Why Santa Never Comes To My House

Santa is harmless right? I mean, that's what you hear from everyone everywhere. He is harmless. Or this one, "Who doesn't like a jolly guy in a red suit?" And on the surface, yes, I like Santa. I loved him as a child, and I dreamed of his shiny red sleigh landing on my roof, and I strain to hear little twinkle bells jingle as I would lay awake in bed with eager expectation for Christmas morning.
But here is my issue with Santa as I am now a parent myself, and not only a parent, a parent who has been entrusted with children by God. God entrusted me with children who have wide eyes, and unwavering faith. And then I will take those sweet little faces in my hands and lie to them. I will tell that Santa is real. That A mere man can fly around the earth in one night and deliver toys to people everywhere. I will go on to lie to them that Santa knows when their being good, so if they are not good, they won't get as much. I will also lie into their sweet little faces about the fact that Christmas is Santa's big day!
Yes, all these lies I will tell. Really?!
Never. I will never lie to my children like this. Because here is the truth about those little "innocent" lies. The real truth is this, how will my children ever believe me when I tell them a young virgin girl, had a baby and the baby grew up to be a man who died on the cross. This baby who came to die, knows when we've have been noddy or nice, and He forgives us every time we ask for forgiveness when were noddy. He also gives us grace and mercy. Grace giving us what we don't deserve, and mercy keeps us from getting what we do deserve. This little boy who grew up to die for my sin, cares not about bad I was before I came to know Him, but He does desire me to live a life that is honoring to Him, not so I can get lots of nice things one day a year, but so that I can share in the joy of the life lived walking with God every day of the year.
THAT is the message I will share with my children. I will take their sweet little faces in my hands and I will tell them truth. Life giving truth that will save their souls for all eternity.
I always thought it takes more faith to believe in Santa then it does in Jesus.
Am I being to extreme here? It is a not very commonly shared view that I hold and propose here is it? But I have for some time thought that the idea of this jolly red man stealing the glory from the One and ONLY who came to save the world... has had the glory for long enough. Santa has stolen in such an innocent way mind you, the meaning of Christmas. Perhaps you think Santa harmlessly exemplifies what Christmas is all about, you know, good spirits, joy, giving, and the festive attitude that makes winter more bearable. How about this, the baby born to die, makes LIFE more endurable. He makes life worth living, and fills us with joy ALL year long. He makes me have good spirits even my world is falling apart because I know He is in control, cares not about the sins I passed confessed and committed. He is the reason for life...not to mention the reason for the season.
He is with me, in and out of season.
SO yes my friends, on the surface, Santa is nice. But I do not want my children to hear me tell them sweet fun lies about Santa, and in the same breath tell them the truth of Christ. How will they know if I am being honest about Jesus, if I lie to them all their young life about Santa? Can fresh water and salt water run from the same spring.... Can truth and lie come from the same lips? A house divided against itself cannot stand. So instead my house will stand on ONE foundation, One truth...One hope....One Joy....One Peace. One REASON for this season, and all seasons. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday today and forever. Merry Christmas friends...

Out of the Heart

Dear Father I wanted to write you this note
I feel a small lump in my throat.
What I thought was your plan seems to have slipped through my hands
and I'm left wondering what you have in store.

I am very thankful for all you have done,
for my daughters and my sweet son.
I love them to pieces and gather them in
every day I am thankful to call them mine.

But I question and wonder with a prayer in my heart,
what do I feel this is not the whole, just a part?
My table feels empty and my hands able to hold more,
tears are starting to fall, as my knees hit the floor.

Jesus I cry, my heart wants to break,
this feeling I have will you please take?!
If the longing can't be filled on this side of heaven,
I wish you take away that I long for 5, 6, 7....

I sort of feel shame asking this thing,
You have blessed me so much.
But in your word you say to ask, to seek and to knock,
So here I kneel...

I don't mean to sound ungrateful, or sad,
but the hurt in my heart stings so bad.
I am thankful, I am thankful, I am thankful I cry,
I'll give you this burden, at least I will try.

Jesus I know that you feel all my pain,
You know every tear that hits my cheek with a stain.
I lift my eyes up to look into Yours,
I trust You Jesus.

I know the promise you painted in the sky,
But like Abraham's plan, I can't see the end,
And as hard as I think cry and pray,
My future is always yours at the end of the day.

Each day I wake up and I say, IN GOD I TRUST.
And each day I remind myself, I must...I must.
You are King over all, the flood and the sun.
You are ruler of all, I trust you my King.

I give up, I give up. Once and for all
This is yours, its all yours, I cry, I call.
Take my heart, take my plans,
It's better when they are resting in your hands.

I give up, It's yours.
Take it, this burden from me.
I'll stand up,
I walk forward in victory.

A Prayer While We Face Sorrow

God of Peace,
My hands tremble and my heart quakes. I shudder at the evil that lives within man. I can not stomach the thought of living in a world where this type of violence lives on every street corner.
I know you want my racing mind to stop. I know you want me to find my hiding place in the quiet of your embrace, where I can lay my head on your chest and listen to your heart beat.
I want to grab my children, cling them to me, wrap them up in my arms and never release them. I want to hide away in my home and never let them face the dangers of this world.
But I felt you remind me, that you are in control. That you are King over my life, my children's lives and the lives of those lost. You held the hands of the babies who left earth to soon yesterday in the same way you hold the  hands of babies who are aborted every day. You held the hand of the baby I lost before I knew how fragile life was, and you will hold my hand when I leave this earth as well. I want to sit in the corner, and cry, but you are telling me that I need not hide. I want to hide my children away so they can be "safe" but I realize the safest place they can be is in your hands, as I daily place them there knowing they are mine to take care of for as long as you want me to, and when it's time for me, or them to leave this earth, it will be best.
I want to hate those who kill. I want to hate those who take lives. And then I remember that my hate is equal to murder. And I repent.
I want to rage. I want to throw my hands up and blame someone. Anyone. Yell and show how indecent this world has become. How this world has lost it's innocence and value of life, but then I remember what you said as you hung there on the cross, "Father, forgive them. They know not what they do." And my face burns in shame. FOR it was MY sin that held you there.
And I also remember that this world is NOT my eternal home. I am only passing through. And so are the children who go home too soon on our clocks.
Big tears rolled down me cheeks. The hurt I feel in my heart resembles that of a gun shot wound because it leaves a big hole. As I see some of the faces who's very real life has been shattered in one day. But then I remember those holes you bore for me, in your hands, your feet and your side. You bore those wounds for me, and everyone else who knows how bad they need you.
The pain I feel in this world Lord, sometimes is more than I can handle.
And then I remember, I'm not supposed to try and handle it, I'm supposed to hand it to you. And you Lord will hold my pains, my fears and my hurts for me...and you let me rest in your perfection.
As people fire off hate with their mouths, guns and looks, I rest in the fact that someday you will make this whole broken world a thing of the past.
I trust you more than I fear, and I hand you every pain I feel, and I know you hold every tear that has fallen.
Jesus, you are the only One who makes sense is this world and this is why I need you now, and always.
Amen

Dear Friends,
This prayer comes from the depths of my soul. If you don't know the peace I speak of, seek the Lord of heaven. Cry out to the God of peace. Ask for His hand to hold yours, and He will. Jesus is the only answer in the face of such amazing sorrow and pain. Jesus is the only HOPE that you can hold on to that will never leave you or forsake you. And I know we all want to ask the question, "why would He allow this..." but I don't ask that question anymore because I know and I trust that even though the pain we feel on earth is excruciating it will end when He brings this world to a close, and we go heavenward. We have pain because we live in a pain scorched world. God is in control. God is sovereign. But the wickedness that is organic in man will not cease until man no longer thinks he does not need God. Murder is as old as the garden of Eden, and it will not end until He returns. But until that day comes we have an ever present help who meets us where we are at...and I pray you all ask Him to meet you where you are at right now. I know I am.

Remind Me...

Has anyone ever said to the one they love, "remind me that you love me?" Whether we were loved or not, the reality is, is that if we ask that question, we need to hear it, out loud, again. We are human, and we do need reminders. Reminders can come in many different forms, it can be flowers, a card, a kind word, a rainbow, and smile, an extended hand...
Reminders are good for us because they help refresh us, and renew our ability to carry on when the going gets tough.
Mostly I'm reminding my children to clean up, pick up, obey, listen, be polite, stay clean, make their bed and so on...but what about reminding them that they are cherished, held, loved and a gift to me, what about reminding them that at all times I am praying that I do what is best for them, what about reminding them that their is HOPE for them in their future.
These are the kind of reminders I ask for from my Heavenly Father.
I don't feel so bad asking Him for reminders because many people of great faith in the Bible did so as well, it's written all over the Psalms, David crying out for God to meet him "there"...or Abraham looking up at the stars each night...thinking, "is that really how many children I will have Lord?" And each time it's as if the Lord says, "Trust me."
He tells us He has plans for us, He tells us He is working all things for the good of those who love Him. We know that He is good. Holy. Perfect. And so are all His ways. THIS is a good reminder isn't it? I like to know the one I place all my hopes, fears and concerns on is trustworthy. And each time I ask Him, He reminds me of His faithfulness. The reality that HE has been faithful through all generations, gives me utmost hope, and peace for the times where the ground feels shaky, and uncertain. He meets me there to. And helps me not to stumble. He is always reminding me, that His ways are best, and I can rest in that.
Then there are those days where you wake up and the ground you stand on seems to be literally sinking beneath you. And if we are all honest with ourselves, I think we all have these days from time to time. But we serve a God who meets us there in that place as well. He gets down on His knees, meets us there in the dust and gently lifts our faces so our eyes lock with His. And then He tells me, to trust in the Lord with all my heart, to lean not on my OWN understanding, but to trust in Him, and FIX my eyes on Jesus, who is the author and perfecter of my life. HE is the Alpha and Omega, my beginning, and my end. AND He is the one who literally makes a way where there is no way. That even though we indeed feel the death sentence in our soul, we are reminded that He is the one who raises the dead. And even though our eyes fail, He causes the blind to see. And even though our strength fails, HE is the one who causes us to run and not grow weary. He is the link in the fence that makes this all make sense, and until those links connect by the Grace of Jesus, nothing, (even our good days) will not fully make sense.
So if you find yourself down in the mud, face dirty and wet, and sorrow in your heart...realize this, the one who washes us clean, picks us up and makes us whole (even when we are broken physically) is waiting, and not only waiting, He is always available. He will never leave you, nor forsake you, and He is by far the most patient One you will ever KNOW.
"Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest..."
Only through Him can I be victorious. Only through Him can I believe. Only through Him does my faith rest on a solid place. Is your faith resting on the Solid Rock?
"On Christ the Solid Rock I stand, all other ground in sinking sand..."
And after all this what am I left with? A perfect life? Maybe some days feels this way, but NO, I am left with peace. A peace that surpasses ALL human understanding. A peace that is NOT based on my circumstances, but rather a peace that is based on the all sufficiency and the consistency of Christ. There is no Stronger place to rest.
This is what He reminded me of today, so I thought maybe you friend would appreciate that reminder today as well. Lord bless you, and Keep you. He is the best place to land.

The Conversation That Kills

With a family oriented holiday right around the corner of tonight's eve, I felt the Lord burden my heart with this concept. Here is the scene, it's dinner time. You and your not-often-seen extended family are sitting across from one another, making casual, (but fake) conversation.
Why do we always feel that in order to be "real" with our conversation we have to talk about things that are considered "hot button" topics. You know, politics, region, or whether or not women should wear their hair down in church. (I just through that last one in the rile you up. :) ) But in all honesty, why do we start these heated conversations with others when we already know the outcome? Why not try lovingly asking our extended family members personal questions about themselves we know will draw us closer together AND as a result make our family member feel loved and genuinely cared for? Isn't that what we would all desire? It is what I would want, for someone to lovingly and in a caring way ask about what is REALLY going on in my life...and then follow it up with some real empathy for my struggles. That is what I really think our families are missing these days, is genuine concern for one another, we are so concerned with voicing and sharing our (right) viewpoints that we completely miss golden opportunities to share with others the love of Christ.
I doubt that the Feast of the Passover Lamb Jesus sat there and said, "do you think Ceaser is a good leader?"  NO. I bet instead He asked the folks He was sitting with how they really were, and what cares and concerns they had for the children, and probably asked how He could pray for them, and quite possible He followed them home and helped them with some yard work. That is the kind of God we serve, and we are HIS children are we not? If we claim Christ as our Lord and Savior we ought to be trying to copy Him, (in His strength) a little more. Now, I say this more to myself than anyone of you. SO do not feel as though I am pointing my finger at any one of you who read these words. These are things the Lord has placed on MY heart for MY learning and I assumed perhaps there were some who would benefit from what He is teaching me. I am to be an ambassador of His love, and representation of who He is...and at it's core my actions should say to the world, "Jesus would do this too..." Because if my actions contradict what my Savior would do, then I ought to really rethink what I am about to do or say. Our words can be deadly you know. They have the power to breath life into someone (rejuvenate) or the power to make someone feel like death. Have you ever had life-giving words spoken to you by another who lovingly took an interest in what you were saying? You could tell that in that conversation that were genuinely interested in the pain or joy going on in your life? It's only through the power of Christ and the all sufficiency of the Lord's provision that we will ever reach a place in any of our conversations that resembles what I am describing here. These life-giving words that only Christ can supply us with are the oldest rule in the book. Christ breathed life into all those He shared His truth with, in the same way God breathed life in Adam's lifeless body in creation. We are all in need of fresh-breathed words, words fresh from the mouth of Christ. Have you have ever been in a situation where no one shared your views, beliefs or thoughts? It's hard to stay there for very long, and then you get back into your normal circle of surroundings and conversation and suddenly you feel as though you can "breath again?" Well the same is true for those we come up against in our conversations.
If we not so lovingly try to persuade people through our words that essentially "they are wrong..." they feel stifled. They feel as though they are being verbally suffocated, and will look for the first opportunity to get out of that situation. I feel that way so I know others do. Some will fight back, some will actually be able to attain a healthy dialog, but this is rare. And it usually takes place when the two talking together are not far off in their points of view.
I hope I have spurred some of you on towards love and good deeds through these thoughts that the Lord has placed on my heart this morning. These are not easy things to do, turning off our own desire to steer a conversation to our desires way. But in the end, arguing never brought anyone to Christ. (not that I can recall?) However, what does attract others to Jesus is a person who is first of all loving, gentle and willing to listen. A person who takes genuine interest in another persons struggles and a person who lovingly forgoes the opportunity to try and prove their point. In hopes to lead others to Him.
I am not simply say nothing, and turn into a bean bag with no mouth or opinion, but rather, we show up, and allow Christ to take over and do the rest. Have Holy Spirit led conversations, have Christ fueled conversations. How then will we do this? Through prayer. That is the only way we will thrive through these difficult situations.
He is our all sufficient source of everything we will ever need. And that includes being the provider genuine, loving thanksgiving conversation. SO before you cross the thresh hold of your Thanksgiving feast residence, pray. Pray as if your life depends on it, because the moment we let our guard down in Christ, the humanness that eats away at us begins to show it's ugly face.
And remember friends, "In all things, we are more than conquerors through Him who provides for us..." Romans 8...
Happy Thanksgiving conversations friends, and be blessed as you become Jesus to all those who would probably never darken the door of the church. Surprise your family members and friends with His presence, and I can't wait to hear how He shows off. To GOD be the GLORY!!!! (for this is why we live, for His glory.)

Distraction

What's so bad about getting distracted once and a awhile? Many things distract me. Kids yelling, messy house, laundry, cute new shoes, that new lamp I want, and of course, the battle that wages in my mind over what to do when, and  how to best do it. Yes there are lots of things that cause distraction in our day and age. As I was praying today and asking the Lord to show me the ways that I am tempted to sin, distraction came out of the woodwork like a red letter. I realized that over the past couple of weeks I've been distracted. Now, distraction is a tool of the enemy, it's not blatantly in your face or recognizable as a tool of his to myself and probably many others.  But distraction is a perfect tool for him to use on me!! The enemy knows I will never listen if he straightforward with his ploys with me, he knows he must be crafty, sneaky and deceitful with me, and also come in softly. He know's he isn't really going to sell me on something that isn't a temptation of mine! He isn't all knowing but he has studied me long enough to know that most of the time, I am easily distracted.  Satan knows that I would never listen to him if he said "throw your Bible away!" But I may listen if he says, "your house is really messy, you should clean your house instead of reading your Bible." And many times last week I ate that lie up. Now, my house is messy at times, but the truth that combats the lie the enemy was telling me, or distracting me with last week, is this: When I give God what I know is best, my very best, my time, my energy and so on, He fills me, and grants me favor. And somehow, someway, my house will still get clean. The Lord will empower me, fill me and provide me with the time and resources to clean my messy house. And this is just one scenario. Take the scenario of, "I need to shop online because the kids need winter coats..." God knows your kids need coats. Ask Him to provide you with the time to shop online, but put His word and spending time in before shopping for your kids. See what He does with that time, my guess is your time will sprout wings and expand and grow. Time has a way of the doing that when it's in the hands of the Father.
Now that I more clearly see the ploy of the enemy, I feel less frantic, and more uplifted...I recognize that as I give God first things first, He provides the rest for me. That is just the kind of God He is.
On a deeper level, in light of a certain election coming up, think of the ways, pray about the ways that perhaps the enemy will use distraction as a tool to "pull the wool" over our eyes just long enough to create a situation. And that distraction could lead to bigger problems. Don't let the enemy distract you from what you need to focus on. Ask the Lord for eyes to see through the lies, and ears to hear through the commotion so you can know and hear the voice of the Father, instead of the loud voice that longs to drown out truth.
As you go about your day, ask the Lord to show you where distraction has taken root in your life and heart, and then ask the Father what He wants you to do about it.
I realize for some this may seem odd, because each day is so full how can you possibly tell distraction from just normal busy life? But you can, and you serve a God who is bigger than your  full day, and He will make a way where no way is seemingly possible. He makes streams in the desert. He is that kind of God. If your time feels spent before in begins, ask Him to show you how to reorganize your day, time, and thoughts to fit the mold He has designed for you. I am watching this mold unfold in my own day today, and I can assure you, it is much better than the days I had last week feeling O so flustered and distracted. He is a God who grants favor to His children. He lavishes HIS time, and HIS resources on those who ask for eyes to perceive them! I had been forgetting to ask Him for His eyes to see. For HIS ears to hear. I have my own senses it's true, but my ears and eyes are not nearly as perceptive as His. His eyes pierce through the surface of things to the heart of the matter, and His eyes see through the walls and distractions that Satan puts in my path. The enemy is crafty, but Christ is the creator of all, is in all and knows all. And that has never been more reassuring to me than in such a time as we are in right now as a nation, and in my own simple personal life. He is the God who Lord over my life's circumstances, and He is Lord over our nations circumstances, nothing happens without His allowing it, and I'm not sure if you needed to be reminded of that or not, but I do. He is Lord over all, and is in all.  ( Ephesians 4:6 and Colossians 3:11)
So today I pray this:
"Lord, give me eyes to see the places in my life, mind and heart where I have been distracted. Show me how to have my eyes set fully on you, your plans for me and the attitudes that you want to settle in into my heart. That my attitude should be that as the same as Jesus Christ. That my day reflects the kind of day YOU Lord want me to have, and that I glorify you Father with every moment of my day, flicker of my eye and attitude in my heart. Thank you Jesus for being the kind of King who stands in the gap for me, sheds the light of truth into my life and then helps me up from the dirt when I fall down. I serve you with every single second, for there is a reason I'm alive for this blink of eye." AMEN!

Intentional

Do you know how hard it is to be intentional? I mean really!! Being intentional is really difficult. Being intentional means you are being proactive instead of reactive. Intentional means you are doing premeditated preparation. In the biblical world this means you are praying, studying and preparing your heart to do whatever it is you are set out to be intentional about. In my case, I am doing "intentional parenting." I am being intentional with each of my children, anticipating their felt needs, and then meeting them in a way that makes them feel safe, loved, respected and doing it all with a heart of sincerity instead of a heart of manipulation in order to get what I want out of the situation. Does that sound exasperating? Well, I will admit, I go to bed more tired that I ever have before, BUT the good news is is that I have the power of the Lord on my side, the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and the forgiveness of Jesus for when I know I fall short. He meets me in the gap, and helps me across the great divide. Because guess what? HE is intentional with me. HE is my example. People always say it's unfair when Jesus is used as the standard, map or game plan, but quite honestly, who else would we rather look like? He has everything I'd ever hope to have, and He looks like the very best version I'd ever see...so if I was totally honest with you, He is the only one I really care to copy. Why not take the time to learn how He was with His "children" and go from there? SO that is where I am starting. He was an intentional leader. He took time even when no time seemed to exist to spend quality, intimate time with His "kids" and He did it with a heart of sincerity. As I said, He is all I could ever hope to be.
What sparked my desire to be intentional? The reality that coasting through parenting is just not good enough. I realized if I am going to set my kids of with the foundation that will last a lifetime, I cannot expect to build that foundation for and with them with half-hearted effort. I cannot give my kids all they need in 20 mintues a day. I cannot, meet their love needs when I am unhealthy. So my first line of action is to feed myself the "food" I need to feed to them ultimately. I cannot hand out encouragement when I am discouraged. So the first place I stop is the bus stop of my marriage. If my marriage is in shambles, I cannot expect to have much to give to my kids. Asking the Lord to work on my marriage was a great place to start, as He is doing His thing there, (which can sometimes be painful because in entails Him extracting some of my bad habits, and usually extraction of any kind is somewhat painful.) But after He has begun His work there, I know I am now in better shape to minister to my children. My relationship with my husband is really important in relation to my health for ministering and training my kids. I am not saying it is impossible for a mother to do this without a thriving relationship with her husband, it is just much more difficult. So mothers with unbelieving husbands, do not despair, Christ is your husband as well as your Father, and He will stand in that divide for you.
Think about the times we do things with just half of our capability...we know it don't we? I know I do. If i just halfway run a 5k, at the end of it, I still have some juice left in me so to speak, then I know I wasn't running to my full potential. But when I run out hard core, open it up all the way, full throttle, empowered by Christ, Fueled with the passion that He has given me to run, guess how much better I feel at the end?  Much.
The reality though is that parenting is not a sprint. It's more like an ultra marathon, and that my friends, is why I need to be intentional. I cannot expect to be consistent with my children day in and day out, if I just drink 10 sips of Gatorade. Staying in the context of running, I would pass out if I only had short term hydration. But, if instead I fuel myself with a water bottle in each hand, and one on my hip, chances are, I'll stay hydrated to run the full distance, if I can take the time to take sips of water every mile or so, I will finish much stronger.
In the past, I went out on the road of parenting, with great expectations, I had all the right gear on, but I hadn't done any of the preparation. Someone once said to me, "being a parent is more than just giving birth." And friends, they couldn't have been more right on. I will admit, just in case any of you think I seem to know a lot, know this: I just cracked my first real parenting book 2 months ago. Real parenting take preparation. Knowing my children's  in's and out's. The things that make them get frustrated, makes them tick, and what causes them to get upset. All those things are really key in the dream of us having a day that ends in peace rather than screaming and frustration. The main key point I have realized in my preparation is this: I have to be so filled with Jesus that I feel how He feels about my kids. Meaning, I have to love them regardless. My love cannot be conditional, and above all else, under no circumstances can I let my emotions get in the way of how I treat them when they are mad. Easier said than done right. Oh yes. But by the grace of God the more tap into His all sufficient power that exceeds all human effort or understanding, we can situation by situation begin to parent in a way that reflects His divine authority. No one wants to follow an evil dictator Father, NO, we want a servant leader. One who will get in and get their hands dirty. Am I willing to go and help my son pick up those 400 Lego's on his floor? Or am I ordering Him in all my self-driven authority to clean up his mess? There are times children need to do things on their own, but I remind myself that I serve a God who literally took my mess to the cross, and cleaned it all up for me. If only I recognize my need for the help. No mother or father is perfect. Not on this side of heaven anyways...but what I do know is the Jesus is perfect, and He made a way for me not just in death, but in life. He wants me to tap into the very best life source right now...and that source is Jesus. He is the only way I will conquer, or excel in any avenue of life, parenting including. I want the best for my kids because He gave me His best. I don't want well behaved kids so that when we are out people can say, "wow, what nice kids you have..." Rather I want well behaved kids because well behaved kids reflect an inner spirit that serves their King. I want them to have a good platform to build their life on, not financially, rather I want them secure in love, and filled with knowledge of where love began. Love began when a life was literally laid down. I lay my life down, my selfish desires and my wants, knowing He knows what I need. And He will meet my needs. He is the ultimate, perfect Father. He is my example, and I am thankful. Intentional life is possible through Jesus.

Forgive ME

Forgiveness. Isn't that a warm word? It brings up so many good thoughts, feelings and emotions for me. When your brother says, "I forgive you..." Or your husband extends the hand of forgiveness to you after you did something selfish. We all need to experience forgiveness.
Forgiving another person is freedom. And in order to forgive someone you have to be able say, "I'm not going to go there in my thoughts any more." That is why forgiving in so freeing. It literally free's up space in your mind...and thoughts. It creates new space for better thinking.
Usually when we hold onto an attitude of un-forgiveness which is really just another word for bitterness...it's because we have been wronged. Someone, somewhere did something to us to hurt us or cause us pain. And under no circumstances are we going to go down without a fight. Anyone relate to those feelings? I know I can. We say in our hearts, "You hurt me, and you will pay." We are this way by our sinful selves, and our sinful thoughts and attitudes heap more pain onto an already wounded heart. Before we know it we are consumed with anger, frustration and yes, bitterness towards the guilty party who wronged us. I didn't even mention yet if this guilty party is aware that they did anything wrong. That is the other side of this coin, most often when these situations arise in our lives, the person wronged is doing all the festering and the other party has no idea how badly they hurt another. This is how conflict arises, families, friendships and churches are torn apart (just to name a few) and all in the name of, "it's my right to be mad." No one wants to lay down the pain they have a right too. What if I told you, I have no rights? What if I told you, no-one owes me anything? What if I told you, that it's not your fault? Well, i am going to tell you those things. That is what God is telling me. He said this to me, "I'ts not about what you've done, but rather darling, what's been done for you." He died. That's what was done. So what could someone possibly do to me that would be so bad that I would have to stay so mad and bitter towards them, when while I was YET in sin, Christ died for me. What about those right's I talked about? I'm called to love. Lay down my life in love for my friends, (give up my rights over theirs) Die to self. Die to my rights, my way, and my desires. Selfless.
How's that for a nice wardrobe of heart attitudes to put on? I will have to do some serious "putting off " of old attitudes if I'm going to make room for these new ones.
But it's putting off that I'd better make time for...if I want to be healthy. If I want to be whole. If I want to thrive, and be well in Christ. I cannot walk around with pain from past built up bitterness, resulting from unforgivness. It's time to move on. It's time to say enough to my selfish thoughts, attitudes and behavior. No more. I'ts time to forgive.
Who it was that wronged us matters not, what matters is that we hand that person over to Jesus and say,
"I can't hold onto this anymore." "This person is yours to deal with, they are not my problem. They are not even a problem at all, they are your child. You train them, and I surrender any feelings I had towards that person, to you, Lord."
Easier said that done right? But forgiveness IS freedom. It creates freedom. It smells of Freedom. And the only person unforgiveness really hurts is YOU. It makes you lug around that ugly, black and horribly smelling bag around with you wherever you go. It's the, "I can't believe what they did" Tote bag. It's the "I can't believe what she said" purse, and trust me, those bags are HEAVY. And eventually your little heart will just freeze up all together because it cannot take the pressure anymore.
Sometimes, the person we need to forgive lives in our home with us. Their share our food with us. And sometimes the person we need to forgive is ourselves. The person you used to be. The person who used to live in your body. The person that didn't know they had an issue, but once realized they did, moved on physically, and maybe even somewhat spiritually, but NOT emotionally. Forgiving oneself from past mistakes is crucial...once you have repented in all ways necessary, it's it healthy then to ask the Lord to help us forgive ourselves.
We do not forgive naturally. But over time, and with much practice we will begin to do this with more ease. It's not just a motion we go through, our hearts have to match our feet. They must be in step, and the only way any of this is even remotely possibly is through the power of Christ. He alone has the power to move us to a place of forgiveness. He wrote the book on forgiveness (literally) and He has the power to help us apply that book's wisdom to our every breath.
I am on a journey. No, I have not arrived...I probably won't until I reach heaven, BUT, He is working on me, and this is just yet another chapter in the story of my life, and I figured that you may be encouraged by my life lessons as well.

Forgive, and be free.

Who I answer to..

As a stay at home mommy, I do not have a boss really, I mean, I work for family, serve them, and I guess you could say my husband pays my way...:) But really, who do I answer to?
I was giving this some thought because Jesus was in a similar place, (not that I am comparing myself to Him) but, I am saying, He answered to whom alone? God. God was His end point, and His starting place, His backboard and everything in between. I kinda like that we have that in common. You see, in my position as a mom, I could do all things just enough to get by. I could scratch together some dinner, (not that that doesn't happen once and a while) I could do things sort of half-heartedly, moping around, slothing my way though the laundry... that sort of thing, but I realize, I serve a leader who delights in excellence... I serve a creator who put utmost detail into everything He did, because He delighted in doing so. SO here is the catch...am I delighted? Delighted in serving my family? Delighted to wash the boogers off of my sweet baby's face? Am I delighted in the pure and simple fact that God made me with a purpose that makes me have reason beyond myself?
"We are not trying to please me but God, who tests our hearts..." 1 Thessalonians 2:4b
He is my end point. He is my start. He is my everything in between.
And I serve Him.
So my ministry is this: show people where-ever I am, that I love Jesus. And I don't mean with my words, note, I said SHOW. Show implies action. Show means walking it out with my existence, my facial expressions, the places my feet go. I am not in a Jesus box, I am in a place of co-existing with  a Father who speaks His love to others, hopefully through me.
Hopefully, my children feel this, as well as the cashier at Target. But it shouldn't be my words that convince a person I love Jesus. It should be in my very existence. It should be so organic to me, that the folks with me, will have a hard time finding where Jesus starts, and I leave off. Our writing should be so similar, one would wonder who was speaking, me or Him? That is how I want my life to be.
So when I say I want to look like the one who is mentoring me, I do. I want to be His twin, in my home, in my life, and everywhere I go.
The thing I have noticed, that has caused me to be very thankful, is that when you are right where He wants you, you find yourself being very thankful. Not that gratitude can't be a choice, because many days, we must CHOOSE to be thankful. And the great thing about thankfulness is that it breeds more thankfulness. So as you begin to list off the things you are thankful for that He has blessed you with, don't be surprised if you find yourself unable to stop the thankfulness list. I can only imagine how pleased this makes Him as well...
Think about how great you feel when someone says, thanks! And they mean it...
So as I go about the work I do, with an attitude of thankfulness for the role model who not only placed me in the perfect working place, but He also continually, constantly, shows me how to do better, and excel in my job. That is one amazing boss huh? Not to be cheesy, but I think He still has some mentor positions open...He seems to hire just about anybody, from prostitutes to handsome Kings, He apparently makes a job available for everyone who asks...( He will probably ask you to stop being a prostitute though if that is where your coming from) :) (I would guess He has work for you somewhere else...)
SO my friends, who are we working for? Who are we really working for? You may have a boss....and that's good too! You may have an earthly person you answer to, but do you know that even though you clock in and out somewhere else, your life with Jesus, your real boss is with you always and has some skill sets He is longing to teach you, encourage you on, and direct you in, if only we admit our need for some on the job training. I know I need it. My hand was raised before He even finished the question..."Pick me, pick me! I need your help! This life equation is really hard and I can't figure it out on my own...my pencil broke and my eye-sight is horrible...could you help me make sense of the mess I'm in??? And friends, every time I ask, and I mean EVERY SINGLE TIME I ask, He answers. Loud and clear. He gives me aid, He picks me up, and He sets me on my way.
My children are thankful He does this for me, as is my husband...what a journey. What a Savior. What a Friend. Thank you Jesus...thank you.

A Woman In Her Home

That title makes you think I'm old fashioned doesn't it? I'm not. I promise. But I am beginning to have some the old time views that I used to shudder at, become more clear to me. (and entice me)
This life is chaos right? Can I hear an amen from all women everywhere? Even if children are not in your life, our home life is still busy. Lets face it, life is fast paced, and it's not slowing down. Or is it?
What if I told you life could slow down? What if I told you that you can enjoy making dinner? What if I told you that you could find joy in folding clothes? What if I told you that your "failures" as a parent are really just a great stepping stone for growth?
I don't consider this a self help speech, I consider this a word that the Lord has written on my heart for me, and I want to share it! When I find something THIS good, I do want to share it.
All my life I have lived in the fast paced lane. I slowed down only when forced to because I was either side-lined by pregnancies that were difficult, or by exhaustion. Otherwise, I was not happy unless I was moving. It was preferable too if the movement was done outside of my home.
It seems as though God has firmly told me to "slow down."
He has asked me to slow my life in many ways, to take a step back, and focus on what He has told me is most important right now. My family, my home, and some ministry inside my home church. That's it! No extras He says. Did I mention the peace I have right now? If I didn't, I should, because friends... the Lord has breathed peace into my every day life like I have never felt before. And did I mention how thankful I am that He stopped me dead in my tracks I was while running a hundred miles an hour down the face paced track of the life I was certain I would live forever?
Turns out, faster is not always better. (that coming from a runner is profound huh?!!!) :)
I have begun to realize a few jobs I have dangerously neglected. And not just neglected, but lost all joy in them when I did realize I had to carry those tasks out in some way or my home would cave in. So I would pull my exhausted, exasperated body from the floor and start to fold. that. laundry. (insert scary music)
Oh sisters in Christ, Don't you think Christ wanted me to be victorious in my home?? He did. And does. But I was moving so fast, I couldn't even stop to catch my breath to ask Him for help. I was just that tired. (and busy)
My three children, were with me, chaos. I brought them into my whirlwind. I had to ask for their forgiveness. My busy life was wreaking havoc on my home, my children, and my marriage. SLOW DOWN God said, and I have. SO now that I have room to breath, and I can see some things as the dust is clearing, I am not entirely sure I like what I see. Some things are in shambles. So I have begun to pray for the Lord to show me where to start. He started with putting a song of joy in my heart. He has lifted the heavy burden I put on myself, and with this song in my heart, I am finding myself humming while folding laundry. A job that used to make me cringe. And I am realizing, my place is in this home. Serving my family. Making sure my husband has a hot meal each night. And I made the meal with joy. My life is fueled by Christ, empowered by Him to breath life into the family He blessed me with. What a high calling. I am thankful that He slowed me so that I could see what a high calling it really is. I used to think that "just" being at home, taking care of kids and cooking meals was a downer??? (insert the just shoot me comment) That is how I used to feel. But now that I have taken a step back, I have gained some perspective. He blessed me with a husband to serve, (yes, serve) children to train...a home to warm, and make inviting for when my tired man gets home from work, and He has given me food to prepare for them. I GET to fuel my family, with home-maid goodness each and every day. And now I also fuel my children with a Bible lesson each morning before they head out into the preschool and kindergarten world. THAT is a gift.
I promise I'm not on the soapbox of the stay at home mom. BUT, I have realized the difference this earth shattering change has made in MY life, and the life of my family. It's a huge transformation. Now I know many of you readers have come to this conclusion long before God had to lasso me into stopping. But now that it's coming clear, I can identify with all you mom's who clearly have done this, this victorious mom life thing so well for all these years. So i'm a slower learner, but hey, I'm a work in progress. And I am so thankful that I serve a God who isn't done with me yet. Did I mention I"m thankful???!!! I mean really...really...gut-wrenching thankful. Fall on my floor and kiss the feet of Jesus thankful. I love my new found calling, (even though I've had a home for 9 years, a husband for 8.5 year and kids for 5 years, I guess better late then never huh?)  So mommies....this is your anthem, serve on. For His glory...

Never Too Late

To start over. Never to late for God to redeem. Never to late to do something better with what He has given me. Never to late to do life more wholeheartedly.
I was going to title this blog 'wholeheartedly' but then, I realized that only touched on a piece of what I wanted to convey here in this blog post. The Lord has been gracious to me in revealing a huge area of sin in my life. And it is called, half-hearted parenting. Anyone know this?
I know it ALL to well. Unfortunately. It means, I have not been giving my children, and ultimately my GOD, my very best.
It means I take MY selfish stresses out on my kids in a loud voice, it means they suffer when MY time (that I actually signed up to give away when I gave birth to them...) is threatened.
You know it went a little something like this: " What do you mean you not tired????!!! You HAVE to nap! Mommy. NEEDS. A Break.
Can anyone see a better way to handle that?
I can. Now....
How about this, maybe this would be better. Mommy senses she is getting tired. Drops to her knees, and asks Jesus to strengthen her for the remainder of the day, she asks the Lord to help her....and she takes each breath in Him until she feels re-energized. SO then if nap time isn't going to be a reality that day, this mommy now has her attitude boosted by the ultimate source of energy.

I have had a bit of a para-dime shift in my thinking....you see I never realized, or actaully, I never took the time to focus on what God really wanted me to do with my children. One key word has rung through the silence....and the word is TRAIN.
I began reading the book, "The 5 Love Languages of Children" and for those of you who know me well, know that this a really big deal. I don't read any book other than God's word, because I always sited that, " I have no time for any other book..." Turns out, I need to make time. The Lord has taught me so much through this book, and I have realized I have barely scratched the surface in what it means to truly know my child, MINISTER to my child, and encourage my child in the ways of the Lord. (train) And therefore, I have aquirred some real tools on how to be a better Mommy to my precious gifts. Turns out, that just like me, (go figure) my children, have a primary love language...and when that primary love language is not being met, they begin to act out. But in my ignorance, I just thought they were being naughty for no real reason. But the book states to me that my children act out when they feel  unloved, in hope of attaining some sort of affection, attention or otherwise from me. I was very struck by this. I sat on the floor and balled my eyes out because I realized all of my failures. Once having accepted that in many ways I had royally screwed up, I called my dear friend who encouraged me, and together we moved on. She encouraged me not to stay there, but rather to thank the Lord that He took the time to stop me dead in my tracks and cared enough about me to show me a better way. Parenting through His supply...taking it to the next level. Giving my children the love they needed. My love should not be based on how I feel, it is not conditional. It is not situational. It's not based on how well the perform, or listen, or obey. It is based on the true and simple fact that Christ loves me this way, and He is my example. I can, and I will love my children because they are His children. As I have begun to put this into practice, to put my role in my home, my MINISTRY in my home ahead of outside ministries, I have SEEN the change in a HUGE way. Are my children perfect? Of course not. But they are responding. They are noticing the change in me, and they are clearly doing much better. I want a thriving family. A family that is well cared for. Not one that is just barely scraping by because lets face it, Mommy is to tired to read books to you tonight. (not that we don't all have our bad days or nights once and a while.) But all in all, Mommy is being powered by Christ, and I have confirmation after confirmation that He is pleased with my new found change of doing things.
He keeps lining things up for me, and most days, I feel stacked. I mean, (well supplied) with everything that I need. I realized that I was heading down a path of destruction. Not just for myself but also for my children. Their well being and ability to thrive was being scwelched in a major way by my choosing my own comfort over theirs.
It's not that I neglected them...but I clearly was not giving them the best. I was not considering them a ministry. They were merely apart of what I did. You know, you can wash the floors in your kitchen, OR you can turn on the music you little floor washing machine, get down and get dirty, washing those floors with all your heart soul and mind, singing praise music to Jesus the entire time. See the difference? Jesus sees the difference...and now,  so do I.
(as do my children)
My children, home life and husband have benefited from this change that God has brought about in my life...and although there are days where I feel as though I do nothing for myself, I see where HE meets my needs instead of me striving, and pushing and yelling my way into getting some down time. Jesus has changed me, and met me where I was at my weakest...and then He showed me a better way.
There are seasons to all things. There may be another time in my life where He tells me it's OK for me to branch out and do more outside of the home ministry opportunities again, but right now I am incredibly thankful that He took the time to take me off the rat race wheel of busy-ness that was causing me to become this person I hated. (at home) He saw that when I had filled my plate so full, I began to crack, and the people whom He chose for me to minister to first were suffering.
I know life is an ongoing journey of becoming more and more like the person He wants me to be. And this is just another stepping stone in that process. I am so thankful. I serve a God who seriously takes my sanctification seriously. How could He be any more personal?
I mean this not to be a message of how any mom should be like me, for His plans for you are different than His plans for me, but I thought perhaps my message of redemption, and His promise to" restore the years the locust had eaten" would encourage some of you as well. It's never to late for Him to turn us around, and slow us down, and show us a different way. I love this about the God we serve. Every day is an adventure...my joy is back, my peace is abounding, and yes, I feel blessed.

Stuff You Don't Intend To Share

The Lord has told me to "go there." You know, that honest place that usually you don't comfortably share from??? That place that you say to yourself, "If I say this out-loud, it makes it real..." Yes that is the place the Lord has asked me to go. So here I go.
I have always loved children. And once I had my first, I wanted 32. (maybe not that many but close) and there are two real reasons why I love children. The first reason is because they are such a blessing. Truly, my biggest blessing outside of the redemptive work of Christ. The second reason I think I love them so much is because I have now been told, I can't have anymore. Or rather, I shouldn't have any more.
I sometimes feel a little guilty saying "more" because  I realize how abundantly blessed I am to have three. I have one in heaven that we lost early on, but I have three in my arms as I speak. And that is huge. I feel hugely blessed. And yet, when I heard the Dr utter the words, "A fourth child would be life-threatening to you..." I died a little inside. (not to be too dramatic) but in all honesty that is how I felt. Of course my longing for more came with many mixed emotions. "Be thankful for what you have..." Said one voice. Another voice said, "How could you be so ungrateful, quit pinning away over something you don't have when you already have so much." And there is a thread of truth in both of those voices. But a I sat on the cold hard medical table, holding my 3rd child, my new born third child, the Doctor's words were as thick as mud, and cold as ice. "She should be your last..." "My last..." The words rang out and hit me in the stomach like a sledge hammer. The tears were hot on my cheeks and the lump was heavy in my throat. My last. And I lifted my face heavenward and began to ask the Lord..."why..."
I don't think He was mad at me for asking why. The months following were somewhat filled with mix emotion filled days. One moment I'd be so thankful for what God gave me, and thinking, "How could I ever ask for more..." and other days I'd have to pull myself up off the floor from my heap of tears, knowing that everything my human heart longed for, (more children) would not be fulfilled or "satisfied" on this side of heaven, I ranged from hopelessness, to "what the heck is wrong with you..." and so went the saga. My poor husband was drug through the trenches with me. Some days I'd share with him and other days I'd bottle it up, but I think he knew deep down that regardless of how I looked on the outside, the battle to give God control of everything in my life was a tough one, but one that he could not fight for me. I had to give up before I could let The peace of the LORD sink in. I was holding on so tightly to the "dream" I had that I was forfeiting all the joy the Lord was extending to me with open hands.
So here I sat in a place of "what now?" for quite some time. Wrestling with the Lord over my determined fate. Questioning, and begging for a different answer. An Answer I liked. An answer that fit MY plan for my life. But as we often find along the road, our plans are quite frequently different that His plan for us. And He gently reminded me in many different ways, that He is the potter, and I am the clay.
As time passed, I ran to other places for false security.I rested in a place of false security for a while last year, and then fed my new dream with new lies. I found something earthly that satisfied me for a bit, but of course, man made sources of peace to not fill the void long term. And Christ and His truth is the only real answer to our longings, black holes...and pain.
I was in a place where He was asking me to trust HIS place for MY life, and to trust that HE had something better for me than anything that I had ever imagined up in my own human thinking.
As I buried myself in His truth, in His promises, in His Word, I began to sense the shift of "How could this be happening..." To..."Lord, I want what you want for me." And if this is what you want...teach me how to thrive in this place. Is this what I had imagined for myself? No. It was not. My healing had not come. My "problem" was not gone, and my fate remained the same.
It was as if I kept hearing Him say, "don't look at this with human eyes...trust me." So I prayed for eyes to see what He saw, and heart to accept His plan.
This plan of His is still very much unknown to me. But since that difficult day in January of 2011...when my "fate was sealed," I have come so far. My thinking has changed. I have begun to daily, take my eyes off of my circumstances, and placed them on my heavenly Father. I daily thank Him for the three blessings (four really) He gave me in the children I hold in my arms now...but THEY are not my Savior, they are blessings, not the answer though. And even more children would not be the final answer I believe...
What God is teaching me here is this: I am His. His plan is best...and my peace lies in chasing after Him, and laying down all I "once held dear.."
I am a living sacrifice to my King. My longings are His. My desires are His...my hopes and dreams and plans, yes, they are all His as well. The sick in the pit of my stomach comes back once and a while, you know for a time it hit whenever I saw another woman holding a child in her womb, but whenever the sick came back, I handed it to Him. He reminds me constantly to not let someone else's blessing steal my peace. Their blessing is theirs...and mine is just for me. He has a different plan for me than He does for others...and slowly I have begun to rejoice with those who rejoice because I know, His plan is best.
Is it easy? No. The narrow road is NOT easy. Is honestly easy? No. But it's best. I transparency easy? No, but it's what I'm called to be.
Someone once said, "Don't waste you pain. Use it to give God glory..." So what the enemy would have loved to be to my detriment, God is using for my betterment. I am a better person because my plan did not work out.
I don't claim to know what the Lord has in store for my future....But I am OK with that. How can I be? Because I trust that if He allowed this challenge into my life I have faith that He will only do something amazing with my trials. Can I trust the one who gave up His life for me? Who took my pain and sorrow and sin and hung it on the cross with Him when He died for me many years ago? Yes. That is a Savior I can trust.
I hope my story, or testimony gives you hope in your pain and trials. I have peace knowing that my trials are first of all making me look more like my Father, but they are also hopefully strengthening others to trust Him as well.
He has in many ways turned my sorrow into laughter, and I know His work is not done yet. Stay tuned...who knows what He has in store for me here, but I will be sure to fill you in when I know. Blessings can come in raindrops.

It must be taught... (Wives)

I have been spending a lot of time thinking about the role of the wife/mother, the woman's "role" in her home, and life. As a wife, I am learning, that just because we have a wedding, and then give birth to children it is not always easy for me to render my own desires for that of another. Rather, to surrender my way and will to the desires of my husband, who at the end does get the final word in our home. He does love me as he ought, which means he considers my desires and wishes, and through prayerful Godly wisdom makes the right choice for our family, and I can say I cannot think of a time where he has painfully steered us wrong. He is a good leader, so for me, it now becomes a choice. A choice to lay down my will. My desires that well up inside of me to be in control. My desires to lead the way, to charge ahead, and say no to the order that God placed over us. God made man first. God, asked woman to be His helper. Man needs a helper. It's true. We do need one another. Have you ever seen a home that has been left unattended by a woman for a week or so if she has left town, its a sad sight. But, have you ever seen a woman try to "do it all" with the home, children, finances, yard, work and everything in between? It can be done, but its very difficult. There are certain cases where abandoned women do have to do this, but in a perfect world that woman is being helped by outsiders, and she is given a grace and a strength that is special to her, from the Lord. (I believe)  That was a bit of a tangent but I think it was worth addressing.
SO what am I getting at here? I doubt that what I am saying here is a very popular view with most women today, and I am the first to say, this is not an easy thing to do, to accept this role. But let me tell you something girls, this role, the calling? It's a high calling. The calling to love your family, respect your husband, and serve them. I need to add who's strength we are serving in however. If you simply pull yourself up by your bootstraps and say, "I'm going to lay myself aside and do this thing." Well you will fall. Maybe not right away, but doing something by sheer determination is not good enough for the span of a lifetime. Not only is that avenue exasperating, it's not how it's intended to be. Rather, the Maker of the order of the family, also wants to empower you to fill that role. He wants to show you not only HOW to do it, but He wants to be the means by which you do it. He wants to fuel you. He wants to lead you and guide you into the best way to fill the role He gave you. If you have a husband right now  it is safe to say that God wants you to be wife. If you have children it's safe to say that God wants you to be a mother. Now I find rather ironic that in the book of Titus, Titus states that older women need to "TRAIN the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self controlled, and pure, to be busy at home and to be kind, to be subject to their husband." (Titus 2:4-5) Isn't that interesting? We have to be trained to do what most people probably assume is to come to us naturally. No, love is not organic. Sure, it's easy to love those easy to love, and sometimes it's true, our children and husbands are easy to love. I have those moments. :) But most of the time, we choose to love. Most of the time through Godly leading, wisdom and good choices, we train ourselves to love people even when it's hard. We have choices to make, because as soon as the "warm fuzzy" goes away in marriage or in mother hood, then all of a sudden your at war with yourself. You want your way. You, as a women have a need! And it's true. You do have needs. And it's especially hard to put down your own desires when the one whom you are putting them down for does not appear to appreciate the sacrifice. I feel that way all the time. I forfeit my shower so I can make the kids cupcakes, and then they won't eat them. Really?! I think?! I sacrificed for you! Your so ungrateful!!! But then I have begun to realize...I have a constant source of peace living right inside of me, and I nearly almost always, forget to tap into that peace. My best advocate lives with me in my soul. He knows what I need. So when I am following His leading, His plan or ordained way, I know He is doing what is best for me. He is always working for me.
SO say in the case of a wife whose husband keeps making bad choices for her family, she can do her best to follow hard after God, place her life in the hands of the very capable Father, and also place her husband and his seemingly bad choices in the Fathers hands. She can do all that the Father leads her to do, and she can respect her husband even through the challenges, because she knows the Father is really in control. In cases of abuse it's clear that women should not sit and be abused, but in cases where a women is disagreeing with what the man is doing, she can be confident of one thing, as she the wife, respects her husband, the authority that the Lord placed over her, she can be at peace even if her circumstances are less than desirable. For our peace and hope are not found in our circumstances, but rather in our Savior.
What we have in our lives right now, is fleeting. It's not eternal. God, His Kingdom and His plan, that is eternal. If we can focus on this one thing when things get difficult on the home front, we can be at peace. We fix our eyes on Jesus, trust that His plan for us is perfect and walk forward being women of truth, women of conviction, women who love, respect and submit to their men, we know that HE, Christ, is our advocate. This is the way things were intended to be by the design of the creator.
You will see this format written all over His word. And now, I want you to know, there is joy found in this. There is peace found in this. There is contentment found in this. There is no such thing as a perfect man. The man who is cuter, nicer and stronger than your husband, the one you imagine when you and your husband are fighting, that man does not exist. The only man who exists if you are married, is your husband. We need to learn, we need to be trained, how to love our husbands and children. SO in the event that you see a man other than your husband who happens to catch you eye, and you are feeling tempted in your minds eyes, (your heart and meditations there of) call upon the Lord for His strength, and then ask the Lord to overwhelm you with love for your husband. Wives, if you do this, you will see the change in yourself, and it's a little surprising at first when you begin to feel the warmth of His love, well up in your heart for your husband and children, that formerly felt completely empty of love. But friends, God can be surprising! He surprises me all the time with what He does, and can do with a heart that is willing to let Him make some changes.
Think about this wives....It's worth your time. Truly. It's the difference of having a semi-bearable marriage verses a marriage that is thriving, growing and just plain fun.
I love my husband, we have had our ups and downs, and trust me, many times early on I thought divorce would be my best friend. But I have to tell you, I am so glad the Lord grabbed a hold of me, lifted my gaze to His, and showed me a better way. It's just what you do when no-one is watching, it's what you pray that no-one but the Father hears...it's in the quiet places that the change happens...but that is how you know the change is for real. He is the reason, the source, and everything in between. Jesus is the difference. Love you sisters in Christ. You know I will pray for you as you read this.

Why is trusting so hard?

Along with other questions that roll around my mind, this one comes up so often. Why is it so hard for us as people, to trust Jesus. To trust that His accounts are real that we read in the Word, to trust that He was for real, that He existed and is who He says He is, and will do what He said He would do. Why do we doubt?
A few thoughts:
WE did not just happen.
We DO have some sort of a moral compass. (otherwise people would be getting married to animals, and sisters and brothers would start marrying.)
We like to think there is a plan for our lives. (we need something to have hope for)
We want to be good enough to go to heaven (if there is one, some might add)
And if there is a hell, we certainly would be too good to go there.  (many think)

Did I touch any of you with those thoughts? They are thoughts I had before I gave my life over to Jesus.
We all want something to believe in. That is one that I really focused on when I was not walking with the Lord. Hope. I wanted hope. Hope for something. Hope for the next thing, hope for my future, hope  so that today would not be  a dark day. And when I closed my eyes at night, hope that tomorrow would be better than that day was. If your single, it's usually hope for the next relationship, if you childless, it's hope for a child. If your jobless, it's hope and excitement over the potential future, house hunting, hopeful in the next house...you get the idea. But you see, all that hope, is in human things. Things that can in an instant, end. Jobs, relationships, children, and homes, they all can be put to end, and often do. Women miscarry, homes burn down and jobs are lost on a weekly basis. So then what? You just start hoping for the next thing? And now what do you do with the loss you are experiencing over the last hope you just lost? I will tell you friend, this is what life looks like without Jesus.
I have been pondering a lot lately, about what Jesus did for me. On the cross.
SO many people of His day were so hostile towards Him. He spoke of truth, morality, and how man fits into it, and basically, the people of His day and age did not like being told that they were "not good enough" by following a law to enter into eternal life. They were not OK with the idea that they needed someone to save them, and that perhaps their self-induced righteousness was not good enough for the gates of heaven. This was offensive to them.
Today we are really not that much different I would say.
We are a "do it yourself" (with a little help) type of culture, and the fact that someone would have the audacity to say that we were not capable of doing a good will life on our own, is offensive to us.
But Jesus came for one reason only: To save you.
He came so that you could have life. He came so that you would not have to worry about measuring up, being good enough or worrying if when you died, where you might go....
Some people have said, "When I die, i'm going in the ground...and I'm OK with that." But friend, if the ground is where you go, then what purpose is your life right now? To make a name for yourself with a small crowd? Or perhaps if your lucky you die a hero, which is why you see Muslim terrorists blowing themselves up for the sake of their God... But even if you die a "hero" you are still dead, and your heroic name will maybe be repeated once or twice...is that affirming to you? It's not to me.
I long for more. I long for more to hope in. More promise then that. More. And the only person who ever offered me more, was Jesus. In His word, He told me He came to give me abundant life. Abundant screams more to me. It shows me that my thinking and longing for something more to hope in, is warranted.  It's good to have faith and hope. But we ought to make sure that what we are putting our hope in, is reliable. If it's not, were just toast at the end. We all deep inside of us want a purpose, and we want validation that we are important. Well you know who makes me important? Jesus. I don't need to make a name for myself in this world, because I know that in Jesus, I am all I have ever longed to be. Through Christ, I am really something, and it's not what you think. IN Christ, I am a child of  KING. In Christ, I am told that I can do all things. In Christ I am more than a conqueror. And In Christ, I am safe...saved...and held, not to mention I have reason for eternal hope. And the most amazing part of it all is that He didn't owe me a thing, but He gave me it all. Without Christ I am nothing. Without God's plan to send His son into the world to DIE for ME, I would be left dead in my sins. Dead in sinful state. We are all sinful. We all do something bad at least once in life, and according to God standards, we have to be perfect if we are going to make it into heaven on our own. So if you can be absolutely perfect and never ever, not once, not even once do one bad thing, then you should be fine.
But as for me, I realize i'm way passed that option. I knew I needed something else. Even though everything in me cried, "it's against my nature to let someone help me much less SAVE me.." I knew Jesus was my only option to have something worth living for. And then, my friends, once I took that step I realized something else, it goes so much deeper than just being saved. Now I have life, and I have a reason for each day. You know, a reason that goes beyond myself. A reason that runs deeper than ",making it through the day."
Jesus came, He loved us, He died for us, He saved us, and He made a way for us.
People of His day had a hard time accepting His gift. It wasn't free though, it cost Jesus His life. His very human life. And He went through agony for me. So I could be saved. He saved me before I loved Him. That is what really gets me. He died for me while I was rejecting Him.
But that is the kind of Savior He is.
Do you know this Savior that I speak of? If not, will you open a Bible, turn to the book of John and start getting to know Him?
It's a journey worth embarking on.

Love Like He Did

Who would of thought that " a little word" like l-o-v-e would be so hard!? I mean, it's easy to love those easy to love, but what about those people in our life that we have a little less than love for? What do we do with the commandment to "Love God's people?" when the God's people we are encountering are somewhat hard to love? Well, as I have been pondering these things a few avenues of thought have come to mind. First of all, we do nothing in our own strength, but by the strength that Jesus so overwhelmingly supplies us with. We are His hands and feet right? Do you know what this means though? We will love others AS HE DID, powered and fueled by HIM and the way we know how to do this, is by how we KNOW Him. We know Him by how we study Him and learn from Him as we read the Word, and talk with Him. We know how He lived His life by how we poor into the Scriptures. This "ancient" book of truth is more than just a "good read." It is one of the most important ways we can come to know Jesus, how He lived His life, and how we can live and LOVE just like He did. (in His strength). The beauty of being a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ is that we no longer have to rely upon our own human (flawed) ability to overcome, accomplish and thrive in the ways He desired us to live our lives. You know you just feel better when you do a job well don't you? When you finish something the way it ought to be finished? Well t his life, and these relationships we are in and are apart of in this life are just one big long saga of finishing well. It's the long on going construction project of our lives and how we live, and how love is really shaping US. I often times think that what I do is for others, and it is to some degree, but there is always the element that Christ is using that person in my life to shape me as well. And how is He using it to shape me? To look more and more like the one I long to serve and be just like. Jesus.
It is easy to love those who are easy to love. But so many times in this life, when someone says or does something to me that I dislike, it is in my natural (sinful) human nature to then turn around and be a jerk to them. To walk away from them, or to say something to the affect of, "I don't need that in my life.." Sometimes, God uses these difficult relationships my friends to perfect us. To sharpen us. To make us a better image of who we were created to be! You know it's kinda like this: You buy a little old house knowing it has a lot of potential to be something great. You have a vision, and dream for this little house and your excited about getting started in the process of making it be ALL that it can be. So you hire a construction worker to come over and knock down that old moldy wall. Do you think that house (if it could talk) would be real pumped about have  a jackhammer smashed into it? Probably not. But in the end, once the tearing down and wrecking is done, and the new wall is up and the fresh paint is on, and you, the owner of the house steps back and takes a look at the finished product, and the house, (providing it can feel) feels the difference of the new wall,  would say, "Oh yes, this IS better." So it is with us. We have wrecking balls of relationships that we can come up against, but in the end, if we lean into the pain, learn and grow from these difficult people and circumstances, our new walls will look much much better. And we will be more and peace. And isn't it really peace that we are searching for in this life?
How does all this really relate to loving like Jesus did? Jesus was called the "friend of sinners"...the Savior who dined with leapers and prostitutes. The man who loved the "unlovely." So the next time I feel challenged to love the one who is hard to love, I will think of what my Savior would do. I will think, there is a reason that this person in the grocery store is so crabby and if I am to be her vision of Jesus today, what would I do in response to her or his crabby behavior to me, I would respond in the love Jesus gave me to use in just such a circumstances. And how about when my children are screaming bloody murder because they are mad at each-other? How do I respond? Again, I have the option of responding with the strength and patience that Jesus so benevolently supplied me with when He died for my sinful self on the cross of Calvary. I would venture to say most of us are living with about 1/4 of the Jesus potential that we actually have available to us. We are made for much much more my friends. Let us be, and allow Jesus to make us into the beset versions of His hands and feet. This is my prayer for myself...

When He uses the yuck

Okay, so clearly, life is not always perfect. At least mine is not. But I have news for you friends, God is in the yucky stuff too. How so? When He takes the chaos of my life and uses it for His glory and for my ultimate good. He is my master after all. He made me, and lately I have been making it a habit of telling Him (mainly to remind myself) that I am His possession. That's right. He owns me. And does not the potter have the right to do what He wants with the clay? I am the clay. (in case you have been without caffeine today and did not pick up on that) But what am I saying? God makes yucky things happen in my life just because He can? Well, I guess yes, but no. Yes He does allow things that are unpleasant  to enter into my life at times to either wake me up, teach me something or grow me. (there are all sort of one in the same I suppose) but regardless, He does allow "No" to enter into my world. And as I chatted with a girlfriend the other day about how much we both dislike the word NO, she reminded me that no one likes the word no. Not a 2 year old, not a 5 year old, not a 41 year old or a 29 year old. (and no one in between) likes to be told NO. Somtimes no means, "not yet." And sometimes no means, "don't worry about it, i'm in control.." Really, when we surrender ourselves to our Maker we accept the fact that once and a while, we will hear a no that were either not expecting, nor understand, and because we are the clay, we say humbly, "Ok, but give the strength to persevere with patience through this "no" that I am experiencing." At least that is what I am working on saying to Him, my Master. The best thing about God is this: He is always doing what is ultimately for our best and our ultimate good. So when yuck comes into our life, we can acknowledge that if we were God, we would do the exact same thing to us because we would see that in the big scheme of things, it would be best for us. See what I am saying? He is always working for us. Not against us. He always looking to grow us into the best version of ourselves, because in this place we are in the most peace and joy. Weird thought isn't it. That even when things are chaos all around us we can be at peace? How is this possible? It's possible because we can draw from HIS strength, and His strength is an unlimited well. It never runs dry. We can call on Him day or night, sorrow or joy, rain or shine. Get the idea? He is always available. And so His strength. For when His child comes to Him with desperation in her or his voice, and says, "Oh Father, I'm so confused...why is this going on in my life, and can you please help me out? Can you please provide a solution?!" Don't you think He just absolutely delights in this???? I do. I learned earlier this week that in Genesis chapter 25 Rachael asks God, "why are these two boys in my pregnant belly fighting inside my womb like this?" God answered her and told her she had two nations inside of her womb. It was just so affirming to hear that a godly woman asked God why. I have always been afraid to ask Him why. It's not like why makes it any better but as blind little clay pots we like to know why. And sometimes He tells us, and we know why, and other times, He just replies, "My grace is sufficient for you." And that is exactly what He told me, but it was enough. And it's true. His grace is sufficient for me. And His Grace is sufficient for you as well. It does not always take the yuck away, but it shows us that in the storm, we are held. And this is why we can rejoice, or at least be at peace in the storm. We are fueled and held by the God who is doing what is good for us. Do you believe me when I say this? Sometimes I know it's hard to believe that. There are many times where I have said to Him, "Really Lord? This is your best for me...I just don't see it." And many times we don't see it, not till much further down the road, and maybe for some, we don't see it till we reach the other side of heaven. But regardless, we must have faith that everything in scripture is written so we can see story after story of His countless words and biographies of His faithfulness to His people. He never leaves you alone. He leave the 99 to chase after me. The lost sheep. The little clay pot that has no real noble purpose all on her own, but through Christ, I can be used. I can have purpose, and the yuck will make sense through His  sovereign plan.
Think on these thoughts my friends. Pray through these thoughts if they trouble you and realize, it's all written in the Word for you to read for yourself. Romans 8-12 are a great place to start if you have questions. The Bible is your source...and He is your strength. Dig in and be strengthened.

Held

Today as I was sitting in church and listening to our Pastor speak on God's sovereignty, my fleshly human side wanted to say, "that's not fair" but my rational, spiritual side, said "who are you o man to question the living God of the universe who already gave you His very best with the death of His innocent son on the cross for my bloody sins." And so I quickly moved onto the thought that then, if what is happening in my life feels painful, then  I need to run to Him, seek His comfort and trust that what is going on in my my life is for my ultimate best interests. He always does whats best for me. I know this. I trust this. And I can live with the pain in my life if I know this to be true. 
So instead of getting mad at Him like I did for almost all of my life up until that past couple of years, instead I said, "Lord, Help me get through." And as quickly as I uttered those words in prayer this morning during church, I got this image:
A set of hands big enough of to hold me. They were HIS. I walked over curled up in a little ball inside the two hands cupped together. I have never felt so held. Never.
I stayed in that image all morning. Knowing that the hands of God that have allowed some difficulty into my life, also offer my best comfort for during the storm. I forget that He is here to help me through the things that I struggle with.
Just like in school, when your teacher gives you assignment that she knows will stretch you, but you are appalled at the idea of having to walk through an assignment so difficult.!!! And yet, there the assignment sits, no way around it. So instead of getting mad and freaking out on your teacher, what would be a better option? Oh yes, ask the teacher for help! And chances are, if your teacher was anything like mine, she sat down and walked me through, helped me, and showed me what I ought to do! She helped me through my difficult assignment. And so it is with our heavenly Father. He says, "I gave you this assignment because I know this will make you a better, stronger, more Christ-like person.." And we then can respond, "Holy Spirit show us how, Father hold me fast, and Jesus, get me through."  We need not walk through our trials in our strength. We were not made to walk through our trials on our own. We were made to need Him. He is our Master, our Father, our teacher and friend. He is the set of hands that holds us when everything in life seems to be chaos...He is the thread of peace that holds us secure in the midst of the storm. It makes me think of this song: Listen, imagine the image I had in my mind this morning and know that in Him, you are more than a conqueror. 

The Proof

I have been pondering something, and by pondering I mean seeking the Lord, and praying about an idea. Really, it all comes down to belief doesn't it? What we believe in...and how much weight we put on that belief. If we just "kinda" believe in something, we won't put our full weight on it. Like when you were five and you started to question if the tooth fairy wasn't really real...so you went ahead and put the tooth under your pillow without telling your parents? And awoke to the bare fact that no money had been left. So the next night you told your parents and wallah! Money. Guess who doesn't believe in the tooth fairy anymore. (If your real hardcore you might try that sequence again, but getting same results you will eventually come to the point of not believing.)
So it is with our faith.
The Pharisees really, just did not believe Jesus when He said He was God's son. It's why they followed all the rituals to the T, and continued in the old way of life even after the new way of life had been presented to them. They refused to believe that there was something better then the old law they were used to living by. Their old way of "salvation." They continued to wash their outsides clean, with attitudes that festered inside. I of course can relate on some levels. We all probably can if we really are honest with ourselves. It's hard to point a type of finger if you yourself have ever wrestled with some form of belief in Jesus.
I always wondered what Jesus meant in Mark 8:15 where He states that His disciples should "watch out for the yeast of the Pharisees's." It seems oddly placed with what He speaks of next..."Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears, but fail to hear? And don't you remember? When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many baskets did you pick up? "twelve" they replied. (verses 18-20)

Doesn't that seem oddly placed? And for years I have been left wondering, (without verbalizing it to the Lord) what this really meant. He was clearly frustrated with His followers for not getting this either, and I was frustrated that I wasn't any smarter then they were. (but I failed to call upon the wisdom of the Lord)
So today as I was processing this passage once again, it hit me...and I asked HIM to show me what the meant. And here is what I got. It all comes down to belief. His disciples literally heard the bread break, and the baskets they picked up with their own hands was tangible proof that He was the real deal. And He said, watch out for the yeast, the unbelief of the Pharisees. They ACT like they belief. But they do not believe the proof.
Today I was thinking, I hope that I am not one of those people who act really nice out in public but come home and am a total jerk to everyone I am related too. (been that) And I also hope that the fruit that I am producing is sincere. BINGO.
Pure. Sincere. Real. Honest.
That is what I want on the inside.
Clean the inside of that cup would you...HE says to me.. (HE says it nicer and then offers to clean it for me if only I commit to leave my life of sin) Clearly...no one has condemned me and it is HIS kindness that has led me to repentance. So I hold out the cup...the yucky stuff on the inside too and ask Him to do the works on me.
Now I am clean. But I walk away, and put some more junk back in my cup. It's plain to me that I do not believe fully. If I did, I would have left my life of sin, and lived like Jesus desired. So here I sit. Processing all of this. I don't want to produce yeast in line with the Pharisees. But quite honestly, is my life the proof of my belief in Him? Is my life the proof of Jesus?
Is my marriage and pure, holy representation of how Christ loves His church?(The way I love my husband in word and deed)  Is my "sincerity," sincere?
I have done some self reflection here. If I am to be as Abraham, and as his belief was accredited to him as righteousness, shouldn't my life be the proof? (the inside of my life)
Yes. It should.
He went to the cross because of unbelief. Eve disbelieved that God would tell her the whole truth in the garden. The people disbelieved that Jesus was the Christ, the Savior. And I now am faced with the choice as well. Do I believe with my whole self? I saw the bread. I ate the bread. I heard it break. And Jesus, I commit...LET MY LIFE BE THE PROOF. For your Glory Jesus. For your glory.