same, we will stay the same ministry wise as well. In order to grow big, strong, and useful for Christ, we have to experience change, and sometimes, change can be painful. Sometimes not...but most often then not, we face painful circumstances, and we learn from those, and as we learn, we grow. Don't be discouraged my friend as I have been today.... He loves us so. He died for us! He gave us His best, and promises His best for us. Forgive me for sounding like a broken record...but if I need to hear it over and over, I'm guessing you do too...We are not abandoned, and when we repent of our sin (and by repent, I mean turn, and change our sinful deeds in our hearts, minds and actions) we will feel His love, even in the pruning, even in the pain. How many of you need to hear that today? How many of you are in pain today? How many of you feel as though you might just break from the weight of the pressure that has caused you to bend in ways you did not think were possible? Well, your not alone, and I'm guess I'm not either...
Let us not be as the people of Judah, who hardened their hearts to the point that no amount of pruning caused them to look to God. Let us not be as the ones Isaiah compared numerous times to Sodom and Gomorrah. Their fate was not good. Let us turn our eyes from ourselves...from our pain, and ask God, what is you want me to see in this? And move forward in that. No, it's not easy. Trust me, I'm right there with you. I'm feeling pretty pruned right now. I think all my limbs are gone, and I'm not exactly sure where to go from here...but I do know this...God loves me. He gave me His best, and He is growing me stronger through my pain. How do I know this with such certainty? Because God never fails. So, take heart friends. He never fails, and you will never be abandoned. That is the message of hope in pain.
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