Grateful

I would be lying if I said my heart has always been grateful. I would be lying if I said I never have shaken my fist towards heaven. But lately something has shifted in my thinking. Lately, my heart has been moved by the sudden awareness and reality that God is fighting for me. I can't always put into words the battles that wage in the heart of a person who is trying desperately to serve God, but keeps getting distracted by the stark reality that life can be hard.
And yet, is life really that hard? Are my days filled with turmoil and sorrow? Everyone has their idea of what "as bad as it can get" looks like. And thank goodness we don't live by human understanding or judgment because it would be a wishy washy, no real standard type of life then. But I was reminded by someone I love that everyone has something that they could say, "I've got it worse." And quite frankly, this life is not a race of "who has is worse off." Although sometimes I live as such. But that is not the way God intended for me to live my days. Truly, God does not even want my eyes to be placed on my issues or "problems." He is the one who is to be handling my struggles. SO that I can live freely to serve Him, with both hands raised. My hands have been not only NOT raised, they have been covering my eyes in my attempts to hide from the things I feared and felt sorrowful over. I can only imagine how happy the enemy was at that moment, as he watched me, sad, afflicted, seemingly alone and covering my eyes, shielded from seeing all that GOD had for me.
We all have those moments, but praise God that HE is not willing to let me stay there. I don't know what I was expecting out life, but "this" was not what I was imagining. That's what is what I said to myself when no one was looking. Not always did I feel that way, but honestly, when things got "rough" in my mind my thinking would land there. Can anyone find the flaw in my thinking? Well for starters, my thinking was placed on earthly things. My thinking was on myself, and lastly, my thinking was not on Christ.
My thinking was selfish. My thinking was narrow. And my thinking excluded the pure and simple fact that God can use the ordinary to do extraordinary things.
My life, as small as it may be, can and is being used by a all powerful God. When I confessed my sin of focusing on myself so much, I realized a few things, the world is bigger than me. AND, that I have it soooo good. Seriously. I have all I could ever want and need in JESUS. My life will never be destitute  because I have ONE who holds it all together.
It's easy to stare at the world, your world and all that is going wrong in it. But when I took my eyes off of what I was idolizing as my perfect idea of what life should look like, I realized my eyes were wrongly placed. It's not even so much that what I was taking for granted would have been someone else's miracle, (although this is absolutely true as well) but more so that God was not being glorified though me when I lived my days this way. When I walk around defeated, and sorrowful, I am giving God zero glory, and I am missing the hundreds of thousands of things that God has given me to be thankful for. Gratitude drowns out sorrow. It's not a forced, "dogonit, I'm going to be thankful today.." inasmuch as it is a day by day, moment by moment, focusing your gaze on Jesus Christ. How do I fix my gaze one JESUS? Well, it starts in our thinking, runs down to our hearts, and trickles out our fingers. I stand on HIs word that Jesus is always working for me, and that JESUS is doing exactly what is best for me, and in my heart that turns to thankfulness, and before I know it, my arms and hands are raised in gratitude.
Not by my own will. Not by my own "trying harder." But by the pure and simple reality that Jesus has  and is everything I need to live a life that is full and filled with thankfulness.
seriously. This is not about someone trying harder. This is not about gritting your teeth another day to get through, choke down those tears and fake a smile. That is NOT what this is about.
It's about surrendering your dreams to His will. It's about telling Him that His will for you comes before, but it's actually not that much of a surrender, because if HE knows what's best to begin with and His plan is most perfect, than the thing we really are laying down is flawed from the start.
There is no amount of vacations, good things in life, perfect weather, or happy lifestyle that will make you or I more grateful. It's in the heart that our heart changes. It's a flawed set of thoughts. It's a line of thinking that must change. Goes a little something like this ------------> God is doing what is best. ---------->Forgive me for thinking I know what is best.---------------> Thank you for all your doing in my life.--------------> God your first, God your better.

"Jesus paid it all. All to Him I owe. Sin has lost is crimson stain, HE washed me white as snow."

IF we start each day out like this, I know we will lay our heads down at night with a peace and rest that we have never felt before. I know it is happening this way for me. Consider it your trial and error, as you have seen where I was, and see where my heart is now, know this, nothing is the same when GOD changes it. Good days come, bad days come, but God never changes. So why not fix your thoughts on the unchanging. GOD.