A message in love

For those of you who have ever tried what I am about to talk about, you will I'm sure join with me in saying, the following method of getting a certain point across to another, does not work.

Here was my method: If they are not hearing you, yell louder.

I am here to tell you, this way of "being heard" actually produces opposite results, and also makes the other party equally loud, equally mad, and equally frustrated that THEY too are not being heard. Case and point: My children. So, one would think I'd be starting to get this point by now because of how often the Lord has been pounding into my heart and mind the message of messages are heard when said in love. Apparently, I have a thicker skull than He anticipated...

My children made a mess larger than I thought possible today, (which by now "not possible" should be erased from my vocabulary.) And I lost it. My sickness was rising, and my patience was lowing, and my loving attitudes was non-existent. With frustration I yelled my way though the situation, telling my poor son, that "His temper was making me angry." (yeah, I know. Nice one) And It wasn't until my children were clean, the mess was gone and they were tucked safely in bed, that I realized me intense folly of heart and action. I am not here to focus on my failure for long, because I know I repented, asked for forgiveness from my children (who of course did in an instant, oh the heart of a child) and then of the Lord, and He too washed my heart with peace, and I felt the warmth of love return to my bitter heart.

This life application came to mind directly after: so it is with our message to those around us who we are daily ministering to, or trying to preach Christ too. Christ's message was love. Everywhere you turn in the word His messages whispers love to hearts of a lost and dying nation. So many chances were given to those in sin, and 7 times 70 we are to forgive our lost brothers. Oh friends....My heart is humbled. What I have said meaning to be holy, only to come across and judging, bitter and cynical. I'm sure my children wondered what monster ate Mommy, so have others I'm sure wondered how I could call myself a believer.

The message we speak in our hearts, attitudes, and mouths MUST be in love, or it is nothing.

"1 John 4:8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love."

God is beginning to make Himself clear to me. I always have known it is important to be nice to others, just a code of ethics, but I felt it was a choice. And in that feeling, I was gravely wrong. It is not a choice, it is His command. He commands us to love one another, no message will ever be heard in anger. No message will ever be receive if their is a hidden angst packed behind it. People see through fake love, people see through "trying to love.." People see the love that Jesus held for the, and they saw the difference. SO, today, as I pose this question to myself, ask yourselves as well...What do people see in MY message...and what do I want them to see....

It's not a question of "if" we love people it's a message of "when" we love people. The commandment to love is not a "when you feel like it.." And the only way my friends we can truly do this, is by drawing our daily strength from the ultimate source of love: Jesus.

We need to daily seek Him, daily spend time with Him and there is no doubt, He will fill you up with what you need for any given day. It's a fact, He's there waiting for you to ask Him for the mean by which to love and live for Him. You are His vessel of love! Have you ever thought about that? He chose you, to use you, to love His own, and that is an honor.

I pray today is the day we all have a change of heart, a change in our message and a heart filled to the brim with love for His children...whoever they are.

Why Do You Do That?

Building on what God talked to me about yesterday, and what I shared on my blog with you on that, He is obviously really trying to get something into my thick head. :) For, today I was reading in Proverbs, and then in Mark where he addresses once again, the issues of the heart.
Today, He took a slightly different approach, the Pharisees were in this story, and whenever they are present, I know I am about to be convicted about something, because my heart so resembles the pharisees at times, I hate it.
Today, Jesus is speaking to them because if this: They gathered around Jesus and said, "they saw some of His disciples eating food with hands that were not washed." *gasp!
But my friends, this was a real sin in this time, if they ate this food they defiled what was going into their body and so making the food they took in was also defiled. I look at that and for the first time it means something to me. Because they were simply holding onto tradition for the sake of tradition, not because they were genuinely convicted, but because they were pias, self-righteous and having a lofty view of themselves. They were better, so they thought. How many times have I thought this? "I can't believe 'so and so' would 'do that'!" If we are being honest with ourselves my friends, and I will speak for myself here, I'm sure there are many moments where our heart do in fact whisper these things. And that is another way our hearts are deceitful. For, we may not be as bold as the pharisees in our verbal claims, but our hearts resembled them at times.
"A malicious man disguises himself with his lips, but in his heart he harbors deceit." Proverbs 26:24
I hate that this verse describes my heart at times. yucky.
Jesus goes on in this passage to tell the Pharisees this: " These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me, they worship me in vain, their teachings are but rules taught by men." Mark 7:7
And then this verse also:
"And you do many things like that." vs13
Oh friends...this is the heart of the heart, and I pray my heart does this no more. What "hand washing" rules do I follow simply because "it's what you do.." not because it's what I have to do but because it's honoring to the Father and because that has now become my desire as well.
My husband and I have had this conversation, who would you be if you were alone in a hotel room with no-one who knew you and know one to hold you accountable? Would the spirit lead you and direct you and guide you to the purest form of self? Or would your mind wander to the idea that "anything can be done because no-one knows." There was a huge part of my life that would have leaned more towards the later option...thankfully, for the most part I do believe I would choose the first option now. I know what lies on the other side, and I hate it. So the sting of sin is still burning on my skin from past mistakes and I am thankful for that sensation so that now I do not make the same mistakes. (now I just make new mistakes.) :) But in all honesty...what I have done in the past, has forced me to turn to better places now.
But back to my Pharisees heart, I pray friends, that we all can learn from this passage and these truths, that is why we have the words of the Lord written for us, documented for us, so that our eyes can read, and our heart can be convicted, and turn from their foolish states of sin and be healed. I pray this is a daily occurrence for me, and for you.
When God speaks, He speaks for big reasons. He wants and desires our full hearts, our full passions, and for the right reasons. So today, as you do what "you must" because you are you, ask yourself, why? Why do you do what you do? And if it's not for the right reason, the holy reasons, then ask God to help you examine your lives, your hearts and help you change. The Lord is so good to us, and so forgiving and He loves a broken and contrite heart that comes to Him loving Him and willing to change.
"But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness." Psalm 86:15
Doesn't that sound like a beautiful description of Him? Don't you want to be spending your time with that kind of person? I do. I pray today we can all run to Him and apply to our hearts what I have learned this morning. Seek and you shall find, knock and the door WILL BE OPENED.
Have a great day my friends!!!!

The Motives of the Heart

This is a concept that has always convicted me more than any written rule, any word or any law. This thought that it's not so much what I do, but why I do what I do, not because I have to, but because I want to...and the inside of this, that no-one sees your real feelings but you.
Let me unpack this for you. I have had this concept pounded into my heart and mind in the past couple of weeks, which usually means God is telling me something. haha. And I need to pick up, pay attention, listen and respond, and by respond, I mean change.
My attitudes of heart have been a little stinky lately..(some of you know why..:) but sickness is not a "get out of a bad-attitude-free-card." No. All the more opportunity to let God work in me because of my down and out state.
And all these thoughts are because of this one little verse. (that is really not little at all)
"Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love (1 John 4:8)."

A big way we love God, and show God that we love Him is by our love for others and by our obedience in loving who He calls us to love, everyone.
I'm great at loving those that love me, my family, my sisters, my parents, my friends, and pleasant acquaintances...however, I am not very good and loving those who are rude to me in the grocery store, or people who zip in front of me in the check out at the store. No, those people make me mad, and even if I don't physically or audibly let them know that, my heart burns within me, and I'm mad. Only I and God know I am mad, but I mad. And the Lord tells me that.."Anyone who hates who hates his brother will be subject to judgment." Matt 5:21
And God in the verse before that one compares this hatred to murder. Murder.
That is pretty extreme...and that is my heart....sadly.
So what do I do about this, well, first I admit that I do this, and then I ask the Lord to help me change. But, here is the other thing, why do I want to change? No one knows, and after all, God will forgive me, so is this issue of thoughts really that big of a deal? This is the 'why do I do what I do?' question that I posed earlier in this blog..
Why do I change to be more pure of heart? So that I love God. If I sin in my heart and do love others even in the attitudes of heart that no-one else but God sees, this in fact makes the biggest impression to God. It's what no-one sees but God and this is how we know we are truly loving God with an honest heart and a pure motive. No praise from man for being kind...but the affirmation we receive from the Lord in His gentle love, direction and peace are far greater praise than simple words of man.
Wouldn't you rather hear, "well done good and faithful servant" from the lips of the Father, as opposed to "great job and being nice" from a stranger?
I want the first response before I want the praise of man, and if that is truly true, than I should start acting like it. And I do these things not because I have to, but because I genuinely want to. With all my heart I want to because with all my heart, I love God...and this is why I love others as well.

RUNNING!!!

Friends, I am here to tell you that today, I went running. And it was glorious. No, it was more than glorious, it was heavenly. It almost felt spiritual, I cried, (literally) as I ran because it felt so good to do something I loved so much but had to give up for a while due to my extreme sickness. I had neither the energy to run in days past nor the ability. But not so today, and I praise the Lord for it.
Let me describe to you the beauty of this run, the sun was peaking through the clouds...my feet hit the partially rained on road. I breathed in deep air that did make me gag, or want to throw up, but air the filled my lungs with beautiful glorious freshness. Spring air. Running air. My air.
As I ventured into the first mile of my run, the tears began to flow...running is my old friend..the friend I have been unable to see or talk to for quite some time and I missed so much. My mental health, and emotional health are quite dependent on this old friend, and every step I ran, I praised the Lord for that step and never before have I had such a glorious run. I thought about my baby inside, the motion it was feeling, and I asked my baby if it liked the new ride...the baby said yes.. :) so we continued. My spirits have been so low due to my sickness, this run lifted me so much and again, as my heart lept within my chest and the "normalcy" I felt as I ran, I again rejoiced...and cried in thanksgiving.
I know I sound like a wreck, but I've been a bit of a wreck lately...to wake up sick, and go to bed sick, only to wake up sick again the next morning gets daunting and tiresome...and although I have had moments of goodness in those sick times, and I am still depending on my Father, the release, the health and the run were much needed.
I returned, sweaty, hot and JOYFUL because I knew God had given me a very special gift this morning, you see I was begging Him for peace, I was begging Him for the ability to thrive in this sickness, not just survive...so what did He do? He exceeded my expectations and gave me a run this morning. When I finished my glorious run, I looked up to heaven and I said, "Thank you Lord, may I have another?" Perhaps God laughed at that. Needless to say, I ran, and I hope to have many many more times like I had this morning. And all I can say is thank-you to God who cares for even the smallest details, like running. This child is so thankful.

Let us pray, Let us pray..

Every day and every way, every moment of the day it is the right time...Prayer.

I have recognized that in my past I did not pray nearly enough, and it's such a crucial part of the relationship God designed, we speak, He answers. We see Him work by the answers to our prayers, and our faith is encouraged, and the relationship flourishes more and more. However, if we never ask, we never think to look for answers and we then miss out on all the encouragement He had in store for us.

Remember that old song by Steven Curtis Chapman? Let us pray? Well, it's true. Every moment of the day it is the right time. Let us pray without end and when we finish start again, like breathing out and breathing in, let us pray.

Those are some of the lyrics and they have been running through my mind all day..by no coincidence, because when I opened up my daily devotional by Ray Stedman this morning, this is what God had to say to me about prayer there:

"Part of the reason so many are finding Christianity to be boring is because they are not experiencing the kind of Christian living described in this passage. They have not entered into this kind of relationship, where each day they experience the glorious adventure of seeing a living God at work, answering prayer, and giving to them things that they ask. But in this passage we have a beautiful picture of the normal life of a Christian. It is all centered in prayer, because prayer is the most fundamental relational activity that a Christian can experience. Prayer is the expression of dependence on a loving God, and the whole Christian life is to be characterized by a continuous attitude and spirit of prayer."

Why is this so important to me? Because as of late, I feel like my breath has been a prayer, but not so for most of my life. I was driving through a small town today near my home and I found myself praying for this town, one because my Sister just moved there, and two, because God is moving there due to a new church plant.

Which before friends, I'm telling you in all honesty...I never would have prayed for that. Now, as I sit here in my sickness, I find my breath moving in and out is a prayer for healing for myself, and also, a prayer for others who are sick....I never would have prayed for that before either.

What I am saying here, is that what Ray talked about in the above quote, the richness of the relationship in a Christians life deepens when prayer is present, I have seen that happen first hand in my own life...and the more you do it, the more you do it without thinking.

It's like breathing. And that makes sense, because God is to be our breath of life, our air. And lately, I feel as though I've been taking huge gulps of it every second of every day. Maybe that is why God has allowed some trial in my life, so I need that angle of our relationship. Every season, a new angle of our relationship begins to unveil itself to me...the many new ways I find that I need God. It's such a dependence. I need Him so bad. And I think He wants me this way.

Not that He is a God sitting in heaven throwing evil upon people so we turn and notice Him, but God does use the evil in this world that affects us, to draw us nearer to Him, and make something bad, good.

Sickness =bad in my world. However, in God's kingdom sickness can =dependence on God, which =a deeper relationship with Him which =health in that individuals heart. See how things work in kingdom mathematics? Pretty cool. And if it where not for prayer, that equation, would be meaningless to me, and perhaps to all of you as well.

So next time you think that "maybe you should pray more.." Stop what your doing, (unless your driving) :) and pray. I talk to God a lot when I'm driving....(mostly to tune out the sound of my children screaming in the back seat) but needless to say, I pray.

And I know He restores my soul...my health is fleeting, and I know good days are to come...although it is hard to keep that perspective, I do try, and I pray that I can. So friends, do now, what I did not do in my past, and make your present, a dependant, constant conversation with the Lord, and watch and see what He does in your heart. It's simply beautiful, and healthy.

FIXING MY EYES

This morning, I was asking the Lord to give me the wisdom to blog something worthy of Him. You see, it seems this sickness has begun to take it's toll on me, physically and emotionally, I feel as though I cry more than I am not, and I know this is not how God intends me to be, even in trials. I have had other trials where I felt victorious and conquering! But when health is gone, it feels as though all is gone, and this my friends, is simply not true. It's a lie that the enemy has had me in for the last 6 weeks of sickness, it's been long, I will admit, but all is not gone. Today I went to my final day of bible study, where women were given the opportunity to stand and share a brief testimony on what God had done in their lives through the study of John. I was begging the Lord to simply let me be fed this morning messages of hope and strength to give me strength for today, and bright hope for tomorrow. And friends, He did just that.
One woman made the comment that when fear was setting in, it was as if she felt the hands of savior grab her face and say, "Child! Eyes on me!!!" And Im sure, (she did not elaborate) that He did this is many ways, because that is what He does with me too. And I needed to hear that today. My eyes have been darting around like fireflies on a midnight sky and it was as if I could not stay focused on any one thing (much less God) for more than a few seconds. That is how fear and anxiety works. If it's not one thing, it's another. And so it goes, until we are sitting their, sick and wringing our hands in trials, and all while knowing, this is not how we are to be.
God makes us victorious in trial. God makes us strong in battle. God holds us up while we are in deep waters. God, guides us around difficult paths and rocky mountains. If it were not for the Lord, and the gift we have in being able to fix our eyes with His, I would be a goner.
I have had many hopeless, helpless days, where I have been forgetting to call on His name, and seek His face.
I read the story yesterday of a woman in Jesus's time on earth, where she was subject to a disease of bleeding...and had done for 12 years. 12 Years!!! That's so long to be sick. I cried.
Jesus was in town, she had heard, and she had this thought.."if only I could touch His robe, I shall be healed! He wouldn't even have to know I touched Him!" So she set out, she found the mobs and crowds surrounding the Lord, she fought with all her strength, pushing through screaming, shouting people until she reached the robe, the very end of His robe. What she did next is so exemplifying her faith in His power, her trust in His ability to heal..she kneels down, reaches out, touches His robe, and instantly! She is Healed!!!
However, Jesus stops, He says, "Who touched me?" The crowd goes silent..one of the disciples dares to venture..."Lord, in all these crowds of people, you say, 'who touched me?'"
But Jesus persists.."Who touched me?" For He had felt the power leave Him the scriptures say as she touched him. So the woman, who was formerly bleeding for 12 years, stands. She says to the Lord..."Lord, I touched you." I'm sure she was ready to just "get it" from Him. After all, she did not ask, she just did it. But instead, our faithful kind Father said this.." Go...your faith has healed you..."
Isn't that an amazing story? I wish that faith was mine, but friends, the beauty of it is, is that He has already healed me in so many ways, I know that this can be true for me as well.
Perhaps not physical healing, (although He does that as well!) but also, healing for my sick and tired heart, if only, if only, I can fix my eyes on Him.
I pray that this will be true of you all today. Because if I know one thing, there is not a person out there without something in their life that they could call a trial. And if you are trial free, perhaps the Lord has allowed this for you so that you can be an utmost encouragement to those with the trials. So open your hearts, open your ears, open your eyes, ask the Lord to this for you, so that you can see Him, hear Him, and know Him in the way that He would have you.
Fix those eyes on the author and perfecter of your faith...and be encouraged!

Everything

I have been having these thoughts as of late, on the greatness of God. What I have been thinking about more specifically is that I can't even really wrap my mind around Him and His character, who He is, and all that He does.

"ironically" My pastor taught on this subject today. The passage He spoke from was Isaiah 6:5-13...and at first, I thought to myself, "what an odd passage to find things about God in, wouldn't you rather look to some of His power in the Old Testament first?"

But these verses hold a glimpse, just a glimpse (because that is really all we can behold) of His power and greatness.

This is what Isaiah tells us, he, caught a glimpse of the tail of God's robe, and just the greatness that this picture beheld for him, he fell to the ground and says, "woe is me, I am a man of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, The Lord Almighty.."vs 5

His response was one of fear because he, Isaiah in the sight of God knew and recognized his desperate state of sin and was fearful for his life because he knew God saw his sin too. So at the first sight of God, he was not jumping up and down like at a rock concert or silently whispering praises as we often do in church...No. He was afraid because he saw himself as he truly was before God in all of His greatness, and that was unclean.

You see, clean begins from the inside. It's the motives, it's the thoughts, it's that tiny little attitude in our heart...and why did Isaiah exclaim he was unclean on his lips? Because the lips (i learned today) are the doorway for those sins to escape. Its the slander, it's the mean spirited feelings we have towards another, it's jealousy...it's discontent.

And I was humbled. I was humbled because one can look so very good on the outside but if I am honest with myself, there is ugliness within that does occasionally escape through my lips, in that brief second, that I have my moment of sin, I disconnect myself from the path of truth, from the heart of the Savior and I too, must join Isaiah in his fearful cry.

You see, it puts us back to where we really are...no, this is not a biblical smack down, it's a warning that we all are given. That if we are "real" with ourselves, then we must be honest about what's on the inside door of the those lips. What is it that wants to come out, but we won't let it because we are "Christians?" Lots of things. Lots and lots of things.

That is where we start. Those things. We tell the Lord to cleanse our lips as Isaiah had done for him, only the angels did it for him by touching a coal to his lips. Isaiah was too weak to even ask for this purification, but knew he needed it.

Do you feel that way too? Are you too weak to even ask the Lord for what you need? To weak to say, "where do I begin?" Trust me, I've been there, and it's so overwhelming...

but when we round the corner of God's forgiveness and we let out whats been inside, (but in a God honoring way) the truth comes out, we can be real, and we can be forgiven.

I find, each time I divorce a little bit more of me, I hear the Lord's calling the next time a little sooner and it sounds a little louder. The best way to tune out the Lord, is to ignore Him so long that we forget the very sound of His voice.

Today we sang the song "Holy is the Lord God Almighty" and I was stolen away by the lyrics.. one of the lines said this.. "You are my everything, and I will adore you."

Is He my everything, I thought? Do I adore Him? Not the way I should. Anytime I hold "pieces of me" from Him, and hold things in my heart that are sinful, that I am not able to truly adore Him and He is not truly my everything.

This is not a works based relationship, and even though I know that, I still act as if it is just that. I act good. I talk good. I pretend. And that is ugly.

If I truly want to worship God, have Him cleans me of my unclean lips, than I need to depend upon Him moment by moment...because that is how often we need His forgiveness.

It is what it is, I recognize who I am in the sight of God and it's not pretty. The only way I am seen as beautiful before the King is because He had grace and mercy upon my helpless state of sin I just acknowledged, and I accept the Lord's forgiveness...all that He did for me on the cross...and I daily give Him my everything. It's not work though...it's actually the best place to be because here in this place friends, there is no fear, (accept the due fear of His mightiness) There is no discontent in the mind, there is nothing that poisons our joy.

Peace is what resides here...and once your there, you will never want to leave. And you don't have too! Staying in the will of God is not always easy, because it requires us to lay down things that our sinful self really likes and has grown quite attached too, but when we do forfeit those things, we are filled with better, more pure, and life giving things.

And once those those poisons are gone from our mind, don't you believe you'd be able to do just about anything in a more joy filled, life-filled way? I have experienced moments of such freedom and it's amazing.

So take Isaiah's warning to heart...heed his words from personal experience, he saw God, and then he saw himself the way God saw him, and the result was fear. We cannot stand before God with all our sin in our life and peacefully worship...first the sin must go, and then we can adore Him with our everything. I pray you are challenged now and I was this morning to examine your hearts, and I did mine and see what God sees, so that we can be clean.