Does not mean God is bad. That is something I have been learning lately...mainly throughout my pregnancy, and all that I have been through with it. It's hard to not want to tell God He's screwing your life up and your confused as to what the heck He's doing...and I've found my own mind wandering there so many times throughout these past 7 months of challenges I've faced. I've never really had this much trial in my life at one point, and at yet, I've never been more certain of His love, and had such an understanding of the grace I've been given that I do not deserve. So it's interesting to me that those two things have gone hand in hand...the pain/recognition of His love. Which of course, has prompted me to write what I'm writing today, knowing, chances are, I'm not alone in my thinking/pain/frustrations. God has been the same since day one. He was perfect then, He is perfect now, His motives are perfect for towards me, His desires for me are perfect in regards to what is best for me, and He will never force me through painful things, simply because He wants to. If you, or I go through painful times, it is truly a way for Him to draw us close to Him. He uses things that happen in a sinful, fallen and natural world, to draw us to Him, and as we draw close to Christ in that time of need, and in the process, we become more full than before we went through the pain. It's not say that if you never have had anything negative in your life, that you are not close to God, you are just one of those whom the Lord has not asked to walk a road of pain, and that in His choice, His choosing, because He is sovereign, He knows all, and His plan is best. We should not be tempted to get upset when others have "perfect lives" when ours are less that great, I heard it said once this way, "when we are having a painful time in our life, we have merely been enrolled for a short time in God's school of pain." And let me unpack that for you because on the surface that statement sounds terrible! :) God can teach us so much when we are in times of pain because in times of pain, we are in need. And when we are in need, we are searching for solutions, cures and possible ways out of our pain....God uses that searching heart to then sit them down, show them area's in their life that are perhaps weak or lacking compared to how they could be. As we learn, we grow. We grow stronger in our faith, we grow stronger in the strength of Christ, and ironically, we gain more peace for our circumstances, even if they haven't changed much since we first sought out the Lord...
We cannot determine that "He does not care" simply because He does not wave His wand, and fix our lives in that very moment. There are many situations throughout scripture that He offers solutions that do not necessarily end the person's pain instantaneously. As we cry out to Him in our anguish, in our destitute state, we begin to do something that we most likely did not do before the pain hit us, we pray like crazy, we seek Him, and we recognize our need for Him.
I have recognized my need for Him throughout these past difficult months...and I am emerging stronger, more satisfied, and feeling more thankful then before this whole thing started.
I had much I was not thankful for before my trial began, and I had much I missed about God before my trial began. And I'm sure, I've only begun to learn all that I can learn from Him, and of Him. Something tells me that none of us will have a completely pain free life. Some of our pain is through painful choices we've made, but God will not hold grudges, He merely uses those times to show you His love for you. Some pain is by accidents, some pain is disease, some pain is unexplainable. But however the form pain takes in our lives, it's a opportunity to turn our eyes to Him and ask Him.."Lord, what am I supposed to do???"
When was the last time you asked Him that? For me, lately, it's constantly...but that most certainly was not always the case. But what is so amazingly packed into all of this for me, is that not only have I recognized my need for Him above all other things, I've also recognized that what He did for me, (on the cross and everywhere in between) was not something HE had to do. He face unimaginable pain for me, for you, and He didn't have to. He hung there by choice. He stood there and was beaten, ridiculed, mocked and crucified for me, for you in His own free will.
Wow huh? When was the last time you willingly put yourself through something painful for the good of someone else? And I'm not talking about taking the smaller piece of pizza so your brother could have more. (although that was kind of you) :)
Because after we have this knowledge base of understanding His free gift of compassion for us, we have a little more understanding when He desires to teach us things...and a little harder time blaming Him for things when we aren't happy. This is a very hard concept to consider for me at times, especially being that I'm in a season of trial as we speak...but in that I know that I must find peace in Him, for if I look elsewhere...it just won't cut it, and I will be left empty in moments. Words of man, gifts of man, do make a person feel better for a time, but just as "get well soon" flowers wilt, and "I hope you feel betters" of another fade as that soul leaves your presence...so it is as we turn to the things of man to heal. (Obviously not to discredit doctors, they are miracle workers in their own sense) God heals wounds that man cannot see. God heals wounds that are too deep for doctors, and God does this as He kindly, lovingly puts the balm of His salvation, love and truth on your life wounds and then wraps you up gently in His loving arms, with promises to hold you, and of course, to never let go. And my friends, God's word is God's word. He does not lie to us. He only speaks words of truth. SO as you sit there, perhaps in some pain and trial, consider this..."You will keep in perfect peace Him whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.." Isaiah 26:3
So friends, walk forward. Ask Him. Seek Him..reach your desperate, shaking hands out to the only one who can hold onto them forever. He will not let go. You will not ever be stranded. And your pain, although difficult, will be held by Him as well.
Go in His peace through this day.
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