Unpacking Grace

If you have followed my journey here on this blog at all you will recognize that my need for grace (God's forgiveness, redemption) is great.

I have a continual recognition of my sin, my depravity to the core, and my need for Him, I used to say for "Him in my life" But now I see that He IS my life. There are things that I held from Him, wanting them to be my own, and so I could feel as though I still had a sense of control in certain areas. As of late, I have come to find, I have no control, and this is how I am most at peace because Christ controls me. I am not a robot, but I am ready for His beckon call. Or at least, I should be. Hence the point of my blog. Today, in my Bible study, I learned of Isaiah's cleansing, forgiveness and ultimately, God's call to him to serve. Isaiah, who recognized his sin, said this.."Woe is me! I am ruined." Isaiah 6:5

That SHOULD be our response when we recognize the sin that (whatever it is) that has seeped into our lives. Usually, we are blind to it until the moment the blinders come off and we finally SEE what it is we've been doing in our sinful nature, against God.

We are all sinful. This is true. Isaiah, although a great prophet, was still a sinner, and it does not tell us exactly what it is he is repenting of, but in my humble opinion, I think Isaiah simply saw himself as he really was, living in a self-focused state, doing his own thing. As you read on in the passage, Isaiah, after his confession, is cleansed by Jesus himself, and then what happens next is what most pertains to me right now...

A call is issued from the Lord, "Whom shall I sent? And who will go for us?" vs8b

What Isaiah does next, is what humbles me. BEFORE Isaiah even knows what the request is, he raises his hands and says..."Here I am, send me." vs9

Let me stop here. I want to say this in a way that all who read understand, usually, when God asks me to do something, I say, "whats the guidelines Lord...tell me about my job requirements?" And if I'm not totally comfortable with the call, I turn it down. I cannot tell you my sadness over this. Boy have I missed out on many opportunities to give God glory by my obedience. I like to do things for God, but I want the things I do to be comfortable, and usually, it's nice if they are noticed in a positive light by others so that I get some earthly praise too. Anyone relate?

Here's the deal though...God forgave me a long time before I ever saw my sin. God rescued me, His death on the cross was my atonement. Paid in full. And I, accept that grace, and say thanks, but I still hesitate to act for Him? Woe is me. I am ruined.

This really hit me this morning. I sobbed in my class. His grace is more than I can even fathom, and I have the audacity to say, "No thanks" to a job that He may have for me?

There is not one specific job I can tell you right now that I know without a doubt I turned down, but that is almost more scary because I've been a bit blinded to His callings then.

As a firm believer, and someone who claims Christ with "all she does" then how can I sit and say, "I'm not sure the job He wants me to do..."

So, as I repented, Kleenex in hand, I as though He lifted my chin today and said this..."It's by grace. Grace is what saves you. Grace is what forgives you. My grace is your remnant...and you have been set free." Isn't that a beautiful thing to hear? That message is there for all of us.

So now, my ears are attentive to His call, and with His strength, I can be quick to the draw to raise my hand, and say, "here I am, send me." I do not say these words lightly, because I know that when a person says anything to the Lord with an honest and real heart, He answers. I have a feeling I am going to get a job I may not necessarily have chosen for myself. I paused even as I typed that. Why? BECAUSE IT'S A LITTLE SCARY! But I would rather be that way, than living comfortably, but ignorant of His call. I've hesitated all my life! I've "paused" all my life! I think He asking me to listen now. So I am. Only by grace friends. Only by grace.