Sovereign

What first comes to mind when you hear the words..."God is sovereign?" Well, for me they used to be quite scary words. Which ultimately revealed that I truly had a lack of trust in God, a lack of faith in His plans for me, (regarding me) and that fear was still bigger than God.
God's timing is so perfect. I just have to get that out there. Let me tell you why I want to scream that from the rooftops today...
As I sat under some great teaching once again in my Bible study class, I was hit by what I am learning in Isaiah and how absolutely relevant it's turning out to be for my life, in this exact phase of my life, in this exact moment of what I'm learning, and how all of this parallels with my hearts emotions. (Emotions only God truly knows I have)
So last week, as I really wrestled with all my fears, and the greatness of my fear came to a head, and for the first time I began to examine my fears for what they truly are: a lack of trust, and a lack of faith. Wouldn't you know it, but today, the speaking was on faith. Go figure!
This is what I learned, that fear, and faith are completely incompatible. Faith is this: Believing God, and then acting on it. (in life, word and deed) Basically, it's living like you believe that what God says is true. And God is bigger than anything I fear. He tells me this: Isaiah 7:13 "I am the only one you are to fear.." and if God is absolutely trustworthy, then I truly have nothing to fear. Mainly because of this, the truth that nothing, absolutely nothing can touch me unless it's let into my life by the loving hands of the Father, and it's carefully sifted through His hands that hold me tight. There is no fear in His loving hands. There is no fear of what He lets come my way because I know, that I know, that I know, that He is sovereign.
Good to know isn't it? Well, I've heard it all my life, that "God is in control.." and I've said it with great conviction I might add that this is a good thing. And it is. But unless I BELIEVE that it's a good thing that He is in control...then I'm living a lie.
And, ultimately, I'm living in fear. And let me tell you friends, fear has been a big struggle for me!
Let me say this another way, If God is my rock, then that's all I need! That's all I should need..
And yet somehow I've been living with the idea that somehow, the world, or myself might be able to offer me some security stronger than what God has to offer me. So, I kept my mace handy, knew just where to find my husbands hunting gun, and I had the Dr. on speed dial just in case something went wrong in my plan. ( I do know how to shoot) :) And So I lived, in my fear. Not very reassuring is it?
Until this past week, when I noticed the cracks begin to surface and the darkness that lay beneath the surface of my skin was starting to show to others around me. I was living in deep, dark, black fear. And now that I know how fear and faith directly contradict each other, I see why my walk with the Lord felt a little heavier than normal. I was still trusting in myself more than God, and I was lack much in the faith of Christ. I knew I had His grace, His forgiveness, His guidance, and help, and still, I knew I was missing something. I was. I was missing the trust in who He said to me that He was, is and always will be....SOVEREIGN.
So I mentioned before, that His timing is perfect...don't you think this is a little ironic... that this weekend, I am getting ready to attend a conference called..."Women of Faith." And today, as I filled out the notes to Bible study, this was my answer to one of my questions regarding fear..
"that I cannot be a woman of faith, if I cannot give up being fearful." That's when it hit me, "Oh, how "coincidental" that I'm going to a conference entitled, "women of faith."
SO, who else out there feels convinced of His message for me today?????
God is good. God is gracious. God is my rock in the place I can stand to demolish fear. God is trustworthy. And I am learning to have faith in all He is, and in all He says.
I'll say it again...what a journey, what a ride...and I know, there's more to come.