A New Year..

This morning, while talking with the Lord, I had the thought that, "Man! I should be getting this stuff by now, not worrying about the future, not complaining about the present, or missing the blessings I have in front of me because I'm distracted by my frustrations.

It's just amazing to me how many times I can learn a certain lesson and still not quite "get it." So today the Lord says to me,
"I am the Lord your God, who brought you up out of Egypt, open wide your mouth and I will fill it." Psalms 81:10

Of course this comes on the wings of the children of Israel walking around in the desert, complaining even about their new found freedom. Sometimes, we stay in our chains because we at least know what to expect. Do you hear what I am getting at here? The old is comfortable, it's the new and the uncertain, "give it up to God" type situations that are scary to us. We are more comfortable in our ruts, even if those ruts bring us pain, at least we know the pain we are to expect. When we step out of the rut, what if something new hurts us and blind sides us? But really friends, the ruts are the same every day, and no real growth can take place in our ruts. I've heard it said that "if you do what you've always done, you will get what you have always got."

And God calls us to leave the past behind us, pick up our crosses, and follow him, out of our comfort of "normal."

No more walking around in circles, He gave you gifts! He gave you abilities! He offers you freedom! And I am waisting away in a desert land because my plans, are not working out as i'd like them to. I truly am learning, my plans, are not always GODs plans. "A man makes his plans, but the Lord determines His steps..." Proverbs..

But do you know what my friends? I'm OK with this. I'm learning here slowly, that when I feel the most peace, contentment, and joy, is when I'm in the place I just described. This way is so contrary to the flesh, we desire to drive, pilot and control our lives whichever way WE desire. I know because I've lived in this place for a very large portion of my life. But listen, just as our children kick and scream to put their coats on, because they "don't like wearing them," and we as parents know that because it's 20 below out, they are going to want their coats! So it is with our Father, we kick and scream and say "NO GOD! I do not like that path! That road has bumps! It's not that nice of scenery! so on and so on.." He knows that "this" road is in the long run better than "that" road. HE sees the pain ahead of us, and the unknown difficulties if we take "our road."

So, instead of listing a whole bunch of "fix your life now" type new years resolutions, ask the Lord to do the fixing, and walk in the way He directs you. Ask Him! Seek Him! Look and you WILL find.

May this be the year the journey really begins for you and for me, as God pilots all we do.

Leaving the Past behind us

I was reading in my book tonight how often our past creeps back into our daily lives, and how sometimes, the past over-shadows or taints how we view today. The things we faced as children greatly affect how we view things today, and our perspective. I had many things that shaped me, good and bad into who I am today, there are things I am leaving behind, but the only way I am going to be able to truly do this is though the healing power of Christ's redemption.
Choices I made in my past, depending on the outcome of those circumstances I put myself in, either leave me feeling like I made the wrong choice and desperately wish to just forget, or the flip side, thankfulness that I made the righteous choice.
What am I getting at here?
Who we used to be, is a shadow to who we are today. But my friends, hear this, it does not have to be this way. We do not have to live with the shadow of fear, resentment, anger, grief, discontent, shame and bitterness. Those are not qualities we like on others, and they are not things we want mirrored to our children.
Not to long ago, I lived in a world that revolved around me, it pretty much had my entire life, and to tell you the truth, without being able to see the truth of desolation that I was really in, I rather enjoyed being the center of my own world. I did what I wanted, when I wanted, and with whom I wanted, thinking only briefly of the desires, concerns and cares of others. I know, I sound pretty great! :)
I did think about other people at times, because that is something God laid upon my heart from time to time, and I did desire His plans now and then, so that did come through, but generally speaking, me life was about...me.
Now, through a string of events, God brought me to my knees, showed me the desert of a place that I was in and replaced my dry streams with running water, lifted me up and revealed to me how to heal, how to repent and how to give it up, calling the former me, just that, former.
The present holds all kinds of lovely things. It's amazing. I see light where I used to see dark, and beauty where ashes used to smolder.
"If anyone is in Christ, he/she is a new creation, old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." 2 Cor. 5:17
So I ask you friends, if you made a list, what would be on your "need to forget" list about your past? It does not have to haunt you. God calls us to bring those old bags to Him, He will tell us how to dispose of them, and then give us new robes to put on, rather than wearing the old garments of our past.
I am not claiming I have no past regrets that don't sometimes still find their way into my memory, and it was one of those thoughts that partly prompted this blog entry.
But this is what I know, those things are now faint memories and when Satan wants to drag them back from the dead, I now know where to turn and how to fight the old feelings.
"Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth, shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43: 18,19

Do you need a road in your wilderness? Consider being lost in the wild and you come upon a highway, wouldn't you feel relief? I know I would, and this is what My Lord does for me whenever I choose to run to Him and ask Him for the healing I know only He can offer.
Whatever cloud hangs over your head today, know that it can and will be release to Him if only you utter the words. This is not fairy tail of magic dust the removes all bad things from your life, this is life-long, ability to give your past to someone bigger than you story.
"God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying, and the shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away." Revelations 21:4
Doesn't that sound amazing? And every day, I can live this way.
This past of yours, has only the hold on you that which you allow it to have.

Giving way to Fear

I read tonight in a statement on fear that once you give in to one form of fear, you then give way to hosts of other fears. It goes like this, "I'm afraid of not having enough money, which leads to, now I'm afraid that I can't provide for my family, and then, If I can't provide for my family then we'll have to sell our house and move somewhere else, and so on and so on."
The idea of conquering our fears with Christ is something that is quite contrary to our nature..first we do seem to "like" to worry, and then, of course, we try to fix it on our own before we turn to Christ.
If only my friends, we did things differently, we could save ourselves of the sleepless nights, stomach aches and emotional roller coasters we send ourselves on.
Wringing our hands in fear is not God's idea of problem solving.
The flip side of fear is trust, and trusting in the only REAL form of unchangeable truth is where we are going to find our fear demolished and replaced by peace.

And because of Ps. 91:6 which says, "I am not afraid of the terror by night, nor the arrow that flies by day; nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness, nor of the destruction that wastes at noonday. No evil will befall me neither any plague will come near my dwelling place, for God’s angels have charge over me, to keep me in all my ways." I do not fear when catastrophic things happen around me. My undying faith in You, oh Lord, keeps my heart at rest, and I believe your angels are protecting me wherever I go.

Fears are real, fears are easy to come by, but faith and trust that result in peace is available to you. It does not mean we won't still have things that frighten us, I am afraid of many things, but in my fright, I run to the cross and find my refuge. Because really friends, where else can we run where we KNOW that there is someone there all the time, never sleeping, never forgetting to answer the phone, never unavailable. This Being, this God, is waiting, longing and when you open your mouth and utter words of "desire for rescue," you had better believe He is there to flood your heart and mind with the peace you SO long for. Open the Bible, search the Psalms, write down what He tells you in those pages..
One thing I know friends, He is real. More real that any fear that the foes of this world desire to drag you down with. Our Lord, is bigger, truer and more faithful than any dark scary haunting shadow that places itself in your path.
"Fear not, for I am with you always." (Isaiah 41:10) This my friends is the promise that He leaves us with.
Believe those words, and watch as your courage takes flight.

A Yellow Tu-Tu

Spinning around and around. That's what my little girl does in her yellow tu-tu, made by hands of love. Each dainty stitch represents a little bit of the love that is held in the heart of the maker. She is my little princess, our little ballerina who dances into our hearts with every little look, and twirl. I can't help but think the beauty of this scene must glorify the heavenly Maker as much as it does the earthly seamstress. She fingers the yellow ribbons so daintily tied around her tiny ballerina's waist. She swishes, and swooshes from side to said, smiling her sweet little smile, and I feel a twinge in my throat as tears of so many emotions spring into my eyes. One emotion is this, God's beauty wrapped up into one little package I call Annie. Two, memories of my own childhood, dancing in pink lace tu-tu's and frilly dresses made by the same loving hands as this little yellow creation. Three, dancing with my Daddy as this little yellow ballerina dances with her Daddy, standing on the tops of his feet, his very own Cinderella. And now, things have come full circle and I and my Cinderella dance, hand in hand, arm in arm, toe to toe... all the while glorifying our Maker, and the honorable seamstress. SO thank-you Father in heaven for creating the dancers, and thank-you Mom for creating the passions, means and tu-tu's the grow the dancers. For those things, we are blessed.

Waiting for His promises

"If you believe you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.."
Matthew 21:22

I'm sure every soul has read this verse and found comfort in it's words, as I did. This morning I was pleading with the Lord for a "sign" and word, a verse of encouragement for my discouraged heart. Then it sort of hit me, all over the passages I was pouring over were lines and lines filled with statements like, "and what He said was fullfilled.." "what He said became true.."
Which prompted the thought, WHEN HE SAYS IT "WILL BE" then my friends, "IT WILL BE."
End of story. Now, "it" may not happen on your own timeline, (my own) but it will happen in His devine time. And really for that I am thankful. For if I could make something "be" sooner than it ought to "be" then wouldn't that put me in the place as God? I don't want that kind of power or even assume that I have the power to alter or change His plans to fit something more look-a-like to my design.
God's plan is bigger than ours, it fills the vast empty spaces that we do not even know exist and for of those of you who find what I just said confusing, compare it to this story..
Young girl, unmarried, and pregnant, she's engaged, but she's a virgin, and yes, she is pregnant. Do think this sounds like something man would desire? Not under normal circumstances. :)
But this girl, prayed, was visited by an angel and was encouraged that this was not a man sized situation. This was God sized. God planned, and God driven. If this woman had figured out a way to terminate her pregnancy, OH what she would have done. This is why taking things into our own hands generally never seem to result in the ending we were praying for.
We may be good intentioned, however, good intentions did not save the world of sin, God saved the world from their sins and this small, young, virgin girl, whom God promised great things, came through and gave birth to His ultimate plan.
This God we serve is quite concerned with us, contrary to popular opinion, He is not "sitting on His footstool" as we endure Job like pain. He cares for us and just as He sent an angel to calm sweet Mary's fears, so He did and does for you, and for me.
So when God says to you, " Friend, it will be.." believe Him, because as the story goes, Mary gave birth to a son, who in the end, saved the world from sin, you, me and her. Saying No, or "I don't believe you.." to His plans results in chios for us, because we are living in constant distrust. So I must choose to trust Him and trust in His plans for me.
What would I do anyways if I decided to follow my own way? I would be even more lost, at least now, when I tremble, I have strong arms to hold me, when I question I have strong words to answer me, when I stumble, I have a carpenters hands to help me back up and when I cry, I have hosts of angel wiping away my tears. Each time I open His word, it's His words that save me that very moment, drawing me in, wrapping me up and lifting me to a standing position once more, so that I may, lift my head and "walk down this mountain with my head held high." Listen to my (SONG)
*click on song.

To my Son Joshua...

Joshua, today you are 3. I can hardly believe it. I get a tingle in my throat just thinking about all that we went through until the day you came into the world.
It was the middle of winter, cold, and snowy. I was SO ready to meet you.
I did not sleep a wink the night before we went in. All I could do is think over and over, "I'm finally going to meet this child."
It's such a mystery to me, the gift of life. How God decides to form each child as He does, so beautifully to represent His great talents.
I did not know how many things I would learn through having YOU dear boy in my life.
Not everything was great, I spent many nights (more than i slept) rocking you, trying to soothe your colic. I don't even want to go beyond that though in description because YOU my dear son have brought unimaginable joy into my life and heart.
In my "baby Journal" that I was much more diligent with the first time around..:) talks about the first time i heard your heart beat, and i recorded that my thoughts were this.."I cried, because i knew you were for real!"
And about the first time i felt you move, " It was the most amazing thing because I knew I had life INSIDE of me."
here is a little snippet from a letter i wrote to him two weeks after his birth..
" I have known you for a little over two weeks but I am SO in love with you my sweet baby boy. My every thought is of how to protect you and how to make this life better for you. You are such a joy to me. I love looking into your big blue eyes and watching your face move into those sweet little expressions. I promise to always talk to you about Jesus...Jesus loves you more than I ever could! I'll keep you in my heart forever..You child, are the best thing that has ever happened to me!"

Now, I couldn't help but think as I re-read those words of my own tender, early motherhood dreams that this is how My Heavenly Father looks on me as well..
To protect us, That we are His joy, He loves looking into our eyes and He promises to Love us because we are the best thing that has ever happened to Him.

May the treasures of my heart, be yours as well..especially as we come upon the birthday of Lord's, remembering how He too came into the world as a tiny child, who kept his loving mother up. :)
But that the mystery of life is His creation and that we can experience the Love of the Father any time we desire...because He longs to gaze into our sweet blue, brown or anything in-between eyes.
As much love as I have in my heart for you sweet Joshua baby, So does He, for you my son, and all His other son's and daughters. Happy Birthday My Sweet Boy. You Mommy loves you more than you will ever know.

No Matter

Hi friends,
today has been that day where I LITERALLY just sat down for the first time, and now my brain is really so fried that I'm having difficulty spelling even the easiest of words. Thank the Lord for spell check!
However, I am also reminded that because I have now (almost) made it through this day, I KNOW that the Lord has supplied me with my deepest of needs.
Has any of you ever been drug through a puddle, showered off, put on your clean new white shirt, only to be drug through the mud again? :)
that's kinda been my day. (only it was food coloring, paint and poop that I was drug though. Haha. I am by no means looking for sympathy, in a masochistic sort of way I almost sort of delight in the fact that I've faced such challenges and for the most part, rose above...(sort of)
I always tell myself, my children are my great blessing, and also my greatest challenge. :)
Annie, who has decided napping is not fun anymore, helped me frost cookies today, and Joshua who has decided that 5:30 am is the best time to wake up in the morning, has spent time with me snuggling in bed, rubbing my back and playing the "I like" game. (to a dead mommy)
So, the moral of my story is this, how i feel right now, so exhausted, so tired, and really dead to the world, means that my heart and my home are full, full of love, laughter and messes, but most of all children. Children that I can love, hold and cry with. There are so many woman out there who cannot have them, and my heart refuses to get upset at the "upsets" my children cause because I know that there are woman who never get the chance to feel those types of "upsets." These children, are the joy of my heart, regardless of how busy, messy or troublesome they may seem, they are the ones that God chose to give to me. He gave them to me, and all I can do, is do my best, and the rest truly is up to their and my Maker.
So God bless this busy day, God bless my busy children and may tomarrow be just as "wonderful." After all, in order to find the treasure, one must dig, and digging usually gets one "muddy." :)

A Faithful Man

"Many a man claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful man, who can find?"
Prov. 20:6
I am learning what it means to be faithful. Faithful in my thoughts, words and actions.
I understand the concept of being faithful to my husband in my thoughts, words and deeds, however faithfulness for life over-all, this tends to be a little more challenging.
Going back to the truth that if you thought it, and dwelled upon that thought for any amount of time, based on what the Bible says, I might as well have done it.
I want this faithfulness that is talked about above because I do not want to be a hypocrite and dishonor the name of Christ by doing so.
And by being a hypocrite I mean this, if with my mouth I am saying this, "Joshua, you are the sweetest boy in the whole world..." and with my mind I am screaming, "I am so mad at you right now, I'd like to jump off a cliff."
Well, those two statements, both mind and mouth do not line up, therefore proving me to be a hypocrite.
This faithfulness is not something that I can attain on my own and reach with my own ability to be able to learn.
I am asking the Lord to supply me with what I know I will never grasp on my own. I am His child, and just as I desire to teach my children the things that they ask to learn, so does He with me...
Matthew 7:11
If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!
This goes back to my post on "asking for the right things.."
I feel like it has been a gradual lesson for me to learn what to ask for, and now I'm adding "faithfulness" to my long list of attributes I'd like to one day posses.
Because as our Lord tells us in His word...
"For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander." Matt 15:19
Those attributes, the bad ones, those are the ones I come by naturally. And as you can see they are the polar opposite of what I want, because of the fall, man is now evil as a result of our own doing. I was reminded of the statement that God told Adam and Eve that "we would surly die" if we ate from the "tree of good and evil." But we didn't die. God spared us. He had mercy on us, and instead of death He gave us a second chance, but it would not be a second chance in the garden, it was to be a second chance with a tougher life. But in my mind, that was a better deal than sudden death. I wanted to share that those thoughts because with the listing of what "attributes.." we can now claim as ours, (the bad ones) I did not want anyone to get the idea that because of that God is not fair or good. He is more than fair, He is a God of second chances, and the most Faithful being I know. Which is why, I am seeking to learn "faithfulness" from Him.

Food Fights, Hair Rollers and Trucks.

So lately, the three of us hooligans, (Joshua, Annie, and Mommy) have been getting into a little bit of trouble. I admitt, i've traded in my house cleaning time, for... well, playing. :)
So, here are some pictures, proof for the pudding.

Happy Birthday Sandy!!!

Hi friend,
I'm writing you this on my blog so that all can know how blessed I am, and have been all of my life to have a friend like you.
To those of you who do not know my friend Sandy, she lives far away from me now, but we grew up together and where the best of friends, spending countless hours together all summer long sun-tanning and doing other "girl" things.
Some people are blessed enough to have a few close friends with whom they can share their dreams, secretes, sorrows and successes with. Well, that is what Sandy is to me.
Proverbs 18:24 (New International Version)

24 A man of many companions may come to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.."
This is for you, to honor you and may you feel blessed on your birthday.
I am a better friend because of you. You are so honest, so true and so sincere. Qualities that any person should hope to possess. You have been an amazing friend to me all my life and all I can say is Thank-you!!!
Have a blessed Birthday Sweet Sandra..I love you with all my heart.

I hear you

You the scenario: your late, your busy and there in front of you stands "the talker." The person who really wants to tell you just one more thing, they are not in a hurry, they do not have plans, and they really want to be heard.
I was stunned by how many talkers there are in my small world...
I have had this feeling for quite some time where God has been prompting me to "just listen" more and speak less,
Reminded me of the verse.."My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" James 1:19
I find it interesting that He doesn't say, "be quick to listen, (if your not too busy, if you have nowhere else to be, if your kids are not screaming, if you your not an impatient person..)
This is how I act, how I seem to think the verse reads. I was reminded again of this today as several people, ( and i really do mean several) people stopped me on the way to the treadmills at the gym, in the weight room and as i was trying to pack the kids up to leave, and each time I was patient for about 20 seconds before i made some comment about how I had to hurry up and get on with what i was doing, sadly leaving my "hoping to be heards.." behind me.
Let this resound in your ears.."Wisdom is proved right by her actions..." Matthew 11:19b
It is one things to claim Christ, but to BE Christ to others is quite another thing all together. I'm astounded by how many opportunities i have in any given day to BE a glimpse of Christ to others and it pains my heart at the opportunities i pass up for the sake of time.
If we are to BE Christ to others, we also cannot give what we do not have. In other words, i need to glean from Christ so that I have some grain to GIVE out throughout my day, if i am empty, my attempts at giving will be empty as well.
Thank-you to My Father in Heaven who every morning says to me, "Come to me, all you
who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.." Matt. 11:28
And for those of you who haven't caught on yet, I missed my "first thing this morning" time with Him, which led to my, "I'm too busy to hear you.." episodes, even though He gave me a few opportunities, I thought to myself, and said to Him, "surely, not me Lord?" Is that not the resounding question throughout all of the Bibles doubters? Jonah, Judas, Moses, Sarah and Abraham?
The truth is, we all doubt, we all question and without Christ, we are all weak.
May this inspire your heart to seek, learn and listen, and in the end, BE Him to others.

Birthday! Birthday! Birthday!

My sweet boy, is about to turn 3!
We had a little party over the weekend with some family, and here are some pics from it..
He loved every moment of it, and said the next morning that he would like "another party now." :)
Enjoy!

How He LOVES us

TURN YOUR BACK ON SIN, DO SOMETHING GOOD, EMBRACE PEACE, DON'T LET IT GET AWAY!
Psalms 34:14
I was driving to the gym this morning and this song (click on song to hear)came on the radio, the very first words of the song hit my very soul...
"loves like a hurricane.."
This picture of Myself is when the winds began to blow. I was in the hospital in pre-term labor with Annie. The wind felt intense, but look at where He is leading me now..read on for the promises of His hope.
Have you ever been in a hurricane? or at least seen the movie "twister.."
Hurricanes blow and shower rain, so intensely that houses are knocked to the ground. This is the intensity of His love for us.
May that resonate in your soul today as it did mine.
The verse above was something that stood out to me in my daily reading because to really embrace love, and peace, His love, His peace, we must leave our sin's behind us...
something I am daily seeking to do more and more, lay down my own selfish desires and knowing that as I do, peace floods in, as does ability to feel the hurricane of His love.
I have felt that hurricane this song speaks of...and yet, I still find ways to say No to God, and somehow thinking I will find peace running my own life. Not so my friends.
"ONE THING GOD HAS SPOKEN, TWO THINGS I HAVE HEARD, THAT YOU, O GOD ARE STRONG, AND THAT YOU, O LORD ARE LOVING."
Psalm 62:11
"My soul finds rest in God alone, my salvation comes from Him, He alone is my rock and my salvation, He is my fortress, I will never be shaken."
Psalm 62:1,2
I may "feel" shaken at times in the life, but wouldn't I rather feel the shake from His hurricane of love, as opposed to the "shakiness" of this world? There are times that Satan tempts me and says, "Did God really say that was wrong?" or, "you can do this one on your own, after all, you know yourself better and what you need that...better than God probably."
For a few moments, I might try and believe the "you know better" lie, but as soon as I put it in my mouth I am forced to spit it back out, it doesn't taste good and never should.
So when life shakes you, embrace it as God's winds of love, directing you, moving you, pushing you forward to better grounds. His love is tender, strong and big all at the same time. Never harming, only surrounding and inspiring growth. An everlasting invitation to bend in ways you did not know you could. Never breaking, or over bending, because He is in control of those winds.
So don't be afraid of a little bending, even if it feels uncomfortable.
These words are for me, and hopefully inspiring to you as well. With the acceptance of his loving hurricanes, we invite in all kinds of peace, contentment and eternal satisfaction in Christ.
And what sometimes feels like devastation after a hurricane hits, leaves room for new growth, and new plans..
"plans to prosper and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and future.." Jer. 29:11

Asking for the right things

Today in my Bible study, I was begging the Lord to meet me where I am today.
With all of the uncertainties of life, we tend to ask for exactly what we want, praying and hoping it's in line with God's will for us. It's a new concept of thinking, asking for things within His will doesn't always seem to be what I WANT to ask for.
Don't get me wrong, my greatest DESIRE is to be inside of His plan for me, but I'm finding myself wishing that His plan looked a little bit more like MY plan.
I keep finding places where God is gently telling me to be patient, "Let God be God..." so to speak. A difficult thing to hear at times.
So this has been be ongoing quest and what I daily strive for. However actually remaining faithful in my striving has been hard.
But moment by moment I give my worries, stresses and desires over to the Lord and in those moments I am experiencing more and more peace.
"I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and He turned to me and heard my cry."
Psalm 40:1
"Let us lay aside every weight and the sin which son easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us."
Hebrews 12:1

I love it when He uses race analogies because this is truly something I can related to. All runners at some point during their run hit "the wall." That place where you feel like someone replaced your super light racing shoes with ones made of cement and you absolutely cannot take one more step. But, if you are a runner, you do, you absolutely do take that next step and before you know it, your mileage has been completed and the confidence of success and completion fills your lungs, body and soul..
So it with my heavenly "run" (usually the word "walk" is used in this example, but I prefer run.)
I have many days that I clip along feeling so much peace and then, watch out friends, The WALL hits. And when it does I most assuredly falter, sometimes it's only slightly and sometimes it's such a huge wall I actually stop all together for a bit.
So, to bring you back to where my heart is today I came across these verses, prayers of David once again, where he is desperately crying out to God to save Him, come to aid, rescue him from his great and might foes. But it's WHAT he prays for in that moment that hit me, listen to what He asks for..
"From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint. LEAD ME TO THE ROCK THAT IS HIGHER THAN I..."
and
"MAY HE BE ENTHRONED IN GOD PRESENCE FOREVER, APPOINT YOUR LOVE AND FAITHFULNESS TO PROTECT HIM...Psalm 61: 2 & 7

He #1 asked for Christ's leadership, His ultimated direction, and then for faithfulness, love and most of all, to be in His presence.
IS THAT WHAT I'M ASKING FOR? Or am I just asking Him to solve my "problems?" heal my diseases and fix my "woes."
Now asking for healing and help is not wrong, but if that is all I'm ever asking for, am I really asking for the right things.
This is what I am stewing on today and I know that He will answer me, He already did slightly today with these words of David's that so pricked my heart.
It reminds me off the song "Better is one day in your house..." and the lyrics go a little something like this:

How lovely is Your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty
For my soul longs and even faints for You
For here my heart is satisfied within Your Presence
I sing beneath the shadow of Your wings
Better is one day in Your courts
Better is one day in Your house
Better is one day in Your courts
Than thousands elsewhere
One thing I ask and I would seek To see Your beauty
To find You in the place Your Glory dwells
My heart and flesh cry out For You the Living God
Your Spirit waters to my soul
I've tasted and I've seen Come once again to me
I will draw near to You
I will draw near to You, to You

Someday...

This morning, like most mornings, my early rising boy crawls into bed with me, Daddy has left long ago, and now it's time for Mom and boy, to snuggle. It usually takes place in one of two scenarios..

Here is how it looks, either it's WAY to early, and Mommy is still tired and crabby, and the boy lays quietly next to the Mommy. (or the wrath of the Mommy shall be heard by all)

Second senerio is this, it's late enough (6:45am) that Mommy now feels comfortable saying, "it's morning." In the second option, Joshua snuggles up next to me and we play the "i like" game, which consists of Joshua listing things he likes most about life, food and everything in between. Then I respond with either, "I like that too!" or "No, Mommy doesn't like that.." It's quite entertaining to hear the things he likes... they range from, peaches to dirt piles. Like I said, some of them I also like, and others, not so much.

Today however Joshua did not want to play the I like game, he wanted to wear my "Papa" ring, which for those of you who have already had your morning coffee, probably got that this meant my wedding ring.

I told him that "no, mommy doesn't want to take off her ring because it's very very special to her." And then after agreeing with me he stops to think. I love it when he does this because I can just see the wheels turning. He then looks at me, and says, "I'm going to have one of those someday Mom." I almost got teary and said, "I bet you will buddy."

However, that day is a long way off. But then he says, "you can be the Mommy! and I'll be the Daddy."

So, Chris, if your reading this, I might not be able to be married to you forever, because my Joshua wants me be his wife also. It was a very hard proposal to turn down, so I didn't do it. Not yet anyways. :)

This is one of those moments that a Mommy does not come by all that often and once again, I banked that memory with all of my sweetest treasures.

Our boys I tell you, they start being heart breakers real young these days.

Everything Falls

check out this video
I just love it!

Seeing God in the Little things

There are things throughout each day that reveal to me how much He looks out for me, and cares for my needs.
Things that my heart desires that no-one really could know except for Him. Now, those who do not give credit to God for these things often call them, "good luck" or "chance.." they may say, "well, what a coincidence.."
Not me Friends. I look at these things and say, "there is a little promise from my Father." It makes me pay attention more when I am looking for His fingerprints all over my daily life.
A small example is this. Today, I skipped my morning run, (which, for those of you who know me, it pretty earth-shattering.) due to a sore throat and just feeling worn down. So, what do i do? Naturally i go to the most relaxing place i can think of. Walmart. HA!
Of course, it's chaos there, and i almost got hit a few times by carts, cars and people. :)
However, with my now two delightfully crabby screaming children, (who are sent by God to bring joy to my life and love very very much) hhehhe.
we exit the store. I dream of a late'. However, due to respecting my Husbands wishes of not spending to much $ on coffee, i politely decline my great desire, and head home, screaming children intact.
Did i mention it's quite cold out? ( i lost my mittens)
*for the sake of randomness, you may now say, "you naughty kitten."
ANYWAYS....
I arrive home, feeling not any more relaxed then when i left, and actually a little frazzled. I just get in and get coats off when I hear a knock at my door. Instantly my eyes well up with tears as i open the door to find my "Jesus with skin on friend," Katie who hands me my Vente Starbucks double shot, just the way i like it.
Do you know how this feels? to be so blessed by someones kindness? when they, the giver, are just being obedient to God's prompting? I always said it's better to give then to receive, but let me tell you, at times my friends, it feels good to receive as well. So let this be a lesson to those of you who think your acts of kindness go un-noticed. Not only do they most definitely NOT go un-noticed, they may change the course of someones day, week or life.
So don't hesitate when God lays someone on your heart to be kind too...JUMP...ACT and you will bless someone abundantly, and how amazing that God allows YOU to be apart of someone else's "God moment" for the day.
SO, Thank you sweet, friend of mine, for being my Jesus with skin on, and reminding me that yes indeed, God cares for even my most tiny needs.

"SO IN EVERYTHING, DO TO OTHERS WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO TO YOU, FOR THIS SUMS UP THE LAW OF THE PROPHETS." Matt. 7:12

From The Inside Out

"For in you my soul takes refuge, I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings, until the disaster has passed. I CRY OUT TO GOD MOST HIGH TO GOD WHO FULFILLS "HIS PURPOSE" FOR ME. He sends from Heaven to save me, rebuking those who hotly pursue me. God sends His love and His faithfulness." Psalm 57:1b-3
Why these verses? They hit me so hard this morning..
Doing battle by ones self is exhausting and actually, pointless, doing a battle where Christ is fighting for you? Now that is what i want.
I relate to David's cry to the Lord for his life to be of "His purposes". I have been wrestling with idea of contentment and allowing my life to BE fully His really for quite some time, and most days, i felt like i was there, but i realized, i was only partly there. The desire to be fully His is not something that I can do only half-way. It must be just that, "FULLY." No room for, "oh God, this part i think i will hold on to..." Or, "No, now Father, I'd like that thing to stay as mine."
Oh friends, i cannot be this way with God. I have found..
SO once again, i lept, i gave in and WOW. PEACE LIKE A RIVER FLOODS IN.
" My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast. I will sing and make music, AWAKE MY SOUL!" Psalm 57:7
and also..
"For Great is your love, reaching to the heavens, your faithfulness reaches to the skies." vs 10

Why this sudden revelation to hand over more to Him? Because doing it on my own is exhausting. I want Him from the inside all the way to the outside of me. I want MINE to be HIS, fully and completely.
I just cannot do these battles of life on my own. They are not mine.
I'm reading a book called, "Let God be God" by Ray stedman. It's a book on the life of Job. At first i was skeptical to read it because it felt like another book of "suck it up and deal with it for the Lord" type book, but that is so not true.
I found such great hope in the promise of God for our lives. Not only does the book describe the fleets and fleets of angels surround us in our battles to protect and fight for us, it shows what God promises to us in the this life and the next when we are faithful to Him. So, today, and from hopefully this day on forevermore I am going to Let God be God. For Him to complete His purposes within my life and that my friends, is enough for me. Inside out, song

Driving Baby Jesus

Yesterday Joshua and I had quite an exciting "car ride". And let me explain, by car I mean, all of my couch pillows stacked up (about 15 of them) in a box like fashion. Then my driver (Joshua) jumps into our "car." Mommy gets in next, ( i play myself)
and were off. Driving all around to different places, "gassing up the car.." and stopping for food. Then we have to pick up all our "friends." So our first stop, is to stop at "church" and pick up Baby Jesus, this is what Joshua tells me.
SO we do. Baby Jesus climbs in the car, what's nice about that is that He is small and doesn't take up alot of room. (our car is fairly small) Then we have another stop Joshua explains to me, and our new passenger, Baby Jesus.
We have to stop by heaven and pick up God. This car ride just got very holy.
So we do, and in my car I now have, My favorite boy in the whole world, my favorite Baby in the whole world (and in heaven) and also, My Father.
The only unfortunate thing, is that we hit a wall and we crashed. But, I felt good with the company I was sharing during this crash, so it was really OK.

Hey Mom

Hey Mom.
My nails are green.
This ones for you, for all the years of "why can't I wear that.." and "black is cool on your toe-nails!!!"
Well, now your baby girl is (mostly) all grown up and yes, she has green nails.
( I will most likely take it off by tonight because I sort of think I look like halloween)
But the girl at the store said this color is really "big" now.
Anyways, here's to you Mom for putting up with a daughter always in search of the latest trend, no matter the cost. HAHAHHA. I LOVE YOU!

Faithful

In lieu of thanksgiving, I have been thinking about thankfulness, what it looks like, and how I view it.
I am thankful for the small things that the Lord places in my life each day, good days, smiles from my sweet babies, gifts of good rest, and time to be with my children like I have..
Those are the small scale, but am I thankful for the unseen? Thankful for the things He protects me from, provides for me and the things that are so normal, I simply forget to count them as blessings? (and so being unseen to me)
Things like, my Husband for one..or the gift of the little lives and I am blessed to mother every single day?
All morning I was just trying to "sit down for 2 seconds" and read my devotions, but my children were not going to have it. And it was as if He said, "Glorify me, and praise me with the time you spend with children." so I took that in human terms as "Stop yelling at your babies to be quiet and go make a joyful noise with them."
SO I did. And we still got the gym on time. Imagine that.
Which made me realize on a very small scale, just how faithful my Father is..

"Father I can't explain this kind of love, this kind of grace
I know, I still break your heart and yet you run to welcome me.
This is my song of praise to you
For who you are and all that you do
from the moment my life began, you have been faithful"

Lyrics from a song I just love called suitably, "Faithful Father."
Now, back to the things I cannot see, or fail to see. Things like, "His timing." And "His Plans." Many things in this life do not make sense, and I often fail to reflect upon the things that are not happening, or how much worse things could be.
His blessing, His faithful hands are always on those who call Him "Abba, Father." Which in my mind translates to "Daddy."
"Daddy" on my lips by my own definition means, "The man you look up to as the earthly representation of who Christ is to us spiritually."
And when I think of my own earthly "Daddy." I can think only of a man who spent countless hours working so hard to provide things for his children, so many things that I will never even know to be thankful for. Big things, like "how much did that bike cost.." or "why we always had enough food on our table."
If times were hard, he never let us know. He just faithfully provided.
So it is with our heavenly Father. Now, times are not hard for Christ like they may be for our earthly fathers, but He provides just the same. Being able to see the grander picture, much like when we are small children, unable to see beyond today, our parents provide what we need, not always what we want. So it is with Christ.
So this time of my life I am trying to wrap my mind around one thing, "thankful for the unseen."
This is my song of praise to you
for who you are and all that you do
From the moment the world began
You have been faithful...

Thank you Jesus. Amen...

The way God speaks

Every day, I feel as though He tells me something new that I need to work on. I say that not because I discouraged, but because it feels so amazing that the things I am so blinded to, Christ gently, carefully, handles and shows me.
He holds me like a broken egg shell..I just love that picture, He's so gentle as not to break me more, but gently helps and puts the pieces back together. Kinda like humpty dumpty. Only this time, He can fix me, and make me whole again.
We were by nature brought into this world, broken and seemingly unfixable. But God knows our brokenness and delights in any soul who desires to approach the throne, looking for fixing.
So here i stand, at the feet of the great physic an and each day, he helps put me back together and little bit more, until the day He finally takes me home and I can be completely whole.
"Surely, you desire truth in the inner parts, you teach me wisdom in the inmost place." Psalm 51:6

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit and a contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." Psalm 51:17

I was just reminded today of how much better it is to be in His hands that the hands of comforts that the world offers us. The world can sell us all kinds of beauty, and things that look like peace, but in they end, they bite like a snake. Trusting in humans for our safety will never amount to an end full of joy.
People do not mean to hurt, (for the most part) but in the end we are all selfish and looking out for our own best interests. Somber, but true. And a world where it's "every man for himself.." i long for something different.
I long for something safe, eternal and whole.
And i discovered a couple of years ago, If he's not allowed into every area of our lives, than we are just living halfway. half of the joy, half of the peace and half of the contentment, which means, we feel it from time to time, but then those same old feelings creep back in. Discontentment and not being at peace with oneself is as bad as being in a cutthroat battle, because we truly are our own worst enemies. We stack the odds up against ourselves so high that no human could ever know down or break through. Back to humpty dumpty.
This is where my Savior came in, He stopped in front of my broken spirit, heart and body and picked up each piece gently, placing them one by one, back where they belong. He put my goals, motives, and desires where they belong, showed me how to fix them. Put my thoughts back in order..and most of all, He fixed my heart. He sewed in back together in such a way that it longed more for Christ than it longed for anything else. And that is exactly how i want it to stay, and until He brings me HOME, i pray i can stay open to His gentle, physicians hands.
May you have peace today, know that you are in the best Dr. hands that has ever been.
All you have to do is accept the invitation to be fixed...I did accept that invite, and i am so glad i did.