God's Agenda

It's funny how in life, we wake up and decide, "this is what I want to do with my life.." and then we go for it. Truly, that is how it is with most of us, I was this way in high-school. I never really prayed about what I should do, I just had a thought, and went for it. Now, it ended up turning out OK, and now I'm blessed to have the job I have now, being a Mommy...
But I went off to beauty school...I'm being honest with you friends, I never prayed, "Lord, is this what you would have me do?"
I wish I would have....
Beauty school was one long nightmare...I love doing hair, and feel God gave me that passion, but the place, the timing and the people seemed all wrong as I look back, but God is faithful...
Today, as I sat and listened to the sermon, our pastor spoke on the aspect of prayer. Not just praying..."Lord help me do this..." but prayers that cut to the heart of the issues, a prayer for the Holy Spirit to so invade our lives that all we think, do and say is steered as ship's utter by the direction of the Holy Spirit. I never considered that thought in such in-depth detail.
I heard it said this past year in BSF my bible study on John, that the Holy Spirit is our compass, guiding us and directing us through life, and the word to highlight what we need to learn of His direct words to our hearts.
Which is amazing that such directing is available to you and to me. I'm left wondering, why have I never considered such direction before? And now I think, is that true for me in my life?
Has the Holy Spirit SO invaded my every thought, movement and word, that my life is not really "my" life, but God's agenda being lived out in me? Oh what a goal.
And friends, it's more than a goal, it can be a reality if we only ask for it. BUT, we have to ask, and we have to desire truly, and honestly and pray, truly and honestly. The desire has to be real, in order for the Holy Spirit to be real to us. New thoughts for me friends.
You know what this means tangibly speaking? My words are not my words...my thoughts are not my thoughts, my actions are not my actions.
My neighbor wrongs me, and I desire nothing more than to spew the wrong doings to the first person I see, what do I do when I'm on God's agenda, I love my neighbor...(sound familiar?)
You husband or wife upsets you, you want to scream not nice things to them, what do I do on God's agenda? I remain silent before them and the Lord, waiting for His direction to my heart as to what I should do and say next.
My heart rages with jealousy because "so and so" got something I wanted, or has "such an easy life" or never has to try for anything, it just happens...what do I do on God's agenda...I say NO to the fleshly feelings, I turn my eyes towards the words of Christ and say, "Away from me Satan, I want nothing to do with your evil desires for me.."
Doesn't that look different that what we having going on with us today? I know it does for me. When I look at my life, my life screams.."My agenda." I REALLY want that to change.
So what is the first step in allowing God to take on this agenda and make it His? By asking the Holy Spirit to invade my heart in mind, to lead me down the path of understanding and to show me how to love as He loves. Being in the center of His agenda means this: Surrender yourself...allow Him to take over your unloving thoughts, feelings and actions so much so that they nearly disappear. So that when "the situation" arises, (and it will) that I need to run His ability to love and be kind, the ability is there. Not by my own power but by my allowing Him to invade my thoughts, my actions, my attitudes, my words...my life.
It's not my life. It never was...It's His.
There is so much work that can and should be done in God's agenda, I just do not have the eyes to see it. I do not have the ears to hear, or the heart to comprehend. But I want it. Oh how I want it. When I look around me, I want to see the jobs He would have me do rather than always thinking, "what can I do to make my day the best for me." It's what we all do, myself included, we awake and our first thought is on how to make "us" happy. That may be apart of God's agenda, to bring our little hearts joy in that day, but the means by which He does it is so different from our idea. So the next time you sit down to pray, (which can be right now) you can say this to the Lord..."Not my will, but yours.." and start by telling the Lord that you have the desire to have this life be about His agenda rather than yours. This will be life changing for you my friends, it is beginning to be for me, as I too am getting a grasp on what this COULD look like in a life that has been surrendered.
It may feel like a bigger bite that you are willing to chew, but trust me friends, the Lord of All will make this chewable for you, just ask Him. He longs to hear your voice calling to Him in total surrender and humility. It's music to His ears. This is only the beginning my friends. What a life this can be.

The Purpose of Man

So I recognize that it quite a title. :) However, it has been my line of thinking lately. Somehow, in between growing a child inside of me and raising a 2 and 3 year old, I'm finding myself lost in thoughts of purpose. :)

Why I do what I do, but really the purpose even behind the "why." God created all of us for unique purposes, and this of course you hear from childhood and believe because it's exciting to think that in life you have a "special mission" that no other person on earth does. But here has been my line of thinking...God must be the purpose behind all I think, say and do. And what motivates me to do all I do? To bring glory to God, not myself. (well, that is the distant hope)

But more often then not, I do find myself thinking and wishing for the praise of man as I do the "good" things I do. But if that's the case I really should not call what I am doing "good" nor should I put God's name on my deeds. He gives me an idea for kindness or goodness towards another, I act because of God's great prompting, and then somehow, I think I should get some glory? No. Far be it from me to do this thing, but I do.

The other angle of purpose is why we go through certain events or circumstances in life that seem so contrary to what we think should be...things like pain, job loss, sickness and even death of those we love. This line of thought came to me when my hairdresser and I were discussing the troubles I've been through lately and she said this to me, (and I'm not sure if she even knows her great wisdom) but that truly "All these things happen according to His perfect plans, and it all works out for our best because it was His plan." At first when she said that I thought..."How could laying on the floor for three months and throwing up all the time be God's perfect plan.." But of course when she said I nodded like any good little christian girl would and agreed completely...:) But when I got home I started to think..."Do I believe that, even in regards to my own trial and pain?" And here is what I've come up with: In all things painful that I have been through in my life, it has led me to the joyful life I live now, with my children, my husband the relationship I have with my heavenly Father. So, thus far, the pain I've been through has in fact led me to good things...and therefore, because of what this track record shows for me, I concur, He is faithful in all things. Even in sickness.

And then, what we do with our experiences, meaning, how we allow them to be used to encourage others also adds more purpose to that trial, and to our lives. So, the next time I run into a woman who has been laying on the floor in sickness for three months, I will know what she needs, and how to minister to her. More purpose has been added to my life, because the Lord must have seen that somewhere down the line, and woman in such circumstances was going to cross my path, and perhaps, He wants me there. (this is just my thought) But now, regardless, I'm available for that job in the spiritual realm. It's like our lives are a resume' and God is our boss, and each time we go through something painful or joyful in our lives, it's added to that resume' and I think the Lord enlists His workers according to their life experiences. The only difference, is instead of being paid in cash, we are paid in fulfillment of life, peace and joy of heart and and knowledge that we are being used by the One and Only, Most Holy, Most Sovereign God of All...that feels like a better deal than some money that fades in a moment.

So through all of this, I am feeling more and more purposeful...and perhaps my friends, you all are feeling this way too. All of this thinking began when the realization came to me that truly..."this life is not about me." And that is when the growth began. (and I have a very long way to go.)

But it's in this line of thinking that I have found great freedom from all the things that used to bog me down and weigh my heart with a thousand bricks, and freedom is priceless.

So I leave you with two questions... Are you Free? And Do you have purpose? If you can answer "yes" to those two questions than my friend, dance for joy. But if your answer is "no" then perhaps you should consider, (as I did not too long ago) "why" and "how can this be changed.." Then search the scriptures and find your answers. There is not another thing in life (on this side of heaven) that will bring you peace like being in the center of His will, and His purpose for you.

Answered Prayers

In my short lifetime I have prayed for and seen God's hand directly answer prayer in such a way that leaves me standing there, in fear and praise of the Lord. It's when circumstances can not explain why you are suddenly seeing answers to things only your heart whispered. That is the hand the Living God in your life and it's unlike anything else you will ever experience. I have had just such an experience, and it's been in the last two days that my sickness has diminished greatly, and I am i'm giving all the credit to the Lord.

I've poured over the Psalms as David layed his guts on the floor before the Lord, similiar to the way that I have in these past few months of sickness, and I have so indentified with this man's pain. Just knowing that another who loved the Lord went through great trials, (greater than mine) and still ended his prayers with "I will always praise the Lord.." It gave my faint heart hope.

The Lord gave me a Psalm this morning as I sat here pouring over the Word, praising His name and rejoicing in the fact that I feel as though "I can breath again."

I am going to write this Psalm out for you friends so you too can rejoice in the words of praise that give glory to the Lord. Praise His name with me today for the works of His hands and blessings.

Psalm 116

I love the Lord, for Heheard my voice;

He heard my cry for mercy.

Because He turned His ear to me, I will call

on Him as long as I live.

The cords of death entangled me,

the anguish of the grave came upone me;

I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.

Then I called on the name of the Lord:

"O Lord, save me!!"

The Lord is gracious and righteous;

our God is full of compassion.

The Lord protects the simpleheartedl

when I was in great need, He saved me.

Be at rest once more, O my soul,

For the Lord has been good to you.

For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death,

my eyes from tears,

my feet from stumbling,

that I may walk before the Lord

in the land of the living.

I believed, therefore I said,

"I am greatly afflicted."

How can I repay the Lord

for all His goodness to me?

I will fulfill my vows to the Lord

in the presence of all His people.

O Lord, truly I am your servent;

I am your servent, the son of your maidserverent;

you have freed me from my chains.

I will sacrafice a thank offering to you and call on the name of the Lord.

I will fulfill my vows to the Lord in the presence of all His people.

Praise the LORD!!!

Goodnight Prayer

Tonight, as I tucked my sweet little girl in bed I said my prayers over her as I do each night, then I asked her if she wanted to pray, much to my delight she usually says "yes". Tonight however she took her prayer a little more seriously and I wanted to share her sweet words with all of you. (she is two)

"Dear Jesus,

Thank you...day...

and Pappa...

and Mamma not sick...

hmmm....Grandpa...

hmmm...sing puppy...

thankyou...Sunny..

hmmm....Joshua...

sleep good...

AMEN!!!!"

Anyone else crying? Thank-you Jesus for these children...they make my life so full.

I know best?

There is something that has lingered in my thought for many days and I have finally figured out how to put it into words this morning. Most of our life's problems or bad decisions are a direct result of the fact that we think we know what's best for us, and sometimes, for others.
I consider most of the choices I make in my life, and have made in the past, are because I thought the choice I made would best suit me for that time. It's why you see one child take the bigger half of the cookie before the younger sibling has a chance to act. Or, why in divorce their is so much dispute over the "stuff." It's our sinful nature at it's best and I feel it has a lot of room for improvement in my own heart and life.
I hear it in my words as I say things in regards to what I do, vs. what others do, and hear it in my voice that I think I do things do better. Are we not all a little like this? Thinking that our way is best? It's what causes arguments in families, between spouses and siblings and most of all between our hearts and God's.
And I want to take notice that so I can begin to ask for the Holy Spirit's direction when these situations occur, so that God's wins, not the flesh. For I may feel like I am disputing with another person, but whom I'm really disputing with is God, and that is a sin.
I'm not trying to be overly hard on myself, because I know it's common among us with flesh to live out that flesh but I don't think it's OK to settle for that then. Just because I have a hard time being "nice to people" doesn't mean that I should always be rude because, "I can't help it!"
But you see it all the time where people (myself included) make excuses for ourselves and our negative behaviors because "it's who we are."
Well, I am here to tell you friends, even if "it's who you've been" all your life, it can change. God can change it. And He will when you begin to take notice, call your sin what it is and ask Him to help you change, and watch my friends as He takes something seemingly unchangeable and turns it inside out.
That's what God did for me in my past way of life, and I know He can do that with any little (or big) area that He lays on my heart to give up to Him.
We are in a constant place of being refined and I think He wants us here. (not that I know best though. :) )
So the next time you or I go to do the thing that we just can't help, let us consider, perhaps it can be helped..and you know the ultimate source of help.
"All man's ways seem right time him, but the Lord weighs the heart." Proverbs 21:2

Some of you may feel, "isn't it exhausting to always look at life and say what else needs to change?" And at first I think it does, but then I think we realize that we are at more peace with ourselves, God and others when the change takes place, we begin to welcome the change whenever God presents the idea to us. He does the real work.
SO do not shy away from something that needs changing or shaping, it's God's hand in your life, making you look more like you should, more like I should, like Him.
"He who pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honor." Prov. 21:21

For God, or For Man?

I have been having this thought lately about why we do kind things for others besides the fact that it's nice to minister to others with our kindness...

I find myself feeling a little sheepish because there have been so many times in my life where I have done great things in the eyes of man and thought to myself..."Wow, I'm pretty great!" Anyone else done that? OK, well even if I'm the only one, it's a good thing to ponder. :)

Apparently, in the time when Paul was speaking to the Corinthians people of those times were also getting confused by the powers of man vs. the powers of God. People were accomplishing "great tasks" in the eyes of man and...Paul says, "Some follow Paul, Some follow Apollos, and some follow God?" That is where these people were, their hearts were divided between men and God, thinking that men were as wise as God, putting all three on the same playing field.

Unfortunately, we all do this in our way even today.

"For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid. which is Jesus Christ. If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality or each man's work. If what he build survives he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames." 1 Cor 3: 11-14

What is Paul saying here? People were building a foundation with mans hands, mans ideas, man strength and in man's abilities. And he wanted them to know, this would never pass the flames of hell because only what God builds passes the Day. Wow. That's a little scary isn't it?

I've been there, thinking, building, conjuring up my own great plans, carrying them out in my own great strength only to find that they crumbled, they fall and I am left standing, alone, and with hands empty, and heart full of loss: ALL because I did things with my own wood, and nails.

But friends, this is not the end of the story!!! Christ's story never ends in sorrow unless we live unrepentant. When we pick up and take notice of our folly, ask for forgiveness and ask for eyes to see the future of what our next steps shall be in Christ, we have redemption in Christ. Beautiful forgiveness. Beautiful new life in Christ.

I think personally it's so easy to do things in our own power initially, we have a great idea, and really on the surface it sounds so good! Perhaps it's taking someones children for the day, all 13 of them! :) haha. But really, you are not to take try and minister in this way, because there might be better way God would have you serve this family. I know this is the story of my life, there is ALWAYS something that you can say "yes" too and there is always something kind that you could do. Noticing that is not a bad thing! It means you have a tender heart. However we need to run on the passion of Christ, not the passion of you.

"For the wisdom of the world is foolishness in God's sight." vs 19

Ouchie. What I think Is so great, and when I think that I am at my best, my best is still nothing in comparison to Christ. (when I do it on my own)

Christ desires to use us! He wants to use us and He loves to communicate with us how He can use us more, we need only to ask.

"Blessed is every one that feareth the Lord; that walketh in His ways. For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy thou shall be, and it shall be well with thee.." -Psalm 128:1-2

Blessed will you be when you walk in His direction, in His ways my friends...when you ask Him..."Lord, what should I do for these people? I want to help them, I want to minister here, but what do you want me to do?" And He may answer you that He wants you to help that family "over there" instead of the one you were originally thinking! After all, He sees what we cannot and He of course is wiser than I. I'm actually finding A LOT of comfort in that.

My greatest folly is that when I do "good" things, I get to feeling pretty great about myself...this is not the attitude Pauls tells me I am to have.

"So no more boasting about men!!!" vs 21

I want to be used and then give God the glory. Oh friends, I am yet a work in progress! I pray that God can grab my heart and make it look more like Him because this is the only place I know I will be truly OK. And truly joyful with myself. I pray this message challenges you and encourages you to give all the glory to God, and to do what He wants us to do, rather than what we think would be the best thing to do.

By serving God whole-heatedly, He teaches us how to serve others whole-heartedly and with the right motives. And the Lord loves a pure heart.

How do you smell?

When I am pregnant, anything with a fragrance that is too strong, makes me get sick, so I have been re-shaping my life into a fragrance free world! :) It's a little different to smell like nothing, and sometimes, even the "nothing" smells bad to me, but there isn't really much I can do about that! I was having this thought as I was laying in bed, feeling sick from the smell of my unscented hair and I took a deeper route with my thinking that my present situation at hand...

How do I smell to others? Not literally, because literally speaking I smell like nothing...but spiritually speaking. What kind of odor do I give off to others as I go about my daily business and life. Do they (those around me) stop and say, "Oh, I like the way her life smells of good things, and her attitude is pleasant to sniff.." or do they run the other way because of the stench?

I had a bit of stinky morning this morning. I took my children to the park, and I was utterly disgusted as a woman allowed her smelly nasty dog to lick and drink from the very same water fountain my children drink from whenever we go. The dogs tongue was all over the whole thing and I was thoroughly disgusted.

And of course, I let my disgust show. (unfortunately) I said rather loudly.."That is why you kids are never drinking from the park water fountains again!!!!" I said it to them, (my children) but I'm sure she and the dog heard me as well. Stinky. Stinky. Stinky.

If it were Jesus He most likely would have knelt down and told the dog to lick His face also...haha.

But in all honesty...that woman was most likely annoyed with me, and as I saw her walk back to MY neighborhood, I'm sure I'll run into her again, and hopefully next time, I can clean up the nasty smell that I left lingering in her nose, and create a smell that screams Christ to her.

These are our real life opportunities to be the pleasant aroma of Christ to others, and I for one need to start looking at my run-ins each day with strangers this way.

But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere. 15 For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, 16 to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life. Who is sufficient for these things? 17 For we are not, like so many, peddlers of God's word, but as men of sincerity, as commissioned by God, in the sight of God we speak in Christ. 2 Cor 2:14-17

I learned a bit of a lesson today, and it's interesting to me that this whole ordeal came to be even after I had my first initial thoughts on being the aroma of Christ, but obviously it did not sink in well enough with just the thought, and God gave me a real life example to help me remember.

(as if my own personal struggles with smell right now were not enough)

So let this be a concept that makes you stop and think about what you do as you go about your daily business. People are always watching you, especially if you have already professed Christ in your life, but even if they know nothing about your relationship with Jesus, they will if you show them He is there in your attitude, actions and of course, what type of smell you give off..

If you are finding yourself to be more stinky than pleasant smelling, ask the Lord to cleanse you and make your life smell of His lovely aroma so that you may draw others to Him simply by the way you go about your life each day. It is possible friends. But it takes the constant reliance on the only one who can truly give you all you need. May today be a very good smelling day for you!

Sweet Little Moments

I realize my blogger friends that my blog has been a bit serious lately due to my present trial, and I recognized just how true that was because yesterday, to remind myself of what life used to be like without sickness being apart of it, I went back through my old blog posts from when I first began, and found so many of sweet little moment documentations of things my children did. And truly, it isn't that they have stopped having sweet moments, it's just that I've been too sick to notice them. And that makes me so sad.

SO I vowed last night, no matter how sick I felt in the morning, I would try and notice the very sweet things my children did throughout the day, and it didn't take more than a few moments to pass after they both awoke for me to notice just that.

My sweet sleepy boy, emerges from his bedroom, blanket in tow and sleep written all over his sweet little face. He says to me..." Mommy, I'm sick." I reply with a hug, "Oh honey, why don't you go lay down and I'll get you some chocolate milk?" He nods. Lays down, and when the chocolate milk arrives, solemnly takes it and begins to drink. I sit down and to finish my Bible study, (Annie is watching Elmo Potty Time, her morning tradition) and I wait for the sick boy to speak. Finally he gets up, walks over to me and announces this: "Mommy, I am still a little sick, but I will have my baby soon, and then I will be all better. But I'm OK."

Laughter mixed with a little sadness that this sickness is now his pretend game, I reply, "You are having a baby?" He nods. He says, "It's a brother. It's Jesus's baby." My eyebrows raise slightly as I say..."Oh, Jesus's baby?" With a very serious look on his face he ends the conversation with this, "Mommy, I will feel all better if I can have some toast with honey on it." And then, goes and lays back down with the chocolate milk, and blanket in tow.

I shake my head, laugh and get up to prepare the healing toast...thinking to myself, "maybe I ought to try this toast with honey, chocolate milk and relaxation route. " You never know, it might help!

Needless to say, it's nice to know that I can still find sweet moments regardless of how I feel. God is good. All the time.

Waiting

The thought occurred to me during church this morning as I heard some lyrics to a song that struck me, (and I will share with you later) that we as people are really always "waiting" for something. The things change, like: waiting for the right person to come along whom you shall marry, then your waiting for the right job, waiting for test results, waiting for a baby, waiting for the baby to be born, and of course, my present trial, waiting to be well again.
But with all of this waiting it has made me think, "is there ever a time when we are not waiting," and then "what are we doing with our hearts/feelings/emotions while we wait?
Each waiting trial holds so many lessons for us to learn, and the big thing that occurred to me today, is this: while you wait, people watch. And as a believer, what are people seeing in you while you wait? While I wait? Has my actions, attitudes and words displayed a heart rooted in the faithful hope in Christ, regardless of what I am going through? Not really.
But today, I felt a message of hope as I listened to the sermon taken from Ephes. 1 as Paul is speaking to a group of people who really really needed to be encouraged in their faith. He talked about how they were doing well! They were rooted in Christ! And to keep up the good fight...
They were waiting for stuff too, they were waiting for His promises to be fulfilled to them and they were needing to be encouraged and prayed for, this is what Paul did for them.
I will admit, I have been really discouraged lately...this sickness day and night has become so tiresome, and I began to feel as though I was loosing myself to this waiting.. and that is not what I want for myself. Nor is it what God wants for me. I know He knows that my trial is hard, and I know that it's His strength that sustains me, but I do not have to give into the temptation to despair as I wait. There is purpose in the waiting. Here is what I have found:
with each new trial, is a new experience, and new people who "pop" into your life and encourage you, strengthen you, grow you, and nourish you in your weakness because why? They too have been through a similar trial, and now they are using their pain for God's glory. Bingo.
My pain, can be used for God's glory. And isn't that the purpose of our existence?
My husband and I were having this conversation last night that to admit that our pains of waiting for trial to end are incredibly difficult and I made the comment that I have seen people (and you know who you are) that have done such sweet things for me through my pregnancy sickness because they too went though what I have. The days laying on the floor, and the nights crying myself to sleep because of sickness that never ceases, they did that too, and now they are coming along side me, encouraging me, and God turns something that the enemy intended for evil, into good, and brings glory to His name through these moments of encouragement. Because others were obedient in using their past pains and trials for present good, my good, and His good!
This brings purpose to pain does it not? To waiting? To trials? It does for me. And trust me friends, in trial, we need purpose or we grow faint in moments.
The way we make in through the waiting time is on His strength, and once we are out, we take what was bad, and use it for good. That is a message rooted in the hope of Christ, and only Christ.
SO what is it my friend that you are waiting for? Either waiting for it to begin, or waiting for it to end, or waiting for strength to endure...have you had a need for purpose in your trial? Here is your purpose...
If you have a faith in Christ, this I pray will inspire you, and if you have not yet met this Christ that I speak so much about, find a Bible, open it up and start to discover what I am sharing with you. This message of hope will help you live a life that is full of purpose rather than despair, hope rather than sadness, and peace instead of turmoil. Despair, sadness and turmoil are three things that usually accompany human trials when we do them on our own and in our strength, trust me, I tried that route, and it stinks.
I am learning this as I go, and what I learn, I pray encourages all of you.
These are lyrics to the song that we sang this morning that hit home for me, and I pray they help to give purpose to your waiting as they did for me..
"And as I wait, rise up like the eagles, and I will soar with you as you will lead me on, in the power of your love."
We will be lead on in the power of His love so that we can soar as eagles, even as we wait.

Like A Marriage

I have often compared the relationship we have with God to the one we have with our husbands, (speaking as a woman) this is an easier comparison for me...

This morning as I was reading His word, and remembering back to my childhood/youth group days when I was able to a few times a year go on a weekend retreat, that was supposed to allow you to focus on God more and spend some more intimate "down-time" with the Savior. Unfortunately, as a teen, these trips simple for the most meant time away from home and a good time with friends, rather than one on one time with God. And how I long for a time with God and an opportunity like that now! It's sort of like how your hate naps all your young childhood, but as soon as you turn 23 and you have your first baby who won't ever sleep, you long for those nap times of old!

So as I sat here contemplating how wonderful it would be to have a three day vacation with the Lord it occurred to me again, the amazing similarities between my relationship with my sweet husband, and my God. I long for weekends away with my husband as well after my time of this long endured sickness and wishing for times of serenity like we had before I conceived.

I have to think that God designed this is such a way to be a constant reminder that when we get disconnected from Him, the relationship looses it's spark and we start to run towards other things for our peace, comfort and joy rather than God, similarly as in a marriage when spouses become disconnected it's easier to allow our minds to wander. Unless we are rooted deep in two things, first we need to be rooted deep in our personal relationship with the Father, because when we are, the Holy Spirit stops us before we get to a place of danger, and two, we need to be rooted deep in our marriages. Not just our interests, but our passions that connect us to the Father, for He is the third band that holds the two of us together.

It's so intertwined, they cannot be separated unless severed, and in many cases, people do just that. There are many "christian couples" who end up leaving the Lord when they leave their spouses, and I know when times were difficult in my marriage, my heart was also far from the Father, so I can personally attest to this truth.

So, now that we know this...where do we go? It's fine to have the knowledge, but we need solutions! (or as least I do.) And the only thing that I can really come up with that makes any real sense is this: Time, and honesty.

Being truthful with one another about where you are at, being honest with God about where your hear is with Him, and in regards to your marriage, and then time spent with God first and foremost, followed by intimate time spent with your husband.

I understand as a mother of two, soon to be three, time is short and precious when you have it, and it does take some amount of sacrifice to get that time. My sickness has taught me a lot about sacrifice, because I see what my husband sacrifices for me every day as I lay their sick, he fills in for me and I am so humbled by his attitude, love and support when I am down.

Now, if only I could be that when if tables were turned! I know he does what he does by the grace of God...and that my friends is how this seemingly impossible task of sacrifice is accomplished. When we are rooted in our relationship with God, our one true husband, then all else is powered by that. What is within will flow out and help us in all we do. When we try and do things in our own strength, of course we fail miserably.

Rather than "if at first you don't succeed, try, try again" perhaps we should say, "if at first you don't succeed, check who you are depending on."

These friends, are personal lessons from my own life, and I pray they encourage you to dig deeper into where you are with the Lord, and if you are a woman, where you are with your husband. I have been so humbled watching my husband care for me as he has, and the thought that the Father does this for me each day as well, leaves me speechless.

So if you feel as though your hearts have slipped from where they once were, there is always the call from the Father, "return to me, return to you first love..." and as you do friends, watch as the once seemingly dead love, begins to take life again. I have to admit, I have felt a bit "dead" lately, but I am watching as the love begins to take life again, as I spend time with my Father and then in turn, time with my husband. It leaves me wanting more and more, and I think that this is how it's supposed to be. We are to be ever hungering and thirsting for more of Him...and for husbands. Are you thirsty...are you famished? Run to the word..and be filled.

( and maybe take a weekend away!)

Sitting on the Edge

You have heard it said, "they are always on the edge of that choice.." Never being set in one place or the other, but always on the edge of both..this is where I sat in my faith for many years, and I know I have referenced my past in such a way before, but I do this so that all of you will know I did not make it to the place of being in love with God over-night, nor did I get there on my own power. God was seeking all my life. From the very start, from the very first step of my journey out of Egypt and looking for my promise land, He always sought me.

Through my college time and life after college I floundered, I sought a little and prayed even less, knowing little to nothing about the real God who brought me out of slavery. But little did I know I was in another from of bondage, and it was the bondage of inability to move beyond the comfort of the edge.

"How can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can they preach unless they are sent?" -Romans 10:14,15

That was me in a nutshell, I told friends whom I trusted I believed, but I didn't attend church regularly, I didn't display anything that said "I believe.." in my daily life and certainly did not further the kingdom with any type of real ministry towards others. My life was inward, and I was always on the journey for "happiness." As you can all imagine, I never found it on my own.

And do you know my friends, what it all boiled down to? I did not know God or anything about Him. When you know God, you trust Him, when you trust Him you act in the way He calls you to because He has wiped away your fear of the edge.

The edge is not a fun place to be, even though at times it does feel as though you've maybe figured it all out and everyone else who is "so committed" is really wasting a lot of time they don't have to. We lie to ourselves as say that life can be perfectly fine with the type of relationship we have with God right know. We like God, we know a few things about Him from the little we've read in the Bible, and we do think it's better to believe in Him that not too, but why go off the deep end? Why really cross over...?

Why? I will tell you why. I will tell you the dark side first and then show the hope packed behind this message.

One day, I woke up and my life was literally falling apart at the seams. There was no love in my heart for anyone in my life but myself and my child, and I lost most of my hope for life. That is where the life on the edge brought me. It gave me daily sadness, loss of hope, no peace, emptiness as I lay my head on my pillow, alone in my room in the dark..and a hopeless feeling in all I did. The edge had lost it's thrill, the edge had lost it's appeal, but now I was so used to that way of life I wasn't even sure how to move.

Now, the message of hope: God.

As soon as I called His name from my face down position on the floor, tears making a huge pool on the floor, I felt like the women in the Bible whom He picked up off the ground, dusted them off, gave the message of hope and said, "go, and sin no more..."

I nodded, and I knew I was saved by the grace of God, now, where do I go though?

To walk forward in the light, to daily take steps towards getting to know God, in other words, each morning, no matter how I felt, I opened the word and read His truths about Himself, and that changed everything. For when you know God, it changes all your attitudes and how you feel, act and interact with others, it changes you. For what is true about God, changes your whole life.

"Everything about our lives- our attitudes, motives, desires, actions and even our words- is influenced by our view of God."- Bill Bright

And it's so true. And once we take that first step from the edge we start to see God a little differently that we did before. How do you view God? What do you think about Him? What kind of feelings does the word "GOD" stir up for you? Here is what it should stir up for you:

"No in all these things we are more than conquerors, through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. " - Romans 8:37-39

In other words, He will never let you go because He loves you so. Isn't that a message of hope if you've ever heard one? Who else in your life will "never let you go?" All humans at some point will fail you, God does not fail you, ever!

So if you are standing there on edge of something big, like I was, ask yourself what I finally did, "What is so great about this edge?" And all I left behind when I took that first step was pain. And I walked into hope. Leaving pain for hope does not seem like a hard choice on this end, but I know the time it took to make the choice as I sat there before...because even if it's pain, at least we know what to expect, and we have become somewhat comfortable with that pain. Don't believe that lie friends. Take the step. What lies on the other side of your edge is a life filled with peace, hope and ultimate adventure in Christ.

Take Him at His words..

Back some 4000 years, God told a man that he and his elderly wife would in fact have a baby, even though all odds were against them, even though their hair was already gray and their days felt numbered, God gave them a promise that He intended to keep.

I learned something today however, Abraham believed God before He knew God would in fact keep His promise. This is so key...because God saw in Abraham a faith that could move mountains, and Abraham believed that God would complete what He had started, the situation was bound for bring more glory to God.

"For this was how the promise was stated, 'At the appointed time I will return and Sarah will have a son.'" - Romans 9:9

But there was so much time in between the promise and the fulfillment of it, and don't you think that Abraham despaired? We know Sarah did! And I can so relate to that even though my waiting time was much less that hers...I can't imagine waiting a 100 some years. But point I'm picking up on, is that God fulfills His promises, and the time we wait for them is time that is meant to grow us, shape us and ultimately, bring God more glory as we are perfected in His perfect plans for us...

I am a slow learner. And I have learned this throughout my life numerous times, in many different ways but also, the fact that God can do, what is best because He is God and He can fortell what we cannot and therefore we are not to question. Easy to say, hard to do.

"But who are you O man to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to Him who formed it, 'Why did you make like this?' Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?" Romans 9:20-21

In the midst of this passage on Abraham I became so convicted of my unbelief in His promises...

He does promise His best for me, and to care for me even more greatly than the finely robed Lillie's of the valley? Will He not dress His children that much more beautifully that He does the flowers of the field...?

The answer is yes...and yet I doubt.

In light of my sickness, my present trial, (that subsided a bit yesterday) and I recognized my need for Him, more than my need for health, I recognize my lack of faith until the promise feels as though it will be fulfilled..

When I found out I was pregnant, I doubted until the day I actually took the test that said "positive.." and then of course I believed. That day, as I fell to my knees on the bathroom floor, sobs wracking my body for the joy that was set before me with this child, I had no idea the trial I would soon endure through the beginning of that prayed for result.

So what I prayed for and prayed for, God knew was best at a certain time, and He also knew that my sickness would change my world in a way that I could never for see and that their were promises for me in that as well. I missed that one too! Until Sunday, and then today and "ironically" my study was on this subject of Abraham, faith and God's promises I see His hands so evident in my life, shaping me, making me moldable, and into the very best shape to be used for His purposes.

If I remain as hardened mud or clay in His hands, He can shape me only a little. And the shaping is quite painful..He has to press so hard and push down so intensely for even a little movement..

I do not want to be that way anymore, I want to be soft and easily formed into whatever shape He wants me in that will best fit His purposes for His plans and thoughts for me.

This is concept I am telling you friends, I missed my entire life. In the past I was my own person, unwilling to bend or move for anyone. It was my life, my way, now. God cannot use that.

So in light of all I have learned and processed with all of you, I pray you can learn from my mistakes, if their is something that you know He has told you, and that you are acting out against either as you wait for it to be fulfilled, or as you settle for something less than what He has planned for you. Stop and think about Abraham and his belief that God would do what God said He would do.

It is indeed true that when God saw Abram's faith, it was reckoned to him for righteousness; but it is also true that when Abram saw God, he reckoned Him able to perform what He had promised, so he was able to rest his faith on God's adequacy.
What was it that made Abram's faith so strong? The answer is that he did not look at the difficulty so much as he looked at the One who had promised. His eye was not resting on the problems, but upon the Promiser. When he saw the greatness of God, the might and majesty displayed before him on that summer's night, he said to himself, It makes no difference how I feel or what difficulties may be involved. The Creator of that multitude of stars is quite capable of giving me an equal number of descendants.

-Ray Stedman

May today be the day we take God at His word and become as mold able clay.

All I once held dear...

Today in church our Pastor asked us this basic question, "What is your treasure? (and then followed up with this,) and if it's not Christ, then you are committing adultery towards Him in your heart..." A bold statement, but true.

Which of course led me to this thought regarding myself...I have another god at times, and it's name is "health." These past few months of sickness have caused me to worship health, and at times, worship it more that God. I love God so very dearly and I know in my heart I would parish every day in my spirit if it were not for His gentle hands holding me through all my times...and yet when it came to my sickness, I really let myself off the hook completely. I figured, no-one would ask me to rise above this sickness, surly not. It's terrible! I'm miserable! It's a trial like no other, and therefore, I can put all else on hold until my life is healthy again. And I began to daily worship my health (or lack there of) until the day it returned, then I could give God my full attention again. So went my thinking...until today.

I never once considered my constant thoughts about my health returning to be sinful...I mean, I know certainly God does not expect me to say "Yay! I'm so pumped to be so sick every day!!!" But I do think He still expects my full adoration, my full heart for Him and to not place so much emphasis on my "getting better," for really, I have considered the day I get well, to be my day of redemption. I am longing for it like I am longing for Christ's return, because that day when my health returns will be the day that I can live again...so have been my thoughts. Which in a sense is true, but these long months of sickness have made up 60 some days of time that I could've been learning and growing closer to God, rather than holding my breath, biting my tonge and waiting for the day of deliverance. God has much in store for me to learn, even in the midst of trial, and I know this....it's just hard to do it. And so in lies the hope of Christ...

This is where Christ steps in for me..it truly is not by human power anything miraculous is accomplished and so it is with my ability to rejoice in suffering. I cannot do it if I am simply following human convictions and acting with human power. I just cannot. It's impossible.

But as I learned in the past.."What is impossible for man, is possible for Christ..."

We sang this song this morning that contained this lyric..."All I once held dear, now I count as loss, for the sake of knowing you...knowing you Jesus.."

Do I count my health as a loss compared to the joy of knowing Him? No. I do not.

But I plan on learning how to...

And friends, the same can be done for anything that holds all of your affections too...you fill in the blank for yourselves...what is it that you hold dear, perhaps dearer than Christ Jesus.

Christ Jesus who for the sake of a lost and dying world, went the cross and died so that we could have abundant life in Him here and beyond? Yes. That Jesus Christ. The only Jesus Christ. The one who should hold the very very highest place in our hearts. In my heart.

Oh friends...isn't it easy to love Him when times are good? But what about when times are not so good, and our health fails, we lose our jobs, our children fall ill and our house is damaged in fire..what then? Do we love Him most still? For most of us the answer is no...because when it's hard and times are tough we shake our fists to heaven and ask Him why????!!

And getting the thing back that we lost becomes our God. I am so in this place. And so convicted and so ready to move forward to the plans He has for me. Oh what lessons have I missed out on? I want to learn them now.

I am here to be His tool...His clay! To be mold able to be used! I have not been very usable lately. I have been quite rigid, stiff and almost dead. I've been so sad this week and I now know why...My God was taken from His highest chair and put just below my health and so the center of my universe was off-kilter. Things do not flow as smoothly when God is off His throne in your heart...do they?

So as boldly step forward with the strength of Christ pumping through my veins, I pray that HE can be my health of spirit, mind, body and heart until the physical health does return, and friends, I want it to return, but I want God more. So this is where I stand...this is where I must stand if I am ever to be truly healthy.

He Is Mighty

"Mightier than the thunder of the great waters, mightier than the breakers of the sea, the Lord on high is mighty." Psalms 93:4

I found something so striking this morning my friends as I was reading in the book of Daniel, this book is such a bright, bold and colorful story of times past of Gods greatness through a man named Daniel. As I read it the words jump of the pages like they never have before, and I am finding myself marveling at the wonders of God, but mostly, how He knows everything. There was a king, who's story is in Daniel chapter 5, his name is Belshazzar, maybe you've read or heard his story before but he is like every person walking on earth today. Going about their own way doing their own thing, thinking nothing of the great High God, and thinking everything of the god's they love to worship in their own little worlds.

This king, was mighty in the land, great and had much. He had women, power and money..any man's dream and he was living the high life, and obviously gave God not one thought.

One night, while he and all his wives and friends were partying late into the night Belshazzar decided to show off his royal greatness (why do we always have to show off?) and bring up the cups of the temple of God in Jerusalem taken in war...the king wanted to show these artifacts off and so they all drank wine from them, they were gold, silver bronze and stones...so this is what they did, and while they drank from these cups, they praised the gods of gold, silver, bronze and stone.

Let me stop here for just a moment...although to all of us it sounds absurd to praise god's like that, we do it all the time. How often to go through our day, and praise the "things" we have, we take so much pride in them, we treat them so highly, and we idolize them in our hearts...

I have done this with many things, my children were one of them...it used to be my appearance, and before that, it was what I wanted, rather than what I had...so I have a long history of worshiping things.

To get back to the story here, what happens next would put the fear of God in any heart, because in verse 5 this happens "Suddenly the fingers of a human hand appeared and wrote on the plaster of the wall, near the lamp stand in the royal palace. The king watched the hand as it wrote. His face turned pale, and he was so frightened that his knees knocked together and his legs gave way." (5-6)

That my friends is what happens when you are in the presence of the most High God and you know you are not in the right. These were the words written on the wall and my friends, it brought tears to my eyes for two reasons: one, because of the greatness of God and the fact that He knows all, is everywhere at all times, and can see our hearts and two, that He has this power to do what He said He would do.

The words that the fingers of God wrote were these: MENE, MENE, TEKEL, PARSIN.

To the blind eye you would look at those words and say, "what?!" Well that was the kings response also. He called in all his best translators and they also had no clue, so the king then began to be very afraid, and eventually to make a long story short (a good long story that you should read for yourself in Daniel chapter 5)

Daniel was called, and Daniel, with the faith of God, the wisdom of God and the boldness of God told the king what these words meant for his fate, and it was this:

MENE means God has numbered your the days of your reign and brought it to an end (interesting that He said this one twice)

TEKEL: means You have been weighed on the scales, and found wanting. (this one hit me the hardest)

PERES: Your kingdom is divided and given to the Medes and the Persians.

And all of this of course happened, Belshazzar was slain that very night and his kingdom was taken over by the Medes and the Persains, why? All because he had been weighed on the scales of God and was found wanting.

Friends...this is a sobering thought but it is true for us as it was true for Belshazzar, his fate was death and so is ours if on the sobering day of Christ's judgement we too are found in wanting. Let this not be said of us!!!

Here my friends is the good news though, we still have time, where this king did not, we can turn our eyes from our idols and exclaim to God his mightiness...and tell Him, He is the greatest of all, and in return my friends, wait to see what you receive: better than what you have, better than what you can imagine, better than anything you've ever known...a full life.

Would you say your life is full right now? Not full of business or taking care of kids, or cleaning your home, or taking care of projects...that not full. That's busy.

FULL is this: Filled to the brim of all you need to make it through each day with joy, having the ability to look at the conflict in your life as lessons rather than pain, having the ability to praise Him in a way that even the joy you feel seeps out the edges of your eyes. That is full. And I want it. Do you? Well, it's yours for the taking, all you have to do is ask.

Too Hard.

There have been many thoughts swirling around in my mind, as I took my vacation weekend from blogging..:) and this is the one that will not leave: I try so hard to conquer my battles, to win all the mini wars of life against the evils that attack and the human struggles we face, and I cannot do it. I just fail miserably every time I try to do it in my own strength.

I have had countless opportunities to allow God to help me, or to try and do it on my own, and each time, for at least a little while, I try it my way first. Bad idea.

It was not through Joshua's own strength that the walls fell down, or in Moses strong arms that held up on their own, with their own power that held the red sea's apart...or the disciples own power that healed blind, sick, lame and deaf after Jesus left their presence...No friends, It was by God's power that these great things were accomplished and the same is true for us today.

I cannot in my own power, love everyone. I cannot in my own power be patient. I cannot in my own power be prayerful in all circumstances, kind to everyone, faithful to all and gentle in my spirit. But by the grace of God I can poses the fruits of the spirit, " Love, joy, peace patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control, Against such things there is no law." - Gal. 5:22

If you were to take any one of those attributes and apply it to your difficult situation, perhaps a place where your sinful response is now, then I would imagine we would all have much different outcomes to our difficult circumstances.

In my sickness, my patience has decreased unbelievably. And I hate that. However, God is showing me something, I CAN be patient through Him. My trial is not unique...many people struggle with sickness. Either it's sickness in health, or sickness in our hearts, we cannot be healed, and good things flow from us in our sick state, without God. It's just impossible. So where are you UN-well? What are you my friend trying to do as I do, and be "well" all on your own?

Many many things come to mind for myself, and I'm sure you had the same results..for if we are honest with ourselves, we are unhealthy by nature, and friends, it's too hard to do it all by ourselves.

My husband and I watched a movie the other night called "Every things Fine.." and I laughed at the title because that is how our world, and my own heart for that matter, deals with our problems. In this movie, there are several scenarios of people who are desperately messed up in their problems, and by the end of the movie, they all end up happy because they realize that despite all their problems (most of them a result of bad choices) their fine! Oh friends, this is the sad state we are all in at times...

There is the couple who are headed for divorce, and yet, they are "fine". There is the Mom who sits at home and drinks all day to cope with the stress of life, unable to admit she is "not fine."

There is the girl who can't admit she's nearing the edge of suicide because she is so depressed, but the outside, "she's fine."

Friends, we are not fine. We are not OK on our own and the fact that we try and first fix it on our own, only to find it's too hard, we then give up and say, "we're fine."

Here my friends is the message of hope: Jesus can take anything, absolutely anything, and make it whole again. My life is living testimony to that! He can make what is so miserably broken and piece it back together in the most healthy way...He is the ultimate healer and physician.

We are all unhealthy in our own original state of self, but by His grace, His power and His compassion, He heals us...

Isn't healthy the most amazing thing? You do not realize how much you appreciate health, in any given area until you sick. The first thing we need to do is acknowledge that we are indeed sick and that it's too hard to heal ourselves. Little steps back to the Father leads to huge leaps in the right direction. It's OK to tell the Lord your sick. It's OK to tell the Lord you cannot do this "thing" anymore, and pretend that "your fine." (trust me, I pretended to be fine for 20 years of my life and it stinks)

This very moment is a perfect moment to be honest to yourself and the Lord. (after all, He already knows, and is just waiting for you to share)

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1