Is God In This?

This has been the "theme" of my life this year. I find myself constantly looking, searching, digging, examining and analyzing every single thing, person, experience and opportunity that crosses my path. What am I looking for? God. Is He in "it" I ask myself...

I know it probably sounds exhausting to you that I do this, but I feel it's what I am supposed to do... if I truly am here on earth to understand, learn all He wants me to, so that I can DO for Him all that He wants me to. I don't totally understand why I am here...but He knows why He placed me earth, why He continues to allow me to live day after day, and my purpose is in His hands alone...and I'm OK with that. I didn't used to be...I wanted to have control of my life, but since He changed me and transformed my life to be useful to Him, my desire is to have my purposes, be His purposes. His opportunities are everywhere, and I know there are more that I miss than those that I see, but the ones I do recognize I prayerfully approach.

Every day presents itself as a chance to be Jesus to others, speak His name wherever possible, shed His light wherever I go, and simply do whatever task He has in store for me, knowing all the while that if I say "no" to His job he's asked me to do, He will use (and bless) someone else..and I'll miss out.

I don't want to have you misunderstand that we are not unique to Him, because we are...but just as a side note, if I see a job from the Lord highlighted in my day, and I say No because it does not feel like what I want for myself that day, then I truly do miss out seeing the work of the Lord unfold first hand.

His purposes are not always known to me, but just as the verse says, "you will hear a voice behind you saying, "this is the way, walk in it..." His direction is always present, and that is where I find my peace...( and my agenda) for each day.

This can be done whether you are a stay at home mom, or a fire chief...a baker, or a writer, a teacher or a gardener. His plans for you are available to you anytime you ask...isn't that amazing?

Each year seems to have a theme for me...whether it be a year of trial...or a year to be refreshed, He is in it...and so are His instructions for my direction.

"This is the way, walk in it.." those words sit in my heart, dwell in my mind and cannot be erased from my lips. I love that about Him.

He has a plan, and He's asked me to participate in it...that alone is amazing to me.

So every time I have coffee with a friend, go shopping at target, play blocks with my children, or make dinner for my family I can look for His purposes in that event. It gives so much purpose to every step I take. Every move I make...(so the song says..)

Now, if you are walking a particularly "trying" road, don't be discouraged...( I know this is easier said that done) but my friends, on roads of trial, I have felt His closeness even more so than when I've walked roads of peace...and it's in these valleys of darkness that His purposes shine the brightest to me. Each year that the calender turns over, I feel that I have learned more of Him and my life has gained more purpose as a direct result of those things learned!

God is in absolutely everything...( don't be confused with what I mean here, I'm not saying that you and I are gods and rocks and trees are gods..) I'm saying His Godly PURPOSES can be seen wherever you look, if your eyes are open and your ears are tuned in to His design for your life.

I look at it like this...

God is a painter...in His hands he holds the brushes and different paint colors of life...

I am the color green...and He can paint me into whatever landscape He chooses...if He wants to used me as hints of green in an ocean scene, then He can... Or if he wants to paint a meadow, then my green color will be more prevalent..but regardless of where He chooses to use my green hue, I may not always know His purpose of His use, I just need to be available. To be ready to have His brush dipped into my life's color so that I can be available for His perfect picture to be created. I love that He considers me worthy of use. And I'm aware of how much of life's beauty I'd miss out on if I was simply to hard or unavailable for use...

SO, not be cliche', but as we approach yet another calender year, I find myself once again waiting in anticipation of what uses He might have for me.

There is no room for pride in His uses though, for I know, it's by grace that I've been used, and He alone decides what color He will paint with today...He knows best what color will fit in what painting, and the color cannot be prideful in that.

I simply lay there on the pallet, waiting for use.

I never used to look at life like this, but the reason I find so much joy in doing so now, is that now, whatever I do, as long as I am held tightly up in His hands, my life has GREAT purpose. And friends, without purpose in life, we will all find ourselves deeply depressed, why exist if you have no purpose for existence? In Him alone is their purpose that lasts. In Him alone is their a reason for a new year. As I write these words, I once again remind myself, and hopefully all of you, why we do what we do. Why we are who we are...and why we find joy for today.

I understand that their are poopy diapers that get plopped on your lap that may not feel like a particularly significant purpose for that moment, but my friend, if you did not change that poopy diaper do you know what would happen to that poopy child's bottom? It would blister, and become unbearable for that child. You have great purpose even in that poopy diaper. Your actions through Christ can shape/change and mold any situation for the better.

It does not matter what color you signify on the pallet, just be there. Just be available to the painter, and watch as your life takes on so much color you will not know what to do with yourself! Be available, be used, have purpose. Happy New Years friends!

The Battle with Self..

God says: Trust me..

We say...I think I know better

God says: I am the way the truth and the life...

We say: I want to do it my way

God says: In I alone is there peace..

We say: Peace doesn't sound like a party though...

God says: I am the living water...whoever drinks of me will never thirst again..

We say: Water is boring

God says: I am the bread of life, whoever comes to me will never be hungry

We say: But.....I want something other than bread God...

God says: You may eat from all trees in the garden, except this ONE.

We say: I don't like limitations

God says: narrow is the path

We say: I don't like narrow

God says: But I so loved the world that I gave my only Son's life up for you!

We say: We didn't ask you to do that...

God says: I know. But I did it because of my great love you! And all I ask, is that you follow me and you can have a full, abundant life forever with me in eternity...

We say: Does that mean I can't go my own way?

God says: The path of least resistance does not end in the dwelling of least resistance..

We Say: I don't like to climb

God Says: Don't worry, I'll carry you...

We Say: Why would you do that for me?

God says: Because unlike the world, I want the best for you...unlike the evil one who speaks lies to you about what "life" should look like, I am life!

We say: I'm scared.

God says: I will quiet your soul and lead you beside still waters. I am you shepherd....

We say: I'm so far down, how will I ever get to where you want me to be?

God says: Don't worry...I will guide you

We say: I just don't want to give up all my stuff that's so important to me!

God says: This world has nothing for you.

We say: I'll be lonely

God says: I will never leave you nor forsake you...

We say: What will I say to others when they make fun of me?

God says: When you are with me, all else fades away...

We say: How can I be sure of this?

God says: I am the beginning, the end....one small step at a time.

We say?????

Friends...what do you say??? He's waiting for your answer....with outstretched, nail pierced hands, He waits...

Complacent, busy minds...

As a woman, my mind is constantly busy, thoughts running here and there, some of them are good, some bad..and lately, I feel as though they may be too complacent regarding the things that really matter. The things I SHOULD be spending time thinking about.

It's not just about Christmas, and the generic things that clutter our hearts and minds in this season...(although that's a good thing to reflect on as well) but where my mind is resting this morning is this: are my thoughts in the place they ought to be with the urgency of Christ?

I was reading through my Bible study on the book of Isaiah and there was one verse that popped out to me, where Isaiah is challenging the women of that day, because they have become "secure" and "complacent" regarding the things of God...(His plans...His desires for them...)

Obviously as women we have much that can clutter our minds...(ie..make our minds busy) but that doesn't mean we should stay there in that place... Isaiah went on to say that "in a little more than a year" (Isaiah 32:10) that the women would tremble and no longer feel secure..

And so it made me think..How much time do you think we all have here? I mean...are we going to be on earth for another 100 years, or is Christ going to return sooner than our busy, complacent minds can comprehend? And if He comes back sooner than our busy, complacent minds can comprehend, than what are going to do??? Are we ready for that? Am I ready for that?

I want my mind to be sharp, alert and always on the look out for things that the Lord may have for me to learn, see or do. So as I sat here contemplating these things it hit me...do I DAILY, MOMENT BY MOMENT proclaim His name WHENEVER POSSIBLE? Or, do I think, "Oh, I don't have time for that right now...OR...that doesn't feel very comfortable..therefore I don't want to 'go there' at this time.."Do you know what I'm getting at? We are with our friends, our family, or complete strangers and we here that voice in our hearts that says.."drop MY name here.." OR..."talk about ME now!" And we either obey, or we ignore it.

So, if I truly have the urgency that I spoke of in my last post, then what am I doing about it? What am I saying about it??? I don't think the Lord has called me to climb a mountain and preach like Billy Gram...( I will spare all of you) but I do think He gives me opportunities to overcome my complacency of heart and mind...and I want to be on my guard, looking! Watching! Waiting!

We are told He will come as a thief in the night...and just to help you understand where my mind is, I will paint you a very short word picture:

You are sound asleep in your bed...warm...cozy...everything is quiet and perfect...(and by perfect I mean all your children are sleeping) :)

Out of no-where you hear a giant crash from another room down the hall...unsure of what room it might be (perhaps your son or daughters room) you jump out of bed...your heart is pounding in your chest and your feel as though you can't breath..with sweaty palms you open your bedroom door...

Now here is where the story can either be good or bad, depending on where you stand with Christ at the time of the break in...

I'll give you both scenarios: If you are in right standing with Christ (following Him daily...seeking His will for your life) the thief in the night turns out to be your knight in shining armor who carries you and your believing family members off to a wonderful place with no more pain, no more tears, no more sorrow...where a sun shines out all fear, depression, and worldly problems. It's perfect there.

And on the flip side, if you are living your life for yourself, chasing after your own will, your own desires for yourself and giving God perhaps only casual thoughts on occasion then your story ends differently then the one above..

As you open the bedroom door with sweaty palms, you see a man dressed in black from head to toe...with angry eyes..and you realize, you were caught in a life and death situation with your guard down....your not ready....

Friends....if you heart does not rest with great certainty on which story scenario you fall into, then perhaps you should do some soul searching today...

I want my mind to be more than just busy with thoughts of my life right now...I want my mind to full of thoughts that HE puts in it...

It may take some work at first, to divorce the human thoughts that come so naturally to me, but over time, I know in His strength, I can think the way HE wants me to.

With such little time before the thief crashes though our windows, we must realize that there is NO room for complacency, No room but needless busy minds...

Be on our guards! Be watching! Be living our lives each day for Him as if this day is our last. Not in a morbid way, but with great assurance of where we are going, and great hope that we are doing the work, the only work that really matters for the only purpose that really matters, for the only God who exists.

Forgive me if I sound like I'm crazy, but friends, knowing where you stand today, affects where you go when the thief knocks down your door. We do not have room or time to be complacent or busy...

Isaiah's warning struck my heart greatly...has it struck yours also?

Honoring More Than The Baby...

Having just had a baby, it's not much of a stretch for me to become emotional when I think of a "baby born to die..." and it would be very easy for be stay in the place of considering the Christmas story as "the sweet baby Jesus" lays quietly asleep....

That scene is emotional, sweet and tear-jerking. But let me tell you where my heart is resting this Christmas, in total awe...fearfully honoring more than just the baby.

That baby, had more power in His tiny person than anything I could dream of fathoming, and that tiny baby is the reason I can have hope every single day I live...that tiny baby is the reason for everything that means anything, and that tiny baby saved my life.

To stand at the manger scene and cry tears of sadness over a sweet baby who was born with a death sentence would be a disservice to the King and His purpose. His purpose on earth, being brought to earth the way He did was not to evoke feelings of sadness, but to allow us to understand that He truly "got it" (in terms of going through what we do) and also, to show us a perfect way to live, all the while being fully God, (perfect) and fully human (all our temptations) but not ever sin.

I find myself full of awe, fear and trembling this Christmas. He is so much bigger than my mind can comprehend, and the fact that it's sometimes difficult for me obey Him proves to me that I do not fully understand His greatness. He is a sweet Savior, but He also is bigger, stronger and more amazing than anything else in all of creation. He is not created, He is creator, nothing could be added to Him to make Him better and the mountains are His footstool. That's the God I'm worshiping this Christmas..

I feel this sense of urgency this Christmas to speak about Christ and His greatness, thinking of Jesus as the sweet baby boy does not cause me to feel like I have anything to worry about, anything to fear, or anything to confess. But when I think about Him as the strong King who created all and who controls all, speaks life into a soul and breaths life into a dead man's bones, I realize, there is more here to this baby.

The urgency I feel stems from this:

Each year, it's another year, another year of life on earth, one with joys, sadness, lessons learned and new things to do. But where does He fit in all of that for me? Do I honor Him as I claim I do? Do I WORSHIP Him as the be-all and end-all, or is He simply something that makes me feel good as I say my prayers before bed? He is a security blanket? Or do I give my everything for Him? He is not just a sweet baby my friends, He is a mighty King, and stronger than anything you or I can dare to comprehend. And here is the real place my heart is resting, soon, very soon, this world as we know it, will pass before our eyes. A trumpet will sound, and He is coming back for His own. I may sound like I'm talking crazy talk, but it's His plan, and I want to be apart of it. But who I am today, greatly affects where I go on "that final day..."

I don't want Him to come back and find me crying sweet emotional tears of "that poor child in the manger" rather than living each day fearfully for Him. (and by fearfully I mean with great respect)

I'm not normally and "hell and damnation" sort of person, and that is not to be the reason completely that we turn our eyes from self and back towards Him...but friends, my friends! Do you realize the urgency I speak of here? Christmas is a time to reflect on He who was born to die, but more-so, reflect on the reasons He HAD to die...He had to die because of how utterly lost we are without Him, and His great love for us held that baby on the cross because He did not want to see one of us perish.

Christmas is a time to celebrate the birth, but let us also reflect on the greatness of He who was born...He is more than a baby...He's our only hope, and our everything.

"THE LORD ALMIGHTY, HE IS THE KING OF GLORY.." Psalm 24:10

The Truth About Being "Strong.."

I have had some thoughts swirling around my mind, and not being able to find the time to blog has been driving me crazy....but my thoughts are this:

During my pregnancy, I thought nothing of myself, I was too sick to think of anything but being done, so pride was gone, and the motivations of my heart were focused on survival by reliance upon Christ. Now that I am "well" again, and as every woman who has ever been pregnant can relate to me in this feeling: I'm alive again! The old struggles with sinful heart motivations have now returned as well. When we are stronger, God is less needed, and when we are healthy, we are able to take care of own needs instead of total reliance on God. It's true when people say that we are weakest, He is strongest! So now as I go about my daily routine, I obviously still have struggles, but nothing compared to what it was like before I gave birth, so even my worst struggles of today, do not compare to my struggles "then.."

As I awoke yesterday morning my self-reliance hit me...and so did the reality of all the changes that have hit me now that my new baby is here...

My need for God returned like lightening and I hit my knees. Rather I called my sweet friend who hit her knees for me...and together we prayed. Reliance on self is a dangerous place to be, when I sit in that place for too long, I pack on all kinds of sinful pounds and they sound a little something like this.."I can do this on my own!" "I'm such a strong person!" "I'm an over-comer!" and to the tune of "I am woman, hear me roar..."

I can't imagine any of those heart attitudes are honoring to my Father, and so today I am humbled...I am humbled because of how desperately I DO need Him, and quickly I can forget that. My Father does SO much for me, and I have one week where I feel overly confident in self, and I'm smack dab back in self-reliance land. I hate that about myself.

Then, as I sat in this place of recognition of self, I felt the whisper of the Lord trickle into my heart and say something to the affect of..."for who's glory to you live?"

I pondered that for a bit, knowing where this thought was leading me, and I confessed, " For my glory Lord..." When I am stuck in "I am strong enough on my own..." I am doing things in hope that others will recognize my strength, and glorify ME. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. That's pretty nasty.

So friends, I refuse to sit here. As I turned my gaze to His word this morning, He met me right where I was at...and words of the Psalms filled my soul with peace once again...

It is true that the second you feel that "twinge" of self confidence/reliance, bowing low before the cross is the only true cure. God is our strength. God is THE source of all life we have. He breaths existence into us, and He controls the air we breath in. There is no room for "self" in that, and for that, I am thankful. I hang on the reminder that I am not in control, and honestly, I am thankful that I am not, for I make lousy ruler of myself.

So today, as I head out into the trenches of life...(for many days, it does feel like this) I realize there can be joy in those trenches when I am taking my instruction from the Lord as opposed to calling my own shots...

On my coffee cup that I got from the coffee shop the other night this was written on it: "Be the ruler of your own life.." Friends, take heed when you see those types of phrases, they are written everywhere, and preached wherever you look, and those words are so misleading. They sound good, and they tickle our ears, but in the end they lead us down a path of much pain.

WE are not the rulers of our own worlds!

I had a lesson in this already, and I'd rather not go down that road again...

SO today, as you consider your own life, why you do what you do, who you do it for, and mostly, where your strength comes from...remind yourself as I am doing today, I much stronger, when I am weak in self-reliance, and strong in reliance on Christ.

We win...

As a believer, I always know that "the battle has been won..." but that doesn't still mean we won't face trials of all shapes and sizes. Having just exited a season of trial, I know that the enemy is ready and willing to fire shots at me at any given time.

As I learned on Sunday as I listened to my pastor's sermon on the battle at hand between heaven and sin, (Satan) it made me realize this: Yes! The final battle is won..."There was war in heaven, Michael and his angels fought against the dragon and the dragon and his angels fought back. But, he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven..." Rev. 12:7-9

However, Satan is still fighting as long as we are on earth, his ultimate goal in his attacks is to turn our eyes from Jesus. So whatever you are facing in your life, if it is causing you to turn your eyes away from your true Savior, or simply focus your attention on something earthly for a time (trial, pain, or even joys of earth) then you are most likely being "gently" attacked by the great deceiver. He is the master at this game, the master at making you simply "forget" about Christ long enough to get you down. He masks himself as good, and in doing so, the evil goes unnoticed until we are far from Him. Bringing my baby home has been wonderful, but time slips away each day so quickly and my time that I had with the Lord is shorter than it was before babies arrival, I recognize my hearts desire is to be with my Lord as much as possible, but the enemy can attack me with time challenges too! So, I keep my eyes alert, looking, praying and searching for wisdom to have the strength of Lord to see Satan's attacks, and run to Jesus when they hit.

Even though I know the final battle is won, I still feel the hits the enemy throws at me to try and waver my gaze from the Lord's and make me falter.

If I give in to any one of those attacks, a falter can lead to a sin....and sin draws us away from Christ. No-one is perfect, and we all sin, but our hearts stay more on the path of Christ as we resist the devil, and cling to His hands.

I find myself clinging a lot lately, fear is never far from my mind, and the enemy has been working over time on me ever since my new baby entered the world...isn't that just like the enemy to do this? To try and steal joy from one of God's most joyous times? The gift of life is to be celebrated, praising the Lord for that gift, but when I am shaking in fear from thoughts the enemy places on my mind, and I choose to stay in that place of fear, then God is not praised, and my heart is now burdened.

Do you see how crafty this enemy is? That is why we are told in Ephesians 6 to be on our guard, to put on the armor of Christ to protect ourselves. The battle is everywhere, and we need not look to far until we the temptations of the evil one. He is fighting in over-drive, in subtle ways, hoping to go unnoticed by us so that he can do his deceitful work in turning our eyes from Christ. Do not remove your armor, do not lay it down, for when you do a arrow of deceit will pierce your back, and by the time you realize you've been hit, sin may have already taken hold of your mind....

Even if a sin has taken over, and you realize this, it's never too late to say to the Lord.."Forgive me, make me strong in you..."

So I ask you friends...are you on your guard? Are you watchful, mindful, and aware of the enemy and his desires to make you fall? Are you praying for protection? Are you surrounding yourself with His goodness to ward off the attacks of the evil one? If the answer is no...then run to the word! Find the answers throughout His book and clothe yourself once more in the armor of Christ. In the end, Christ wins. Satan looses, but the end is not here yet, and the battle wages on, so get your tools ready to ward of the attacks that most certainly come, and will most likely come when you are least expecting them. (this is how the deceiver works!)

So whether it is rain or sun that has taken your eyes off of Him, it does not matter, the solution is the same, clothe yourself with Him who saves, and the enemy will not stand a chance!

Amazing Grace

I have had this post running around in my head for over a week! Gods grace is everywhere we look, there are so many songs written of it, so much of christian faith is foundationally built upon the grace of God. We would not exist without the grace of God because it's the grace of God that keeps us alive, and it's the grace of God that allows the gift of eternal life.

So fittingly, I named my new baby girl Grace. She was born last Friday night, and the name Grace has been written on my heart for quite some time. It has been a year of "grace" I should say.

From the get-go, my desires to have another child were intense. I prayed desperately for another baby, which for those of you who know me, this may come as some surprise because my first two babes are pretty close in age. But once the idea, (desire) for another child was planted in my heart, I could not erase it. There were many reasons I wanted another child, some of them were selfish, some of them were simply based on my intense passion for the gift of life. The selfish reasons were ones that motivated my actions of "trying" so hard. I tried within my own power, and with everything I knew how to do to conceive. All my efforts failed. When I surrendered my desires to the Lord, ceased my "trying"...that is when I was first given "Grace."

The months following were quite difficult, sickness took over me like a wave and discontinued my ability to function. I was stripped of all things that brought me comfort here on earth, "food, ability to exercise and run, the ability to "do it all" for everyone." I was stripped of my self sufficiency, and all pride that encompassed that, disappeared as well. The Lord took me back to my original place of complete dependence on Him. Talk about Grace.

As I studied the book of Isaiah this winter, much of it is based on God's sovereignty, and of course, His Grace. Tears lept to my eyes every time God's Grace was mentioned in the study talks, because I knew God was showing me this in a very personal way. I had Grace living inside me like I never had before.

So in the days approaching Grace's arrival, I knew there was truly only one name for God's ultimate gift....Life is His gift to us. Grace in life, is His ultimate gift to us, and I received both!

So as I heard life's first cry last Friday night, I wept. Knowing that God brought into completion a visual picture of a spiritual realm that I so often fail to recognize, or try to comprehend.

I still am whirling from the amazing gift I was handed tangibly handed that night, and from the spiritual gift I was given, but mainly, how it was brought to life with birth of my Grace.

This line from the song "Amazing Grace" has been ringing in my ears since I conceived, and I thought I'd share it with you my friends:

T'was Grace that taught...my heart to fear.

And Grace, my fears relieved.

How precious did that Grace appear...

the hour I first believed

He taught my heart to fear through the amazing circumstances of when her life began, and my heart most certainly learned to fear God in a healthy way though my difficult circumstances that encompassed my pregnancy, and Oh how precious the Grace of God appeared the hour I first believed His promises to me, regarding Grace, regarding life, and regarding how much He loves us.

That's my story about Grace!

Choosing Thankfulness

Today this thought hit me: I can choose to be thankful for much, or I can consider it my right to receive good things from God. He is God, He does not have to give me anything. But, because He's God, that is exactly why He does give me things.

I've been reflecting over the past few days (as I knew this holiday was approaching) on what I am thankful for. I haven't been very thankful the past couple of days. In fact I've been a bit of a bear lately. The end of this pregnancy seems as though it's taking forever to cease, and I have been obnoxiously wrapped up in it being "over." (With good reason) but still, not a good reason to be a bear.

I found myself thinking this morning.."Oh I can't wait for this to end so I can finally think about something else." How about thinking about something else right now? Why do I have to wait for the pregnancy to end to be more joyful? Why can't I just be joyful/thankful/peaceful today? So, I'm working on that. I praying on it I should say....

And so far today, it's been better. SO prompted my thought, choosing to be thankful. God has given me much...and much that He gives me, is overlooked at something that's expected! It's like when you make your child a fabulous breakfast, and you have to literally pull "thank-you" out of them with all the stength you have.

No one wants a thank you that has to be intensely prompted. I know God's emotions are not human as mine are, and I know He has much grace for me when I overlook His gifts/blessings as what is justly due. But I want to say, I confess! I say thank you to the Lord far to less, and I ask for far too much, and when I get much of what I ask for, I call coincidence! I've got some nerve.

So I am questioning myself today, examining my heart, and telling the Lord, that number one I am thankful for Him alone. And that everything following our relationship, is a fabulous blessing.

My children, my husband, my family...my freedom, my hope for life, my peace, my gift of eternal life, my son accepting Christ, my daughter praying at dinner, my GOOD marriage, my ability to walk, my ability to see, hear, think, taste, smell...

All of those things, are gifts. Blessings. They were given to me by the Lord, and I would say most days, that whole list above, is taken for granted, and I consider it my right to have those things. Well, it's not my right. It's His blessing.

So I sit here, considering all I am thankful for, most of which does not come in a box, or from a store, and I shake my head and marvel at all the blessings. They are endless.

Being thankful, choosing to be thankful causes one to take their eyes off of their circumstances, and place them on things that are of more importance. Eternal things. Godly things. Things that cause us to grow in our attitude of thankfulness. Just like how smiling at someone causes a domino affect, it's just hard to not smile back...being thankful for one thing, causes you to consider ALL the other things we have to be thankful for.

I also find, the more I am thankful, the less I want. The more content I am because I see all my blessings so much more clearly. They are many. Many, many blessings. Things that only God knows I need, only God sees, and truly, that only God can give.

Sure, a new pair of pants is nice, and if you get them for me, I'd be thankful, but I am finding myself more thankful for the giver of the pants, then the pants, and for the hands that extend, the what's extended. That is what is so amazing about God and His grace. His ultimate gift. The gift I'd say that is most often overlooked. The gift of grace, eternal life and the gift of what's at stake. So what's at stake you say? Your very life. Our very lives. Someone had to pay the price for the very first gift. It was hugely expensive, in fact, it was so costly, the only form of payment that would actually suffice, was a life.

His life for yours. It's that amazing, and that simple. So the next time you find yourself asking, "what has God ever really done for me?" (and we do this in many ways, not always with those words) remind yourself of the very first gift ever given. His life for yours. You can't find that one at Target. So yes, I am thankful. Not for what I used to be though, I am thankful for what no man can take away, and no eye can see, something difficult for tongues to express and for we cannot measure in depth, in width or just how high is love of He who gives. Happy Thanksgiving.

Godly Sorrow..

I used to think being sad at times was bad, and whenever I felt sad I did my human best to get myself away from that place! Now, I'm not suggesting one stay in a place of sadness forever, because we do need balance, but feeling sorrow is something that is apart of our every day lives, and something no-one is exempt from.
There is such at thing as "heavenly sorrow." When we grieve for another perhaps who's soul is not with the Lord, and we can shed tears for those who are hurting..and so on.
Jesus wept. We all have read it. Timothy wept for Paul it states in the word... there are many situations where Godly people, wept.
I noticed a shift in my thinking here the past couple of weeks because I used to cry really pretty exclusively when things were wrong in my life, when they directly pertained to me. I have been sorrowfully pouring out my heart over the desire for a miracle for the healing of one of my friends children, I have had sorrow in my heart in the near past for those who are lost in this world, and for those who are truly walking a road of pain. The problem is is that I hated being sorrowful! I hated even feeling this way, even if was on behalf of others! But yesterday the thought hit me that in this sorrow, my heart has cried out, as the tears flowed, I acknowledged the difference in my attitude towards these situations causing me my sorrow. My response has changed. I used to be upset with God when these things happened, now I am tearfully pouring my heart out to Him to rescue. Anger is not there...sorrow is, and that's the difference.
In a situation perhaps where I would be treated unfairly, I honestly find myself praying for that individual, and feeling sad on their behalf they they are so unhappy as to lash out at me as they did...I also find deep-gut-wrenching sobs in my being for those I know who are not chasing after the Lord, and this week, I am pouring out my sorrow to the Lord on behalf of my friends who are dealing with their sick child.
I am not wanting to glorify sadness, I am simply pointing out that sometimes, it's OK to have these feelings, and when our hearts are not saddened merely by self-pity, the sorrow is also a way to glorify God...
To take a situation where we formerly would have been angry with God, or another and instead feel sadness about the situation, and in our sadness, cry out the only one who can heal.
SO the next time you feel the lump of sorrow in your throat, ask the Lord to bring light to why it's there, and ask Him also how you can still glorify Him in the midst of this sorrow, or even, with the sorrow.
Laughter comes, joy returns because this is how our lives ebb and flow, but when and if you find yourself in a short/long season of sorrow, the Lord is in that to. He's is the good times and the bad, as you have heard I'm sure...but knowing that HE TRULY IS THERE is that, and believing that, will help when it's the "bad" time your resting in.
Everything on earth shifts and changes. The only thing that does not change is God. Is the same always, and I'm learning to say OK to the feelings of sorrow, and allowing God's glory to still be shown through that time. I have spent much time throughout my past either shaking my fist at God, or questioning His reasons. I do not want to return to that place, for even in the sorrow, I still have a sense of peace. Because I know, like in everything, He's got this. He always has, He always will. And my anger and fear are better replaced by Godly sorrow.

Heal my Heart

This morning is a big morning for us in our home. Or, it became a big morning. It started out like any other, I was sitting at my computer reading my email devotional, and the kids were watching Curious George.

Mid way through, my son looks at me as says this: "Mom, would you come and pray with me, my heart hurts and I want Jesus to heal it." My throat got that lump in it that every Mom knows and recognizes when her child says something monumental. I stopped what I was doing, turned off the kid's show and asked my son if he knew what that meant? To have Jesus heal his heart? My son looked at me with total honesty and said, "Yes. I need Jesus to heal my heart because it hurts, and I do naughty things." Now I start to cry. And I nodded to my son and said, "Yes that's right. When we are naughty Jesus forgives our sins and He does heal our hearts."

And then my son asked again, "Mom, would pray that Jesus would heal my heart?" SO I did... Then I told my son that all he had to do was tell Jesus what he told me. So my son prayed this simple prayer: "Jesus, heal my heart."

As the tears streamed down my face, my son sat there smiling at me. His big blue eyes full of what I can only imagine was a new hope that only a 3 (almost 4 year old) could understand.

The irony of this is that just this morning, as my husband and I prayed before my husband left for work, my husband lifted to the Lord the greatest desire of hearts, to have Christ be first in our children's lives.

We know this is only the beginning, and our son will have many choices in life, but the simple fact that he recognized his heart hurt, and it needed healing, is huge. (and that he knew where to turn to have it be healed)

I praise the Lord for this moment in our every day normal life. It makes what I do as Mom all worth it...the time spent, the tears cried, the prayers said, knowing that it is making an eternal difference in the life of this child. His child.

That somehow, God pricked my small child's heart this morning and welcomed him into the kingdom of healed hearts!

What's important in relationships...

Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity (1 Timothy 5:1-2)

I have been putting a great deal of thought into what's truly important about the relationships we hold, how we treat people...and why we treat them that way.

In my past I was pretty selfish in how I viewed relationships, if I happened to not like someone, I found it OK to be rude to them, and if you made me mad, consider that I may hold a grudge for a very long time. In reality, I think that I am most likely not alone in that sin pattern.

What's important is that I recognized my sin, and repented and now have worked very hard the past couple of years to treat all as Christ would; with love and respect. Everyone deserves common kindness, and any fool knows that they would rather be around someone who says kind things, than rude. However, what I have been contemplating is this: what is my motivation of my heart for being this way? I want purity of heart to honor Christ in what I do and say...for a time I think I was this way to prove to all and everyone that I truly was "transformed" and did some of it in my own strength...I now know that if I am to be sincere of heart, and consistent in my convictions, I need to fully rely upon the Lord for the strength to treat others as Christ would. I am not perfect. I really screw up quite a bit, and my angry/bitter/resentful/prideful attitudes towards others does emerge. But when I fix my eyes on Jesus, I recognize my sin so much more quickly than I used to, and I repent so much faster than I ever did before Christ changed my heart. In fact, before Christ changed my heart, I saw nothing wrong with my actions, and would write people off daily simply because they "annoyed" me. Nice huh?

Thank the Lord for the forgiveness He offers, and for the ability to move forward. I am very thankful for that.

It's so hurtful when others treat me this way, and I have reflected upon all the guilt of my past when they do, which makes it easier to quickly forgive them when I am hurt.

People are always going to hurt other people, but as displayed in the verse above, all people deserve our respect. No matter what background they come from, no matter their nationality, no matter our human view off them or what we feel they have done to us. It truly goes back to Jesus's words..."love your enemy as yourself." Not to say that all other folks other than those we love are our enemies, but they are quite possibly our rivals, and we ignore them, gossip about them and turn our noses up at them whatever chance we get, for somehow we have decided we are better then they are. I have to believe Jesus saw that in the human hearts of all folks back in the time of His walking the earth, and this is why He challenged us to constantly turn the other cheek. I don't think He literally thought that people were going to walk around smacking us in the face all the time, and if that were the case, I'd wear a hockey helmet to the grocery store. Because if that were the code of conduct instead of rolling of eyes, or obvious annoyance written on a face, I'd be bruised all the time! (when shopping my children are perfect angels)

What I am getting at is this: The motives of my heart are key in how I treat people because number one: I do not want to be pious in my kindness (for I do have the potential to sin even in my kindness) I do not want to "show up" someone else because it's another form of pride.

The human heart is capable of sin disguised as good, and it's that that I am trying to get to the bottom of it. To literally cut the bone from the marrow, separate the two, and then act accordingly once I find my results. I know I will never be perfect, and to claim otherwise is heresy. But what I do know is that with every move I make I have the opportunity to honor my creator, not because I'm great, but because He's worth it. Because this should be the only way of life that feels good to me if I am living who I claim to be, in Christ.

Not good for the sake of good, good for the sake of Christ. Not kindness simply for the sake of "being a nice person" but kindness for the sake of Christ. ( Although being kind and good are what I desire as well) I want to be more then decent to other humans, I want to shower HIS love on other humans. So, I'm a work in progress, able to recognize the sin of my past, so I am also able to recognize when that sin wants to creep back in. All the while, being humble for Christ, rather than pious because I think I'm great. I know it's a big bight I'm ripping off here, but a gals got to start somewhere...and this is what I'm going to be chewing on for while. It's not always going to taste good, because some jerk in the grocery store is going to really bug me sometime and I'm gonna want to let them have it: but I won't. Not because I've got really strong will-power, (because I'm weak in that) but for the sake of Christ, and in the strength of Christ, I can love a soul who appears difficult to love.

And trust me friends, if I can do this, anyone can! Just try singing "Amazing Grace" the whole time your shopping. It's going to be physically impossible to give another person a dirty look when singing this song. This is intensely important around holiday shopping, and holiday gathering with family. For sometimes it's strangers that are most difficult to love, and sometimes, it's family. So do your best, to let Christ rule in your heart all the time. See what He does with it, I'm sure you'll like the results.

"The Bible never looks at people as being worthless. The Bible's view is that humans are God's creation made in God's image, and, though they have fallen, they are not worthless. If you regard people as created in God's image, you can see an individual as worthy of respect and honor because of what God has made him or her to be--a man or woman for whom Christ died. This is how Christian slaves were to regard their masters in the first century. If they were unbelieving masters, slaves were still to look upon them as worthy of full respect in order that the name of the God who created them and stamped His image upon them might not be defamed or His teachings scorned by the world."-Ray Stedman

The Joy thats missing...

I'm sure you've all heard the song that sings, "and the joy of the Lord is my strength, we bow down, and worship you know, how great, how awesome is He? Forever we sing, Holy is the Lord God Almighty, the earth is filled with His glory..."

That song popped into my head today after hearing something that greatly challenged me as I sat under the teaching in my Thursday morning Bible study.

Why that song? And what was said, let me share. This week I've been in slump, emotionally speaking, my head has been in stuck in this rut that was basically stealing all my joy. I was so overcome with the idea that I had to solve my own problems, RIGHT NOW...and that quite possibly, my solution was going to be better than God's. Uh-oh for me. That's a bad place to be huh? Thankfully, because God is patient, gracious and kind to His children, He spoke gently to me with words from His Word, and instructed my little wayward heart on it's wrongs, and showed me not just the folly, but how to turn from it. That is the God we serve isn't it? So amazing to me. He is God, huge, ruler of the cosmos, and yet, still concerned for my little wayward heart. I say that with tears stinging my eyes because the reality of it hits me in waves, and it floors me. The author of the word, is my teacher.

Anyways, back to my point, what I was doing was placing all my attention on myself for one, and then I was also trying to solve kingdom sized problems, with mans solutions. The two do not mix well...as I found out, and so out went my joy and in came fear and dissatisfaction. I just have to stop as a side note here, and say this..MY POOR HUSBAND! He has to walk this twisted path with me, and continually has patience beyond belief, and I just want to thank God for Him in front of all of you who read this, because I know I am by no means an easy person to live with. For those of you are are husbands out there reading this, take heart, and realize the job you do supporting your wives, will not go unnoticed, and to the wives who are reading this, take time to thank your husbands for their patience with you!

Moving on! So as I sat in my class today and began to pray, confess and ask the Lord for HIS guidance in this, rather than the folly of my own hearts desires...they lead me no-where but down! And I told the Lord quite plainly, "I trust you, your sovereign way, and you, only you Lord, know best!" And I mean it.

The other thing that steals our joy when we are in these places, or at least it does for me, is that when our eyes are focused on "us" and our own solutions for our own problems, we forget to do something that's real huge: praise God.

We may feel like there is not much to praise Him for, and sometimes, situations are so bleak, it feels that way, but friend, if you are there, take heart! God does not expect you to say thank you for pain in your life, but you can praise Him for who He is, the strength He has, and the promises your future holds! He has promised us heaven, peace, and eternal life with Him...

And that alone gives us at least one thing to praise Him for, and I know, there is more that will come to your heart as you tell Him your honest desire to praise Him in the storm. He is a God who cares for His sheep, and He also knows His sheep's limits. He has grace beyond belief, and understanding beyond our wildest imaginings. So don't for one second think that He is judging you for your down-cast face. He merely desires to lift your chin, put a bounce in your step and song in your heart, because the night lasts for only a time, and then comes the dawn.

This is the message I felt in my soul today as I listened to my class teacher, that my ability to praise, does not come from the circumstanes of my present situation. I will always have pains that come and go, but my God is forever, and promise of peace, joy and eternal contentment remain regardless of how the tides of earth change. Isn't that a comforting thought?

And the idea that as believers, we can have peace right here, right now. And the only reason we do not is because we allow the pressures of this world, the enemy of this world to come in and snatch up our peace and joy.

When I was at my worst at the beginning of my pregnancy, and I was so sick I could hardly lift my head from the floor, I had a hard time remember that truth. But through His words, and the words He gave others to speak to me, slowly even through the sickness, I found some glimpses of hope and yes, even joy.

Not by my doing! God is a God who cares, and He cared as I hung over the toilet so sick and unable to function. And now, He has brought me up out of yet another dark place, to let my eyes rest on His light, and His hope. And guess what? My trust in Him, also feels restored. My faith in His sovereignty, restored! My joy for the future? Restored!

His promises are true, and He is, regardless of my circumstances, worth of thanksgiving and praise! I am convinced. Are you? I pray my testimony is an encouragement to you, of His great faithfulness, and how the JOY of the LORD is my STRENGTH! (and yours!)

WHATS THE POINT?

You will have to stay with me here, I've had a few thoughts rumbling around in my mind, and I'd like to see if they take life as I put them into words that form sentences...
I was driving to my apt. this morning when I heard a commercial on my local christian radio station about caring for the needs of others, and then following, a song with same message. Basically making a call out to people to be kinder to those in need, and to those who are already doing kind things to those in need, to keep it up. A good message, and one I tuned into, as my world is small, and my life is my family, I have a hard time reaching out to "needy people" and often I let myself off the hook all-together because I don't feel as though I truly have an outlet for this type of service here and now.
Some of that may be true...and some of it may be lack of motivation to get out there and "do something big." And so went my thoughts..."what is "doing something big"" in God's eyes, or do the "big things" being done impact the hearts of others around me, (those who witness my "good deeds") more than it matters to God that I do something that's so "big." I always like to do the big things, why? Mainly because I like attention. (If I'm honest) I mean, would I do something lovely for someone else if I knew no-one else in the world would know of it? Maybe, but probably not as much. And so, my desire to serve, where does it come from? Selfish ambition or to bring glory to God? That was the main question asked of me through the messages of both the audio clip and song I heard on the radio. What are my motives? And if my motives are wrong...whats the point of my service? In fact, what is the point to service to others all-together? Not to sound as though I do not care, for I do, and I know that the Lord calls us to minister to others, "feed my sheep.." "whoever offers a cup of cold water in my name..." His words are many on this..."care for the needs of the poor and needy.." and so we do. But, where is my heart?
What are my motives for all I do? Selfish ambition? Or to bring Him glory?
I serve Him in any way I can, and I do reach out to others when a situation presents itself and I sense the spirit's gentle push to move, but much of the time I think I find myself looking around to see if anyone saw me "do that nice thing..." I'm being serious here friends! I do speak for myself when I say those things, but I wonder if I'm alone in my ambitions, or if others act/feel as I do? I know I'm painting a pretty rotten picture of myself, but the motives of the human heart often times are rotten and revealing them, makes me conscious of them. To really purify my heart, mind and actions, and the motives behind all of those things I realize what I need to do.
I'm turning to the Father, and telling Him that He is the point. He is the reason why...and no other thing should take His place in that glory seat. Knowing all the while that if I do receive some sort of congratulations here on earth for my good deeds, then that is fine, but it should not and cannot be the point of why I do something. I know it's good to be in good standing with people, and to have a good christian name for oneself, but that should not be my sole motivation for doing good/kind things. Those things will not make Him love me more, but I do them with joy in my heart to bring kingly glory to His name. (or that would be the prayer)
My crown is in heaven, my glory is not meant for earth, His glory is.
Gives a different purpose to doing those things we do, doesn't it?
It all goes back to the old thought, "how many good things can I do, that will make me in better standing with the Lord on judgement day." And the answer is this: there is nothing I can do, in my own power that will save me on judgement day. Does not matter how many people vouch for me saying that I'm a great person, if my heart has not been rendered to Christ, and my desire to please Him only in the confession of my sin, then my good deeds will not matter one lick.
So here's the point: I serve Him, by serving others. I receive my props from the joy I get from knowing I am serving the Father and bring glory to His name. That's the goal of my heart anyways...and when I fail, (which I most certainly will) in bring His name that glory, I will repent, and start anew. Feel free to follow this plan, after all, it's not my plan, it's Gods!
It's grace that saves, not good deeds. It's His glory that matters, not my own. And service done in His name, is service done for the King. OK. I think I made sense of my thoughts to myself, hopefully, I did not confuse the rest of you!

My Banner

I was sitting in church yesterday, and this thought struck me: I forget so often that God is first of all to be my "first love.." and that He is in everything that I do, feel, experience, love, play think, and where I go. And, that often, I do not operate as if He is.

The word "true" kept coming to mind as I was thinking all of this, and the fact that He is truth, (the way the truth and the life) it made sense but I pondered why Oh why, and how is it possible for me to continue to forget about Him, when He's everything?

I know the obvious answer, I get wrapped up in my own stuff of life. Things that seem pressing in my current moment distract me from Him, but how is that after all He's done for and continues to do for me, and I can forget? He must clap His hands over His face and shake His head at my forgetfulness.

There are moments where I find myself clinging to His every word, and moments I cannot seem to take a step without Him, and then of course I have times of the polar opposite reaction, where I seem to remember Him as I lay my head on the pillow. Obviously, the days where I can't take a step without Him, my heart is in more peace...and the days I walk around in my own strength, I feel quite exhausted as that day comes to a close.

I want to "bind Him around my neck" so that I cannot forget...to wear Him as a banner over my life. That's what learned this morning as I read my passage in Isaiah 11:10-16..

It speaks of Christ as He as a banner over our lives...

Is He a banner over my life right now? What is a banner? In my definition, a banner is this: something that makes a big statement. Does Christ make a big statement with my life, in my life and over my life? Does the banner of Christ wave over my head in big red letters? Well it didn't this morning as I woke up in all of my personal frustration! But as ran to my Bible for something to run on (other than coffee) I heard those words...and as my ponderings from yesterday came back to mind I realized how it all comes together for me. He must be my banner, if He is to be true in my life. If He is to be at the forefront of my thoughts, life and doings, then He must wave as a banner over my life. How do I stay here now? By doing what I did this morning, run. RUN to the word. Seek Him with all I have, and pray continually for His banner to wave over me.

Obviously the pains of my life, distractions and issues are not going to disappear from my thoughts, but they will be less than my thoughts on Christ if I remain in Him, and His banner hangs over my head.

So I ask you friends, what hangs over your head today? If your anything like me, you awoke with stress/fear/frustration and impatience hanging over your head. ( my children woke up at 5:30 with the new time change) But, I wouldn't you rather wake up with "thoughts of Christ" hanging over your life as a proclamation of the peace you posses? Yeah, I'd rather take that option. We can have that. It's available to you, to me and to all who run to Him and ask for it. I'm doing that today, and you can most certainly join me in that prayer today as well.

Father God...

Rise up as a banner for me today as you did for the people of Israel, assemble the scattered as you did for Judah, that jealousy would vanish, and my enemies would be cut off...

that I would not be hostile or jealous towards others and that you would dry up the streams in front of me so that I can cross on dry land as the Egyptians did, that this will be day of Remnant with you! (Derived From Isaiah 11:10-16 NIV)

Amen!

Held Accountable

Today the Lord challenged me with something, and although I already knew I may be in the wrong, my heart was struck when I heard the challenge.
Although God is in control of all, (sovereign) and although I say I desire only to be a tool in His hands, I still have the ability to make poor choices. Those choices affect myself, and others, (usually family) and in doing so, I may be disobedient to the Lord. Going pridefully my own way, and saying with my actions that "I know better than God."
How I handle something can greatly change the outcome of many situations. And although God is ultimately in control of everything, I am still held accountable for my bad choices. He can and does use my sin at times to better me in the long run, but, I may have been able to avoid pain if I chose to obey in the first place.
The idea that God plans everything, (even pain) is challenging at best and the idea that even my painful (wrong) choices could be a part of His plan, I would rather keep myself so close to Him, that my chances of making a wrong choice get smaller and smaller. Or simply that I would recognize my sin earlier on. It's my pride that gets in the way and makes me feel that I perhaps, do not need to seek His council, or prayerfully consider that my opinion may be wrong! Heaven forbid that I be wrong! But in many cases, I am. I am learning this sooner and sooner thankfully, but none the less, the wrongness (is that a word?) still exists.
So as I faced that challenge laid before me this morning, that perhaps I do not know best, I had to lay aside my motherly pride, and admit, He is God, and I am not. I had earlier that morning prayed and asked for prayer specifically in the area of discerning pride before it takes root. Prayer answered. So now that I have my answer, now what do I do?
I can't pretend I didn't hear my answer, (although I considered that) I can't act as though His words were for someone else. (although I considered that as well) I have to face what answer I have received, knowing it was meant for me today...and act. The hearing, and the acting are two very different things. It's one thing to hear a rule, but quite another to obey it.
Through my processing, I pray someone out there learns from this, to make this whole thing I've been through worth it! I have had an emotional week wrestling with my desires, wondering if they are right or wrong, knowing however in the back of my mind, chances are, I was wrong. (because I usually am) But knowing, that because I serve a most faithful God, He would reveal to me quite plainly the way I ought to go.
Isn't that amazing that we serve a God who cares this much for us? To take the time to speak to us as individuals? But then, once we hear His voice, His words, and His direction, we DO need to act according to His plans for us. That is where I am held accountable. So, that is where the "choice" lies.
We all have choices, we make them everyday, and although some of them seem like meaningless things, everything, absolutely everything, comes back to His plan for us. Even the choice perhaps of what store you shop at, or what outfit you wear, because in one of those intimate details, the Lord may have something for you there...
So don't think for one moment that "this doesn't matter..." and that what you do..."doesn't matter." Because number one, God will use it...and number two, if it's happening, it's somehow a part of His plan. (either good or bad depending on what choice we made)
We are always held accountable. It would be easy to become complacent if we thought that no matter what, God's plan was God's plan, and were His puppets. We are not His puppets, we are His tools. There is a difference. Tools have purpose. Puppets do not.
So the next time you think..."no big deal...what I'm doing doesn't affect anyone..." Think again. We are held accountable. I am held accountable...and what I decide today, matters.
Choose wisely...and by wisely, I mean prayerfully! It matters.

Listen to everything falls

Look Back, Remember!

Sometimes looking into our past is a healthy thing. Especially when we are revisiting the places in our past where God was faithful...and we need to be reminded of this currently.

Throughout much of my life, His faithfulness was present but unseen by me, I was too busy, to preoccupied with myself and too wrapped up in trivial things of life, to really see or recognize just how protected I really was. Times of pain, times of trial, I got through them and grew only by the grace of God! But now, my eyes are more open, and my heart more ready too see and look for the rescuing hands of God in my life.

Don't you find it encouraging when someone reminds you of how you were cared for, protected and upheld by God in your past, to help inspire you for a difficult time of today? Well, that is what Isaiah did for the people of Judah too...I learned this morning that in Isaiah 10:16-27 the people are just plain down and out. They have felt the heavy hand of the Lord as a result of their disobedience in life, and reliance upon other things than God, and now, they are starting to feel abandoned, rather than disciplined. Anyone else feel that way? Me too.

But God came in with a message of encouragement, telling them to "Remember Egypt" and how He rescued his grumbling Israelite children in the battle at the Red Sea.

Perhaps you know the story...

They are being chased all night, Egypt wants the Israelites back as slaves, and the Israelites want their freedom...So with leader Moses taking them out of their captivity and the Pharaoh and his men hotly pursuing them, they come to the banks of the Red Sea. No man could cross that sea without the hand of God intervening! How would they ever cross such a vast space of water without boats? No problem God says, I've got a solution! (paraphrased) And God tells Moses to lift up his arms, spread them wide, and as he did so, the Red Seas parted, and the Israelites now how dry sand to walk upon all the way to their safety. That sure speaks of God's faithfulness!

But it seems that even though all was going to be OK now, the Israelites turn around only to see Pharaoh walking on the same sand that they were! Then, God puts the Sea back where it belongs, and the Egyptians die as the waters pour down in upon them. God has won in victory, and the people were saved.

So this is what Isaiah draws from as inspiration to the people of Judah as they speak of feeling abandoned to the grave. We are never abandoned.

So in the chaos of life today, and as we stand at the bank of our Red Sea, what do we need to be reminded of? Where can you pull from in your past that proves His faithfulness to you? I'm revisiting those places in my heart and mind today, and perhaps doing this would help you my friends as well...

All God asks is that we rely upon Him alone. He wants our full reliance from us, for the freedom/hope/rescue and salvation that we so desperately need in this life. There is no other source, place or person who can take you up out of your pain...no other place offers a solution that will last. What if Moses did not listen to God, and looked to Him and said, "No, I think I'll run back to town and rent a pontoon boat...that seems more logical to me God...."

Well, I'm sure we can all figure out what would've happened to the Israelites...

And so it is with us. When we receive encouragement, and solutions for our pain in life from the Lord, we ought to take Him up on it. When we are in touch with God, and being sensitive to His voice in our hearts and ears, we will know just what we ought to do.

So first, we know how to encourage ourselves...Look back and revisit those times of God's faithfulness that live in your past. Then, ask Him for guidance in our present dilemma, and act when He speaks. How do we know the voice of God? He will make it known to you, it will quietly drown out the rest of the world, so that we can hear...

So as I sit and listen today, waiting, watching, asking for His guidance, I pray you will do the same...knowing the He who is faithful, is always faithful...both yesterday and today.

Check out where I was last year, Nov. 1st. :) click: HERE

(Faithful then, faithful now.)

Choosing to Dig Deeper

I have been thinking a lot about where I've come from, and I blogged on that just a few days ago, and now, as I sit here, recognizing what I've come up out of, it would be easy (by the worlds standards) to simply sit back and say, "there, that's done. Now I can relax." Well, that is kinda what I wanted to do today, I wanted to hear how the messages I was hearing at my Bible study were for other people for once, not for me and I could just "take a day off" of learning, growing and becoming more for Christ. No, I did not actually voice those thoughts, but they were there. And it was sort of as if I was asking the Lord for a bit of a vacation from having to learn anything else about myself that was distasteful to Him. Turns out, that's what happened. Things started out OK as I listened the lecture, I was laughing and joking with a friend sitting next to me, and then the truth of God's word began to sink in again. There it was...my sin. And once again, I had to confess that I was sinning even in my desire to be exempt from learning! I wanted to sit back, content and feel as though I had learned enough! That is just never going to be the case. I don't say that to discourage myself, or you for that matter, I say it more as an observation. If I were to observe myself here, I'd say I started feeling comfortable in who I was, and some degree of this I recognize is OK...but too much of this and person can become complacent. That is not what I want, nor is it what God wants for me!
So as I read in my study today that I was reading, when I came to this question I stopped and pondered this question that was asked of me:
Are you pretending that you can do whatever you want, and God will be pleased with it as long as you are sincere..?
I always am focusing on being sincere of heart when I do what I do, but does what I am doing reflect God's desires for me? I guess I'm just putting the questions out there at this point because at this point I'm still in the processing phase of this.
I recognize that God will use many different circumstances to get our attention, and I am no exception, He draws in, gives us the word to read and learn from, but if the things we learn in the word are not enough to get our attention, He pulls from outside circumstances to make us listen. I know how that sounds. It sounds like, "what a mean, terrible God." But that is not it at all. And I need to remind myself of this. If we shake our fist at God when His correction comes in the form of difficult circumstances, then we risk missing out on the lessons He has in store for us, and if we stay mad permanently, we risk missing out on God all together.
I know one thing for sure, God attempted to use less harsh things in my life initially to get my focus off of myself and onto Him, but when I would not relent, my life circumstances did begin to get uncomfortable for me, and He used that to get my attention. We cannot worship God fully, and worship anything else at the same time, whether it be ourselves, or some component of our life. I feel like I've gone round and round with this topic, but it continues to be presented to me, so I have to think that God is really wanting me to get this one. And if I benefit from this repetition, I am assuming that perhaps any of you reading this may as well..
I don't want to sound redundant, but we people today, and (back in the time of Isaiah as well) all seem to have thick heads...and repetition seems to get through to us.
I want to wrap this up simply by making the comment that any place we choose to rest our head and hearts in, other than God, is darkness. So if I choose to rest my head in complacency and "take a break from learning" than I am taking a break from God. He provides peace even in the times of learning, and I am finding that. So if I think I can have more peace by avoiding His lessons, then I am wrong. God knows my needs. He knows when I am tired...and He offers me strength when I feel weak. He knows it all, for He has felt it all. So just as He corrects me, He also refreshes me, and that is where I will find complete peace.

The Joy of Today

I've spent a lot of time in my life focusing mainly on the "joy in the future." But what about the joy of today? Joy is different from "feeling happy." Joy runs deep, and joy comes from the Lord. Happy is a circumstantial thing, and usually our circumstances change moment to moment.

It's like this: A house is built on a foundation. Those bricks are laid and the cement is poured, the foundation is always the same. The paint on the outside of the house can be changed, the decor of the house can change, even the people living in the house can change, but the foundation, when built properly, never changes. It's always the same.

When our joy is built upon Christ, and we know that His existence in our life never changes, then as the circumstances around us change, our foundational hope and joy does not change.

We have a clear conscience that we are doing all we can do to make our joy foundational, and as we abide in Him, we can rest assured, our joy will be supplied. Attitude is a choice. Smiling is a choice. Joy, is provided. That's the difference. We cannot choose to be joyful in Christ if the foundation has not been laid that way. We can however at any moment say the Lord of All, that we need Him, and we want to start over how our lives have been built up to this point. I think that is what many of us do when we come to the saving knowledge of Christ. We recognize the mess were in, see the pain that plagues our every move, and the unrest that settles within our souls, and we see our need for Him. His joy. His peace. His foundation.

My joy for today is not there because my life is roses all the time. In fact, if you look at most of our lives out there, we are all living in some sort of muck, or issue. But even in the muck, there can be joy. I may not always like what takes place on any given day, but I can choose a smile, choose and attitude that reflects what I know to be true about Christ, and pray that His joy will overtake me. And guess what? It does.

It's by His strength that joy exists in my life...or even can exist. The choice for a smile, or a good attitude are fine, but they will fade when done in ones strength. Just because we have deep-rooted joy, we do not always have to walk around smiling like clowns. We can say, even though it's raining, I have joy in Christ. And the difference is in how we are able to face our problems, have prospective in our pain, and joy when it doesn't make sense.

I am not always the best example of this however, but I think I'm on the right track at least. I always look to Paul in the Bible for a better example, you want to see joy in pain? Read his story about singing praises to the Lord while being chained in prison. That is deep rooted joy.

I am not afraid any more of what might happen (most days) because I see that regardless, He supplies me with my most basic needs, and supplies me with the joy I need to overcome the sadness that the enemy loves to have me get lost in.

Joy is having perspective, even in the midst of trial. And as always, I am but a work in progress, but any progress at all means that I am not standing still. And the only time the enemy catches you is when you are completely still in your walk.

So I continue to walk forward in the strength of Christ, seeking His joy for each day, and knowing all the while that whatever I ask for in His name, (within the boundaries of His will) will be given to me. I think an understanding of His will can be described as: seeking Him with all I do, say, and think. And I think, seeking eternal joy in His power, would be something He would be pleased by? So I continue on in that journey. Seeking that. Praying for that. I may have to take it one day at a time, perhaps hours at a time, but I know how to put one foot in front of the other when I am prayerfully considering each step.

So in joy I can walk forward in this day, despite the rain, despite feelings of being lonely, despite the aches and pains of life. Joy can be present. And perhaps, a smile. :)

The Process

I have spent a great deal of time learning lately. And by lately I mean over the past couple of year since the Lord really has taken me over heart and soul. ( for which I am thankful)
But the process by which it takes to grow an individual does not happen all at once, nor is it easy. Most of what has grown me has been by the way of painful circumstances, and it's only by His strength that I come thus far. I did a bit of processing with my mom and sisters over the weekend, having been at a conference designed to encourage women spiritually...
This conference caused me reflect on all that I've been through, and truly all that God has been teaching me, through His creative ways of revealing my sin to me, I am now starting to understand why the things of my past had to change...and I'm so thankful they did.
WHY He does things, as He's doing them, rarely makes sense to me in the midst of it, but hindsight is 20/20 so they say, and it's true.
So now I'd say that my overwhelming feeling I have is thankfulness. Thankfulness that I am no longer who I once was, and thankfulness that if He is who He says He is, He's never really done with me. Never done growing, showing, revealing and refining. I don't think painful circumstances must always be present for growth, but I can see why it was necessary for me to go through the junk I did now, because truly, no other thing would have got my attention. I think God gave me much grace in the beginning as just started to call to me, but as I turned my nose up at Him, (and many others) I believe the methods He used were needed.
God does not like pride. God does not like self-sufficiency. God does not like it when a person thinks they are fine w/o Him. He made them for Him. I do understand that this is a hard concept to grasp, and as we are are very independent people, I can relate to anyone who thinks that idea is crazy. I've spent a lot of time in that place of thought. But as I have found, when I am operating under the understanding of this, (living my life to serve Him, keeping Him always in my reasons for doing what I'm doing) my life has been so much more full. I need a lot less, because I desire a lot less.
I am not tooting my own horn here, because it's only by grace any of this came to me...but I am recognizing the work He's done on me, and how thankful I am for it. For now, I have joy, peace and all kinds of other good things in my life that were just not possible before.
My glass was always 1/2 empty. And my life was never good enough. I always needed just a little bit more, and I was always confident the next thing would satisfy me.
Now, I see that satisfaction in today, right now, and just as it is. My life still is not quite what I wish it were, simply because I was created to long for heaven, and only there will I truly feel complete. (But He's helped me to be thankful for today) and as long as I live each day for Him, prayerfully considering my daily in's and outs, I know my days will be the best that they can be.
My fears come and go, but I know where to turn when they come, and anger takes over at times, but I now have the tools to make it fizzle.
Each day, I feel I learn something that I should perhaps work on, and on the days I'm rendering my thoughts fully to Him, He shows me how...(sometimes through pain) but the next day I promise you, I emerge stronger.
So why am I telling you all this? Mainly to praise His name for what He's capable of doing. My state of self before could be described as dead. My state now, alive.
The two could not be any more opposite, and even I sometimes cannot fathom the deadness I lived in prior to His grabbing ahold of my heart.
Dead is this: Full of self. Cold. Empty. Alone. Depressed. Angry. Unable to see beyond today. Unable to be uplifted. Not thankful. Wanting More. Dissatisfied. And Hopeless.
Alive is this: Lifted. Color in your face. Hopeful. Peaceful. Joyful. Thankful. Good Thoughts. Content. Brightness in eyes. Swiftness in your step. Readiness in your heart. Appreciating for all He is, and what He has done. A recognition that it is ONLY by grace you are here. Not by your own works...and an understanding of how BIG HE is, and how small we are.
So I ask you, not challenge you, but simply to cause you to think...which are you?
Obviously, we all have bad days, but day to day, which one are you?
There are days, (I'm not going to lie) that I feel quite dead. But when that feeling hits, I have to examine my heart once again, and ask Him to reveal to me why this deadness is there...
And usually, I know before I ask, but He always confirms it to me.
Don't be comfortable with being dead. It's cold and lonely. In Him there is life, abundant life, and that is the best place for any soul to rest.
I pray for that to always be where I sit, and I pray that you friend, will sit there too.

Sovereign

What first comes to mind when you hear the words..."God is sovereign?" Well, for me they used to be quite scary words. Which ultimately revealed that I truly had a lack of trust in God, a lack of faith in His plans for me, (regarding me) and that fear was still bigger than God.
God's timing is so perfect. I just have to get that out there. Let me tell you why I want to scream that from the rooftops today...
As I sat under some great teaching once again in my Bible study class, I was hit by what I am learning in Isaiah and how absolutely relevant it's turning out to be for my life, in this exact phase of my life, in this exact moment of what I'm learning, and how all of this parallels with my hearts emotions. (Emotions only God truly knows I have)
So last week, as I really wrestled with all my fears, and the greatness of my fear came to a head, and for the first time I began to examine my fears for what they truly are: a lack of trust, and a lack of faith. Wouldn't you know it, but today, the speaking was on faith. Go figure!
This is what I learned, that fear, and faith are completely incompatible. Faith is this: Believing God, and then acting on it. (in life, word and deed) Basically, it's living like you believe that what God says is true. And God is bigger than anything I fear. He tells me this: Isaiah 7:13 "I am the only one you are to fear.." and if God is absolutely trustworthy, then I truly have nothing to fear. Mainly because of this, the truth that nothing, absolutely nothing can touch me unless it's let into my life by the loving hands of the Father, and it's carefully sifted through His hands that hold me tight. There is no fear in His loving hands. There is no fear of what He lets come my way because I know, that I know, that I know, that He is sovereign.
Good to know isn't it? Well, I've heard it all my life, that "God is in control.." and I've said it with great conviction I might add that this is a good thing. And it is. But unless I BELIEVE that it's a good thing that He is in control...then I'm living a lie.
And, ultimately, I'm living in fear. And let me tell you friends, fear has been a big struggle for me!
Let me say this another way, If God is my rock, then that's all I need! That's all I should need..
And yet somehow I've been living with the idea that somehow, the world, or myself might be able to offer me some security stronger than what God has to offer me. So, I kept my mace handy, knew just where to find my husbands hunting gun, and I had the Dr. on speed dial just in case something went wrong in my plan. ( I do know how to shoot) :) And So I lived, in my fear. Not very reassuring is it?
Until this past week, when I noticed the cracks begin to surface and the darkness that lay beneath the surface of my skin was starting to show to others around me. I was living in deep, dark, black fear. And now that I know how fear and faith directly contradict each other, I see why my walk with the Lord felt a little heavier than normal. I was still trusting in myself more than God, and I was lack much in the faith of Christ. I knew I had His grace, His forgiveness, His guidance, and help, and still, I knew I was missing something. I was. I was missing the trust in who He said to me that He was, is and always will be....SOVEREIGN.
So I mentioned before, that His timing is perfect...don't you think this is a little ironic... that this weekend, I am getting ready to attend a conference called..."Women of Faith." And today, as I filled out the notes to Bible study, this was my answer to one of my questions regarding fear..
"that I cannot be a woman of faith, if I cannot give up being fearful." That's when it hit me, "Oh, how "coincidental" that I'm going to a conference entitled, "women of faith."
SO, who else out there feels convinced of His message for me today?????
God is good. God is gracious. God is my rock in the place I can stand to demolish fear. God is trustworthy. And I am learning to have faith in all He is, and in all He says.
I'll say it again...what a journey, what a ride...and I know, there's more to come.