"I" Am the Problem

Yesterday, during church our Pastor made the comment that at some point in a believers life, we must come to the place where we are willing to admit that "we" are the problem in our life. I think that so many times we blame others, I am no exception. I took the stance most of my life that the reason my life was unhappy, unhealthy or not as I liked it to be, was because others where upsetting my perfect world. I was not the problem. They were!
I think I still do this in many ways...case and point.
My children and the chaos in my life. I called my husband in tears one day last week because "my life was falling apart." I know, a bit dramatic, but a was a pretty terrible day. The reason it was terrible was because I had lost all control with my children and it felt as though now, they were running the show. Particularly my three year old. My temper was lost, my cool was gone, and now I was at my wits end. My husband of course prayed for me, and I made it through the remainder of my day, hanging by a thread. SO, on Sunday as I sat there, listening to this sermon, on how we have forgotten about the Holy Spirit, and how we need to ask Him for the guidance in our lives for all we do, so and think, otherwise, chaos will erupt, and we grieve the Holy Spirit by trying to do it all on our own. I am so guilty of this.
Most days, I make it through, "barely." And cry for joy when my husband arrives home because now I have some help. A lot of days I would give myself this talk to "pull myself together" because seriously friends, there are people who have 10 kids, and they seem sane. I have two, (almost 3) and I'm loosing my mind...what gives?
Guidance and reliance. That is what is missing. I'm being miss-guided, by myself, and my reliance has been miss-placed. I'm hoping to shift, or rather, allow God to shift things back into their proper order...so that peaceful can be how I describe my days, rather than chaotic.
Now, I am also a realist, and I understand that I am raising a 2 and 3 year old...and they are crazy. But it need not put me over the edge (all the time) and I think this is an attainable reality, when I'm relying on the right person. Namely, the Holy Spirit...to guide me, direct me, and take me where I need to go with my children and supply me with what I need to give my children each day. I see now, that just maybe, "I am the problem." Just like in all the other times of my life, when things felt as though they were spinning out of control...I ended up finding out that there were things about "me" that needed to change...and as those things changed, my life got better. It has taken me some time to see these things, and as I am, it's becoming O so clear, that I must change first, in the strength of the Lord, and by the direction of the Holy Spirit. It will be my no power of my own that this change will occur...but by the power of the God I serve.
So, as He directs me, I've already begun to make these change...there is now a schedule..(gasp!) on my refrigerator door, and I have come up with some structured activities for the three of us to do together each day. It is what I've always wanted to do, but didn't think it was in my "personality" to do...well friends, I'm here to tell you that there are most likely many things that are not within the guidelines of our personalities to do, but God does not care about the guidelines of our personalities. He can work with anyone, in any way He chooses, and that may mean that some change has to take place within the guidelines of our "normals."
But change is not bad, especially change prompted by the Holy Spirit...and as we properly place our reliance in Him, we will see the peace replace the chaos.
I am re-evaluating much in my life, and I feel like I've been hiding under the guidelines of my "personality" way to long. I see that now.
SO I ask you...what could/should change in your normal, to allow God to create a better version of you? Each day, every single day, I realize, I am such a work in progress. Maybe I'm the only one, but if I'm not, and you see some things in your life that you are not particularly happy with, don't follow the next self help program to make it better...ask for the direction of the Holy Spirit and then trust that as He answers you, that God will give you the strength and the abilities to change what needs to change. God is a God of order...we know this. 6 days He worked, 1 He rested, and He created you and I in such a way that we need structure and order as well.
Lets ask Him today, what do I do Lord? Ask Him to show you, and trust me, He will!