The Mom Pride----Fertility

Before I was told that my third child should be my last, I was convinced that I was born to have babies. My first two children were easy to conceive, and I many times joked that "I get pregnant every time I have a glass of wine." How this must of hurt some women who were finding it difficult to get pregnant.

I would look down on people who only had one child, and I would pat myself of the back for being such a good young mom. Pride. It lived there between the lines of all my thoughts.

God got a hold of my attitude one day when I realized, "it's taking a long time for me to get pregnant again!" And so began the process through which God opened my eyes up to the reality and struggle of desiring a child but not being able to do anything about it in my own power. I was slowly realizing that the easy way in which I was able to conceive my first two children had NOTHING TO DO WITH ME. And everything to do with God.

How many kids you have, or want to have, is not really in your hands. If God wants you to have 5 kids, you will, if God says 3 is enough for you, then this is how it is. He will lead you if He has different plans outside of natural conception, but in reality, babies are conceived because God breaths life into your womb. It's not because you "did all the right stuff." It's not because you deserved it, it's because of His grace.

There is a sense of pride that comes to a woman when she can get pregnant easily. There is a sense of failure that comes when you can't. There is a sense of our identity that gets wrapped up in how many kid we have, and we begin to feel as though perhaps we have it figured out when we are able to have as many as we want. And we tend to look down on people who  out of "selfishness" chose to have less children than you have. Children are such a blessing after all right?
And they are! BUT, the attitude that can sometimes accompany bigger families, haunted me for a while.

I have since come to terms with that fact that I am loved by a faithful God who lovingly determines all things in our lives. Even the number of children we have. If He allows it, pregnancy will happen. If he does not allow it, it will not. God's allowing or not allowing does not depend upon man's desire or effort, but rather on His sovereign will. He knows what will make you look most like Him. If you need five children to help you become more like Jesus, He will give you five. Or, if you are like Sarah, and it was one special child given through miraculous circumstances that makes you look more like your creator, than He will do this too. He knows what you need.

I realize it's not easy sometimes to accept the reality that you do not have control over the size of your family, because God works through even the strongest of barriers that man can put up. I read a blog of a woman who conceived two children after her husbands flawless vasectomy, and then in contrast  women who did everything within their human ability to get pregnant but were not able to. God is God. We are not. We can take pride in only one thing, His ability. His abilities surpass our deepest desires. He is Lord over all.

I no longer consider my children something that I can take pride in. I love them and I cherish the fact that I have them. God gave them to me to take care of, and point them towards Him, and in the process of raising them He is using each of them to refine me. The ways He grows me each day because of them is amazing to me. And I am thankful. I can take none of the glory for how they turn out because everything good in me that I give to them is because God gave it to me. It's His gifts and abilities and I just dish it out to my children in proportion with the way He gives it to me.

So the next time you see the woman with five kids in target, and you feel a sharp pang of, "why hasn't GOD given that many to me," or you mother, with the five kids see a mother with just one child out shopping, do not let yourself say, "must be nice..."
Whatever God has given you, be thankful. If you are in longing for more, tell Him, ask Him, align your heart with His, chase after His ways and wait for His perfect answers and timing.
IF you never see the second pink line appear on the test, know that this is because God is your Father who knows what is best. If you take a test each year that has two lines, thank God also for this.

There is no pride that belongs in the mother except pride in the fact that you have a God who is doing what is best for you. Keep your heart constantly buried in His truth. Align your thinking with His. Fix your eyes on Jesus and rest in Him to find contentment wherever you are on the road of life.
Do not judge another mother under any circumstances and mother's in waiting, rest in His perfect timing. Waiting is hard, but His grace is completely sufficient.
We are to walk this life hand in hand with Jesus, knowing He will NEVER lead us through anything that is not for our betterment and good. This in includes fertility and lack there of.