Today, I have been weak. Weak in the sense that I gave into the temptation to loosing my cool with my children. Anger is interesting, once you "break the seal" so to speak, there is not stopping it.
It was in part my fault, I'm the bright mommy who thought that it would be a great idea to take her just 3 year old, and 20 month old to Subway. Sounded better in theory. And, of course it was chaos. Water was flying everywhere, Cheetos all over the floor, children running in opposite directions and a Mommy left looking like she had absolutely no control over her children. Not only did I feel embarrassed, I felt defeated. My children were stronger than me, that is how I felt. So when we got in the car, I really let Joshua have it, I mean, I really TOLD him. SO, when was the last time any of you, to your knowledge, lectured a three year old into obedience. Anyone? Well, if you tried this, then you would have discovered the very thing I did, IT DOESN'T WORK.
They, just get madder, and then, they tell you NO, and laugh. It's all very fun.
And in my weakness, I lost it. Rather than calling upon my Father's support, I went into "you embarrassed me in public, and I'm in control" mode, and STOMPED around their house, mumbling to myself about how much I'm walked all over, and I shouldn't have to put up with this! That boy basically spit in my face, despite all the nice things I do for him. Then I listed to myself all the things I do for him...I clean up after him, I care for his every need, I make sure that he's safe, I give him gifts, I love him...and yet this child, still spits in my face, and embarrasses me and disrespects me in public. I lay down my life for him daily, and he never says thank you. And then, something hit me. I do that too. I do it to my heavenly Father. Ouch.
So, I knelt down, asked for forgiveness for myself, and then for my attitudes towards my (naughty) children, I asked for forgiveness from Joshua, and Annie. And then it hit me, we are His little children. Ironically, I learned this in class this morning, that John actually called his flock of believers, "little children" and it stuck out to me as such a soft, understanding, and endearing term. Because with the term child, comes a host of understandings that are immediately forgiven because you are a child. People are most patient with your clumsiness, with you slowness to understand, and with your weakness.
A sign of an obedient child is that desire to be good, and the instantaneous realization of wrong. I know immediately (for the most part) when I am wronging the Father. He does not expect perfection, but He does expect us to be painfully aware of our sins when we are deep, true, oneness with Him. Just as we desire our children to be remorseful towards us because of our deep connection we have with them.
A child of the Lord should have these qualities about them, that we are of the understanding that we are not going to be perfection but that we are increasingly more and more aware of our own personal sin, and that once convicted, we confess at conversion, and then on a regular basis as we do our daily childish acts against the Father.
He tells us not to run into the bathroom alone, and we do, so upon being caught, we ask for forgiveness, he tells us not to dump our Cheetos all over the floor of subway and we do, (of course) and we then are expected to ask for forgiveness. He's not mad at us, but He wants us to learn how to behave in a way that imitates Christ and is respectful (because we love our Father) and we long to be obedient to Him because we are so unified with Him.
Just as we love our children without condition, so He loves us.
So this weakness I possess is a blessing really...
Not that I go on sinning saying that "His grace is sufficient for me." No, all the more I strive to become more like Christ because when I am more and more one with Him, my desires begin to come more and more in line with His. Leaving hopefully all of the former self behind and becoming this new creation who although is not perfect is looking more and more like her Father every day.
We mess up. Our children mess up. God does not mess up. He covers us with his blood and we are saved by His grace so that when we do mess up, we can confess and grow and learn from our mistakes, and He is strong.
Now, thankfully Joshua and Annie are quite forgiving, and so is my Savior. When I am weak, He is very strong. Humble is where He wants me, because in weakness, and humility, I can allow His strength to take over where I have none. Less of me, more of Him.
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 1 John 3:1
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